Page 67

NYLAH

Why did I agree to come to this game?

Mom wanted the entire family here to support Dad, and I came back from the basketball gym with Jolie and Ben feeling kind of upbeat. So I said yes without really thinking about it.

And now I’m finding my seat in the stands of a stadium in San Antonio and wishing like anything I was back in Nolan.

Because I can see the back of Carson’s helmet from where I’m sitting.

As much as I don’t want to, my eyes trace the line of his shoulders and that arm that’s stretched along the back of the bench.

Dad’s still not playing him, and I’m pissed off about that, because Carson’s too damn good to be warming the bench for such an important game.

But that boy broke the rules, and my dad’s taking his sweet time to forgive him.

Anger stirs through me as I bob my leg and watch our defense do a pretty good takedown.

“Yes!” Denzel punches his fist in the air, then starts clapping. “Come on, Cougars. Come on.”

Amina’s little legs swing back and forth on the seat as she plays with the Ariel doll Mom and Dad gave her for Christmas.

Although she’s ten now, she still has so much little girl in her.

She’s a shorty, which makes her look about seven or eight, and she’s obsessed with The Little Mermaid , constantly pretending to be Ariel and dancing around the house singing about feet and fins and wanting to be part of their world.

It’s kind of cute.

I smile down at her when she looks up at me. She’s really not into football, but this trip isn’t about the game. It’s about Dad and supporting all the coaching work he’s put into the Nolan U Cougars.

Glancing back down at the field, I clench my jaw, forcing my eyes away from Carson and trying to focus on the next play.

But I can’t!

I miss him.

I’ve been trying so hard not to think about him, to hang out with Jolie and her friends, but they all left over the Christmas break, so I holed up with my family, watching countless movies with Gramma, painting my nails with Amina, kicking Eli’s ass at Catan and then arguing with Denzel over how many glasses of eggnog he’s allowed.

It was a busy time, filled with distractions that kept my head above water.

But then my grandparents flew home and the Christmas high settled, Dad’s focus shifting to this college bowl game and my mind wandering right back to where it wasn’t supposed to go.

I nearly didn’t get on the plane yesterday afternoon.

But I didn’t want to let my family down.

So here I am, sitting in the stands, my heart shredding like someone’s taken to it with a weed eater. And all because of the back of a helmet.

“Baby.” Mom nudges my shoulder. “You okay?”

I blink and glance her way, trying to smile, but who knows what the hell I show her.

Why does breathing suddenly hurt?

I rub the spot beneath my collarbone, trying not to think about the fact that Carson has cut me so completely from his life.

Here was me falling head over heels in love with him, and now he wants nothing to do with me.

I actually saw him about a week ago. He was walking on the other side of Main Street, and I watched him the entire way. Surely he could sense my gaze, but he didn’t give an inch. He kept his eyes straight ahead, locked on where he was going, and I was nothing, barely a blip on his radar.

That night, I dreamed about him and woke up in tears. Jolie had already left, so I just lay there in my room, crying and wishing he was beside me. I missed his warm body wrapped around mine. I missed his kisses, his twitching lips, the way his eyes smiled before his mouth did.

I miss?—

“Is this too much?” Mom tugs on my jacket sleeve.

“Huh?” I turn to look at her again.

Her face softens with sympathy, her smile small and sad. “Gramma told me everything, you know.”

“She did?”

“Yeah.” Mom’s smile is all-knowing, and my stomach jitters, but then she sighs. “You look like you’re about to start bawling your eyes out.”

I sniff and lift my chin, trying to appear stronger than I feel.

“Aw, baby.”

“It’s been nearly a month.” My voice wobbles. “Why does it still hurt so bad? Why can’t I just get over it?”

“Because you love him.” She mouths the words over my sister’s head.

I close my eyes, fighting the burning in my eyes, until she squeezes my shoulder. Forcing myself to look at her again, I watch her lips form words I can’t quite hear.

“It won’t hurt forever.” Then she clears her throat and says a lot louder, “If it’s too much, you can go back to the hotel.”

My eyes instantly glass over, and it’s only then that I realize—yes, yes this is too much.

“It’s okay, baby. Dad will understand.” Reaching into her bag, she pulls out the key card for the room I’m sharing with Amina. “You go on back, and we’ll see you after the game.”

I stare at this little offering and bite my bottom lip. “You sure Dad won’t mind?”

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t.” She winks at me, and my lips curl just a little at the corners.

“Thanks, Mom.”

Taking the card, I rise from my seat and hear Amina asking, “Can I go too? Please, Mommy. It’s cold out here, and I’m bored.”

“I think Nylah just needs a little me time, baby girl.”

“No, it’s okay.” I reach out for my sister’s hand. “I can take her.”

The distraction will be good for me.

With a happy little cheer, Amina jumps out of her seat and grabs my hand.

“You be good for your sister,” Mom reminds her as we shuffle down the aisle.

Unable to help myself, I glance over my shoulder to check out the team one last time.

I can no longer see the back of Carson’s helmet. He’s turned in his seat, and it feels like he’s staring directly at me.

My chest spasms and I quickly whip around, pulling my sister up the stairs and walking out of that stadium as fast as I can.