Page 30 of The Never List (Never List #1)

Rylee

“You’re cheating,” I say from where I sit across from Pierce at a small table, a game board with elegantly carved pieces between us.

An unfiltered laugh rumbles from Pierce’s chest as he shakes his head and leans back in his chair. “I assure you, I’m not,” he says, eyes on me as he waits for me to make my next move.

It’s hard to concentrate on the elaborate game that’s tested every ounce of my intelligence over the last two weeks since he first taught me. I can barely look at my golden pieces—half of them rest on Pierce’s side, due to his emerald pieces taking possession of them—when he looks so ridiculously handsome in nothing but a simple unbuttoned white shirt and soft black cotton pants, his feet bare. How am I expected to keep track of his strategic moves about the checkered game board when he looks like that?

We’ve barely left his cozy home in the last two weeks and haven’t changed into anything more formal than casual lounging clothes.

It’s exactly what we needed. Nothing but talking and resting and eating, falling into this wonderful, almost domestic habit, and he’s even worked with me on some tricks to use to enforce my mental shields. It’s all about the breath work.

We still haven’t crossed the intimate threshold yet. At first, exhaustion was the reasoning, but now it’s turned into a delicious game of anticipation.

I’ve enjoyed it. It’s given us time to develop an emotional connection that only heightens our already burning physical chemistry. I’ve learned so much about him and his habits, what he does when he’s not forced to be the Mind. Reading or being read to is one of them—something we share.

My favorite spot to read is tucked under one of his arms, both of us enjoying different books while also being physically close. It’s much more fun than losing this game to him over and over again, at least, but my competitive hunger has me trying to best him whenever I get the chance.

“I feel like you’re reading my mind,” I chide him as I look over my pieces and try to plot my next move.

“I’m not,” he says, shaking his head. “I’ve been playing this game since before I could read. My father and I would spend hours, sometimes days playing a session. I don’t expect you to beat me after only having played it two weeks.”

“I didn’t realize just how competitive I was until I discovered I couldn’t beat you,” I grumble.

“Yet,” Pierce says with emphasis. “You haven’t beat me yet , my darling.”

More butterflies take flight in my stomach at the endearing way he phrases that, as if he truly believes we have a future together, enough time for me to grow my gaming skills enough to beat someone dubbed the Mind.

My fingers hover over one of my golden pieces that’s the shape of a horse, and I look to Pierce, then back down to the piece and to him again.

He gives nothing away, which is just as frustrating as losing to him has been every day this week.

Finally, I make my decision, confidently picking up the horse and moving it to steal one of his smaller emerald pieces. I grab it, adding it to my pile, which now consists of three from his collection.

Pierce studies the board for a moment, those brown eyes calculating before a wide smile spreads across his lips. “That was a brilliant move, darling,” he says before reaching for one of his pieces. “Truly, I mean that.”

“How dare you.” I gape at him as he makes his move, which renders it impossible for me to do anything else. “You compliment me while beating me?”

Pierce laughs at my fake pout, and I rise from the table, maneuvering to sit in his lap. “It’s not fair,” I say, my fingers at his temples. “I’ll never be able to beat you. I’ll never be able to match this intellect—”

Pierce snatches one of my hands, planting a soft kiss on my palm, then the inside of my wrist, sending shock waves of heat rippling across my skin. “Don’t you dare say that,” he says in a rare commanding tone. His other arm wraps around my lower back, holding me tighter. “It is your mind, my darling, that intrigues me most. Do not insult it again in my presence.”

Tendrils of warmth tickle my insides, my heart stuttering at the idea of what he’ll do if I break that command. I know exactly what Kal and Axl would do, but I am still uncertain about Pierce.

I stick out my bottom lip, egging on my exaggeration of disappointment at losing yet again, and he flashes me a chiding look.

“Darling.” He says the endearment like a plea. “You know I can’t stand it when you’re upset,” he continues. “Tell me what I can do to make it up to you. Would you like me to let you win next time—”

“Never,” I cut him off. “I will beat you one day, regardless of whether you’re the Mind or not. I just need more time, but I have to admit my brain can’t handle one more second of this game today.”

“Tonight,” Pierce corrects me, motioning to the window across his bedroom.

“Goddess,” I say. “Have we been playing almost all day?”

“Are you growing bored of it?”

“No,” I admit. “I can stay locked in this room with you for the rest of forever and die a happy woman.” The truth of that statement rolls off my lips without even a hitch.

And I soon find myself swimming in guilt instead of the flirtatious energy we possessed moments ago.

I’m not lying.

I can’t deny what my heart is beating every second of every day since Jax chose me.

I’m where I’m supposed to be.

And yet I still haven’t found the courage to tell any of them the truth. It makes me a hypocrite, hoping that they’re being their true selves with me when I’m definitely not.

Pierce leans closer, his lips grazing over mine in the softest of kisses before he pulls back. “Tell me something,” he says. “Something that will make you happy tonight.”

“I am happy,” I say, hoping he believes me, hoping that he isn’t mistaking my own internal guilt for some fault on his part. “I promise,” I continue. “I’m very happy.”

Terrified of these new feelings, absolutely, but I’m happy.

“Still,” he says, smiling up at me. “What would you be doing on a night like this if you weren’t here with me?”

I give that question some thought, my mind immediately conjuring images of Ivy and Layce. Goddess, I miss them.

“That,” he says, motioning to me. “You just had a thought. What is it?”

“Do you honestly not know?” I ask.

“How many times must I tell you?” he replies. “I’m not going where I’m not wanted.”

“You are very much wanted,” I counter, but he gives me a silent look, pressing for answers. I shrug. “If I wasn’t here, I’d most likely be with my friends.” If I had energy after a long workday, that is. “I miss them,” I admit. “Almost as much as I miss my sister.”

Sympathy coats his features, and he rubs his hand up and down my back. “I know,” he says. “Kal and Axl haven’t found anything else in their cities. I’m sorry that I haven’t, either.”

“Don’t be.” I shake my head. “It’s not your responsibility to find her. I appreciate each of you helping look, but I’m starting to think my sister doesn’t want to be found.”

The image of her painting in the Ruby Aire haunts me when my thoughts go restless at night and sleep evades me. I jump from grief to anxiety to anger all in the span of a few heartbeats.

“It’s important to you,” he says. “So, it’s important to us. I have one more contact I’d like to reach out to.” He tilts his head, his eyes lighting up. “Perhaps we could satisfy both needs in one night?”

“I’m listening,” I say.

“Why don’t you invite your friends over, and I’ll go meet with my contact to see if he can find further information on your sister.”

My heart jolts with hope. “You would do that for me?”

“We’ve been doing it for you, darling,” he says. “I dare say we’re just as frustrated with the lack of information as you are.” Pierce leans closer to me, cupping my cheek, his eyes on mine. “She’s your sister. That makes her our priority as well. If it’s within our power, we’re going to find answers for you. I just hope they’re the ones you want.”

I kiss him. Fiercely, passionately. Pouring all my gratitude into it, clinging to him in a silent way that I hope he can understand is my immense gratefulness.

I draw back, my eyes on his.

“You’re welcome,” he says softly, and my smile deepens.

“I don’t know if my friends will be entirely comfortable in your home,” I say. “They aren’t exactly used to lounging in royal estates. Not that I am, either. Besides, we haven’t gone out since before the Choosing…”

“Ah,” Pierce says. He pats my hip, grinning. “I have just the place for you and your friends. I won’t be able to join you until after I meet with my contact. Will you be all right on your own?”

Surprise flits through me. “You’re going to let me go out with my friends without you?”

“Darling,” he chides, his brow furrowed. “You’re not some pet we’re keeping. If you had asked Kal or Axl, they would’ve done the same.”

Shame threatens to steal my excitement, and my shoulders drop. “I’m sorry. That came out the wrong way.”

“Don’t apologize,” he says. “I just want you to know that we’re looking not to possess you but to partner with you. If you have a need, speak it, and we’ll do our best to make it happen.”

I study his eyes, reading him in the only way I can.

I’m an Ashlander.

I’m a demi.

And I’m terrified of what you all will do to me when you find out.

The silent need races through my mind, sending a bolt of guilt straight through the center of me.

“Come,” he says. “I’ll get a message to your friends while you get ready and send a carriage that will take them to a place I know you’re going to love.”

That quickly, the excitement washes away the guilt, and I hop up from Pierce’s lap, hurrying to the wardrobe that I claimed as mine and grabbing an outfit before I step into the bathing chamber.

“I adore you,” I call before closing the door to get changed. “Have I told you that?”

I hear Pierce’s laughter from the other side of the door. “I’ll never hear it enough.”

An hour later, Pierce slows the velomage in front of Ephemeral, one of his favorite teashops in the Emerald Wood.

“Your friends should already be in there,” he says as I climb off the back of the velomage. He nods behind me, toward a guard standing at the entrance. “There’s a private spot you’ll be shown to. I know everyone who works here, so you shouldn’t have any trouble. Order anything you want, and I’ll be back after I meet with my contact.”

My heart expands in my chest. “Thank you for this.”

“Of course, darling,” he says, then glares at something behind me.

I turn, my shoulders dropping when I see the Occuli. There are two of them lingering near the brick building where the establishment’s emblem is painted—a white teacup with the name beneath it.

“They’re allowed inside,” he says, drawing my attention back to him. “But they’re not allowed in the private space. You’ll be okay there.”

I blow out a breath, nodding. “Someday, I’ll be used to them.”

“No, you won’t.” He flashes me an encouraging smile, then motions to the teashop. “I’ll wait until you’re safely inside.”

Goddess, this man.

I kiss him quickly before heading toward the entrance, the guard ushering me inside. I hear Pierce’s velomage take off before light piano music overcomes my senses.

It’s a beautiful, soft melody that perfectly accompanies the space, which is a quaint building with hunter green walls displaying local art with small descriptions and sale prices. I scan the pieces, automatically looking for anything that Erin might’ve done, but find nothing.

There is a variety of round and square tables scattered about the open space, all centered around the stage, where a piano player brushes his fingers across the keys.

The place smells of both wine and freshly brewed tea, and the chatter from the patrons is hushed; perhaps there is some unspoken rule about the teashop being a calm and relaxed environment. A place where conversations are had among slow sips of your favorite beverage.

I can barely hold back my smile as I completely understand why this is Pierce’s favorite place in the city. Not only is it a relaxed area, but it’s also quiet in a soft way that likely appeals to his constantly bombarded senses.

“Rylee Gray.” A server approaches me, an empty tray tucked under her arm as she looks me over.

“Yes,” I answer.

The server spares the Occuli behind me a worried glance but quickly looks back to me. “Right this way.”

I ignore the Occuli, even though I can feel them practically breathing down my neck in the form of chills racing over my skin. As long as they don’t try to get too close to me again, I’ll be fine.

I follow the server through the wide array of tables and around a small corner that leads to a circular, concealed spot half hidden by rich emerald curtains—

“Ohh my goddess!” Ivy’s voice overtakes all thought, and soon I’m nearly tackled by her and Layce.

We’re a tangle of arms and squeals and tight squeezes, emotion clawing up my throat and threatening to have me crying in relief at the sight of my friends.

Ivy wears a pair of black pencil slacks and a white blouse, Layce a purple tunic with black leggings, both looking as healthy and well as ever.

“I’ll just give you ladies a moment,” the server calls over our squeals, disappearing to check on other patrons.

“When the carriage came to our places,” Layce whispers as we break out of our three-way embrace, “I was terrified. I thought they were going to drag us in for…” Her voice trails off, but I don’t need her to finish.

I can imagine where her mind went. She likely thought they were going to be questioned about me and my character by either the Legends or the kings themselves.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s a surprise,” I say as we fold ourselves into the circular table with cushioned seats, our tones hushed between us. “But when Pierce gave me the opportunity to see you two, I wasn’t going to miss it.” I glance between Ivy and Layce, relief coursing through my body and unraveling tension I didn’t realize I had. “Goddess, I’ve missed you two.”

“Same,” Ivy says, looking me over with a concerned stare. “We’ve been beside ourselves with worry.” She glances around as if we may be overheard.

I follow her and Layce’s eyes across the establishment, spotting the Occuli, who sit at a table with their backs to the piano player and their gazes on us . They’re a good distance away, but it’s still unnerving, especially as they hold those green flames aloft without even the slightest tremble in their hands.

“That’s not creepy at all,” Layce says sarcastically.

“Yeah, you don’t get used to it,” I say, shaking my head but returning my focus to them. “Those green flames are how they communicate directly with the kings.”

“Not the Legends?” Ivy asks, tilting her head.

“No,” I say. “The Legends aren’t keen to keep tabs on me as much as the kings are.”

“Ah,” Ivy says. “Because of course the good kings want to ensure that the mate of their sons’ choosing, the future queen of Lumathyst, is a worthy person.”

I don’t miss the snark in her tone, but I nod. “Naturally.”

“Even if,” Layce says. “Isn’t that a bit suffocating?”

“Very,” I say, sighing. The server from earlier returns, and we quickly place food and drink orders before she hurries off.

I reach across the table, taking Ivy’s and Layce’s hands in mine. “Tell me, how have you two been?”

“We’ve been the same,” Ivy says, glancing at Layce, who nods. “Tell us how you’ve been?”

“We’ve been so…anxious to hear how it’s all going,” Layce adds. “There’s only so much the royal post reports on, and it’s hard to read between the lines sometimes.”

“I’m okay,” I assure them. “It’s been a whirlwind, for certain. I’ve barely had time to think beyond taking each day as it comes. I know I should have tried to get letters or something to you—”

“We totally understand,” Ivy cuts me off, shaking her head and squeezing my hand. “We never expected you to reach out, not until after winter solstice and the Athanry…”

Her voice trails off, and we all share a serious look. Likely each of us thinking about what Ivy isn’t saying.

If I survive the Athanry.

“I know,” I say, ignoring the sliver of terror in my blood. “I just want you to know I’ve been thinking of you.”

Plus, in the beginning, I’d been so terrified of them being harmed when my secret inevitably came to light that I hadn’t wanted anyone to know they existed. But now…with everything that’s happened between the Legends and myself, I’m less afraid.

Maybe that’s being naive.

Maybe I’m getting too comfortable in this new life.

“We understand,” Layce says. “And we have been reading.”

A flush dusts my cheeks. “I must admit I haven’t read any of the posts about me. I’ve been a coward.”

“Well lucky for you, we never miss one,” Ivy says. “The illustrations definitely make you look comfy with red and blue, and I don’t mean your outfit.” She motions to my tight red leggings and long-sleeve blue shirt.

I press my lips together, nodding, unable to deny the thrill of excitement that rushes through me. “Kal and Axl are amazing,” I say with absolute honesty. “The rumors we heard about them…they aren’t true.”

Ivy looks at me skeptically while Layce’s eyes are downright dreamy.

“And you’re sure they’re being genuine?” Ivy whispers, scooting closer, so quiet I can barely hear her question.

I swallow hard, lowering my voice as well, despite Pierce assuring me that I was safe here. “I’ve worried about that since the beginning,” I admit. “Worried they’re playing a part just as much as me in order to come out winners at the end of this…” I sigh. “But I don’t know how to explain it,” I say, returning to my normal vocal level. “The more time I spend with them, the more I feel like they’re being genuine. They aren’t perfect—goddess knows I’ve seen their flaws just as much as they’ve seen mine—but it feels authentic.”

Ivy nods.

“And the Mind?” Layce asks. “Has he been freely reading your thoughts?”

I shake my head. “He respects my privacy.”

Both of them sigh in relief at that, and I finally let go of their hands as we relax into our seats.

“What about the Nightmare?” Layce asks. “How has he been since he chose you? We rarely see you together in the illustrations. Not like with the others.”

“Jax is…complicated. And I won’t visit him for another two weeks.”

I glance between my friends, reading the sense of urgency on their faces and laughing softly. “It’s okay,” I say after the server sets a steaming teapot filled with boiled water on the table along with three fine glass teacups, an assortment of teas to choose from, and a tower of delicate treats to eat. “Ask me anything.”

“Are you really okay?” Layce.

“Have the kings discovered anything yet?” Ivy.

“Is the Player good in bed?” Layce.

“Are you going to say yes in the end?” Ivy.

I laugh around the bite of soft buttery bread I’ve just taken. “Yes, no, beyond amazing, and I’m not sure,” I answer in order. I lean closer to Ivy, speaking my return question directly into her ear, terrified to raise my voice even above release of breath. “Did you change my records?”

Ivy shakes her head, the small cake in her fingers completely forgotten as she stares at me, wide-eyed. “What do you mean?”

“My birthplace,” I say just as quietly.

Ivy gapes at me. “No. Was I supposed to?”

“You really didn’t?” I ask a little louder, glancing between her and Layce.

“Rylee,” Ivy says. “I’ve done nothing but worry since that night. I have connections in the royal records halls, and if I could have changed them, I would have, but I worried they’d already seen them and would get even more suspicious. I don’t know all the rules of this game you’re playing.”

I knew she had connections in the records halls. We’d used those connections before in the very beginning when my sister went missing. Of course we turned up empty-handed, but it’s the reason I thought she was behind my change in birthplace.

My shoulders sink, confusion washing over me in waves. “Someone changed them,” I explain and then quickly fill them in on what’s been happening—the test I underwent the first night from Baydel, the Fader attacks that are no longer seeming so random, Jax’s outspokenness about me being a liar, and everything else in between.

By the time I’m done, we’ve gone through two pots of tea and have already had our snack tower refilled.

“So, Pierce is off meeting with one of his contacts right now in regard to Erin’s whereabouts?” Layce asks after taking another bite of a cookie from the top tier of the tower.

“Yes,” I say. “Once Baydel announced that I did in fact have a sister, I knew there was no point in trying to hide that connection anymore. Not that the Legends ever gave me any reason to worry, but in the beginning, I just didn’t know what to do. And I saw one of her paintings in the Ruby Aire, one that Kal swears was done recently.”

“And you’re certain it was hers?” Layce asks, then immediately flashes me an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. That’s a ridiculous question. I know you know Erin inside and out.”

“It’s not a ridiculous question,” I say. “I thought I knew Erin.” My heart sinks to my stomach. “But now I’m not so sure. She’s not on a Never List mission. There’s no record of that anywhere. When I came across that painting of hers, I suddenly found myself questioning everything .” I blow out a breath. “When I first got chosen and I thought she’d been put on the Never List, I secretly hoped she’d found someone to run away with and was simply off living a happy life. But when faced with that actual reality? A life where she’s free enough to paint in the Ruby Aire? I can’t help but wonder—why haven’t I heard a word from her? Why hasn’t she at least sent a letter explaining where she went?” I try to shove down the emotion tangling in my chest. “For a minute, I thought maybe the painting was a warning and her silence was some form of protection. But I’m not sure of anything anymore. Maybe I didn’t really know her at all.”

The reality of those words catches up in my throat, and my voice cracks.

I take a sip of my minty tea, drinking the subtle flavors down in hopes of covering up how devastating that notion is.

Ivy and Layce both look at me with concerned eyes, their features riddled with confusion. They were just as close with Erin, and sometimes I forget that it’s not just me who grieves the hole she’s left in our group.

“We all know she likes to go on her little adventures,” Ivy says. “But she’s never done it for this long or without letting any of us know what she was doing. I don’t believe she’d leave you like that.” Ivy shrugs, picking up her teacup and taking a quick sip. “I don’t. She may have met someone at the Choosing, though; we never saw her speaking with anybody that night, but she could have. She went off on her own in the middle of the event. But I don’t see her not telling you if she decided to leave.”

“Is there a chance that she did send a letter?” Layce asks, her expression empathetic. “You know how shoddy the post is in…that area,” she says, rolling her eyes at her almost slip. “Maybe she sent one and you didn’t get it.”

I laugh darkly at that, then take another sip of tea. “Could you imagine?” I shake my head. “That all my answers are in some lost letter? That all my attempts at searching for her have been a pathetic attempt from a grieving sister?”

“It’s not pathetic,” Ivy says.

“Maybe the Legends will find something,” Layce says hopefully.

“Maybe,” I say, setting my teacup down. “Of course, I do feel there are quite a few other things I should be worrying about.”

“You don’t say?” Ivy asks sarcastically, and we all laugh, lightening up some of the heaviness.

“Being a mate potential certainly comes with its fair share of responsibilities and worries,” Layce adds. “But your clothes ,” she says dramatically. “You were born for those.”

We all laugh harder, simultaneously reaching for our teas and taking sips, the levity disappearing just a little as we come back down to reality.

“Are you going to choose them in the end?” Layce asks this time.

My heart immediately says yes , a silent, solid decision already tattooed across my soul.

“Whenever I envision the final Choosing ceremony,” I whisper, “I see myself there, and even though I’m terrified of the Athanry, I can’t see myself saying no to any of them.”

My friends sit up straighter at that declaration, sharing a glance before returning their focus to me.

“Even the Nightmare?” Ivy asks quietly.

My heart flutters in my chest, apprehension tingling across my skin. “Like I said, Jax is complicated. I suppose I’ll learn more in a couple of weeks.”

“And the Athanry?” Ivy shifts closer to me. “Have you learned any more about it?”

“Not as much as I’d like,” I admit. “Every month, we’re forced to have a dinner with the kings, but the topic has never come up. Whenever Baydel is around, his disposition is so prickly toward me that I don’t dare ask anything.”

“And the Legends?”

“They know about as much as we know,” I answer. “After I choose the Legends, I submit myself to the goddesses, and they determine if I’m worthy of being with them for eternity.”

We all fall silent, no doubt washed away by our own imaginings of such an event.

Ivy breaks the silence, looking at me with determination. “You will survive. I’ve told you that since the beginning. You have to.”

“I know,” I say despite fear’s cold chill clinging to my skin.

“And then you’ll be a queen,” Layce says with a bit of reverence. “Have you thought about that at all?”

“I haven’t,” I admit. “I’ve been living each day in fear…” I look at them both, and they nod, understanding without me having to explain the specifics of that fear. “While also in wonder,” I continue. “The idea of being able to spend the rest of my existence with each of them is as incredible as it is terrifying.”

Terrifying because it means I have more people in my life to lose. And after knowing how badly it hurts to lose my family, I can’t imagine losing more . Opening my heart to that kind of loss is a scary proposition, but I am powerless against it.

“Tell us something,” Layce says, reaching for another cookie. “Something less heavy, please.”

I smile softly at her. “You would die at the amount of clothes and jewelry and adornments I’ve been given along this journey.”

“Ah.” Layce almost moans with relief. “I am properly jealous, and I’ll be stealing from said stash the moment we’re free to see each other every day again.”

“You know, I feel like if I asked to see you two every day, the Legends would make it so. I could probably ask for you two to be carted around with me like special pieces of luggage.”

Ivy playfully smacks me. “We are no such things. If anything, we’d be the most epic of entourages.”

We all laugh, and it feels so good to be normal with my friends again.

“But don’t ask for that,” Layce says once we finally reel it in. “There’s no way the two of us are going to distract you while you’re doing your best to get to know the rest of the Legends. The winter solstice isn’t that far away—”

“Six weeks,” I say.

Somehow, we’ve made our way back to the heavy.

“That’s how long I have left.”

“That’s how long you have left until you become the Legends’ mate and the future queen of Lumathyst,” Ivy says, leaving no room for argument as she raises her teacup between us.

Layce mimics her, and finally, I do, too.

“To six weeks, then,” Layce says.

“I love you both,” I say, not only because it’s true but because of the ticking clock I have hanging over my head. I don’t know how many more opportunities I’ll have to say that to them.

“Yes, yes, we love you, too,” Ivy says, eyeing our raised teacups.

I smile at her, clinking my glass against theirs. “To six weeks.”

We sip the rest of our tea and spend the next two hours talking about everything and nothing, and by the time the server alerts us that Pierce’s carriage has arrived to take my friends home, I feel so much more secure in my own skin in the only way a night out with your best friends can do.

I follow them out of the teashop, hugging them both more times than would likely be acceptable in a normal situation.

“See you both soon,” I say as I release them.

Tears fill my eyes, a mixture of happiness and sadness brewing beneath my skin as I watch the carriage until it’s out of sight.

I scan the area for any sign or sound of Pierce’s velomage, but when I see and hear nothing, I turn back to the teashop, prepared to wait until Pierce arrives to take me home.

I head back toward Pierce’s private table, my mind buzzing from all the things my friends and I discussed. I pause two steps away from the table, noting a man sitting in my spot. He looks vaguely familiar—

The breath stalls in my lungs as the man turns around, sliding away from the table to face me.

“Ah, Rylee Gray. There you are,” he says, motioning to the table in a gesture for me to sit down. “I’ve been dying to speak with you.”

Adrenaline races through my veins so fast it hurts, my heart pounding against my chest as I bow, dipping my head.

“Your majesty,” I say before I do as I am told and take my seat across from Pierce’s father.