Page 45 of The Never List (Never List #1)

Rylee

Mirren’s jaw is set in a taut line as she does my makeup, the brushstrokes harder against my face than usual.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I say as she drags the soft bristles beneath my eyes, doing her best to cover the harsh purple beneath them. “None of us could.”

She does nothing but purse her lips at me like she’s just bitten into a lemon. I’ve always loved her for her sassy attitude, but this is a level we’ve never reached before.

“I’m sorry for the extra work,” I say, and she freezes with the brush against my skin.

She huffs out an abrupt laugh, then shakes her head as she finishes with my eyes and sets down the brush. “I don’t care that you look like yesterday’s garbage.” Her tone is laced with a combination of anger and worry.

“Wow,” I say, looking up at her from where I sit in Jax’s room.

It’s been four months since Mirren first helped me get ready at the palace, and yet it feels like no time has passed at all.

“Thanks for not sugar coating that one, Mir. Charming, as always.”

She rolls her eyes, then twirls her fingers in a demand that I turn around. I do as I’m told, my heart in my throat. Not at her comment—I know I look like shit—but at the memories of what kept me up all night in the first place.

Long, deep kisses none of us admitted had a sense of urgency behind them…as if they might be the last ones we’ll ever have.

Sweet, soft touches that filled me with confidence and longing at the same time.

Whispered stories to distract us from the night passing and a dawn breaking on the day that will change our lives one way or another.

My Legends of Chaos.

The princes of Lumathyst.

In the beginning, I’d hated the mere idea of them, but I hadn’t known them.

The majority of Lumathyst doesn’t understand their princes, and it’s a real fucking shame. A shame they don’t know how much they care, how much they’re trying to help make Lumathyst a better place. But they can’t know. No one can. If the kings knew how against tradition the princes are, how badly they want to reshape our country…

I can’t even think of what the kings would do to them.

Maybe not all of them, but certainly Baydel and Lucas. They’ve shown exactly how content they are with the way things are in Lumathyst.

The Legends can’t show their true intentions for this kingdom until they’re matched in power.

I swallow around the lump in my throat, resisting the urge to chew on my bottom lip. Mirren is already in a pissy mood. If I mess up her hard work? She might just kill me before the Athanry has its chance.

“Ow,” I hiss as she yanks the brush through my hair. “If you’re intent on torturing me, I’ll do my hair myself.”

She makes no move to leave. The stubborn woman just continues yanking and pulling my hair into curls and braids inlaid with ruby, sapphire, obsidian, and emerald pins.

“Why are you so angry with me today?” I finally ask when she tosses me a dress made of silver and lace. “Did you not sleep well, either?” I slide into the dress, adjusting the thin straps over my shoulders and smoothing my hands across the middle, arching an eyebrow at her when the hemline stops just below my ass. It’s certainly not the formal gown I expected for the Athanry ceremony. It’s more like a dress I’d wear to a club like Lust.

Mirren simply gives me an approving nod.

“You’re not going to answer me?” I ask when she remains silent.

Debate churns in her eyes, but she finally lets me have it. “I am angry with you,” she says, and I flinch as if she’s hit me.

My eyes widen. “What did I do?”

“You’ve put yourself in the absolute worst position,” Mirren says, drawing me back to the present. “Honestly, Rylee, I’m disappointed in you.”

I almost curl in on myself as her words hit their target. Goddess, I feel like I’ve just been scolded by my mother.

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you think the Athanry ceremony is just another party? Another event for you to smile and wave at? Another breakfast or art gallery donation for the wealthy of Lumathyst to awe over? You can’t fake your way through this one, Rylee. It messes with power the likes of which regular citizens never experience. It’s designed to kill you more than enhance you, and you’re going to walk in there with no sleep. I could throttle those boys for keeping you up all night and didn’t even think about suggesting you nap today. It’s almost sunset, and you look as if you’ve not slept in days.” Tears line her eyes, her raw emotions catching up with her, and I don’t think, I just move, wrapping her in my arms.

She’s shaking, but her arms come around me in return.

“I’m going to be all right,” I say, the anger leaking right out of me and leading straight into fear. I have no idea if I’m lying or not. I could die, and the thought of never having another day with my mates…

“I’m not going to die,” I say like that will force the outcome. I move, gently clutching her shoulders as we lock eyes. “I didn’t mean to not sleep, but we didn’t want to miss a second of being together.” We’d spent the day talking, eating, and doing routine life tasks in an effort to pretend like tonight wasn’t happening.

Mirren nods in understanding.

“I don’t like being attached to you,” she admits, shaking me off. “I’ve always been so careful to never get attached, but you… Goddess, you’re impossible.”

I laugh weakly. “You sound like my mates.”

“Your mates,” she repeats, pride shining through her features.

“They’re mine,” I say, and at least I know that is a certainty. After everything we’ve been through, the passion and love that’s grown between us, I can’t deny it. I’ll never deny it again. “I will survive for them.”

Goddesses, please let that be true.

Suddenly, I wish so badly for Erin to be here. To be supporting me in this decision. I hate that I can’t completely shut out my hope to reconnect with her one day, even when I know I should. She left me, not the other way around.

But…she’s my sister.

No matter what she did, she’ll always be my sister.

And as I’m quite possibly about to head to my demise, I wish she was here.

“It’s time,” Mirren says, and I force the thoughts away.

Survive, Rylee. Figure out your sister trauma after.

I chant this over and over again as Mirren walks me out of Jax’s estate, leading me to where all four of them wait for me outside of an oversize carriage. All look grim but gorgeous in suits of their home colors.

“I can’t go with you,” Mirren says. “I wish I could, but I’m not allowed. I’ll be praying to the goddesses for you, though.”

“Thank you,” I say, then lower my voice to a whisper. “I love you. If something happens, please take care of them.” Just in case. I don’t want them to grieve alone.

She gives me a curt nod, and Pierce takes my hand, helping me into the carriage before they all follow me inside.

We’re quiet the entire ride to the Temple of Evaluna, having said everything we could last night. Hence our exhaustion. There’s nothing more to say, to worry about, to try to plan when we have no possible way of knowing what’s to come.

Instead, we sit in a somber yet comfortable silence until the carriage stops.

“It’s not too late,” Jax says, reaching for my hand. “We could put an end to this right now.”

I swallow the emotion clogging my throat as I look at him, then the rest of them. They all look at me with such sincerity, such support.

They’d do it.

They really would deny the Athanry and have their powers remain locked up for the rest of forever to spare me.

“I can do this,” I say, knowing they deserve to be at full strength.

The door to the carriage opens—

And Baydel is standing there, one hand on the door, a smug smile stretched over his lips. The other kings are behind him, waiting patiently, and behind them rests the grand Temple of Evaluna.

“Well, there you are,” Baydel says, reaching for me with his free hand. “I have the honor of escorting you up the temple steps,” he continues. “Seeing as how it’s my son’s choice and my mate’s temple at which we’re conducting this Athanry.”

I spare a glance at the Legends, silently telling Jax to relax. He looks as if he might slice Baydel’s hand clean off, and that would certainly delay things.

I take Baydel’s hand, my already shot nerves tangling up even more as he leads me away from the Legends and toward the bottom of the temple steps.

There are hundreds of them we have to climb, the sparkling obsidian temple massive enough to hold the resting statue of the goddess Evaluna.

Baydel falls silent as we ascend the stairs, and it takes all of my willpower to not look behind me to ensure my Legends aren’t far behind.

My skin tightens, every single instinct in my body roaring that something is terribly, terribly wrong, to the point I can’t take another second of silence, of the unknown.

“No wise counsel for me today?” I ask, doing my best to keep the fear out of my voice. I’m stripped thin—not sleeping combined with all the fear—it’s left me feeling raw and exposed and so fucking tired .

Baydel’s smile is eerie in a way that makes my stomach turn. He knows something, but fuck if I’ll be the one to figure out what it is or give him any information of my own.

“Whatever do you mean?” he asks, all charm and elegance.

I want to puke on his shiny gold shoes. We’re now ten steps away from my fate, whether that be survival or death, and I’m so done .

“Every time we’ve met, you’ve given me barely veiled threats or openly voiced your dislike of me. And now, the last time we may ever meet, you’re silent?”

A giddy little giggle escapes him, a sound that doesn’t match the evil in his eyes. “I have no need for threats now, little bug,” he says, dismissing me as we reach the last stair at the temple’s entrance.

Cold dread sinks in my gut.

“All is already determined.” He takes a step forward into the temple, his body blocking my view as he gives me a final look over his shoulder.

The breath catches in my throat, and anger slices through my veins.

He thinks I’m going to die.

No…he’s acting like he knows I will.

I shiver, unable to stop the fear streaking through my body as he enters the temple, leaving me standing there, unable to even appreciate the intricate design—the way the moon hangs high in the sky, the stars bathing the massive obsidian statue of Evaluna in silver. She’s at least one hundred stories tall, her face severe. A balcony wraps around her near her chest, offering worshippers a closer view.

There’s a small fountain of sparkling black near her feet, and the rest of the temple is open space filled with the same crowd as the Choosing event, only this time, their eyes are on me instead of me trying to blend into the shadows.

Goddess, that feels like a lifetime ago.

I sense Jax beside me before he slips his hand in mine, the kiss of his power rippling against my skin. Then Axl’s and Kal’s and Pierce’s as they join me at the entrance of the temple.

Fear melts into courage as I look at them. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for these men.

They look as magnificent and godlike as ever as we head farther into the temple. The kings move ahead of us, climbing more stairs that lead up to the balcony near Evaluna’s chest. The rest of the people remain on the ground level to watch, drinking champagne and eating delicacies as if this was any other party hosted by the royals.

But it isn’t.

It’s an event that hasn’t happened in hundreds of years—not since the kings themselves were blessed and turned immortal by their beloved goddesses.

We reach the balcony, and I look at my mates again. Their eyes are on me, each of them the picture of confidence, support, and love. There’s no way I’ll ever be able to run from that.

I smile at them, not showing an ounce of the fear I feel drenching my insides.

There are a half dozen Occuli on the balcony with us, no doubt capturing every detail of my face so that all of Lumathyst can analyze and judge me later when they report on it.

I still as we draw near the statue of Evaluna, her face so close, so large, so overpowering. But it’s not her that slows my pace. It’s the vertical rectangle of what seems to be liquid starlight free-flowing at the edge of the balcony. The substance looks thick, as if the kings melted a few stars and are using magic to create what looks like an ever-churning doorway.

“Come, son.” Jullian Erhart beckons Kal toward the liquid silver door. He gives me a warm smile before heading over.

Jax, Pierce, and Axl follow, meeting their fathers and standing next to the floating door.

“Potential,” Baydel calls me, some magic magnifying his voice so the onlookers below can hear him. “Come.”

Icy rivulets make my blood feel thin and my knees wobble, but I force myself to move. Force myself to look at only my mates as I walk toward them.

Kal tucks me beneath his arm. “You will survive,” he whispers into my ear before he kisses the top of my head. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

I grin up at him, holding back tears. I couldn’t find my voice now if I tried.

The kings shift around me, Baydel holding a small golden glass vial in his hands. He shows it to the onlooking Occuli, then smiles at me. “The Athanry elixir,” he says in a very practiced voice, nothing like the tone he’d given me minutes ago. “Enhanced with a drop of blood from the goddesses,” he continues, still playing to the Occuli’s attention. “The blood of our goddesses who guide us and watch over us until their reawakening. There are only four left.” He motions to a velvet-lined wooden box with four more vials lying in it. “The goddesses only left behind five vials. Five chances at a mate,” he says, glancing down at me, then lowers his voice. “In case you don’t survive.”

I don’t even have time to flinch at his whispered words before he continues.

Jullian steps over to me, a gleaming, gilded dagger in his hand.

“Do you choose the princes of Lumathyst as your mates?” Baydel asks, and I swear I can hear the crowd below holding their breath.

“I do,” I say, my eyes darting between Baydel and Jullian.

“Then take the dagger and repeat the sacred words I offer before sealing the promise in blood,” Baydel instructs.

I take the dagger from Jullian, barely registering his encouraging smile.

“I choose you to be my mates,” Baydel recites. “As long as my heart is beating, my soul is yours.”

I swallow hard, looking at each of my Legends. “I choose you,” I say, gripping that dagger in my right hand, “to be my mates. As long as my heart is beating, my soul is yours.” I drag the blade over my left palm, wincing slightly as I cut into my own flesh. Blood wells from the cut, and I lift it, showing the kings.

“Good,” Baydel says, stepping toward me with the vial in his hand. “Now, drink this, Chosen, and walk of your own accord through the doorway. Leave our realm and enter that of the goddesses using this magic created by them when their sons were born for this very moment. Let the goddesses judge you themselves. Be deemed worthy or unworthy of the princes of Lumathyst.”

I’m shivering, and Kal squeezes me tighter against him, Pierce and Axl and Jax moving like magnets, trying to keep the cool wind from nipping at my bare skin. Terror races down my spine as I look at the liquid silver—it looks thick enough to suffocate me.

Baydel hands me the vial, lowering his voice just slightly. “You’re allowed to say your goodbyes, just in case.”

I take the vial, studying the golden swirling elixir inside. It has an iridescent hue to it, not unlike the doorway before me. Baydel’s eyes are vats of arrogance and pride, and I tear myself away from the sight, turning to face my Legends.

Kal kisses me again, then releases me so the others can take their turn.

Axl hauls me against him, my toes dangling against the floor. “This is nothing, kitten,” he says. “Show your claws to whatever comes.” His warmth seeps into my skin, making it easier to breathe as he sets me on my feet, slanting a quick kiss over my lips before he moves.

Pierce is next, taking my hand in his and kissing the back in his signature endearment to me. It makes my heart flutter in my chest.

“I’m listening to my father now.” He speaks directly into my mind, the intimate caress gliding straight down the center of me. “The elixir is designed to test your body, your soul, your power. It will hunt for a weakness, anything to judge whether you can handle immortality or not. Don’t let it win.”

I nod to him, hoping he can feel my determination, and then he kisses my hand one more time before making way for Jax.

My entire being wants to crumple at the sight of him. Wants to fall into my Nightmare’s arms and let him scare away anything that dares to frighten me. But I manage to remain upright as he stalks toward me, taking my chin in his fingers and tilting my head to meet his indigo eyes.

“You will survive,” he whispers, his features severe. I shudder at the mere idea of disobeying him. He brushes a kiss over my lips, just a fragment of what I need, what I crave. “You will come back to me.”

I swallow hard, finally finding my voice. “I’ll come back to you,” I say, then uncork the vial.

“Princes of Lumathyst,” Baydel says. “Move to the four corners of this balcony, representing the four goddesses who bore you. Wait patiently for your powers to unlock, should the goddesses deem your mate worthy and turn her immortal.”

They each give me one last look and then move to the four corners.

“Chosen,” Baydel continues. “Drink and pass through the doorway.”

My fingers tremble as I bring the bottle to my lips. If I want to be linked to my mates forever, to unlock their real wells of powers, this is what I must do.

I throw the liquid back in one gulp, the concoction burning with a harsh aftertaste that threatens to come right back up. I take a deep breath, feeling the elixir slide through my body, warming every inch of my muscles, digging its way into every crevasse of my soul and filling it with… other.

I barely make it two steps toward the doorway before my muscles give out completely and I spin, falling backward right into the warm, thick, sparkly substance. It sucks me into it, holding me aloft. My head is swimming in a sluggish way, detaching from everything that I know and am.

I register my Legends, my masters of chaos reaching for me from every corner of the balcony. Their eyes graze every inch of me, branding me with love and support and…it burns .

Or is that the elixir singeing me from the inside out?

I can’t see the stars anymore.

I can’t feel the liquid holding me up anymore.

The silver substance around me slides over my chest, and it’s so fucking heavy against me.

It feels like fire, sliding into my very soul, wrapping its fingers around my heart and squeezing .

My heartbeat slows so much, it’s hard to breathe. I’m pulled from behind, the liquid enveloping me until I can no longer feel or see anything but darkness.

Please let me survive. For them. Please.