Page 22

Chapter 21

Kobe

When I came back to work, I knew nothing would be the same, and it isn’t. Nothing feels as it did before. Whether that monumental shift is because of what Jasper did to me, the change in leadership, or even the moment I shared with Apollo that I can’t stop thinking about, my body won’t listen to me and I remain on edge with every step and every look.

Like this cursed meeting with the Rippers.

Stupid fucking name for a bunch of inhumane edge lords. It would have almost been funny how pathetic they are if they weren’t an actual group of human traffickers. And now Jasper is here, together with me and several other people, chatting up their leader.

Watching them from the car, I keep tapping my finger against the wheel. Jasper and the stocky man wearing a black balaclava that reveals only his eyes, stand in the middle of the abandoned industrial complex we drove to for this meeting, surrounded by a circle of cronies from each group sharing threatening glares and gripping their weapons.

It’s all like some shitty crime show. I’m waiting for the cops to burst in and start gunning us down, and because I haven’t dared to contact the agents, I might as well end up dead, too.

The thought almost doesn’t bother me. Sure, I don’t want to die, but…all these horrible people—three cars full of guys on both sides—snuffed out for the greater good? Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. Would be at least a net positive for this city.

I know for sure Solomon Zane would never stand for this. He’d never deal with human traffickers. He despised them, like Mr. Wilson and the rest of the old guard did.

But Jasper is a new kind of animal, as he would say. An apex predator capable of any depravity who intends to bend everything around him to his will or destroy it trying. And it isn’t just him. All these young pups, hungry for power and constant adrenaline, are coming out of their dens, wanting a taste of the bloodshed to come.

I hate where this is going. I hate being the tiniest part of it.

They both laugh and shake hands, clearly having arrived at a mutually beneficial agreement. I dread to think what that is.

Jasper returns to the car shortly, and so do Gibbs and Lenny. “Drive back,” he orders me without making eye contact.

He’s been harsher since our little incident . I guess I have no right to complain. I spoke against him and learned my lesson, but there’s no doubt about the shift in everyone’s attitude around me. Even the way guys like Lenny or Gibbs look at me. That sliver of respect, the ‘let’s give this omega a chance’ that was there before, is gone now.

Everyone saw Jasper reduce me to nothing without lifting a finger. Those who didn’t see it heard about it. They still whisper when I pass by. With that one action, Jasper all but gave everybody the okay to see me as inferior to them. No one’s tried anything since the prick that Apollo saved me from, but I know it won’t be the last time. It will only get worse.

What is there for me to do? Other than to steel myself against it—against the looks and the prejudice—and keep pushing like I’ve always done?

So I obey quietly, as I should, and drive us back.

The Dollhouse traffic has returned to normal faster than I expected. It only took a few days for people to get over the death that shook the entire community and resume lusting after warm bodies.

I search for Apollo in the crowds any time I pass through, but don’t see him. The tight sensation in my chest is something I should control and smother. I know it isn’t appropriate. For me to recoil at the idea of those men touching him. Hurting him.

Of course, I have no right to feel any kind of possessiveness toward him. Or jealousy, even. But ever since that day he asked me to call him by his name with such vulnerable desperation, it’s like Apollo opened some door inside my heart that can’t be closed again.

You always do this. You fall for people like an idiot.

“Go home,” Jasper barks at me after a while of me standing outside his office. I ignore the disdain behind his words and nod, glad to leave the wretched place.

Still, I can’t help but wonder if Apollo’s looking forward to coming home every night like I do. Can’t stop myself from thinking that he would have been happy if it were me he was coming to. Stupid, stupid ideas. He isn’t mine. Isn’t anyone’s. And he can make his own decisions. Being with Jasper is what he wants…no matter how impossible to understand that is for me.

By the time I get to the apartment, it’s clear there won’t be anyone greeting me. Carefully, I unlock the door and slither inside. All lights are off aside from the flashing hues emanating from the TV. I quietly make my way to the couch, where Skyler and Marci sleep slumped against each other.

I smile, feeling an equal amount of joy and guilt. They must have tried staying up for me. I know Skyler wanted to watch that movie he keeps talking about, now that I was finally starting to feel better and my heat was over.

Motionless, I stand above them, studying their innocent faces.

I try to leave my work at the door, but how can I? All I see is that people like them, the two humans I love the most in this world, are the exact people Jasper and those alike him prey on. The weak. The good. Decent, regular people. The ones lucky enough to not have seen the full extent of what humanity can be.

I sigh to myself and turn off the TV. I don’t want to wake them up, so I cover them with a blanket and go into my room.

My body might have mostly recovered from the damage Jasper wrought on it, but now I am exhausted in a completely different way. In a deep, existential sense. I just want things to finally get better and yet, all I see in front of me is a road leading nowhere good.

I sit at the edge of my bed, my eyes drawn to the side table. That card is inside. Hidden beneath a bunch of packets of pills, tissues, random booklets and a sleeping mask an ex left here a long time ago.

Reaching for it makes me feel like I’m doing something horrible. And I am. I stare at it, the names on it, and the logo of the government agency that stands out against the white.

There are many negative qualities that are tolerated in this business. If someone’s lazy or rash or a coward…it’s all seen as a fixable issue. An area for improvement. Even the worst of the worst are given a chance as long as they possess the one trait that really matters: loyalty.

Just considering calling those agents back makes me a traitor.

When it came to snitches, it was the only time I experienced true ruthlessness working for Mr. Wilson. A gangster known for his class and restraint. It was the one thing he could not tolerate and had to punish to the fullest extent. I doubt Jasper would be any more forgiving. In fact, I know his creativity and sadism would have no limits if he found out.

They want me to become an informant. A damn mole. To turn away from the people and the way of life I’ve known for over a decade, risk my life to betray everyone and everything and…act as if that will absolve me of my sins? Only because these people say it would make me innocent in the eyes of the law, would it really feel that way? Or would I feel like a spineless traitor on top of the guilt I’m already carrying?

I narrow my eyes at the phone number on the card, having been reading it in my head over and over and over again.

Maybe this really is my only way out of this, no matter how risky.

When I started, I was na?ve enough to think I could stop anytime. Now I see that this life is all or nothing. You don’t just retire like Mr. Wilson did. Not when you’re an insignificant pawn like me. So that’s my situation, whether or not I like it: either kill your fucking conscience, keep pushing on, and see it through to the ugly, immoral end, living your entire life being a pathetic criminal, or take this chance out. There are no other options. Only this one fork in the road.

Deep down, you know you don’t belong on this path. And it’s not just about you. The people you love are being dragged down it and tainted by the filth, too.

I put the number into my phone. It’s almost two in the morning—probably not something the agent will be happy about, if they even pick up. But I’m too scared that I’ll chicken out or change my mind if I don’t do it right now.

The beeps are agonizingly slow, especially compared to the pounds of my heart I hear echoing through the phone against my ear. I try to stay patient, to resist the urge to hang up and crumple the card. I tap my foot nervously, biting the inside of my lip as it rings and rings and…

Crackling. Followed by a sigh that can only come from someone being woken up in the middle of the night.

“Agent Evans,” she says, clearly doing her best to not sound annoyed.

Suddenly, the words that have been eagerly waiting on my tongue vanish. I lap in air through my open mouth, desperately trying to get a hold of my thoughts.

“What would you need me to do…to protect me and my family?” I ask, staring ahead without blinking. “Can…can you really guarantee nothing will happen to them?”

I hear a quiet, confused huff before something tells me she connects the dots. “Mr. Saber,” she says firmly, now sounding almost identical to that confident, professional agent that turned up at my door. “I take it you’ve had a change of heart.”

“There’s somebody else,” I blurt. It comes out before Apollo’s face even becomes clear in my mind. If I’m risking everything, I can’t just leave him behind. The other dolls might be fine were there an investigation or a full-on raid on the place, but he’s too close to the center. To Jasper. There would be no plausible deniability to him not being aware of what he was doing or what crimes were happening. “Another person whose immunity and safety I need guaranteed. Those are my only demands.”

“Alright?” she mutters, voice rising as if she’s intrigued. “Who are we talking about here?”

“His name is Apollo.”

Is this really what he would want?

My stomach feels like it’s going to implode. He said he thought about leaving this life, and I know—I can tell—how much he despises doing that job. He’d most definitely not be happy about me selling Jasper out and betraying him. But even if Apollo hates me after this and never wants to see me again, I have to hope it’s the right thing for him in the end.

“Well, I’m not sure if it’s his actual, legal name. It…” I pause, suddenly uncomfortable with the idea of giving her the name he revealed to me as if it was precious and to be protected, but I don’t even have to as I get interrupted by her surprised chuckle.

“Huh. Would you look at that… What’s your connection to him?”

“You know about him?” I ask with raised brows.

“Of course we do. He’s very close to Zane. Known to be his primary partner. Longest lasting, for sure… We told you already that we have people on the inside, but nowhere near as deep as that. We briefly considered approaching him, but found it too risky. We didn’t have enough confidence that we could turn him.”

“He—” Not entirely. He doesn’t know a thing. Might even despise me for this. “Whatever happens, I just need him to walk away from this scot-free. Because he is. He might be close to Jasper, but he has nothing to do with whatever’s happening,” I say sharply, needing her to understand that.

“Alright, alright. I believe you. I don’t think including him would be much of an issue. But…before I can give you serious confirmation of anything, we’re going to need to talk to you. Officially . We’ll need as much information as you can give, all on paper and by the book. As for what we want you to do, we must obtain solid, physical proof that would help us arrest Jasper Zane, his closest associates, and to make sure they won’t be able to slip away. To really put an end to him and his operation.”

Yeah. Deep down, I already knew that.

My hand trembles as I look at it in my lap. I’m still unsure. Scared. But I can’t back out just for my comfort. I can’t keep running from the effort it takes to be a better person. “Okay,” I whisper shakily. “Yeah, I agree.”

“Very well. I’m glad you decided to trust us, Mr. Saber. I will send you the details in the morning, if you don’t mind,” Agent Evans says with a faint chuckle. Right. I almost forgot I woke her up. “Until we speak again, take care, and try to get some sleep. You are doing the right thing, Kobe.”

Her voice is soft and tender when she says it. And stupidly, it soothes me.

I’m doing the right thing. I have to be.