Page 53 of Time Traveling Space Bastards

E nix assured us that the only cameras on the farm were watching the crops. A bus stop would be out of place here according to Big Daddy, so he parked himself pretty far away and informed us we would need to walk.

Which I had no problem with, but I offered to carry Baxter because what if she was wearing uncomfortable footwear? I didn’t want to think about her feet hurting when I could easily fix it.

“I found these really comfortable head-stomping boots years ago at a thrift shop. They were practically new, and I have to think they person that left them there didn’t try them on first and lost the receipt so they couldn’t exchange them, but these boots are life changing. They go with everything, they are made like a brick shithouse and have lasted me for ages, and they are amazing for working eight hours on your feet.”

“Good shoes are life changing,” Omi said.

Good shoes meant your feet didn’t hurt, but I suspected this was something I didn’t understand. It made her happy, so I didn’t need to.

I smiled as I watched her look around in wonder. This place really was beautiful. I wouldn’t have left her if she didn’t want to come back with us. I didn’t think Kuka would have, either. I could have been happy here if this was where we decided to live.

The climate here was tropical, much like where I grew up. It wasn’t exactly the same. The flora here was very different, and I was guessing the fauna was, too. Still, there wasn’t much to do but talk when Baxter was with Enix.

While Omi and Kuka were doing their science thing, we talked about some of Kuka’s plans. And he was going to make an amazing king. Big Daddy said the seedlings he wanted to get would grow just fine on our planet in my hometown.

There was a lot of poverty and lack of good jobs in that area. Kuka wanted to create jobs by putting a massive farm there and factories to make coffee and chocolate. My old stomping ground wasn’t poor by choice. They all wanted to work and would take any job given to them.

What we were doing right now would please my Zovea, but it would also make things better for my hometown. I slipped my hand in hers. She kept scratching the back of her neck.

“Is the chip bothering you?” I asked.

“No, it just feels weird.”

“Most of the time, we have them implanted during surgery so that we are sleeping through most of the weird stuff,” Omi said.

I didn’t even remember mine. I needed surgery on my arm because I broke it in a fight. They chipped me while they were working on my arm. By the time I woke up, I didn’t even notice it aside from being able to speak more languages and be able to get info dumps from an Enix.

This was an entirely different place than where Baxter lived. I wasn’t all that sure her trick with pretending we were just eccentric humans was going to work here. And I was right. As soon as we got to the farm, a man made a gesture that I was sure to ward off evil and called us demons.

“Cool, I could understand that,” Baxter whispered.

The man was trying to get us to leave, but Baxter just stepped forward.

“We’re not demons, we’re Americans,” she said. “I’m Baxter. All we want to do is buy the seedlings like we talked about.”

I held my breath as this man squinted at us. I didn’t know how an American would explain our appearance to him. Finally, he just threw back his head and roared with laughter.

“Of course, you’re Americans. I’m Matteo. Your appearance is just a little more realistic than some of the stranger tourists I’ve seen.”

“Really?” Baxter said, fluttering her eyelashes. “Thanks, I’ve been practicing. Did you get the order, and can you give us a crash course on what they need nutrient wise?”

Baxter was flirting, but Matteo took one look at my hand in hers and decided not to reciprocate. No, instead, he was focusing on my sister. And Omi definitely looked interested. The kid we met who wanted to make her his wife was too young for her. Omi always did like them older.

Omi started twirling her hair.

“I don’t suppose there’s someone else who can help my friends while you give me a tour? Maybe somewhere more private?”

I sighed. I was going to overlook it this once because Baxter and Omi were right. Omi had been on her best behavior since she stowed away on Big Daddy. She’d repaired Enix and helped so much with making sure we could pull all of this off. She deserved to unwind.

I just hoped she didn’t kill Matteo because a lot of these farmers had guns.

Matteo called an elder human over to explain to us how to care for the seedlings we were going to buy. Enix would be taking it in, running the data, and finding out what kind of things we could use back home.

I wasn’t really needed much right now. Enix and Kuka were the brains. So, I just watched Baxter. She looked lovely sunning herself at this farm. I liked this place. Maybe we could vacation here once we were settled, but further in the past or future that when the fact that we faked her death wouldn’t matter.

It was just hitting me. I was bringing my Zovea home. We just needed to make a pit stop in our distant past first.