Page 44 of The Never List (Never List #1)

Rylee

“Jax?” I say his name almost timidly, that fear of everything crashing down around me rising to the surface again at his firm declaration. “What do you mean?”

“I agree,” Kal says, and I gape at him.

Axl and Pierce are nodding, too.

“You don’t…” I swallow hard. “You don’t think I’ll survive.” My shoulders drop. They don’t think I’m strong enough.

“I don’t want to take the risk.” Jax reaches over the table, taking my hand in his.

“None of us do,” Kal says.

“From what I’ve gleaned from my father’s memories…” Pierce leans forward, his forearm on the table as he looks to me. “The ones I could access…” He visibly swallows. “When my mother made him immortal, it almost killed him.” His brow pinches. “It’s unnatural and painful, unlike anything you can imagine. He barely survived it.”

Jax’s hold tightens on my hand.

“But when the goddesses set forth the rules of the Choosing, they changed the Athanry. They aren’t going to flood me with powers. They want me to act as your tether to Lumathyst after your full wealth of powers is unlocked,” I say, glancing at each of them. “The process makes me immortal, but I won’t have your powers. I won’t gain my own like the kings did. They said themselves that that’s the mistake they were correcting for. That the kings were too consumed with the access to all the power through their connections to the four goddesses. So…there’s a chance I survive. There’s a chance it’s not like it was with the kings.” The hope in my voice can’t be mistaken, and even I’m a little shocked by it. I’ve been scared of the Athanry since Jax chose me, but now that they’re saying I can’t go through with it, I’m desperate for it.

“You’re correct.” Pierce dips his head toward me. “But there is no certainty in this. No one has ever gone through this before. Not in the way our mothers laid out when they created the Choosing.”

“We don’t need to take the risk,” Axl says, folding his arms over his chest.

“But…your powers. If I don’t go through the Athanry after choosing you, you’ll never have a chance at unlocking the full potential—”

“Fuck our full potential,” Jax cuts me off, leaning farther over the table. “I can’t lose you.”

A lump forms in my throat at the desperation in his voice.

“None of us would survive it,” Kal adds.

I wet my lips, holding back tears. “The kings wouldn’t allow it,” I say. “I’d have to reject you to get out of the Athanry, and that’s not happening.”

“I could speak to my father.” Kal glances at the others. “He’d understand. He’d help convince the other kings to forgo this part.”

“If we could convince them,” Axl says, “she wouldn’t be at risk.”

The four of them continue to volley ideas back and forth, falling into a frantic conversation about me, despite me not adding to it.

And I love each of them all the more for it. For their determination to not risk me, not take the chance. It only further solidifies in my heart that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Part of me thinks harder on that, realizing that if Erin had never disappeared, I never would’ve gone to the Choosing event, and I never would’ve met them. Never felt this kind of love. And as much as I miss her, as much as I’m hurt over her leaving, I silently thank her.

“It could work—”

“No,” I cut off Pierce’s new idea, the table falling silent as they return their focus to me. “No,” I say again, squeezing Jax’s hand that is still in mine. “I love you. Each of you. I know in my heart this is where I’m supposed to be. As terrifying as the Athanry is…all the unknown surrounding it…your mothers put it into place as a test for your true mate. I will survive it because that’s who I am.”

“Rylee,” Kal says, shaking his head. “We can’t—”

“It’s not your decision to make,” I say, leaving no room for argument on my face. “It’s mine.” I take a deep breath. “It’s always been mine.”

That’s the entire point of the Choosing: for me to put my life on the line in a clear choice for them, for their powers, for their immortality and mine.

“Butterfly…” Jax’s voice is soft.

“I will survive.” I make sure every inch of determination is clear in my tone.

Am I still scared? Is there still a sliver of doubt threatening to steal all my confidence? Absolutely.

But it’s them…my Legends.

My mates.

And I’ll do anything to keep them.

“Now that that’s settled,” I continue when each of them looks keen to argue with me but keeps their mouths shut, “shouldn’t we talk about the Faders?” It feels good to shift the focus onto something other than what’s going to happen next—the final Choosing ceremony, the Athanry, all of it. “I believe we need to up our efforts to capture one and interrogate them.”

Axl grins at me, sliding a hand along my back. “Spoken like a true Legend,” he says, excitement coloring his tone. He waggles his eyebrows at me. “I think it’s time to make you an official member.”

My heart leaps into my throat. “Really?”

“You have my vote,” Pierce says.

“And mine,” Kal adds.

“You know I already claim you as mine,” Axl continues. “Might as well claim you in every way possible. But being a Legend isn’t all power games and intimidation.”

“You have to be prepared to get your hands dirty,” Jax finishes.

“Haven’t I already proved what I’ll do to anyone who threatens any of you?” I ask, thinking about how quickly I’d unleashed my powers on Turner when he tried to hurt Jax.

“Get her a Legend mask,” Jax says to Axl, who claps his hands. “If she’s going to go through the Athanry without fear, she’s stronger than any one of us.”

Pride flutters in my chest.

“Besides that,” Jax continues, “she’d be an asset to our team.”

“The only problem is that we haven’t heard a whisper from the Faders since the attack on the fishing village in the Sapphire Cove.” Pierce’s brow furrows, his mind calculating scenarios and odds about the reasoning behind their absence.

“Even if they don’t show their faces again,” Jax says, jaw flexing, “which I doubt, there are always other Legend dealings to conduct.” He eyes me. “Let’s see if becoming a Legend is truly what you think it’ll be.”

“There’s only one way to find out,” I say, anticipation bursting through me. We’re in this together, no matter what.

They smile at me, and we all push away from the table.

“Let’s get started,” Jax says, and a thrill rushes through me at his words.

…

Weeks pass by in a new sense of normal that I can only call surreal. We fall into a rhythm, working the streets of each city in Lumathyst—me donning my official Legend mask and crest-branded jacket as we hunt for information on the Faders. Even Ivy and Layce have helped on side missions, slowly integrating into my new life.

I keep off the kings’ radar, thanks to my Legends and the lengths they go to to keep my secrets. We’re no closer to finding a Fader or any information about them, constantly chasing shadows and leads that result in dead ends, but even that can’t sour my mood.

There haven’t been any more attacks, and the time we aren’t being Legends, we’re behaving like mates . My body heats at the mere idea of how easily we all live together—choosing to stay at Jax’s estate, since that’s where we decided to be all in with one another.

Kal, Axl, and Pierce return to their cities frequently to ensure things are running smoothly and their people aren’t in need, but they always come back as if I’m the magnet that draws them all together.

It’s an intoxicating feeling, even if the closer we get to the winter solstice, the more worried I get. There is already a chill in the air, the crisp cold biting the night in Jax’s city. I usually love this time of year, but since it means the Athanry is only a couple of days away, I feel like it’s an ominous sign that my little blissful time with the Legends is almost up.

I try to force it out of my mind, focusing instead on just how damn lucky I am. They never try to coddle me; rather, they recognize my strength and utilize me as an asset to their Legend team as we try to hunt down our enemies. There have been smaller problems we’ve settled together—like an influx of new enhancement drugs causing disturbances in the Ruby Aire—and it seems there isn’t anything we can’t accomplish together.

Except get our hands on a flesh-and-blood Fader.

I blow out an exaggerated breath as I sit alone, a book open and unread in my lap as I lounge in one of Jax’s large, overstuffed armchairs. A fire crackles in the hearth next to me, the flames casting the room in a warm glow that eases my muscles.

Axl, Kal, and Pierce all returned to their cities this morning, and Jax left to handle some matters earlier, leaving me to do nothing but await his return. Even Mirren departed after my moodiness became too much for her, but can she really blame me? The second I stop moving, the second I stop focusing on the Legends or the Faders, my true terrors come to the surface of my mind to torment me.

The Athanry being the main source of worry—a battle splitting me right down the middle over it. One side of me knows I’m here for a reason, knows I’m meant for them and them for me, so surviving has to be inevitable. And the other side of me knows we’re dealing with magic and power beyond any of our imaginations, so can anything truly be certain?

The kings are my second point of concern.

Baydel has been quiet these past weeks, surely in part due to the Legends’ efforts to keep him away from me, but I can’t help how much his quietness unnerves me.

Maybe I’m overthinking things.

Maybe he’s just a prick who will whine and complain the entire way until I finally choose the Legends and solidify our bonds through love. Maybe he’ll leave me alone after I’ve proven my worth—

“Butterfly.” Jax’s voice cuts through all my worries, shredding them in an instant as he stalks down the stairs, eyes on me when he enters the living room. “I felt your anxiety the second I walked through the door,” he says, stopping to crouch before me. “What is it?”

He slides his hands up my thighs, and I sigh at the contact. Lately, whenever I’m away from any of them too long, I get an irrational sensation in my chest…like a part of me is missing and I’ll turn into a feral animal if I don’t get it back. It scares me, but I have no doubt it’s part of this entire process. I’m truly bonding with these Legends, these princes of Lumathyst, and I have to draw confidence from that, have to hope it helps me survive what’s coming.

I close the book and set it on a table next to the chair. “You know how detrimental idle time is to my mind.”

He nods, shifting on his knees and parting my thighs so he can lean between them, bringing us eye to eye. “Tell me what you need,” he says, leaning down to brush a kiss over my lips.

My entire body relaxes with the contact, that connection inside me that links me to Jax practically purring.

“Is it bad that I wish the Athanry was already over with, but at the same time I don’t want it to be?” I ask, and Jax’s indigo eyes meet mine.

“No,” he says. “It’s a natural reaction to a shitty situation.”

I run my fingers over his shoulders, pulling him closer. Even though it’s been weeks, I still relish this closeness with Jax. We had so much distance between us before, it seems more precious to me than the others. Not that I love them less—I love them all equally—but they never made me fear I’d never get their affection like Jax did.

“You still have time to change your mind.”

“Jax,” I chide him. “We’ve been through this. I’m doing it. There’s no talking me out of it.”

“We don’t deserve you,” he says, gliding his fingers along the collar of my shirt, pulling it down just enough to see the tattoo inked beneath my right collarbone. His mark—an identical rendering of his goddess-given mark and the tattoo outlining it.

He did the tattoo himself, carefully inking my skin and branding me as his at the same time. After, he’d made love to me, fully sealing our bond. Fuck the ceremony, that was more instrumental in defining our status than anything else.

“I want you, Rylee,” he says, dipping down to kiss the tattoo. “I want you alive and happy and with me. I don’t need more power. I need you.”

I drag my fingers through his hair, tilting his head to meet my eyes. The Nightmare never admits to needing anything, but here, with me, with his mate, he’s vulnerable in a way those outside of us will never see.

“You have me,” I say, my pulse skittering beneath my skin. “Any way you want me.”

His eyes darken, and that mischievous smile stretches his lips. “ Any way I want you?”

I tremble at the look in his eyes. I know that look. I crave that look.

“Always,” I say as he hooks his hands behind my knees and drags me to the edge of the chair.

“You’re a brave little butterfly,” he says, his expression carnal as he drags my leggings down, tossing them over his shoulder. His eyes flare when he sees that I’m not wearing anything underneath, and he sucks in a breath. “A tease, too,” he observes, his fingers light as he skims them over my thighs. He dips his head between them and inhales deeply, planting a kiss on my now-throbbing core. “You’ve been walking around like this all day?” he asks, flicking his tongue against me.

I arch into his face. His fingers dig into my thighs, settling me back down. “Yes,” I answer, heart racing.

“You were just waiting for me to come home and fuck you, weren’t you? I bet you quiver every time you even think about me, my devious little butterfly.” He smirks up at me, settling an arm over my hips to hold me in place so he can dip his head again, dragging his tongue up my center in a long, languid stroke.

“Yes,” I say, breathless. I love the way he calls me his butterfly. The endearment makes me feel like a queen. They all make me feel that way, but right now it’s just Jax and me and—

“Jax,” I groan as he licks me lightly. I tangle my fingers in his hair as he keeps me pinned to the chair, teasing me with too-light flicks of his tongue. I want to arch up, want to get more pressure, but he’s too strong.

He hums against my sensitive flesh, the vibrations sending little shocks of pleasure up my body until I shiver. “I could eat you for hours,” he says, teasing my swollen flesh with the tip of his tongue.

I whimper because I know him and know he can; he will . The prick loves to edge me, and while it sends me into the most intense orgasms of my life, I’m an impatient, greedy mate when it comes to him.

My thighs clench around his head, my breath coming in tight waves as he winds me up. I shift one leg over his shoulder, using my bare foot to pull him against me, and he laughs that slow, languid laugh that sends tendrils of heat curling under my skin.

“Needy little butterfly,” he says, backing up enough to look at me.

The sight of him on his knees is enough to make me wild with desire. I’m a lit match, an aching pulse in my core.

He wets his lips, inhaling deeply again, as if he can drink in my scent, drench himself in my flavor. I tremble at the sight. “You want me to let you go?” he asks, danger flashing in his eyes as he flexes that muscled arm over my hip.

I hesitate, contemplating my Nightmare. He could let me go but then tie me up somewhere else and edge me some more. My toes curl at the thought, and I realize that there is no losing answer here, not with him.

Smiling, I bite my bottom lip and nod.

Fire flashes in his eyes as he releases me, scooting away from me to lie back on the floor. He crooks two fingers at me in a come-hither motion, pure confidence. He knows I’ll obey.

I hurry off the chair, pulling my tunic over my head as I do, then settle over his hips—

“Ah ah,” he says, tsking me as he points at his face. “Sit.”

I go liquid at his command, but I hesitate. Before I can try to convince him otherwise, he palms my ass and hauls me up to his face, situating me right over his mouth and flicking out his tongue. My mind whirls at the position as I timidly hover over his mouth. The last thing I want to do is suffocate him—

“I said sit ,” he commands and tightens his grip on my ass to draw me down, dragging my slickness right over his mouth so his tongue slips inside.

“Jax!” I cry. Any concern I have about smothering him flies right out of my mind, my instincts shifting to an unshakable need that only Jax can satiate. I settle against him, rocking over his face in every way that feels amazing.

“That’s it,” he says, and I feel the vibrations of his voice against me. “Take what you need.”

I arch my neck, rolling my hips and dragging my hands up and over my breasts, touching them because it just feels too fucking good not to. Jax nods his head in time to my movements, dragging his tongue through my heat in sure strokes that make me pant. My thighs quiver on either side of his head as I up my pace.

“Yes,” Jax groans. “Such a good, obedient butterfly.” He squeezes my ass as I ride him, and liquid fire ripples beneath my skin at his praise.

“Jax.” I say his name on a stuttered breath, my pleasure building and spiraling inside me as I rock against him until—

I explode, my entire body shaking from the throes of my orgasm tearing through me. Jax continues to lick me, shoving me toward the point of glittering, delicious pain as I come hard and long until I feel like I can’t hold myself up for a second more.

Jax shifts me upward, not wasting a second to switch our positions. He cradles the back of my head with his hand as he lays me out on the floor, dragging his hands down my body before he reaches for two pillows from the couch next to us. He slides them beneath me so I’m up and on display, just for him.

He parts my thighs with his powerful hands, shifting on his knees between my legs. He sinks into me without preamble, and I groan as he drags his hard length out of me before slamming home again.

Goddess, it’s so deep when he bottoms out; the angle he has me at allows him to hit that spot inside me and make my eyes roll back in my head. I force myself to focus because he’s just too fucking perfect to not watch. He’s pure confidence and danger as he towers over me, his indigo eyes unflinching as he fucks me. The fire glows behind him, making the tattoos covering his chest look fluid. A Nightmare incarnate, terrifying and all-encompassing and hauntingly beautiful.

“Harder, Jax,” I demand, knowing he’s holding himself back. “Take what you need.” I echo his earlier sentiment.

That grin of his turns lethal.

“Goddess,” I moan as he grips the backs of my knees and fucks me harder, pumping into me with fierce strokes that fill me so completely I can hardly breathe. “Yes, just like that.” I reach above my head to grip the silver rug because I have no other leverage, no other choice but to hold on as he utterly ruins me.

The sounds of our sex fill the room, and Jax’s smile deepens. “Listen to that,” he says, his words tense as he emphasizes each one with a hard thrust. “Listen to how much your body wants mine,” he groans, his grip on my legs tightening. The little bite of pain makes me moan, breathless and needy as he tips my pleasure toward the edge—

He slows down, dragging out of me in long, lengthy strokes that make me shake . Every graze of his length inside me is like a demon vying for my soul, and goddess save me, he’s got it. Whatever he wants, he can have it—my soul, my heart, my mind—as long as he keeps doing that .

“Tell me you’re mine,” he demands.

“I’m yours,” I immediately answer as he drags out of me once again, controlling my release on the end of a string.

He grins, his lips curling around his white teeth in a predatory way. “Tell me you’re mine forever.”

“Forever,” I promise. “Jax, always.” I can barely form the words around the keening in my mind.

His emotions spear into mine, waves of need and assurance and love that are so brutal it makes me want to roar. And when he shifts against me, leaning farther over my body and pushing my knee back with one hand, bottoming out as he rocks himself against my center—I fucking do.

I cry out his name like it’s the last word I’ll ever say, the last thought I’ll ever have in this world. My pleasure crystalizes and shatters in a crescendo that I swear makes me black out for a few seconds. I can barely catch my breath even when my vision clears, with Jax still moving inside me, still stroking me from one dazzling orgasm right into another.

I dig my nails into his back now that I can reach him, rocking in time with his thrusts as I chase another high, and he growls when I clench around him. His release sends me into another one, and I feel entirely limp as we come down.

Our breaths are synced as Jax shifts, gently pulling the pillows out from under me and rolling us until I’m sprawled against his chest. One arm wraps around me while the other one is splayed at his side, and then I’m laughing, my head and spirit thoroughly blissed out and downright giddy.

Jax grins down at me, laughing, too, and it’s all we can do before his mouth is on mine and I’m rolling atop him, never, ever getting enough.