Page 58

NYLAH

I’ve been lying in bed all day feeling sorry for myself.

It’s my right, I guess.

My heart’s just been broken. If you can’t lie around and mourn over that, what can you cry over?

I just can’t believe it’s over.

Carson was so unexpected. I didn’t go out looking for him; he just appeared in my life.

He made me feel better.

He didn’t treat me like some wounded invalid who needed saving.

He teased me. He made me laugh.

He licked and kissed my scars.

He told me he’d run the Boston Marathon with me.

I thought that might make us endgame.

But now he won’t talk to me.

He won’t call me back.

It’s only been twenty-four hours, Nylah. Give him a chance.

I shake my head against that logic.

His face yesterday, the way he screamed at me… He doesn’t want me around.

My gut clenches, twisting uncomfortably as he fills my head: all his different expressions, those little lip twitches when he fought a smile, the way his eyes always said more than his mouth did.

He let me in. Showed me a piece of his soul.

And there was so much more to uncover.

I was here for it.

All of it.

I wanted every last scrap of his pain. I wanted to help him fight whatever demons haunted him.

I would have been good at that.

He would have helped me too. He already has. He made me feel seen and sexy again.

He made me feel good enough for?—

My breath catches and I jerk up, my heart suddenly pounding.

I rest my hand over the erratic pulsing in my chest and wonder what the hell is going on.

What is with this sudden, blinding terror?

I don’t understand what’s happening to me right now, but my hands are shaking as I snatch my phone and try to call Carson. Of course he doesn’t answer, so I quickly text him.

Caveman: Are you okay?

My finger taps the side of my phone as I desperately wait for his message, but I get nothing.

So I call again. And then one more time before I give up with a short, irritated scream and call Sienna.

“Hey. Are you okay?” Her voice is soft with sympathy. She obviously heard what went down.

“Yeah, I’m… Is Carson okay?”

“Dohkay!” Zoey sings in the background.

“Uh… he had a bit of a rough night. I’m guessing you guys aren’t together anymore?”

I shake my head, my throat swelling so tight I can’t speak.

But my heart is still racing.

Why is it racing?

“Look, I know he doesn’t want to talk to me or anything, but can you just check on him for me? I’ve got this weird feeling, like something’s wrong, and I just have this overwhelming urge to make sure he’s okay.”

“Oh… uh, I wish I could, but… he left a few hours ago. I don’t know where he is.”

“Shit,” I whimper, lightly biting my knuckle. “Well, can you just, like… call me when he gets back? I just need to know that he’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll text Zander too. Maybe he’s seen him. You sound really worried.”

“I am. I can’t even explain why, I just… Something’s wrong, Sienna. Something’s really wrong.”