Page 36 of The Never List (Never List #1)

Rylee

“I’ve never seen Pierce so happy,” Mirren says as our carriage rumbles into the Obsidian City, the horses’ hooves clip-clopping along the cobblestone road.

I fiddle with Pierce’s ring, switching between his, Kal’s, and Axl’s bracelet hugging my wrist. The tokens give me hope, but it’s hard to keep the doubts at bay.

“Really?” I ask, unable to stop the onslaught of thoughts as we drive toward Jax’s home.

Pierce knows my secret—one of them, at least—and he hasn’t used it to his advantage, hasn’t held it over my head in a power play.

My skin crawls as I remember every single time Turner caught me past curfew or outside my boundaries and used that crime to his advantage.

Hands too rough on my skin. His tongue forcing its way into my mouth. A single, traitorous tear sliding down my cheek as I take it, knowing it’s this or the dungeons.

“Yes,” Mirren says as we turn down another road, jarring me from the memories. Those are real nightmares, not whatever Jax thinks he is.

That thought steels my nerves. I’ll just have to prove that to him.

“I’ve known the princes since birth,” she reminds me. “I know their moods as easily as my own. They’re a handful, to say the least, but they’re…special.” She eyes me from where she sits on the cushioned bench across from me. “I didn’t think you could handle it when I first met you.”

“That makes two of us.” I laugh.

“But you’ve proven me wrong, Rylee,” she says, and I swear the sharp, rigid woman sounds somewhat soft.

“Wait,” I say, grinning ridiculously as I span the distance between us, scooching close to her. “Are you saying you like me?”

“No.” She swats at my hand on her shoulder. “No embracing.”

I laugh, falling back into my seat across the carriage. But I can see it there—the slightest hint of approval. Well, if I can earn that from the hardest woman I know, then maybe, just maybe, I can get the Nightmare to dream with me.

Our carriage pulls into a gated estate, the brick walls surrounding the property high and ominous. The house itself is made from obsidian, naturally, and looks like something out of a dark fairy tale I read ages ago. It’s all slick black rock with carvings of wild beasts laid into the stone, with wrought iron bars over the windows and spindly pieces jutting along the roof.

“Cozy,” I say as Mirren and I head inside with our bags.

I scan the space, inhaling deeply and shivering at the smell of Jax everywhere. Smoke and leather have my senses tingling with anticipation, and I reassure myself of what I decided earlier—I will prove to Jax that I’m not afraid of him. That I’m not like the others who’ve come before me. I’ll prove to him that whatever nightmares he can dish out, I can take without a flinch. Because that’s what he needs, and honestly, it’s who I am . I’ve suffered enough living nightmares to hold my own.

If I can do that…if I can get him to love me despite being a liar, maybe we’ll be able to move forward and create the kinds of changes Lumathyst needs.

Mirren guides me down a set of black walnut stairs that seem to go on forever before we reach a lush basement as big as the main floor. The charcoal carpets are soft beneath our shoes, and the walls are black brick, with shelves packed with books stacked haphazardly throughout. A stone fireplace crackles across the room, leather couches centered around it and perched atop a thick, fluffy silver rug, and a glass bar cart filled with crystal decanters rests to the side.

She leads me through this main room and down a joining hallway, turning into the first door on the left.

“This is your room,” she says, and I feel as if we’ve done this a hundred times now. It’s a luxurious space but moody in a way that’s comforting. Mirren points across the hall at another closed door. “That’s Jax’s room,” she says, and my eyebrows perk up. “He’s not here.” She looks at me with what I’m sure is pity, but that can’t be right because Mirren never shows pity.

My heart instantly drops to my stomach, but I try to not show the sting. “Why?” It’s the only word I can choke out.

Mirren takes to unpacking my things, her brow furrowed.

Anger slices through my veins, and I fold my arms over my chest, my mind wandering back to the way Kal and Axl and even Pierce greeted me when I came to their territories.

“I mean,” I say, shaking my head, “I don’t need the royal treatment, but a ‘hello, glad you’re here’ would’ve been nice.” I grab some of my clothes, helping Mirren store them away in the wardrobe in the corner.

“Jax isn’t like the others,” she says. “You can’t compare them.”

“I’m not comparing them,” I whine. Not out loud, anyway. “I know they’re all different,” I continue, my muscles clenching from the adrenaline racing through my veins. Why is it that whenever Jax is involved, my fight-or-flight instincts are at an all-time high? “But this is a clear indicator he doesn’t want me here. Why should I even bother?”

Mirren tips her chin at me, holding some of my pants against her chest. “Really,” she says, for once in total agreement. “Why should you?”

I narrow my eyes. She never agrees with me.

Pierce’s words about the Nightmare come back to me, along with a flutter of memories from the night of the Choosing. I may have been equally dreading and longing for this moment since that night. But he clearly doesn’t care, or he wants me to think he doesn’t care. Maybe this is a test, to see if I’m brave enough to seek him out…to see if I think he’s worth seeking out.

My heart breaks a little at that thought, and it feels like the closest to the truth.

Well, fuck that. I’m not scared of the bastard; I’m angry with him.

“Do you know where he is?”

Mirren smiles, just a little. “He’s at his favorite club, Lust.”

A thrill shoots through me. This will go either very well or very badly, but I’m not about to sit here and pout while waiting for him to give me some goddess-damn attention. He chose me, and it’s about time he dealt with his decision.

“Will you help me get ready?” I ask, glancing down at the silk gown I wore from the Emerald Wood.

Mirren visibly brightens before she starts digging through my clothes. “Don’t I always?” she asks and then gets to work.

Thirty minutes later, I look like I’m ready for battle—well, maybe a sex battle, because damn. Black strings of fabric crisscross around my legs, the material looking like the nets Axl’s fisherman use. My feet are tucked into a pair of black boots that are standard for riding the Legends’ magical velomages. Almost-too-tiny black leather shorts hug my ass, and a long-sleeve black lace shirt covers my top half, the hint of my silver bra teasing just beneath.

Mirren has kept my hair down and slightly messy, smearing my lips in a bloodred shade while painting my eyes with a dark, smoky shadow that matches the rest of my outfit.

Goddess, I want to fight me or fuck me, and maybe that’s all Jax needs for me to prove that I’m not afraid of him. To show him I’m not going anywhere, no matter how many times he calls me a liar, no matter how much he pretends to hate me. I know he doesn’t. He may not like me very much, but he can’t hate me. He proved that when he had my back during the Fader attack in the Sapphire Cove. He needs to see that I’m not going to reject him.

Reject any of them.

“You know this one will be the hardest,” Mirren says. “Are you sure you want to even try?”

There’s the protective instinct I’ve noticed comes out whenever I’m about to formally attach myself to one of the Legends. Mirren isn’t any of their mothers, but she definitely adopted that role when the goddesses went to sleep.

“You still aren’t being totally honest with them,” she says, shocking the goddesses out of me. She waves off my panicked look. “No need to make up some horseshit, girl. I’ve been with you since the beginning. You think I’m so unobservant? Why do you think I’m always so insistent that I’m the only one who does your hair?”

I open and close my mouth a few times.

She knows. She fucking knows.

So, why hasn’t she turned me in?

Why hasn’t she gone straight to Baydel? She could be rewarded for this kind of information.

Before I can come up with a reason, she steps toward me, eyes scanning my face. “This is it. Time is almost up. And I’ve watched you with Kal and Axl and Pierce. I’ve watched your attitude change. I’ve watched you fall. But if this is all an act because of what you’re clearly hiding, if you reject them after all of this…I will end you.”

I purse my lips, respecting her bluntness. Her threat isn’t like those from Baydel, who delights in making my life a living nightmare and gets off on scaring me into submission. No, she’s just stating facts. She’ll kill me if I hurt them after accepting their tokens and wearing them proudly, because she loves them. Loves them like her own.

“I…” I blow out a breath, trying to find the right words. I feel like a piece of shit for not coming clean right here, but my entire life has been built around not speaking the words aloud. “I never wanted to be a mate,” I admit, and she arches an eyebrow at me. “I didn’t go to the Choosing with the hopes and dreams of the other women in attendance. I didn’t want this. I never wanted to be queen or whatever I’ll be at the end of all this. But none of that matters now.”

“Why?”

“Because there is only one thing I know now with absolute certainty.”

“And that is?”

“I can’t leave them.”

“Not even Jax?” she challenges.

I think back to the night of the Choosing, to the way my heart skipped when I first heard his laugh, the way I felt when he caught me in the library, the way he held me while we danced. Wherever that Jax went, I’m determined to find him again.

Even if I have to swim through nightmares to find him.

“Especially Jax,” I admit with brutal honesty.

Mirren smiles at me, her approval giving me more confidence than I’ll ever admit to her. She’d likely smack me if I did.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

I t only takes us twenty minutes to make it to Lust, and I’ve used that time to royally amp myself up. By the time my boots hit the pavement outside the club, I’m raring for a fight because I know that’s what it’ll take to get Jax to open up to me, to get him to believe that sometimes people lie to protect the ones they love.

I’ll have to come at him head-on in order to get him to crack.

Mirren leaves me outside the front of the club, muttering a good luck under her breath before she takes off. She must have some confidence in me, because she doesn’t say she’ll be back at any certain time to pick me up. And the Occuli only observe me going inside the club rather than following me in, which makes me think Jax has some rules about them in his establishments.

Which makes perfect sense the minute I’m waved in by the guards at the doors and fully step into Lust.

The place is massive, with thrumming music playing so loud, it’s a marvel anyone can hear in here. The lighting is dark and moody, with bursts of flashing lights in different areas of the trilevel space. The club is clearly drenched in magic.

The main level consists of a giant dance floor and bar, where people are drinking and grinding against one another like there’s no one watching. Goddesses above, there are people who are practically naked as they rock against each other.

My entire body goes hot and taut all at once at the scene, and I quickly tear my eyes off them. I grab a drink at the bar, throwing back a shot of whiskey to help calm my nerves. Jax will be able to tell in a split second how I’m feeling, and the only thing I want him to sense is confidence—and maybe a heaping dose of desire, because let’s be real, I’ve wanted him since the night he chose me.

After a quick scan of the main floor, I wander up to the second level, keeping to the railing of the balcony that overlooks the dance floor below. This level is teeming with gambling—everything from cards to dice to other games I’ve never seen before but I’m mildly interested to try. I’ve never gambled with anything but my life, and to do it for money sounds like an interesting pastime.

There are three bars on this level, smaller than the one beneath it, and there are rooms with floor-to-ceiling glass windows that overlook the games and the level below, complete with lush couches and…

Goddess help me, there are mini stages in the semi-private rooms, and more than a few are occupied by women holding on to a pole and dancing around it. They’re all gorgeous, of course, and they all know what they’re doing. These smaller stages are popular, each space filled with three or more people, eyes wide and awestruck by the beauties swaying against the poles. The women hold their audience’s attention, garnering a power I can’t even begin to imagine. Their admirers litter the stage with gold coins and even some jewels.

One of the women turns to face me, catching me watching. She curls her fingers, beckoning me to come closer, but I shoot her a wink and shake my head before I continue my hunt for Jax. For some reason, the encounter makes me think of Erin. Makes me think of how good she’d be at the job, with dancing being one of her sultry skills.

I weave through the throngs of people crowding around the gambling tables, shouting out numbers or squeals of excitement, until I come upon another glass room—

And all my warm feelings for the dancers go right out the fucking window.

Because there’s Jax— my Jax—arms stretched out along the backside of a plush leather couch, his shirt half unbuttoned, and his legs spread wide as he stares up at a woman who’s bending herself around the pole like it’s her goddess-given power.