Page 61 of True Honey (The Hornets Nest #4)
SHORE
“ I love you.”
The world came to a dead stop. She had said it, and despite how long it had taken to convince her that she could. She had meant it. I could see it, her evergreen eyes were drowning in it.
“I can’t believe you were going to run,” I said, watching her carefully. I couldn't stand the chance of her disappearing in a blink. I watched her take a long deep breath in, tempted to remind her that we weren’t lying to one another anymore but didn’t.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sitting back on the carpet, I followed her down sliding off my knees. Wrapping my legs around her and pulling her closer. I wasn’t quite ready for the distance she was trying to create and selfishly I didn’t give a damn that she needed. “Explain it to me.”
She chewed her lip and I wanted to make her stop.
“ Please ,” I asked.
“It creeps up on me,” she inhaled again, trying to keep her breathing steady. “Like fog,” she paused. “Eventually it consumes everything in these sticky, horrible thoughts.”
I couldn’t help myself, reaching out I pushed my hand through her hair and pressed it flat against the back of her neck. I could feel her heart racing beneath my palm and it took every ounce of self-control I had not to just wrap her up in my arms.
“It feels like quicksand,” she said, “it starts in my chest and spreads until all I can do is lay in bed. It’s pathetic and I didn’t want you to see it. ”
Her lashes fluttered, heavy with droplets of water from her trying to hold back her tears. I stared at her for a long time, wanting to choose my words wisely.
“It’s not,” I whispered.
“It is.” Of course she argued, I couldn’t help the tiny frustrated growl that vibrated at the bottom of my throat. “It’s not showering, not eating… I don’t care about work…”
The next sentence died on her lips.
“Drew, it’s survival.” I said to her and she frowned, her eyebrows scrunching together tightly as she looked up at me.
“August would disagree. It’s cruel, watching his mother spiral out of control. I’m not unaware of what it does to him and I’ve tried to get him to live with his fat—”
“No,” I cut her off. It just slipped from me.
The heat exploded in my veins at the thought of August not being around.
I should have been concerned about the protective rage that bubbled beneath the surface but I kind of liked the feeling of it.
“August sees it, that’s not wrong. He’s smarter than anyone gives him credit for but… he loves you.”
“It’s not fair to him,” she said.
“What’s not fair is moving him.” I corrected her."You just need help."
“I burn bridges, Silas. It’s what I do. I have no other option,” She said, stuck in a cycle of self destruction.
“Well now you do.” I stared at her, drilling it home. “And all of this, it’s not your fault. Do you understand me?”
She didn’t. I could see it. Her jaw tightened and her eyes unlocked from mine to look at the floor.
“I’m just as much to blame.” I said, adjusting my hand to her jaw to tilt her chin upward. “I said I love you, and I meant it. I did. But I shouldn’t have dropped it on you like that, in a moment when you felt cornered. That was unfair and I’m sorry I scared you but I’m not sorry I said it.”
Drew stared at me, tears filling her eyes.
“Arlo said something to me last weekend and it’s been rattling around like a loose screw.
” I shook my hand beside my head and closed my eyes.
“I was looking at my problems like a list. Like I needed to check everything off to get what I wanted. But the list is broken and it was keeping me from seeing what was right in front of me.”
She sat so still, listening so carefully that if it weren’t for her tiny, shallow breathing I’d be concerned her heart wasn’t beating.
“You and August,” I whispered, wetting my bottom lip. “You were the missing piece in our family. I just couldn’t see it through the fog.”
She inhaled sharply at the word and her lip trembled.
I pressed my forehead to hers, “You have a home here,” I said to her, digging out my keys from my jacket gently I held them up, the ring carrying all the weight.
Drew’s eyes flickered to it and back to mine.
It was now or never, baby. Don’t say no.
I pleaded quietly, hoping by some grace of god that I had gotten through to her.
That maybe she’d trust me enough to take care of her that she was able to set aside all her thoughts just for a second. It’s just me and you, Drew.
“Make it mean something.” The words came out more clear than anything and hit me dead center in the chest with such force I started to laugh, a smile spreading across my face faster than the heat across my body.
“Yeah?” I blinked, almost not believing that the speech had worked but she nodded.
I pulled the ring off the loop, “I’m never putting it back on there,” I said to her, chucking my keys to the ground. I was sick of seeing them. “Do you understand me?”
“I promise to take care of it,” she said, lifting her hand. I took it in mine to quell the shake there and slipped the ring back where it belonged. “To take care of you, to remind you to be selfish.”
“I promise to take care of you, to take care of Auggie,” I said. I didn’t need to ask her anything else. The ring implied it all and we both knew it. “To remind you to be kind to yourself.”
I kissed her then, taking her beautiful face in my hands and crashing against her like a wave against a rock.
I needed it, and she sank into my arms chasing the same relief I was as her arms wrapped around my neck.
I tugged her into my lap, kissing her until I couldn’t breathe and as I pulled back gasping for air I peppered more to her damp face.
“I love you, Drew Courtney.” I said, kissing her some more. “Do you hear me?”
“I hear you,” she laughed softly, her tears still drying. “I love you, too.”
“One more thing…" I said, turning my head away from her, "Auggie!” I yelled and Drew flinched.
“Silas!” She groaned burying her face in my neck as the footsteps came down the hallway.
“Can we stay—” he started and stopped. “Ew you guys!”
“Grow up,” I teased, “you wanted to stay, this is how that happens,” I laughed, digging my fingers into Drew’s side playfully. She wriggled in my arms and fought back with laughter.
He wandered into the closet and sat down on the floor with us as Drew slid back onto her knees away from me. “I’m sorry you had to do that,” she whispered to him, reaching out to touch his face.
August nodded, “it was nothing, and Arlo drives really fast so… it was kinda fun.”
Drew looked at me in shock, her terrified mom expression making me laugh. “Alright, no more rides in the fastback for a while.”
“Thank you,” she sighed. “I promise that I’m going to work harder, Auggie. For you. For us.”
“I love you, Mom.” August said, collapsing into her for a hug. The two of them sat there for a while, Drew’s face pressed against his head as her hand raked over his hair. “I’m never calling you dad.” He looked at me when he pulled back, a serious look on his face.
“Auggie!” Drew gasped with a laugh.
“Silas is good,” I said, pressing my lips together in a tight line and giving him an approving nod. It made me think of Ryan and a very important conversation the two of us needed to have very soon.
“We good now?” Arlo’s voice was a shock and the three of us turned to see him standing in the doorway with Red in his arms, his fingers pressed into the cat's ugly fur.
“What the—” I almost swore and curbed myself. “ You didn’t leave?”
“I wasn’t gonna leave the kid to sit upstairs alone,” Arlo said it like that was the most obvious answer. “Besides it was good I didn’t, he came down here the second Drew barreled up the driveway.”
Drew looked over at August.
“I had to make sure you were listening to him!” August raised his shoulders in a shrug. I shifted on the carpet to toss Arlo a look and Red hissed at me.
“I hate that cat,” I grumbled.
“That’s our cue, A-man. Let’s get back to the stadium and make the boys run dead sprints until they puke,” Arlo said, understanding that I needed some more time alone with Drew. I had told her I loved her and right about now all I wanted to do was show her.
“Sounds fun,” August said. Drew kissed his cheek and let him get off the ground, her eyes following him as they disappeared.
“Sorry,” I said to her as we heard the apartment door click shut.
“Don’t be,” she inhaled, “It’s a weird feeling being able to trust…everyone.”
“Get used to it,” I whispered, closing the gap between us. “Except Cael,” I said with a laugh. “Never trust him.”
“Noted,” she giggled and let me kiss her senseless until we were nothing but a puddle on the closet floor.