Page 25 of Up In Flames

Will

“ N ot drinking tonight, Dorsey?” It was just Briggs and me and a couple other guys from the station at the pub. We’d been killing ourselves in training this week, and Briggs suggested we deserved a night out to unwind. I’d rather have been home with Oren, but I couldn’t ignore my friends forever.

Not being around Oren made me realize how obsessed with him I was. How deeply I felt for him. This wasn’t a passing fling. At least not for me. I doubted it was for Oren either. When I wasn’t with him, I was thinking about him. I tried not to think about what that meant.

One thing that was often on my mind was the fact Oren had come out. Maybe not for me, but definitely because of me, and I couldn’t get that out of my head. Especially when he wasn’t even around me, and it still consumed my thoughts.

“Earth to Dorsey.” Briggs’ voice cut through my daze.

I shook my head and tried to pay attention to the conversation around me. Only there wasn’t one. Briggs looked at me expectantly.

“Sorry.” I raked my hand through my hair. “Guess I’m a bit tired. I didn’t mean to space out.”

“Awww, did Dorsey miss nap time?” Jonas said.

Briggs shot him a dirty look. Well, he tried, but the glimmer of amusement in his eyes gave him away.

“Dorsey’s been busting ass all week. Unlike some other slackers around here. He had the best scores out of all of us.”

Jonas coughed, poorly covering the fact he was calling me a kiss ass. Or maybe it was aimed at Briggs.

“You’re just jealous because you couldn’t keep up if Dorsey had both feet tied together and one hand tied behind his back.”

“I wasn’t that good.” The protest came naturally, but Briggs shook his head.

“Don’t be humble, Dorsey. You kicked ass this week.”

“Dorsey kicks ass all the time,” Jonas said, changing his tune from teasing me about nap time to praising me.

It was nice to know that the other guys recognized the effort I put in to being the best I could be.

“Dorsey is tired, though.” I wasn’t. I just wanted to be home where I could call Oren to come over and we could be together. Because I wasn’t brave enough to invite him out.

I hadn’t been the only one working hard this week.

Whenever I had a packed schedule, Oren tended to put longer hours in at work.

A couple of times over the past month, his boss had sent him home early.

I’d encouraged Oren to go out with his friends, but he’d laughed and told me that I was his friend.

Me and Hal. He’d mentioned a guy named Liam now and then, but Liam wasn’t local.

His social circle had always been small, but the accident had shrunk it even further.

As if I conjured him up by magic, my phone buzzed, Oren’s name flashing up on the screen. I stuffed my normal reaction down inside me, hiding how pleased I was to see his message.

Want company? His text read.

I did. But I wasn’t home. I was out with the guys.

I thought about inviting him and how that would go?

How would I even introduce him to everyone?

This is my friend, Oren. I pulled him out of a burning car once.

You were all there, remember? I’d never know if I could handle being around Oren and my friends unless I tried.

Out with the guys. We’re at that pub near your office. You should stop in .

My fear that people would see Oren and me together and they’d know about me didn’t go away once I sent the text.

The thought that they’d somehow know that I was head over heels in love with him terrified me.

Would they be able to tell that I was sleeping with him?

Dreaming about him? It was stupid because most of the guys were as observant as a blind barn cat. But fear wasn’t meant to be logical.

You sure? Oren asked with a string of emojis.

That’s what I loved about him. He took things so well.

He was willing to roll with all my bullshit hang-ups about coming out.

Nothing seemed to bother him, and his understanding nature only made me want him more.

He never pushed or prodded. The subject of me coming out hadn’t come up since we’d last discussed it, and true to his word, Oren had seemed perfectly happy to hang out at either my place or his.

It made our dates more intimate, but fairly routine, and I wondered if he’d ever get tired of that. Of never doing anything except hiding with me.

I sent him a text telling him I was absolutely certain then I tucked my phone away and did my best to immerse myself in the conversation around the table. I didn’t know if Oren was going to show up or not, but the offer was out there now.

Briggs and Jonas were trading stories from different calls they’d been on. After his time working for the family catering company and before his firefighter days, Jonas had been an EMT. Some of the stories he’d told me turned my stomach.

“Why did you quit being an EMT?” I asked him.

He shrugged, but there was something not very nonchalant about it. “Fighting fire sounded more fun.”

Briggs snorted. “Yeah, burning buildings are a riot.”

Jonas shrugged again and took a sip of his drink. “They beat showing up to your fifth domestic in one night.”

Briggs let out a low whistle. “Fuck that.”

“My sentiments exactly. I wanted to help people, but that job was killing me. So I hung up my ambulance keys and traded them for keys to the shiny red fire truck. Pulling kittens out of storm drains is a lot better for my mental wellbeing.”

“I think we can all drink to that.” I raised my glass, and Briggs clinked his against it, shooting me a grin as he downed the rest of his beer.

“I’ll get us another round.” Briggs stood up and wandered to the bar. He leaned in, chatting with the bartender.

Jonas leaned close. “You okay, Dorsey?”

“Yeah.” I snapped my gaze away from Briggs and focused on Jonas. “Why?”

“No reason. You’re distracted today, that’s all.”

“It’s been a long week.”

When Jonas nodded, it gave me the impression that he didn’t believe me but couldn’t call me on it because it had been a long week. Briggs came back with a pitcher of beer and set it down on the table.

Movement to my left caught my attention, and I turned my head to see Oren walk into the bar. Hal was by his side, which sent a shimmer of relief through me. I was glad Oren had more than just me to hang out with. Even if Hal was a coworker, they’d been spending more time together recently.

Oren walked over to me, Hal in tow. He did a good job of appearing as though we all just happened to be in the same place. A complete coincidence.

“Oren, hey. Good to see you.”

“You too. Haven’t seen you around in a while.” Oren’s delivery was smooth. Flawless. He let his gaze drag over the guys. “I can see that you’re busy, but maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Why don’t you sit with us?” Jonas said, saving me from having to figure out how to get the invitation past my teeth.

“We couldn’t impose,” Hal said.

“It’s no imposition.” Briggs beamed. “There’s plenty of beer for everyone.

Next pitcher is on Dorsey, though.” Briggs kicked my foot under the table.

It jerked me out of my panicked stupor, and I managed to smile at Oren and Hal.

I shoved over, smashing myself against the wall, leaving room for Oren to sit next to me in the booth.

Hal grabbed a chair from a nearby table and sat at the end.

“Are you sure we’re not interrupting?” Oren asked no one in particular.

“We were just discussing heroic deeds like fishing kittens out of storm drains,” Briggs supplied. “What do the two of you do?” He eyed their suits with interest. Oren had taken his jacket off and unbuttoned his cuffs. He rolled his sleeves up past his elbows and loosened his tie. He looked edible.

“We’re lawyers. Not very interesting compared to rescuing kittens.”

“Oh shit, you need drinks. I’ll go get a couple more glasses.” Jonas started to get to his feet, but Oren shook his head.

“Not for me, thanks,” he said.

“What about your friend?”

“Oh, sorry. Right. This is Hal. Hal, this is Will, and those are his friends.”

“Jonas.” Jonas pointed at Briggs. “And Briggs. There’s a few other guys around here, but they’re assholes. So, something non-boozy for Oren. What about you, Hal?”

“Beer is fine. Thanks,” Hal said agreeably.

I barely heard him through the roar in my ears as Oren pressed his foot against the side of mine under the table.

The closeness sent my heart racing, and my pulse roared in my ears.

I waited for Briggs to notice. Or Jonas.

But nothing happened. The conversation picked up again as Oren prodded Briggs and Jonas about rescuing kittens and other things firefighters were called to do.

Eventually my heart calmed and by the time I finished most of a beer, I’d relaxed.

The danger seemed to have passed, at least according to my brain.

There was nothing suspicious at all about Oren sitting next to me.

No one could tell that he was the most important person sitting at the table.

No one knew that we’d go home later and fall into bed.

Kissing. Touching. There was no way for them to know just by looking at me how much I wanted him. Needed him.

Hal knew, I realized. Oren had told him. The idea rolled around in my head, and I had to wonder if I minded sitting at a table with someone who knew the truth about me. Someone besides Oren.

It turns out that I didn’t. I didn’t know Hal and therefore wasn’t invested in his opinion about me.

Now if I could switch that off for everyone else, I’d be set.

I could come out to my parents. The guys at work.

After that, it didn’t matter. If the church my parents went to wouldn’t accept me, then I simply wouldn’t go.

It wasn’t like I went often now anyway. Usually only when Mom or Dad was volunteering and they needed my help.

“What’s the funniest call you’ve been to?” Oren asked me.

I took a sip of my beer to give myself a moment to think about it. “Probably the man who got stuck in the folding chairs,” I answered after a minute.

“How did that happen?”

Briggs was already laughing. Having been on the call with me, it had been one of the funnier days.

“Tequila,” Briggs answered with a grin. “Way too much tequila. A dash of bravado, and an absolute lack of brains.”

“It was a bachelor party, and the stripper didn’t show, right?

So this guy decides that fuck it, he’s going to be the entertainment for all his friends.

Everyone is drunk and is cheering him on, and it’s all going exceedingly well, until he decides that since he’s now only wearing his boxers, he’ll wear the chair. ”

“Oh, no.” Oren grimaced in sympathy for the man.

“Oh, yes. There was a video too. Somehow he managed to get his head and his arms through it. The plan was to pull it down to his waist, I guess. But it got stuck around his ribs. Briggs here said he was going to get the jaws of life to pry the chair off him.”

“In my defense, I thought we might need them. Dude took one look at the saw, and I swear he shit himself.”

“Because the jaws of life are less intimidating.” Oren rolled his eyes, but I could see the tension in his body.

“Sorry,” I told him. It wasn’t that I forgot about the accident, how could I, but I hadn’t thought how a simple story could impact him in a bad way.

Oren took a deep breath. “It’s fine. Just brings back bad memories.”

“Did I ever tell you about the time I delivered a baby on the side of the road?” Jonas asked, rerouting the conversation, much to Oren’s relief.

“Which time?” I asked Jonas. Births on the side of the road were a right of a passage in the world of first responders.

“Which time?” Hal asked. “Does it happen a lot?”

“More often than you’d think,” Jonas replied. “Most of the time they happen because people always think they have more time. But life always has her own agenda.”

Oren’s face paled a little and I thought about the accident he’d been in that had nearly taken his life. No one knew better than him about people running out of time before they were ready.