Page 27

Chapter 26

Apollo

Watching the movie was my attempt at deluding myself into some sense of normalcy. Just the two of us, spending the evening together like regular people with some popcorn, a silly action flick and cuddling. Instead, Jasper has disappeared into his study, phone to his ear, and I’m left alone. The images move on the screen in front of me without my brain really processing it.

My vision blurs as I focus my attention on what I hear from the half-open door. He’s arguing with someone. It does nothing but makes me more on edge than I’ve been. Ever since he killed his father and then hurt Kobe, it’s been…everything’s been wrong.

I can’t settle next to him. I can’t feel at peace or safe, no matter how hard I try to convince myself to go back to the way things were before.

I turn jerkily at the sound of an angry growl, followed by objects flying off the table. I hear something hit the wall and break. Feeling my heart pumping in my throat, I slowly get up and walk toward the office, even if all my instincts are telling me to run.

“Jasper?” I ask in a voice so low it’s almost a whisper. Touching the doorframe and sticking my head in, I see him leaning over his desk, shoulders shaking with anger. Just about everything that used to be on it has been swept away and scattered across the room. “What’s going on?”

His head might be hanging down so that I can’t see his face, but his tense, quick breaths relay enough information. Grasping the edge of the desk with his hands, Jasper tries to calm down before erupting again and striking the wood in the middle.

“Fuckin’ pigs,” he mumbles to himself, nearly quivering with rage. “Fuck!”

“You’re going to break your wrist,” I say, rushing toward him. I need to believe that I have some sway over him. That the Jasper who said I was the only one who mattered still exists. “Hey.” Even over the fear gripping me, I reach for him. He finally steadies his breath as he shifts his gaze to me. It’s sharp and intense, but not at me.

“A police raid picked up a bunch of our guys when they were moving some people. Goddammit,” he says, looking aside with a frustrated sneer. “They’ve been so fucking active lately. Motherfuckers won’t stop making things difficult.”

I lower my gaze, my hand resting on his chest. “Well…your father used to have a lot of cops in his pocket, right?” Jasper always found it pathetic. ‘Cheating.’ And yet, it seemed to work well enough. “If he was still around, he probably would’ve sorted it. If you hadn’t killed him…” I whisper, glancing down.

Shit. Why the fuck did I just let that slip out of my mouth?

His expression as he looks at me is one of pure fury. Those blue eyes widen and pin me in place.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean anything by—”

“I’m not my father,” he growls through his clenched teeth, getting so close to me it feels he might try to bite my face off like some rabid dog. “I don’t need to pretend. To play their fucking games to survive. I’m not afraid of ‘em, so I won’t put money in their dirty pockets for protection. I don’t need their protection. Don’t need them looking away. They’ll be the ones paying me to look the other way soon.”

Holding my breath, I stare at him before nodding sharply.

Then it hits me. Could this have something to do with what Kobe needed to do in his office?

It couldn’t…could it?

Jasper doesn’t take more of his anger on me, thankfully. He pushes me aside to walk by me, phone next to his ear again. As he paces around the room, I have to remind myself to breathe. I dart my eyes across the mess on the floor, wondering if Kobe would really be as stupid as to go to the cops. To…work with them? Could I have helped orchestrate this?

My stomach twists. The fear takes over me—fear that Jasper might somehow see the guilt in me. That he’s going to sense what I’ve done and punish me. Or worse, punish Kobe.

I can’t let that happen.

That thought sits at the forefront of my mind, pushing everything else out with its urgency.

“Yeah. Call in the others. Now .” I jolt into reality, hearing Jasper’s words. There’s fiery determination on his face. Is he just calling in a meeting, or does he plan on retaliating against the entire police force? Would he be that foolish? Either way, he’s like a loose cannon. What if Kobe gets in the middle of it again?

When Jasper ends the call, I quickly step toward him while still keeping some safe distance. “It’s late, babe. You should…”

“Stay out of this. Go to bed,” he orders me without even glancing at me and grabs the jacket from his armchair, heading for the door. I don’t try to stop him when he does.

Instead, I wait before his steps disappear in the hallway. I stand by the window, watching him get in the car and leave before pulling my phone out.

Kobe. I have to talk to him.

The sound of the ringing booming inside my head. I pace in the living room, biting the inside of my lip. “Pick up, pick up, pick up…”

“Apollo?” he responds, voice uneasy. “You really shouldn’t call me, it—”

“Something happened,” I blurt out, interrupting him. “Jasper, he…”

He cuts me off instead. “I know. I got the message. I’m heading to the Dollhouse right now.”

“Do you know anything about it? About this raid? The police?”

“Apollo…” He uses that tone, as if I’m a child who shouldn’t even ask about it. The same way Jasper talks to me when he doesn’t want to explain things. “I told you I can’t tell you any more. I’m sorry, but it’s safer if—”

“Fuck, Kobe! Don’t talk to me like I’m— Ugh. I deserve to understand what the fuck is going on! What you got yourself into. Me into. Jasper, the whole…everyone! Everything is…” Scary . Everything is terrifying with its unpredictability, but I don’t allow myself to say that out loud. It would only make him coddle me more.

I hear him sigh, accompanied by the sounds of him getting into the car and turning it on. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, the words tense like they’re on a string. “Please, could you just stay put until I see what’s going on? I know I’m asking a lot of you, but I need you to—”

The frustration completely envelops me, taking control of my body. I end the call before he can finish the sentence—the well meaning sentiment put forth in that damn careful, soft tone—and throw my phone on the couch, putting my head in my hands.

Goddammit!

I run my fingers through my hair, trying to retain some sort of control over my mind, my body, and my rapid breathing.

What did I expect from this? When he told me about his unspecified plan and asked me to trust him, why did I just go with it like a complete fool? What was I expecting to happen?

Oh, you thought Kobe would wave a magic wand and fix all your problems? You fucking idiot. You useless, stupid, worthless dumbass!

There’s no life away from this without Jasper. And Kobe sure as hell isn’t going to make Jasper yield or give me up. Give anything up. Not after he’s tasted all this power. He will stop at nothing now.

I spend several minutes pacing back and forth. My head spins. My heart feels like a runaway train that’s going to derail any second. I can’t deal with this.

Turning to look at the phone lying on the couch, I fight with myself to not do something stupid. I should sit here. Sit at home like a good little doll, blind to everything that’s happening. Blind to all but what they want me to see.

But that doesn’t feel right. It makes the bile rise into my mouth and my stomach twist until it hurts. And that hurt can only be remedied by…a stupid decision.

I call a taxi and have it take me to the Dollhouse.

I’m tired of being pushed to the sidelines. Of just sitting in the corner being afraid.

With the time it took for the car to arrive, it seems that the meeting’s already over when I step into the door. I stand at the bottom of the stairs as people pour down them. Their glances tell me I shouldn’t be here, and that Jasper most definitely isn’t happy. It’s one thing I find amusing—how all those tough guys get humbled by him. The fake confidence flutters on their faces, leaving glimpses of the real unease underneath.

But the purpose of their gait gives me pause as I watch them disperse. They were given instructions from Jasper, I know that, and that scares me.

I catch the familiar scent. Kobe. I sharply turn my head to look at the top of the stairs, where he meets my gaze.

With an expression of horror, he darts his eyes around, like he’s afraid Jasper will pop from behind him, and nearly runs down the stairs to me. “Apollo—”

I grab his hand and drag him aside. He tries to pull away, mumbling something, but the anger inside me gives me strength, so I don’t let him. We slip into one of the empty hallways and when the door closes after us, I step in front of him, nearly pinning him to the wall with my glare. “I need you to talk to me!”

Kobe swallows nervously, looking to the side. He looks stressed. But as much as it hurts me seeing him like that, I can’t allow myself be swayed before getting what I want.

It takes everything out of me to keep my voice low, almost to a whisper, while expressing how serious I am about this. “Do you have anything to do with this? With what happened? The cops, the raid? I need to know, Kobe. I need to know what’s going on.” I let some of my desperation slip through and I hate myself for it.

Because his gaze softens as soon as he hears that desperation, and his hand reaches for my arm.

“Don’t,” I snap, pulling away. “Don’t…protect and coddle me. Tell me the truth.”

I watch him hesitate; thoughts shifting behind his eyes.

“You wouldn’t be that stupid, would you? To work with the cops?”

“What else did you think this was?” he finally responds, frowning. It sounds almost like he wants to chuckle at the ridiculousness of my question, but stops himself. “That I was working with some other gang to take Jasper down? That I’m doing it myself? This… Fuck. It’s the feds. Not the cops, they’re useless.”

The feds?!

My stomach threatens to upturn. Rubbing my forehead with a short inhale, I step back, trying to process it. Kobe reaches for me again, using the moment of weakness, and pulls me closer to him by my hand. “You have to trust me. This way, we can both be safe.”

I shake my head and try to pull away, but Kobe won’t let me.

I’ve heard this shit so many times from so many men. Proclaiming they would keep me safe. Claiming that if only I would trust them wholeheartedly, they would fix the pathetic mess of my life and finally bring me happiness. None of them ever spoke the truth.

Even Jasper…even Jasper didn’t. All the gifts and money and safety were transactional from the beginning. I didn’t want to see it. I wanted to believe it was real, so I deluded myself into thinking that the occasional hurt, the occasional crossing of my boundaries, were fair enough price.

Why am I realizing it all now? Why am I opening my eyes only when there’s yet another siren singing in front of me, asking me to make myself vulnerable?

And why do I want to trust Kobe so easily?

“I made sure,” he says. He’s so close. His warmth only makes me want to cling to his song more. “I made sure you would be protected, no matter what. The deal I made includes you, so please, just…don’t take any risks and play along, okay?” Suddenly, his hand is on my cheek, caressing me softly, and my eyes that threaten to let out tears of fear and frustration get heavy at the tenderness of him.

He…thought of me? Made a deal for me?

A horrifying realization enters my mind—the knowledge that if Jasper was forced into the same position, he wouldn’t hesitate a moment to sell me out. I know he wouldn’t.

Blinking sharply, I part my lips, letting out a shaky breath. “Y-you did?”

Surprise flashes over his face, followed by a faint frown. “Of course, it… Look. They’ve been trying to get Jasper and his father for a long time. Now, they finally have a chance.” His voice goes lower while he cautiously looks toward the door. “They’re going to raid this place. I’m not sure when. They’re getting the formalities sorted out. I know I shouldn’t have done this without your knowledge—making a deal on your behalf—but…you said you wanted to leave this life. I see how all of it smothers you. I want you to be happy, and I’ll do anything I can to make that happen. They’ll protect us after. We could start again.”

We…?

My cheeks burn and prickle, but I like the heat. It goes all the way down my chest and swirls in there, turning into comfort. I blink slowly, only now realizing I’ve been nibbling at my lip. Kobe watches me intently, worry in his eyes, almost as if he’s afraid of my answer.

“Are-are you not angry with me?”

My brows knit in confusion. “Angry?”

“You love Jasper.” As he says it, his hand carefully withdraws. He’s fighting with something. Fiddling with his fingers until he clenches his fist as he shifts on his feet in front of me, Kobe lets out a frustrated huff. “I know I’m nobody to you, but—”

“I,” the word slips out of my mouth, silencing him, “don’t think I’ve loved him for a long time. And I don’t know if he ever…really loved me back.” Saying it out loud undoes some kind of knot inside my chest. Blinking as a solitary tear runs down my cheek, I exhale and look up at Kobe again. “Why are you doing all of this for me?”

His eyes widen so much they look like two saucers. With those delicious lips parted, Kobe stares at me until we’re both startled by the sound of a door closing somewhere above us. It’s followed by steps down the stairs.

Jasper.

“G-get out. He can’t see us together,” I blurt, pushing him toward the door.

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Just go!”

Kobe stumbles out and I quickly wipe away my tears before walking out of the door, too. Just in time. Jasper stops at the bottom of the stairs, darting his eyes in my direction. “What are you doing here?” he asks, his eyebrows drawn down almost menacingly.

I turn that switch inside me, using all of my willpower to put on a mask.

“You left so abruptly and I didn’t know what was going on. I-I was worried about you,” I say, swiftly stepping toward him with an innocent face of a poor, worried damsel. He studies me with some apprehension, but lets me place my hands on his chest and lean into him. “I’m sorry, I just thought that…with all the stress recently, you might…appreciate me being here. For you.”

Now that the knot of unease and uncertainty has come loose inside me, it feels scarily easy to lie and pretend. I know damn well where this is going to lead, and it’s not what I want, but it is what I will tolerate if it means distracting him from other things. Mainly from Kobe.

Predictably, that carnal darkness grows at the back of his gaze.

If I’m only here to be a tempting toy for him to play with…so be it. I recall Kobe’s words in my head as he pulls me in, the desire to take me upstairs and bend me over his table already written on his face.

He was right. I hate this. All of this.

But if I believe him, believe this will be over soon, I can put up with it for a little longer. I can put up with it while dreaming of a better future, for the first time in forever.