Page 19

Chapter 18

Apollo

“Apollo? Apollo!” With a jerk, I open my eyes. Someone definitely called me. Annoyed at having one of the few moments in my day where I can relax getting interrupted, I grab the handle to turn the water off. This better be important.

“What is it?” I yell toward the door while I reach for a towel.

“Your next two clients have canceled,” the voice, who I now recognize as the handler’s, says on the other side, as matter-of-fact and sharp as always. Frowning, I wipe the droplets running down my eyelashes off my face and tighten my towel around me.

“Oh…okay,” I mutter. Again? And two in a row? Weird.

I wait for her to provide a reason, but instead I hear shifting steps and then the doors closing. Why did she come in here to tell me personally in the first place, anyway? “What the hell is going on?” I whisper to myself while stepping out of the shower. Quickly getting dressed, I walk out into the backroom where a few other dolls hang out.

Sadie’s eyes catch me from next to my station, where she sits with an unusually uneasy expression on her pretty face. “My client didn’t show,” she says with furrowed brows, her words a mix of astonishment and concern.

“ Huh . Two of my clients just canceled on me,” I blurt as I step to her. We share a look of disbelief. This isn’t normal at all. Especially for the two most sought-after dolls, whether I like to think about ourselves in that way or not.

Esme, Daya and Tash, who sit huddled together around a station a few feet away from us, all sharply turn toward the sound of our conversation, their eyes wide.

“Oh my god, same! All of us! What the hell is happening today?” Daya says while the other two nod.

Frowning, I look back to Sadie. The seriousness in her gaze tells me she knows as much as I do that this is more than a coincidence. That’s why Rya came to tell us in person. It must be serious, even though she gave no one a proper explanation.

Just as I’m about to get up and go check to see how busy it is on the floor and maybe find out more, the door to the room springs open, with wide eyed Kiki in it. She closes it quickly and runs in, getting everyone’s attention. “You won’t believe this,” she shouts, stopping in the middle. My chest tightens at her words. That phrase never precedes anything good. “It’s Solomon Zane. He’s dead.”

“What?” Sadie’s voice next to me sounds distant.

Jasper .

“I’m serious! Another gang, they say. Burned his house down and killed a bunch of the people there with him,” Kiki blurts out. “Boss is okay. He found out when they went there for a meeting. That’s what I heard, anyway,” she adds, looking at me with a hint of understanding. It’s a sort of public secret that nobody ever acknowledges; that he and I are together. Some dislike it, the assumed advantage it gives me. I always thought Kiki was among them, but her expression is one of assurance.

I let out a trembling sigh of relief. Thank god he’s safe.

But my relief is short-lived once everything else comes into the picture. Solomon Zane is dead. Murdered. Jasper might’ve had disagreements with him, a lot of them, but he was his father. And he was the official, actual leader of this entire organization.

The organization that will now be in shambles. Explains why so many people decided having sex with prostitutes was no longer on their list of priorities today.

“I need to go check on him,” I say under my breath, so only Sadie can hear. She briefly touches my hand as I walk by her. Even if a part of me knows Jasper is probably in a state of drive, trying to figure out his next moves, I have to make sure he’s okay.

I slip out, heading for his office through the Dollhouse. The difference in the mood really is stark. Only a few dolls are out on the floor, and barely any clients mingle. Not everyone coming here is affiliated with this gang, but even those who work for others or were simply in good standing with the Zanes will probably want to pull back and think about their own safety right now.

An attack like that…

I’ve lived under many gangs in my time, and I don’t remember hearing about something this serious. Maybe that stabbing of the family my pimp worked for in the very beginning, when I was starting. That ruffled some feathers and led to further bloodshed. Everything else has always been just minor scuffles and disagreements.

In the hallways hidden from the visitors of the Dollhouse, the energy is much different. Chaotic. People pass by me and rush around like they’re gearing up for war, making me that much more anxious. My hands tremble by the time I get to the stairs leading to Jasper’s office. Two men hurrying down the steps almost bump into me as they go by without acknowledging me.

Even with so many coming and going, the door into the office is closed. For safety, perhaps. It makes sense. I’m nearly there, nearly ready to see him and hold him in my arms, when Gibbs steps in my way, blocking me from entering.

With a frown, I look up at him as he towers over me. I’ve never liked the man. He’s a bad person. I can see that in his eyes. A person who’s done horrible things that he’ll never think about twice. I’ve encountered hundreds of monsters like him in my life.

He shakes his head slowly. “You better stay away until he calls you, birdie,” he says in a low tone, almost sounding like he thinks he’s helping me. I’m not some stupid bird, and he isn’t stopping me, so I flash him a more defiant glare and ball my fists. Gibbs snorts, shaking his head again, this time cocking his brow as well. “He ain’t in the mood, Apollo. Not even for you. Trust me.”

Who the fuck is he to tell me if my partner is or isn’t in the mood for me?

I open my mouth, ready to fight him on it, when another guy passing by notices us standing there and steps in. A long dread falls into his face from a loose bun as he leans in to Gibbs. “He’s right, you know? You shouldn’t be here. That other omega got the brunt of it already, but you better stay away ‘till boss calms down,” he says with an awkward grimace.

Red warning lights turn on inside my mind.

“What?” I blurt out, feeling my chest tighten. Kobe. Oh, no. “What happened?” I ask sharply, stepping toward the man. He gives an expression that scares me—he looks almost uncomfortable. Darting my eyes to Gibbs in hopes of him explaining, he purses his lips and just shakes his head, like he wants nothing to do with it. ‘What the fuck happened?!’ I want to scream, but manage to get a grip on myself. “Where is he?”

“The omega? Last time I saw him, he was cleaning up his mess in the warehouse. With how he struggled to even stand up, he’s probably still there,” he notes with a bitter smirk and I take a sharp turn, heading straight there.

All the stupid care I felt for Jasper gets replaced with my worry for Kobe. What the hell did he do, and why does it rattle me so much?

I nearly sprint down there. The warehouse isn’t a place I go to too often. It’s not for me, like Jasper said to me many times. It is for the men who do the work and the less glamorous parts of the business. That’s always been more than enough to deter me. Not to mention it’s cold, creepy, and smells repulsive most of the time.

The moment I burst through the heavy door into the main area, the scent of Jasper’s pheromones filling that massive room is all I focus on. I freeze at the strength of it, the amount it must have taken to make it this concentrated, and then I can’t hold in a cough that crawls up my throat.

Covering my mouth, I look around. There’s no one here. People were here—there are hints of other pheromones too, only those are nowhere near as strong.

A horrible sensation creeps up on me at the back of my mind. No. I shoot it down immediately, but the mere suggestion puts a rattle into my bones.

He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t do that.

It must have…it must have been something else.

I walk through the open area that has nothing but palettes, boxes, and containers in it. Noticing a wet patch on the ground ahead, I move there, studying it. Seeing there wasn’t blood, or at least I don’t think there was before it was cleaned up, is a slight relief. Faint acidic scent lingers, covered by the perfume of whatever cleaning product was used.

Where the hell is Kobe?

I bite down on my lip, shifting on my feet, suddenly feeling unsafe in the silence and coldness of the place.

Then it hits me. I swear I saw the car Jasper usually has him drive parked outside the back. Hoping to find him there, I rush to that spot, the dread inside me growing stronger and more ever present with each step. He wouldn’t do that , I remind myself again, staunchly fighting against the paranoid side of me that wants me to believe it. He’s hurt and angry, but even if Kobe said anything he shouldn’t have, he wouldn’t.

Would he?

I push those thoughts aside as something absurd and yet…I stop in the backroom on my way and pick up a handful of medicine. Why do I do that if I believe he wouldn’t?

As I run out into the cold embrace of the dead of night, I see him right where I expected him to be. The car’s parked under the old freeway by the furthest wall. The driver’s door is open and Kobe sits in it, his feet outside of the car with his head hung between his legs. Even across the parking lot, I notice his shoulders shaking. Then I hear his slow, ragged breaths, and my heart shatters.

“Kobe,” I say, making him tiredly lift his head to me. He didn’t seem to notice me approach.

Everything about his face… oh , it makes me sick. He looks horrible. Pale and tired and just wrong. I fight through my own feelings, my memories rushing in and all the emotions that have been dormant for so long threatening to burst out. Kneeling to him, I gently touch his knee.

“I-I heard something happened,” I murmur, suddenly finding it hard to catch my breath as well. Jasper’s scent clings to him. Hangs around like a cloud of poisonous smoke. “Look at me. Hey!” I hold his chin between my thumb and index finger, realizing how clammy and hot his skin feels. Droplets of sweat roll down his cheek. And yet he focuses those brown eyes on me, no matter how glassy and tired they are, and tries to smile.

“I’m…I’m fine,” he whispers, but as he swallows, discomfort marks his face. I’m paralyzed with the fear of what to do, so I come closer and as I release the grip on his chin, his head falls against my shoulder. Kobe sighs, still shaking. “I’m just so…so hot. Hot and…ugh.”

He is. He basically radiates heat.

This isn’t good. This isn’t good at all.

Panic fully sets in. With my trembling hands, I open the medicine packet and barely pop two of the pills out from it. My fingers won’t listen. They’re like wooden sticks with no feeling in them at all. “T-Take this, Kobe. Hey,” I urge him desperately, squeezing his thigh to get his attention.

He shivers and I can’t tell if it’s because my touch was too much or something else. My mind buzzes with all the horrible possibilities of what could happen, of how terrible he must feel right now. Those emotions are getting harder and harder to ignore, as is the voice I shut down and swept to the side. It keeps rising above the rest, letting me know it was right.

It was right about him. He did this. He did the unforgivable.

“Fuck…” My heart skips a beat with a painful tug at Kobe’s desperate whine. He shakes his head, his sweat soaking through the fabric of my shirt, and I can tell he’s desperately trying to hold himself from breaking down. “What’s happening to me?”

I open my mouth, but the words are stuck in my throat.

I stare ahead into the car that’s full of Jasper’s scent, and I want to scream. Instead, I shut my eyes and force myself to draw a deep breath. I have to help him. “Take these pills. I’m begging you to take them. It’s a suppressant. It’ll make it a little better, I promise,” I say quickly, pushing the two pills between his parted lips.

He lets me—maybe because he trusts me, maybe because he would do anything for some release, or worst of all, maybe because he’s still so out of it he can barely tell what’s going on. Each option threatens to upturn my stomach more than the next.

Noticing the half-empty bottle of water in the cup holder, I reach for it and force that into his mouth too, making him drink until there’s nothing left. When he leans back down after swallowing a few times, Kobe tenses up and jerks as if he’s about to throw up, but eventually holds it in. With an exhale, he rests his cheek against the seat and closes his eyes.

I watch his face meticulously for any other signs of possible bad side effects. My lip quivers, no matter how hard I try to make it stop.

“I’ll be fine,” he says, still a little breathless. Is he seriously trying to calm me in this situation? It infuriates me more than it should. I almost tell him off before I realize he isn’t the true target of my anger, which makes me that much more frustrated and shaky.

“Did he do this?” I whisper, maybe too quietly for him to even hear. Drawing in a deep breath, I touch Kobe’s forehead. It’s still hot and sweaty, but not as bad as it was a few moments ago. I think the suppressants are working more effectively because he’s already on a different type of them. These are made for this specific purpose, and Kobe’s pheromones being lower than usual probably helped.

His eyes open slowly. Exactly like I would expect, there’s that careful hesitation. Even now, there’s hesitation.

“I…questioned him when I shouldn’t have.”

I frown. “That gave him no right to do this to you.”

Kobe perks up at my reaction, raising his brows. “Do you know… Oh, god. Fuck . Do you know what…what’s happening to me? I feel so damn…” Speaking still seems a little too much for him, so he quiets down, letting out a frustrated sigh.

I hate knowing how he’s feeling. I hate knowing how mushy his mind must be. Your own head becoming an incoherent and scary place is one of the worst things a person can experience.

The guilt and a sense of responsibility forces me to answer. Even if Kobe said something out of line, I know damn well Jasper took it out on him for another reason.

Me.

I am the reason. Me wanting to start this whole thing, and pulling Kobe close, did this to him. Jasper can act all open-minded, but just the scent that lingers on Kobe screams clearly about his true intentions. It’s possessive, as all alphas are in their heart of hearts.

“It’s…it’s basically poisoning. I think the medical term is s-something like Acute Pheromone Overexposure. Too much…too much of it hurts the body. Makes you ill.”

As I look down at my hands, dark spots dance at the edges of my vision. No, no, no. The panic wraps around my ribs and it feels like it won’t ever let go. ‘You know that feeling, ’ a croaky voice in my head says. ‘You’ll never forget it. And now he knows it too.’

Tears burst into my eyes, but I bite down at my lip and shake my head. Kobe doesn’t seem to pay attention. His eyes are closed again and his breathing slow. Somehow, looking at him makes the dread weaken, so I lock onto him like he’s a beacon of light and start gently brushing his hair out of his face. I run my fingers over his head carefully until he lets out a soft whimper of relief. Shakes still pass through him every now and then, so I sit with him, kneeling on the ground between his legs, holding him softly, hoping to make him feel better.

“Have to…go home,” he says drunkenly.

I frown with a sharp, “No,” and tighten my grip on his thigh, letting him know he’s not going anywhere. “You’re in no condition to drive. Just give the medicine a little more time. Then…you need to try to sleep this off. Shower, drink a lot of water, and sleep. Do nothing else.”

‘But that might not help. This could break his mind. What Jasper did might’ve cracked him beyond repair,’ the cruel voice rumbles again, making me jerk my head to the side.

Stubbornly pressing my lips together and flaring my nostrils, I keep studying Kobe.

No, he’s strong. Much stronger than me. This won’t crush him, but he never should have gone through it. I realize the spot in the warehouse was from his vomit when I notice a few marks around the collar of his shirt, and my heart’s wrought by pain even more.

Slowly but surely, that pain transforms inside of me into anger. An anger I worry I don’t know what to do with, yet I don’t want to get rid of it at all.

We sit in silence for minutes. Ten, twenty, thirty, until Kobe hesitantly raises his head and carefully cracks his neck. Settling his breathing, he sits straight in the car seat and places his hand over mine that holds him.

“Thanks, I…I still feel shit, but I probably should get home before I’m even drowsier. You— The pills you gave me helped with the worst of it, I think. It doesn’t feel like I’m dying anymore,” he says, sounding grateful.

I almost don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to stop caressing and monitoring him, but I know I have to. I too have things to take care of.

“You’re right. Please drive slowly and do what I told you.”

Kobe smiles. “I will.” With an exhale, I stand up and step away. He shifts in the seat to be able to drive, still looking like a truck ran him over, but he needs a proper rest. As he puts his hands on the steering wheel, he turns his head to me with worry in his eyes. “You…be careful, okay?”

The severity of his words makes me pause. I nod and make another step backwards. Even now, he has to be the man who finds the strength to care for my well being.

Of course he does. That’s just who Kobe is.

I watch him leave with a pit in my stomach. He drives slowly like I ordered him to, but I can’t help but imagine all the tragic scenarios of him passing out while driving or not reacting fast enough on the road. His body isn’t right, and he never should’ve been in this situation in the first place.

Flexing my fingers to release some tension, I turn to face the building. Some lights are off, mostly in the bottom area of the Dollhouse. Jasper’s office is still active, and I’m going to make him see me whether or not the goons at his door let me.

Against all my knowledge and experience, against the better judgment of my self-preservation, I allow that anger to fester. Someone like me coming in front of an alpha like Jasper with anger in their soul is a dangerous thing. But I don’t care. He has no right to deny me this. He must know what he did was fucking inexcusable.

I head upstairs again. This time, the halls are quieter. Almost empty. I figure that most of the important talks about what’s to happen must be over. It’s nearly three in the morning. Even in times of ‘war’, people have to sleep.

No one’s outside the office, so I burst in.

The logical part of me wants to start carefully. To ask how he’s handling all of this and then question him about what happened. Unfortunately, that part isn’t at the helm. I’ve allowed my emotions the long overdue release that they’ve so longed for.

“How the fuck could you?!” I scream, stopping in the middle of the room. Jasper sits at his table, like he does every other day, and gives me an unphased, emotionless glare.

That stokes the fires even more. Had I found him here broken down, out of his mind with grief, it could’ve been different. It would’ve made what he did a little less abhorrent. But that’s not what I’m seeing. Of course it isn’t.

Of course it fucking isn’t!

“Do you not remember?!” I continue, more furious with each passing breath that suddenly doesn’t feel like enough to fuel my pounding heart. “I know you do! I know you remember me telling you, because you’re the only person I ever did. You know that my life fell apart because of what that bastard did. That he did the same thing you did, subdued me and twisted my mind with such an insane dose of his pheromones that I couldn’t deal with myself, and the only way I could get over experiencing that was to stick a needle into my arm. You knew that!”

Smacking my fists against his table in rage, tears bursting into my eyes, I finally see a minuscule change in him. Surprise, maybe. I’m too fired up to care what Jasper’s thinking right now.

“So how could you do that to another person? Knowing how fucking cruel and evil and completely fucked up it is?!”

Jasper nearly launches out of his chair. I jerk away in response, but he grabs me before I can even blink and pulls me toward him. I barely hold myself over the table as he tightens his grip around the back of my neck. Those eyes are no longer marked with apathy. Instead, an angry beast stares back at me, one I taunted into striking.

“Even after everything, you still ran straight to him, didn’t you? Ran to his fucking rescue, into his arms, like he’s something special,” he growls, his voice rumbling deep inside his throat.

A wave of fear passes over the fire inside me, tapering it a bit. I try to shake my head, but the way he holds me leaves no space for movement. Pain and fear slowly take hold.

“Kobe’s a good person. That’s-that’s all there is to it. There’s nothing more. He wants nothing more. I want nothing more. He just—” I stop to prevent my voice from cracking. With a sharp inhale, I blink and look into his eyes again, even if it feels like he could break my neck at any moment. “I know you must be hurting because of your father, b-but it gives you no right to do something like that to anyone .”

Jasper blinks in surprise before letting me go with a hearty laughter. As it echoes in the room, I use the table to get my footing and look up at him, confused. The way that sound bubbles in his throat, so genuine and unrestrained, sends shivers down my spine.

“Oh, Apollo…” He continues chuckling as he shakes his head and slowly approaches me from around the table. “Are you that fucking stupid or that na?ve? Which one is it, huh?”

I draw my brows together and part my lips. What…does he mean?

He stops right before me, sneering. “ I killed him, Apollo. I staged the attack on his home and had that pompous mansion burned to the ground and everyone loyal to him with it.” The pure satisfaction at my horror grows on his face with every word that comes out of his mouth. “I finally fucking took what’s mine and showed that arrogant old fuck who’s the better man. A better leader.”

My breath hitches in my throat.

I stare at the creature wearing the skin of a person I fell in love with. The one who looked at me like I was an actual human being after so many saw only an object. The man who gave me hope, who pulled me out of the worst of my addiction, forced me to overcome it for my own good, and then gave my life a purpose with his love.

“And this,” he snarls, grabbing me roughly by the shoulder so I can’t escape like he knows I want to, “is that fucking face I already told you I hate!” My eyes won’t stop filling with tears and my lip won’t stop quivering as if I’m a pathetic child. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m weak and can’t handle any of this. “You’re free to leave, Apollo,” he says with such vitriol that it makes my heart skip a beat. “You’re not a fucking slave. There’s no leash. Leave me if I’m such an immoral monster. Go!” Jasper pushes me away, throwing out his arms.

“Th-that’s not what I—”

“Go and see what you can make of yourself in the world alone. Test out your chances without me. Do you really think you could ever be more? That you’d last long before you’re nothing but some homeless, pathetic cum rag of a junkie again?”

Those words cut deep, slicing right into my heart, and that wound lets terror and hopelessness flood me until there’s nothing else.

I hold my mouth open, feeling the burning tears roll down my cheeks, while I see that horrible future in front of my eyes. The future I’ve always feared. I see it as clear as day—my abused, skeletal body, lying lifelessly on some bug-ridden mattress inside a rundown building, a needle next to me.

Deep down, I always knew that awaited me before Jasper. I was always going to end up that way, no matter how hard I tried. That was my fate.

“I-I don’t want to leave you,” I blurt, shaking my head. My vision blurs with tears, making Jasper’s face twist and distort just like it is in my heart. “I never said I want-wanted to leave you. I was just angry, I…”

Hyperventilating, I hang my head down, desperately trying to wipe that horrible vision of the future off my mind, but it won’t go.

“I’m sorry, I was just—”

Someone’s body presses against me, enclosing me in a firm hug. Warm, safe. “Shhh,” he hums over me, running his fingers through my hair. Releasing one more pathetic whimper, I sink into Jasper, letting myself believe that I’m safe and okay. “I know.”

Maybe deep down, executing this plot really did rattle him. He must have felt at least some love for his father. That’s why he was acting the way he was. That’s why he would say all those horrendous things, why he would attack me like that. He was upset, and I came in shouting at him.

That’s the reason for my suffering.

Jasper pulls away from the hug, and I follow after his body, starved by that sudden distance. With a faint smile, he runs his thumb over my dewy cheek and wipes off the tears. He gazes at me softly again, and in that moment, I can hardly remember the cruel way he looked at me before.

I don’t want to remember it. What matters is that he’s back to himself.

“I do this all for us, you know? For you,” he whispers while running his finger lower, brushing it against my upper lip. “Whether you think my methods are going too far, in the end, all this work is so that you can one day live a life of nothing but pleasure and luxury. When I achieve what I’ve set myself to achieve, and there’s nobody to challenge or threaten us, we’ll never have to worry or struggle again. Isn’t that what you want, baby?”

I meet his focused eyes, trying to picture his vision.

My heart tells me that all I want is him. Even if we were poor, and none of this was here anymore, I would’ve only wanted my lover. The loving, supportive Jasper. But I know how much this means to him. To take care of me and provide for me. That’s how people like him show their love.

For me. He does it all… for me.

I nod, managing to smile.

“I love you, Apollo. You know I do,” he whispers before kissing me deeply. I jolt in surprise at first, but reciprocate his kiss quickly. This is what I wanted. He isn’t angry anymore. He’s not screaming or pushing me away. And if this is the way I can help ease whatever he’s going through, I will.

He withdraws and folds me over the table. I follow the motions—shifting my feet apart so that he can get to the back, leaning over my elbows, and pressing my palms into the wood under me.

“Don’t think about any of what happened,” he whispers into my ear while he sheds my clothes and steadies his cock against my entrance. “Think of today as a celebration. As the start of a new era. We’ve won. And I think I deserve a treat.” I feel his smile against my skin as he says that.

The tears still push against my eyes, perhaps remnants of the emotional turmoil from before.

I force myself to forget about it, to ignore them, and turn my head to him with a faint smile. Jasper kisses me again, thrusting inside me and swallowing up the gasp I let out with his tongue.

This is a start of something better , I keep telling myself. It has to be.