Page 68

CARSON

Nylah left the game. I need to fucking get over it, but I can’t.

I shouldn’t have looked.

I should have turned just to steal one quick glance. If I’d managed to control myself, I wouldn’t have seen her walking away.

When she turned back and spotted me staring, she almost looked scared, whipping back around and running away with her little sister in tow.

I did that.

If I hadn’t pushed her away from me, she would have been in those stands cheering me on. She would have gotten to see me in the second half, when Coach finally came over and asked, “You ready to play?”

“I’m ready to win, Coach.”

He smiled down at me, chewed his gum for two more beats, then laughed. “Yeah, you are.”

Pulling me up, he slapped me on the shoulder and gave me my instructions. I ran out onto the field with my teammates, and I played some of the best football I ever had. I didn’t score any touchdowns, but I caught that ball, I blocked for my team, and I helped get that pigskin across the line twice.

It was fucking epic, and I celebrated with the rest of them, piling on top of my buddies as we owned that win.

Coach got covered in ice and Gatorade, and we celebrated until the early hours of the morning.

We flew back to Denver on a high, and the bus ride to Nolan U was noisy and chaotic.

But I didn’t feel like talking much, because all I could see was the back of Nylah’s head as she walked up those stairs away from me.

I did that.

Just like my dad did to Mom.

She would have waited for him. And I wish she’d told me that.

We’ve spent a lot of time talking. She decided to stay after our counseling session, rearranged her flight, and has been sleeping in Zander’s old room at Football Frat.

Baxter finished the garage renovations just before Christmas, and they moved in as soon as they got back from Idaho.

Sienna’s stoked and loving the extra space.

Zoey totters between the two places, still getting under our feet, but at least she doesn’t wake us up in the middle of the night anymore or stink out the house with her epic shits.

“Bee!” Zoey skips toward my mom the second she walks into the kitchen.

“Hey, sweet girl.” Mom bends down to pick her up, laughing as she tickles Zoey’s tummy and makes her giggle. “What’s this?”

She lets Zoey show off one of her latest “Kissmass” toys, and I sit at the table watching them. It’s actually been really nice having Mom around. She flies home tonight. We’re due to leave for the airport right after dinner. She’ll catch the red-eye home, and things will go back to normal.

Except they won’t.

Because I still don’t have Nylah.

Why not? You’re ready for her, man.

I swallow, still unsure. I’ve come a long way in the last month. People keep telling me I should be proud of what I’ve achieved.

But what if I lose it again?

What if that anger surges and I can’t stop it?

Kylie’s promised me that if I keep practicing the techniques she showed me and continue coming to see her, then I’ll be able to maintain control.

But a part of me still worries that I’ll snap.

Sienna opens the back door, walking into the kitchen with a little pout.

Zander notices immediately and hands the spatula to Wily so he can keep flipping pancakes. “What’s the matter, Sparks?”

He moves into her space, wrapping his arm around her.

“We just lost our babysitter.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I think it’s more important for her to go to the winter dance than for us to. She needs to get out there.”

“Oh, well, I could help,” my mom offers, bouncing Zoey in her arms.

The little girl gives her an adoring smile.

“That’s so sweet, Breanna. Thank you.” Sienna leans her head against Zander’s shoulder. “But the dance is tonight, and you’re flying out, so…”

Mom tuts. “What a shame. I wish I could change my flight again, but I’ve already moved it twice, and I really need to get back to San Fran.”

Her eyes dart to mine, and I give her a tight-lipped smile. Yeah, we still have some work to do around Johnson, but I’m saving that for a later date. One thing at a time, right?

I got to play the quarterfinal game, and my counseling has been dropped to twice a week. Those are big wins.

“Who was going to babysit?” Wily asks.

“Uh…” Sienna’s gaze darts to mine. “Nylah. I lined it up with her ages ago, and she’d actually forgotten about it.”

Everyone shoots me awkward glances, but I ignore them all, sitting forward in my chair. “She’s going to the dance?”

“Yeah.” Sienna avoids my gaze. “I mean, when I called to confirm, she felt so bad, and she said if we can’t find someone else, then she’ll ditch her plans, but…

” Sienna licks her lips and looks up at Zander.

“I told her we’d be fine and she needed to go and have a good time.

” Her cheeks are flushing red by the time she’s done, and now my insides are in chaos.

What’s she not saying?

Why won’t she look at me?

My heart starts pounding, making my voice gruff and uneven. “Who’s she going with?”

Sienna shrugs, so obviously trying to play this as casual, but?—

“Sienna,” I hiss. “Who?”

“I’ve forgotten his name already, but I don’t think it’s like a super-serious date or anything. She’s just going with her roommate and her boyfriend and his friends.” She clears her throat. “I think his name started with D,” she ends in a soft whisper.

I slump back in my chair, pain riding through me like a fucking tidal wave.

Nylah’s going to the winter dance with some other guy.

Fuck.

Did I miss my chance?

I was trying to get myself ready for her, but did I take too long?

With a soft huff, Zander walks over to the fridge and snatches the two tickets out from under the magnet.

Holding one out for me, he shakes it in the air, obviously expecting me to take it.

“What?” I frown at him.

“I’ll take your mom to the airport. And you can go to the dance.”

I’m already shaking my head before he’s finished. “I can’t go.”

“You better.” Zander gives me a pointed look, and Sienna backs him up, walking over to me and crossing her arms.

“He’s right. You’re totally ready, and if you don’t get that girl back, I’m going to slap you up the side of your head. Don’t be an idiot. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

“What girl?” My mom perks up. “Is this the one you mentioned at the?—”

I give her a pleading look not to say anything, and she quickly zips it, smiling at Zoey in her arms while Wily walks over to Zander and plucks the other ticket from his hand.

“Looks like you won’t be needing this one anymore.” He grins, then bends down and kisses Sienna on the cheek. “Thanks, pretty lady.”

Zander glares at him. “Would you stop kissing my woman!”

“I can’t help it. She’s just so kissable.” Wily throws his arms wide. “How else am I supposed to thank her for this kind donation?”

“You say the words ‘thank you,’” Zander growls. “And I don’t recall her saying you could have that spare ticket.”

“Come on, we all know I’ll be Carson’s best wingman.”

“He doesn’t need a wingman. He’s going after one chick.”

“He needs a wingman.” Wily winks at me like we’ve got this, and all I can do is snicker and shake my head. “Anyway, I need the distraction.”

“From what?” Zander frowns.

Wily’s head twitches, his right shoulder hitching before he mumbles, “Nothing,” then slaps my arm and brings the attention back to me. “I’m your boy. I’ll help you get your girl back.”

I give him an edgy smile. The thought of talking to Nylah again is just as terrifying as it is appealing.

I need her. I miss her.

I want to see her smile up at me with those big brown eyes and?—

“Carson.” Mom touches my shoulder. I glance up, and she gives me a tender smile. “I need to know more about this girl. What’s her name?”

“Uh… Nylah. She’s Nylah.”

“And she’s a hottie.” Wily raises his eyebrow.

“Hey!” I snap at him.

“What? I’m only speaking the truth.”

“She’s my hottie,” I warn him, standing tall and pointing the ticket at his face.

“Not if you don’t go and do something about it.” His eyes start to twinkle, and I can’t decide if I want to throat-punch him or hug him for having my back.

Clenching my jaw, I look down at Mom, nerves scattering through me like wildfire when I softly ask, “Can you help me pick out a suit?”

Mom’s smile grows a mile wide, her eyes glassing with emotion. “It would be my pleasure.”

I let my lips relax, and they rise into a grin of their own accord.

Zoey giggles and I wink at her, this new sensation surging through my chest.

I don’t know what the fuck it is, but it’s light and fizzy, and even though I hate suits and seriously hate dances…

I love my girl.

And it’s time to stop pushing her away.