Page 48

NYLAH

It doesn’t bother me that Carson hasn’t said “I love you” back. He’s not a man of many words, and I can tell by the looks he gives me sometimes that I mean a lot to him. I don’t need to hear three words to know we’ve got something good going on here.

What bothers me is that since I let those three words slip, he’s been acting slightly distant.

He still met me at my dorm after the party.

He helped me take off my dress, and we left it as a puddle on my bathroom floor while he took me from behind in the shower.

The hot water cascaded over us as I let out those cries I couldn’t unleash at the party.

My groans bounced off the walls, blending with his grunts and moans.

It was a beautiful symphony that makes me smile every time I think about it.

He stayed the whole night, held me in his arms, and made slow, languid love to me the next morning. And that was the last time we did it, because I’m dealing with a visit from the Red Queen right now, and I’m counting the days until it’s over.

He kissed me before he left on Sunday but wouldn’t look me in the eye. Something has shifted inside him.

I don’t know if I should talk about the whole “I love you” thing, tell him I’m not expecting him to say it right back or anything. But I don’t know whether bringing it up will just make it worse.

But what if I want to say it again?

I should be able to tell him how I feel, right?

He’s my boyfriend.

I think.

We’ve never really labeled what we have, because we can’t tell anybody about it.

But it’s still a real thing.

“Not if you keep it hidden. You can’t go on like this forever, Nylah. If you love the guy, then the world needs to know too. Including your father. Sometimes keeping stuff hidden can be more hassle than it’s worth.”

Those were Jolie’s words, not mine. I spilled all on Monday after classes.

We met like we said we would, and I now know her mystery boyfriend’s name—it’s Ben.

I also know how they got together and swore never to tell a soul, just like she swore she wouldn’t tell anyone that I’m secretly dating Carson McAvoy…

until I’m ready to make it public. I also told her that he made me come at the donors’ dinner, because I felt I owed her one after she told me the dirty little secret she and Ben are keeping.

Oh man, she loved that story. We giggled for a good five minutes over that one. I’ve never seen her face go so red.

It felt really nice to open up to someone. I’m trusting that she’ll keep my secret, because she took so long to open up to me. She kept all that shit she was going through hidden away, and we were living in the same room, so I know my secrets are safe with her.

But do I take her advice?

Do I really spill the beans to my parents?

Ugh! I so don’t want to deal with the fallout.

With an irritated huff, I walk into the library. Carson said he was coming here for his free period, and although I’m supposed to be in class right now, I’m ditching because I didn’t see him yesterday, and I’m not going another whole day without looking into his eyes.

I need to know we’re okay.

Walking past the front desk, I glance to my left and spot Wily like I’ve never seen him before.

He’s slumped at the end of a table, staring glumly at an open textbook while the guy beside him says something I can’t hear or lipread.

Wily shakes his head, running a hand through his blond hair and looking stressed. He says something back, desperation clear on his face, but the guy just gives him a shoulder shrug before getting up and walking away.

“Come on, man!” Wily calls after him.

The guy spins, stretching out his arms. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

And with that, he turns and walks out the door.

Wily slumps back in his chair with a huff, tucking his hands under his armpits and scowling at the top of the table.

I wonder if I should go over and see if he’s all right.

But the chance is taken away from me when a brunette with long curls and a pretty smile rests her hand on his shoulder and checks on him.

He slaps his textbook closed and puts on that bright smile we all know so well. Her smile grows, and she takes a seat in the chair beside him.

And I’m no longer needed.

Hitching my bag, I walk up the stairs, using the railing for support.

My leg’s been feeling pretty good, but I still want to be careful.

I hate relying on my cane and having to use it a few weeks back was torture.

Everyone kept staring at me or asking me about it.

I don’t want to tell my sad, pathetic car accident story to the world.

I’d rather keep a low profile and fly under the radar.

I’m not the girl I was before.

And besides, I’m dating forbidden fruit right now and seriously don’t need any attention.

Making my way around the tables, I head down an aisle of books and pop out into the second study section. It’s less crowded down this way, and I spot Carson easily. He’s at a table all by himself, tapping away on his computer with earbuds in.

I smile, shuffling toward him and grinning when he spots me.

He hesitates for a second, then pulls the buds free and gives me a half smile.

“Hey, caveman.”

“Kitten.” He nods, then looks around to make sure nobody’s watching.

They’re all busy, so I take a risk and pull out the chair beside him.

He leans back, crossing his arms and eyeing me up. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”

“Yes.” I grin. “But I wanted to come see you.”

“Why?” His instant suspicion makes me roll my eyes, but there’s no point hedging on this thing.

Letting out a sigh, I shift in my seat and just say it. “I didn’t want to go another whole day without seeing you, and…” I scrunch up my nose and start fidgeting with my painted nails. “Well, I just wanted to check that we’re cool.”

“What does that mean?” His tone and dry expression make me nervous.

Shit. Why does he have to be so cagey all the time?

“Carson,” I whisper. “It’s me. You don’t have to have your guard up. And if I’ve said or done something to upset you, then you need to tell me. I’m not willing to just walk away from this thing.” Resting my hand lightly on his knee, I give it a gentle squeeze. “You’re worth fighting for.”

He stares at me, the sides of his mouth softening into a barely there smile. “You haven’t done anything wrong,” he whispers. “I’ve just… never been with a girl for this long before.”

“It’s freaking you out?”

He nods. One sharp movement.

I rub my thumb over his knee. “And then I went and said I love you.” His wince is kind of adorable, and I let out a soft laugh. “You don’t have to say it back, you know. It’s just how I feel. I’m allowed to let you know that you totally do it for me.”

He snickers and shakes his head.

“We’re good together. Even you can’t deny that.” I raise my eyebrow at him, and I swear he’s about to smile.

But then his eyes bulge, his skin paling as he spots something over my shoulder.

I whip around in time to see the back of my father’s head.

Oh shit!

Sucking in a soft gasp, I glance around, wondering what the hell to do, then act on impulse and duck under the table.

Snatching my bag, I tuck it between my legs and pull the chair back in to hide me. Carson opens his thighs to give me a little space, and there I am, staring right at his Nolan U Cougar sweatpants and smiling at his semi.

All I did was touch the guy’s knee and he was getting hot for me.

Talk about feeling powerful.

Sticking the tip of my fingernail between my teeth, I keep staring at his cock, and an idea hits me.

It’s mean.

And it’s so naughty.

But payback’s a bitch, right?

And I think I just might be in a bitchy mood.

A wicked smile curls my lips as I creep my fingers up his thigh and reach for his waistband.