Page 63

NYLAH

“I’m not ready, old lady,” I grumble into the phone.

“Girl, you better get yourself ready, or I am dragging my old ass to Nolan and I’m gonna make you go out and party with me.”

“Come on, Gramma.”

“I’m serious! You cannot wallow in your room. I won’t have it. You need to get out there and find a life without that boy.”

“But he was everything.”

“Then you got it wrong.”

“What?”

“You can’t make some guy everything . That’s a romantic, bullshitty notion that don’t work. I’m telling you, if you can’t be a person on your own, then you sure as shit can’t be a person with somebody else.”

I roll my eyes, not wanting to hear this right now.

I’m missing Carson with an ache that’s debilitating. Mom came over on Thursday and forced my butt out of bed. She threatened to attend every one of my classes with me if I didn’t go, so I stormed off and sulked through each lecture.

I did the same on Friday, but Saturday morning, when she called to invite me out shopping, I told her to leave me alone.

And now she’s recruited her mother, just like she did after my accident.

I huff, sinking into my pillows, tempted to hang up on my favorite woman on the planet.

“Nylah.” Her voice shifts to a soft coo—the one she uses when she’s about to say something that will hurt.

“I know you love him. That’s not gonna shift in a hurry.

And I know it hurts big right now.” She sighs.

“Okay, you know what? I’m gonna set a fifteen-minute timer, and you have that long to tell me everything you love about that boy.

And then you’re gonna get yourself up and go do something meaningful with your day. ”

“Gramma—”

“Now, spare no details. I want all the goods on this man who went and stole my grandbaby’s heart. He must be a stallion in the bedroom, am I right? How good was the sex?”

I cringe and nearly hang up, but then I hear the beep of the timer, and I can’t help myself.

I start talking, rattling off all the things I love about Carson McAvoy, including his magic fingers and the way he could send me over the edge…

although I did skip the part about him making me come under the table at the donor party.

The timer starts buzzing before I’m ready, and Gramma has to cut me off.

“That’s your time, girl.”

“But… I’m not done.”

“You are for now.” She whistles. “I can see why you like him so much.”

“I love him.”

“Yeah, I can hear that in your voice, too, and I’m really sorry he don’t want to be with you right now. But it’s just for now, sugar. He’d be crazy not to come back to you. You’re a catch.”

I harrumph and shake my head.

“You are, but you can’t just loiter around waiting for him. You need to get out there and find yourself, prove how strong you can be on your own. This is your time, Nylah baby. It’s your time.”

My eyes burn as I listen to her.

“Now, don’t you make me come over there.”

I snicker but end up blubbering. “I miss you.”

“Well, I’ll be there soon enough. I’ve got a Christmas hug with your name on it, and I’m gonna wrap you up nice and tight.

But I want you to have something exciting to tell me when I get there.

If I find out you’ve spent a week in bed wallowing your ass to the bone, I ain’t gonna give you your presents, you hear?

You’ll have to watch everyone else unwrapping while you sit there like some sad, pathetic?—”

“I get it!” I laugh. “I get it. I do. I promise I will have something to tell you when you get here for Christmas.”

“That’s my girl. Now, you get yourself up. You standin’?”

“No,” I mumble.

“Get your ass up right now!”

“Okay, okay.” Flicking the covers off, I force myself out of bed. “I’m standing. You happy?”

“Very. Now, you listen, girl. I want a genuine smile by the end of the day. Send me a selfie. You go find your sunshine, you hear me?” And with that, she tells me she loves me and hangs up.

Staring down at my phone, I shake my head and nearly drop the thing when the door pops open and Jolie rushes in.

“Oh, hey.” She grins at me. “Yay. You’re up.”

“Uh… yeah.” I tug on Carson’s hoodie, wondering how bad I look… how bad I smell.

I’m pretty sure I ate my way through half the junk food in Colorado yesterday and clocked up around five movies. No wonder I feel like shit.

“I’m gonna go down to the gym. You want to come?”

“Um.” I tip to the edges of my feet and shake my head, but she acts like I just said yes.

“Awesome! I’m meeting up with my man and some of his basketball buddies. Charli wants to meet you, so?—”

“Why does he want to meet me?”

“ She wants to know who I’m living with.”

“Wait, who’s Charli?”

Jolie laughs. “Her brother and best friend are on the basketball team. She plays basketball, too, actually. She’s really good. Anyway, I’ve gotten to know her over the past few weeks, and she’s amazing. You should come hang with us.”

My nose wrinkles. “I don’t know. I can’t really play.” I point to my leg, using it as an excuse—something I swore I’d never do.

Stop being so pathetic!

“Don’t worry about it.” Jolie brushes her hand through the air.

“I’m totally uncoordinated, so I don’t play.

I just enjoy the view.” She wiggles her eyebrows.

“There are some really hot guys on the team. Ben’s obviously the hottest, but I can still enjoy watching every guy on the court.

” She waves her hand in front of her face.

“I’m not interested in guys right now,” I mutter.

“Then just come and meet Charli. She’s really cool. Please. Come hang with me. It’ll be good for you.”

I narrow my eyes at her, wondering where this is all coming from. “Have you been speaking to my grandmother?”

“What?” Her face buckles in confusion. “Why would I speak to your grandmother?”

My insides flush with embarrassment, and I quickly shake my head. “No reason.”

“O-kay.”

Oh shit, this is humiliating.

“I’m happy to wait if you want a quick shower first.”

And if that isn’t code for “You stink,” I don’t know what is.

With an embarrassed wince, I shuffle past her to the bathroom and actually take a shower. And then I get dressed, leaving Carson’s precious, smelly hoodie folded neatly on the end of my bed.

What am I doing?

Am I seriously going with Jolie?

Yes! Yes, you are!

Because as much as I don’t want to admit this to myself… Gramma is probably right. I can’t wallow. I fought so hard to get back on my feet again. I can’t let this blow knock me over for good.

Sure, this pain is new and fresh and almost harder to deal with in some ways. This is soul pain. But it’s still pain. And if anyone knows how to manage that, it’s me.

Lying in bed isn’t making me feel better.

But maybe distracting myself with Jolie and her friends will take the edge off.

My roommate’s messing around on her phone while she waits for me, so I steal an extra couple minutes and apply some makeup. I’m finally starting to look like myself, and although the urge to jump back into bed is tugging at me, I manage to ignore it and follow Jolie out the door.

We walk through campus to get to the basketball gym. She slows her pace for me and is chatting away like I’m not going off to meet a bunch of strangers.

I nod and listen, smiling at her story about how her cousin’s boyfriend, Casey, ate so much food over Thanksgiving dinner that he sat on the couch groaning for the rest of the evening, and when it was his turn for charades, he got up there and let out the loudest burp in the history of burps while also popping out a righteous fart.

“It was the funniest thing. Caroline went bright red, my grandmother’s eyes nearly popped out of her head, and all Casey could do was laugh and shout, ‘Puck yeah! That feels better!’”

“Puck yeah?” I frown.

“I know.” She shrugs. “He’s a weirdo. But he’s actually really funny and sweet, and Caroline adores him. Oh, and their dog, Fezzik, is the cutest little guy. You’ll have to meet him too.”

I nod, battling overwhelm as she continues rabbiting on.

Seriously? Why am I feeling like this?

I used to be so excited and pumped about life, wanting to connect all my friends so we could make this massive group, and everyone could party and be happy together.

Now I just want to crawl away and hide.

Just before we reach the gym, I snatch Jolie’s sleeve and stop her.

“You okay?” She turns to face me.

“Yeah, I just…” I sigh, adjusting the beanie on my head.

“Why are you pulling me into your world? I know we had that big chat, and I understand everything that went down, so it’s helped things be more comfortable between us.

But you’re acting like… like you want to be my friend.

Like… a good friend. Someone you hang out with on the regular. ”

She cringes and looks at the ground. “Look, I…” She shakes her head with a sigh.

“We had a rough start, and it’s my fault.

When you first moved in, I was going through a really hard time, as you now know.

I was this yo-yo of emotion as I tried to work things out with Ben.

And then all that shit with the paper.” She winces and bites her lip.

“I should have let you in. You’re so nice and kind, and you probably could have helped me, but I kept it all locked up, and it just made everything worse.

” Reaching out a gloved hand, she squeezes my arm.

“I can see that you’re going through a really tough time right now, and I just want to help.

I know what it’s like to feel alone in this place.

When my first roommate bailed on me, it really hurt my feelings.

I thought we were getting on great, and then bye-bye!

” She waves her hand, her expression showing me how offended she was.

“So, maybe I was nervous to let you in. Maybe I was trying to protect myself. But I shouldn’t have done that. ”

My insides tremble, tears threatening.