Page 24 of Up In Flames

Oren

“ S omeone’s glowing.” Hal sidled up next to me at the counter in the kitchen slash lunchroom at the office. I was eyeball deep in case studies for a project Simon was working on, and I desperately needed a hit of caffeine to make it through the afternoon.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The corner of my mouth twitched, and Hal snorted a laugh.

“Okay, keep your secrets. It’s fine. I’m happy for you, though. I wanted you to know that.” He held his coffee cup out, and I filled it when I was done filling mine.

Will wasn’t my secret, but I was his. I’d have told the universe if it was okay with him.

But he wasn’t ready yet. Yet. I hoped that one day he would be ready.

I didn’t want to rush him. I knew what it was like to lose people.

Would I be this open if I still had Byron and Rita around? The question plagued me sometimes.

It wasn’t like they were bad people. But the three of us had formed this kind of insular unit at law school.

We slept, ate, and breathed school. Me more so than them.

They’d always had an easier time with school than I had.

They’d been the ones to get me through. The bigger part of me knew that they’d have loved me no matter what, but there was always that one little kernel of doubt.

The knowledge that I’d never get to come out to them.

That they’d never get to meet Will. That he’d been there when?—

A hand touched my shoulder, and I jerked, sloshing hot coffee all over my hand. I hissed and gave it a shake.

“Shit.” Hal cursed and directed me to the sink, sticking my hand under cool water. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I pulled my hand out of the water and took a breath. It didn’t hurt. It had been the shock of it more than the temperature of the coffee that made me react.

“Are you?” Hal grabbed paper towels and handed some to me to dry my hands. He used a few more squares to clean the coffee mess I’d made. “Because one minute you were glowing, and then it was like all the lights went out.”

“I was thinking about the accident.” My confession eased some of the tightness in my chest. The accident wasn’t a secret, and my therapist encouraged me to talk about it with people who were important to me.

When she’d first suggested that, I’d laughed at her for about three seconds before I burst into ugly tears because all the important people I’d known died in that car.

Of course, I was mistaken then. I’d had Liam.

He’d come to stay with me for a few weeks after the accident.

He’d have stayed longer, but I made him go home to his new wife.

The ink was barely dry on the marriage license when everything went down.

But his wife was a gem of a woman and understood that I needed a friend.

Hal steered us over to a table in the corner then retrieved our coffees. I was sure he didn’t have time for this, and I said as much. Hal merely rolled his eyes.

“I was going to stay late anyway.”

There was only one time Hal worked late.

“Simon working late?”

Hal scowled at me, but didn’t dispute my assessment of the situation. “We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you. How’s the hand?”

I flexed my fingers. My thumb and part of the back of my hand was slightly pink, but it didn’t hurt. Was it supposed to? Had the accident fucked up my pain receptors? I’d gotten out relatively unscathed. The migraines were a bitch, but I hadn’t had one of those in months.

“I’m all right.”

“Not sure I believe you, but okay. We’ll go with that for now.”

I lifted my gaze to find Hal regarding me with concern, but also an abundance of patience. He didn’t mind that I wasn’t spilling my guts all over him or that I was quietly having a breakdown in my mind, missing my friends.

His gaze softened. “If you wanted to take the rest of the day, I’m sure Simon wouldn’t mind. You’ve stayed late every day this week.”

Will had been training hard this week. Apparently there was more to being a fireman than playing with hoses.

But all next week he was off, except for a twenty-four-hour shift in the middle of the week.

We still talked every night, but he trained late so I stayed late so I wouldn’t sit at home and stare at the wall and wait for him to call.

It felt a little less pathetic to be a workaholic than to be a sad, obsessed man waiting by the phone for his crush to call.

Crush was the wrong word. Will was my boyfriend. A secret, but still the most important person in my life.

“I’d rather work. If I go home I’m just going to sit there and stare at the wall.”

Hal nodded as though he understood exactly what I meant. I didn’t know that he didn’t. Maybe he knew how fucking shit it was to sit in a room and stare blankly at a wall so you wouldn’t think of unpleasant things. I hadn’t done that in months, and I didn’t want to start again.

“I get that.” Hal took a sip of his coffee, then frowned at the cup. “Why is this so bad? Have you tasted this?” With a grimace, he set his cup aside. “Don’t drink that.”

“Is it poison?”

“I doubt it, but it might as well be.” Hal shuddered. “Whoever made this pot of coffee should be sued.”

“Who are we suing?” Simon glided into the room and frowned at the empty coffee pot. “I just made a pot.”

I shared a look with Hal. He was already up and out of his chair, intercepting Simon who was getting ready to make another pot of coffee. He shouldered Simon out of the way and grabbed the empty coffee pot.

“Full offense intended, Simon, but that coffee was the worst thing I’ve ever tasted. I don’t want to know what you did.”

Simon leaned against the counter and watched Hal mutter at him about how to make a proper pot of coffee. The warmth in his expression gave me butterflies in my stomach. Will looked at me like that sometimes.

Suddenly, Simon’s attention was on me. “Oren. Good to see you taking a break.”

“I was trying to convince him to take an early day,” Hal said, throwing me under the bus.

“You do look like you could use one.” Simon managed to say things like that without them sounding mean, like he could tell that I felt like shit because I looked like shit.

“He’s been here late every day this week.”

“Snitch.” The urge to stick my tongue out at him was only trumped by the urge to not look like a child in front of my boss. “I’m nearly done with the project you asked me to take care of.”

“Perfect, then Hal can finish it up this afternoon, and you can go home.”

“It’s fine. I can stay.”

“Oren.” Simon sighed and pushed away from the counter. Moving across the room, he dropped into the seat across from me where Hal had been. He folded his long arms on the table in front of him and leaned forward, closing the distance between us. I had to force myself not to lean back.

“I can stay. I can do the work.”

“I know you can. You’ve done a great job so far.

And I want you to keep doing a great job for me, and that’s why I’m asking you very nicely to take the rest of the day off.

It’s already after lunch. It’s only a few hours, and you’ve more than worked those the rest of the week.

Hal and I can wrap it up for you, and you can come back tomorrow morning, and I’ll have a shiny new thing for you to obsess over, okay? Say okay, Simon .”

“Okay, Simon.” There was no point in arguing with him.

He grinned at me. “Good. Glad that’s settled. I’ll be back in ten minutes for a coffee.”

Simon got to his feet and gave Hal a nod before leaving the room. Hal looked like the cat that ate the canary.

“Are you happy now?” I asked him.

“Ecstatic,” he shot back, still entirely too pleased with himself. “You needed an intervention.”

“I needed no such thing. I needed something to do.”

“Go home, Oren. Sleep. Clean. Rest. Eat pizza and watch bad disaster flicks. Compose dirty text messages to a certain someone.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start. I haven’t watched a movie in so long.”

“Have you seen Sharknado ?”

“Shark-what-o?”

“It’s like Snakes on a Plane , but you know… with sharks in a tornado.”

“You got me out of work so I could go home and watch Sharknado ?”

“Do you have a better plan? Clearly not, because you said you didn’t know where to start. I gave you a place to start.”

“You gave me sharks in tornados.”

“Well, if sharks aren’t your thing, you could always watch Snakes on a Plane. ”

“I can’t believe that’s a real thing.”

“It’s a classic.”

I scoffed. It was not. Maybe classically bad, but not a classic.

“Byron used to make me watch Tommy Lee Jones movies. He was obsessed with him. Men in Black. The Fugitive. Batman Forever .”

“I’m sorry you lost such an important person to you.”

“Thanks.” I stood and headed for the door, suddenly willing to get out of here when I had been reluctant only a few minutes ago.

Maybe I would go home and watch movies. Not Sharknado , but something.

“I’m going to go home.” I gave Hal a smile, the best one I could muster.

“Text me some more movie suggestions. Nothing with sharks.”

“How do you feel about piranhas?”

“As in the tiny fish that eats you? I’ll pass, thanks. On second thought, no ocean movies. Or movies with large bodies of water. Nothing aquatic.”

Hal sighed. “You’re no fun.”

“Maybe Simon will watch them with you. But I am not the one.”

Hal opened and closed his mouth, then narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m going to send you every oceanic horror movie I can find.”

“See you later, Hal.”

I was halfway out of the office before I realized I was smiling. Before I realized that Hal really was a friend and not just a guy I worked with who was nice to me. The concept of having a friend shouldn’t have shaken me, but I rode the elevator to the ground floor feeling like my knees were jelly.

By the time I reached the front doors and stepped out into the fresh air, I felt better about it.

Leave it to me to have a little bit of a panic about making a friend.

I couldn’t keep myself apart from people forever just to protect myself.

My therapist would be proud that I’d come to that conclusion all by myself.

The worst part of the accident had been losing Byron and Rita. And then the months of nothing and no one. A brief interlude when I’d had Liam around, but then I was too raw, my grief too fresh for me to process anything.

Liam. Hal. Will.

Three people. They’d never fill the space of the two I’d lost, but life was better with them around.

I waited at the bus stop and shot out a text to Will.

Movie night soon?

It was hours before Will got a chance to return my text, but it came with a bunch of happy face emojis.

Hell yes. Your place or mine?

I thought about it for three point two seconds.

My place.

I wanted the pleasure of having Will in my space. On my couch and in my bed. Plus, my shower was a little bigger.

I’ll bring snacks.

Of course Will would bring the snacks.

Before I could stop myself I sent You are the snack.

In return I got a string of eggplant emojis.

Life was definitely better with Will in it.