Page 61

CARSON

It’s been a shit week.

I’m fucking hollow.

The space inside my chest is cavernous, and no amount of running, practice, eating, showering, or sleeping will fill it.

I can’t concentrate.

I can’t stop seeing Nylah’s face in my mind. All her different looks. All her different sounds.

Fuck, I miss her.

But I can’t call her. Not only because I haven’t replaced my phone, but because I shouldn’t.

Scratching my chest, I plod down the stairs. It’s two o’clock in the morning, and the house is quiet. I’m itching to get on my bike and just ride away from this place, but I’m stuck here. Insurance is gonna cover the bike, but that’s gonna take ages to sort out.

Grady’s helping me with it while Tyrell and Wily hover nearby, making sure I get my ass out of bed in the morning and forcing me to class, practices, and any other shit I have to do.

They flank me at the lunch table, and Zander’s always there at the end of practice to give me a ride home.

I can’t escape these assholes.

Practices have been weird as shit, because Coach keeps looking at me funny. I don’t know what the fuck his problem is. He wants me to be perfect and I can’t fucking do that, so he’s probably just writing me off.

He hasn’t yelled at me once this past week. Fleischer’s been getting all of his barking, which is kind of satisfying but still weird.

Coach is probably gonna play that little prick in the next game while I warm the bench and try not to lose my shit.

Shaking my head, I plod quietly down the stairs. Lying in bed not sleeping is driving me fucking insane, so I might as well get up and watch a movie or something.

“Hey.” A soft voice captures my attention, and I jerk to a stop, peering into the living room and spotting Zander sitting on the couch. He’s bathed in moonlight. I can just make out his face.

Zoey’s cuddled up on his lap, sleeping against his chest.

“What are you doing down here?” I whisper, shuffling forward and leaning against the oak frame.

My roommate blinks before rubbing his eyes and muttering, “Zoey’s having a bad night. Sienna’s been dealing with most of it, but she needs some sleep. I’m taking the early-morning shift.”

“Is she okay?” I point to the cutie on his lap.

“Yeah, not sure what’s up. She might be getting her back molars, or maybe she had a bad dream.

She’s got such a vivid imagination, so she’s prone to dreaming.

” He kisses her mussed-up curls, then rests his head back with a weary sigh.

“I got her to sleep about fifteen minutes ago, and I’m not risking moving.

I’ll stay here ’til sunrise if I have to. ”

My lips curl at the edges. He’s a good dad.

“How you doin’, man?” He turns to look at me.

I shrug, wondering if he can even see it through the shadows.

“Not sleeping well?”

“Nah. It’s…” I shake my head, not even sure what to say. “Can’t.”

“You miss Nylah, don’t you?”

“’Course I do.” I cross my arms.

“So… why are you living without her, then?”

Working my jaw to the side, I avoid his gaze, staring at the floor and struggling to breathe for a second.

“Don’t give me that bullshit about not being good enough for her.”

“But I’m not.”

“Who said?”

“Coach.” My voice is sharp. “I heard him. He was warning her away from me.”

Zander’s head slowly rises off the couch, his face buckling with confusion. “What?”

“Yeah. He didn’t know I was listening, but he was telling Nylah that I’m a loose cannon and that she deserves better than me.” I sniff. “He’s right. I just took too long to see it. So… that’s on me.”

“Bullshit, man,” Zander mutters. “You’re not some worthless prick. And you’ve been doing great. You’ve been calm and happy and…” He tips his head. “She had something to do with that, didn’t she?”

My throat is so swollen I can’t even swallow, let alone speak.

“She made you happy?”

“Yeah,” I rasp.

“So… if she made you feel better about life, then wouldn’t it be fair to assume you were doing the same thing for her?”

Squeezing the back of my neck, I shrug.

“Dude, I don’t know her as well as you do, but she strikes me as the kind of chick who knows what she wants. And if she wanted you, then it was for a good reason. She sees something in you.”

My swallow sounds loud in the quiet space.

“She sees something that Coach doesn’t. So… maybe you should start showing him too.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. But…” Zander sighs. “Look, I know you think he’s a prick, but he genuinely cares about his players, and he obviously adores his kids.”

“Exactly. His baby girl can do better than me. She deserves better.”

“So become better.” Zander says it like it’s just that simple. “Or accept the fact that she wants you no matter what you think you deserve. You make each other happy. Isn’t that enough of a reason to be together?”

“What if I hurt her? What if I tear her down? Ruin her life?”

“What if she hurts you?”

I frown, shuffling uncomfortably as I try to imagine that. How could she ever hurt me? She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Being around her made me feel better. It made me want to be better. For her… maybe even for me.

And then when reality hit, I freaked out.

I pushed her away to save her the pain of having to end things with me. To save myself the pain of having her break my heart.

“You know, according to Sienna, Nylah told her dad the truth about you two.”

“What?” My head pops up, my eyes bulging. “But Coach hasn’t killed me.”

Zander nods. “Exactly.”

I let out a breath, blinking across the dark room.

“Look, he might not want you guys to be together, but it’s really not up to him who his daughter dates. If you love her, don’t let her go so easily.” Zander winces. “I did that once. I let my family talk me into breaking up with Sienna, and it was the biggest regret of my life.”

Licking my lips, I stare at his shadowed face, daring to believe him. Daring for just a second that maybe I could make things right.

“Not being with her is making you miserable, man. So go do something about it. You’re smart enough to fix this, and you deserve to be happy.”

Scrubbing a hand down my face, I grip my mouth and let his words ride through me. And for the first time since I kicked Nylah out of my room, that hollow ache in my chest doesn’t feel so heavy.

Just the thought of getting her back is enough to fill that void.

Well, fuck me.

Zander’s right.

I love her.

And it’s time to get off my ass and do something about it.