Page 36 of Time Traveling Space Bastards

I enjoyed sex, but that was just another thing my brother and I were drastically different about. Valtens thought women existed to pleasure him. I didn’t want to do it without some kind of connection. It just felt better if there were feelings involved.

And I learned the hard way when I was younger that sometimes, people were perfectly willing to pretend like they had feelings for me to elevate their station. It was both friends and lovers, so I mostly kept to myself and focused on my research, even though I knew one day, I’d have to pick a queen and hope she was my Velne.

I didn’t think Baxter cared about any of that. I wanted her to be my Velne, but I knew she wasn’t because she was Torrek’s Zovea. It just didn’t work like that.

Still, I loved the way she was looking at me when she got me alone in her bedroom. Not only did she see me, she looked like she was about to eat me alive.

“Okay, quick question. Do you have two dicks? Because I can work with that, but I’ll probably need to stretch first and grab the lube.”

Seriously, I adored this woman. Her planet was similar, but different from ours. I could pass for human with my clothes on, but not really with them off. I just smirked at her.

“You might want to stretch. How in the galaxy did you manage to guess that just meeting me once with my clothes on when you were a child?”

“Um, do you really want to know?”

“I’m a scientist, so yes.”

“Okay, so your eyes are similar to snake eyes, right? I love your eyes, but if you’re writing aliens or shifters, people want creative dicks. So, I went down this rabbit hole and found a National Geographic article all about reptile dicks. It was a very weird time in my life, but, apparently, reptiles have some wild cocks. I could have done two dicks, hooked dicks, spiked dicks, or no dicks, but I decided to get super spicy with my self-insert character and go for two dicks. You already know I’m weird, so I feel safe telling you this before we get naked.”

“You babble when you’re nervous,” I said with a small smile.

“Well, yeah. I’m about to go where no girl on this planet has gone before.”

“Well, not until we?—”

“Shh,” she said, pressing her finger to my lips. “I meant an alien with two dicks, not your galaxy.”

“Noted.”

“You know if we do this, you’re mine now, right? Because I’m going to lick you and that’s how it works on Earth.”

“That’s a strange mating custom.”

“That’s because I made it up. Kiss me.”

Torrek already showed her how the Saki mated. It was my turn. I knew she had certain expectations because of the equipment I was born with and I read her books.

“Before I kiss you, tell me one thing. You said the human female in your book was a self-insert. Does that mean you like everything she likes?”

Baxter just grinned at me.

“Spoilers.”

And then she pounced.