Page 39 of The Never List (Never List #1)

Jax

I keep firm hold of Rylee’s hand as I tug her outside the room and up the set of stairs to the third level.

My level.

No one is allowed up here, and right now, we need to be where no one can see us.

I’m not sure which I want to do more, scare her or fuck some sense into her. And I’m still undecided when I lead her into my private chambers, depositing her near my desk as I pace the area.

I’m shaking, my power rising like a tidal wave.

That piece of shit touched what’s mine .

He touched her.

Mine .

I groan, rolling my neck in an attempt to quell my power begging me to track him down and rip out his heart.

“Jax.” Rylee says my name so damn softly, not an inch of fear lacing her tone.

How? How can she speak to me in such a way after everything she just saw me do?

I release a harsh breath, grappling with the battle I’ve had since the night of the Choosing. Wanting the little liar and wanting to protect her from me just as much.

But when I saw that man holding her against the wall…

When I saw him touch her…

The battle ceased to exist. I knew it in every inch of my soul…she’s my mate.

“Jax,” she says again, and I snap my eyes to hers.

She doesn’t so much as tremble as I stalk toward her. Her emotions have always been harder to grasp—but her lies have been the least of my concerns. I could’ve easily scared her into telling me the truth, but I want her to tell me on her own terms.

She should be shivering with fear now that I have her alone, but goddess damn her, she’s only ramping up in her desire.

How can that be possible? After all she knows about me? After seeing me just now…how easily I turned that enforcer into a whimpering mess.

“Who was that fool?” I bite out the question, returning to my pacing.

She hesitates, and a heavy dose of shame punches me in the chest.

“Who was he?” I practically growl the question.

“He…” She parts her lips, and I feel her intention to lie buzz against my skin.

“Don’t,” I snap. “Don’t you dare fucking lie to me.”

She flinches, turning her back on me as she leans against my desk. I hate myself for the way my tone is coated in rage, but I can feel her. My mate… The terror, the shame. It’s all for whoever the fuck that just was, not for me.

I want to kill him for it.

For whatever he’s done to her.

I’m losing my grip, losing my control. Everything inside me, every protection I’ve tried to implement against her is shattering.

I cross the distance between us, wrapping my arms around her from behind, tucking my chin over her shoulder as I lean my cheek against hers.

“Please,” I beg, my mind whirling from her chaotic emotions. She’s all over the place, and I know if I focus now, I can coax her into a calm state where she’ll keep nothing from me, but I’m not about to betray her trust like that. Instead, I wait her out, the raggedness of our breaths matching as I hold her.

“Please,” I say again, and she goes still in my arms. I don’t know if I’ve ever said that word before, and here I’ve said it twice . “Don’t lie to me this time.”

She blows out a deep breath.

“An enforcer,” she says, her voice cracking over the admission.

“Who was he to you?” I ask as calmly as I possibly can.

“A year ago, I thought he liked me. I thought he was a good person. And then…everything changed. I couldn’t stop it—”

“You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met, and my mother is a fucking goddess,” I cut her off. “What do you mean you couldn’t stop it?” My butterfly has claws; I saw as much during the Fader attack. There’s no way she couldn’t lay that enforcer out on his ass if she wanted to.

“He threatened me,” she says.

“With what?”

“To put me in the dungeons. Whenever I stepped out of line, whenever he caught me in a city I wasn’t allowed to be in—” Her words stop short.

Reality crashes inside my mind as the buzzing from her lies dissolves.

She’s shaking in my arms now, and I gently spin her around to face me. “Little liar,” I whisper, cupping her cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me? Tell any one of us?”

Tears fill her eyes, spilling down those black tracks already made on her cheeks. “I was afraid,” she admits on a released breath.

I swipe her tears away with my thumbs, unable to hold back a laugh.

“ That’s what you’re afraid of?” I ask through my laughter. “Where you come from? I don’t give a shit where you were born,” I say. “None of us would. What I care about is your lack of self-preservation when it comes to me .” I shake my head. “Honestly, Rylee, you were afraid of being outed as an Ashlander, but not the actual Nightmare who holds you right now?”

She shakes her head. “You’re not…angry with me? You’re not going to imprison me?”

“No.” I hold her a little more tightly. “I’m not my father. I don’t care about noble titles. You’re already suffering enough by me choosing you.”

Fuck, what she must have been fearing this entire time—

“I’m not afraid of you , Jax,” she says, hands sliding over my arms where I hold her, the touch so gentle, so accepting, so…loving.

My instincts flare again, the ones begging me to push her away, to protect her from me.

I release her, taking a step back. Putting a good two feet of distance between us.

“If you’re not afraid of me, you don’t understand me.” I finally force out the words, my hands immediately going to my blades. Not in any threat to her, but to protect her from me . If my hands are empty for much longer, I’ll fill them with that perfect ass of hers, bend her over my desk and fuck her until I’m branded on her skin for life. Until there’s no separating us ever again.

Rylee tilts her head for a moment, shock pulsing from her at the turn in conversation before she folds her arms over her chest, defiant. The little pose pushes up her gorgeous breasts, and the lace top she wears practically begs for me to slice it away.

“Oh, I think I do understand you, Jax,” she says. “You’re the one who is scared.”

My eyes flare, and I flip the blades in my hands. “Me? Afraid of you?”

“Yes!” She motions to the chamber around her. “You dragged me up here after an intense territorial display. You called me your mate , Jax. But just now, you put a mountain of space between us because you know what will happen if you keep touching me.”

“Is that right?” I fire back, sounding like a petulant child. “And what is that?”

“You’ll break,” she says without a shred of doubt. Goddess, she’s the sexiest, smartest, most powerfully infuriating woman I’ve ever met.

I laugh, full and raw and terrifying. The same laugh that usually has grown men pissing their pants like that fucking enforcer did moments ago.

But not Rylee.

She shivers as if I’ve just blown in her ear.

Goddess fucking damn it.

“You know who my father is,” I say, doing my best to pull any card I can to get her to realize the huge mistake she’s about to make. “You know what I’ll become if I have any more power.” The truth of my deepest fear laces my voice, but I push on, spinning the blades in my hands to keep me grounded. “I’ll use you up. Break you down until you’re a shell of the woman before me. Just like he did to my mother.” I shake my head. “Or I’ll do worse. If you’re mine and something happens to you, someone threatens you…” I drop my head. Can’t believe I’m admitting this to her as I meet her gaze again. “I’ll burn the whole fucking world down and laugh the ash out of my lungs.”

I don’t relish killing, not like everyone says I do. Just because I’m good at something doesn’t mean I love it, but that? That’s inevitable. What I’m capable of turning into when it comes to her. That much was proven moments ago with the fucking enforcer. Even now, knowing what I know…I want to hurt him. I want to make it last. Want to pay back every harm he’s done to her tenfold.

And that scares the living shit out of me—the little scrap of control I have will vanish if I give in to her.

Rylee’s frustration slides off her face, her emotions slipping to empathy in a heartbeat. “You are nothing like Baydel,” she says through her teeth. “You’re nothing like the Nightmare you pretend to be.”

“You don’t know that—”

“I know evil men, Jax,” she cuts me off, the truth in her words only adding to my need to cut into the enforcer. “You are not one of them.”

“I am. I could be—”

“Then why did you choose me, Jax?” she snaps, her energy swirling around the room with an intensity I swear I can feel against my skin. “Huh? If you were so determined to push me away, to keep me shut out like everyone else, then why—”

“I told you why. I had to.” It’s not a lie. That night… It’s as if she compelled me, some ancient magic that forced me to do its bidding.

“Bullshit,” she says, and I cock a brow at her tone. “You gave me a bullshit answer and you know it. Tell me the truth. You chose me for a reason, and now you’re punishing me for it. Why? Tell me why—”

“Because!” I throw my blades in the opposite direction until they snick perfectly into the walls. I stalk up to her, closing the distance between us again, not lowering my voice an inch. “The minute I heard your voice, the minute I sensed your emotions, you felt like mine. ”

The second the truth leaves my lips, something breaks open inside me, and I’m no longer pulling myself away from her; I’m jerking her to me in a painful kiss that sears my soul.

Fuck, she tastes like cherries and whiskey as I sweep my tongue into her mouth possessively. She whimpers at the intensity, her body melting into mine as I haul her against me. Lightning streaks through my veins as I lift her off her feet without breaking our kiss, walking her back toward my desk.

She’s desperately clawing at the buttons on my shirt, so I lean back, peeling it off one arm at a time. Her eyes scan the tattoos inked over my skin, and I hiss as she traces the lines with her fingers. She’s close, so much closer than I’ve ever let anyone be before.

I pull another blade from a harness on my thigh and grip the lace of her top. “Hold still,” I demand, and she goes absolutely immobile. That shoots need straight through me, her obedience like a catalyst for the mounting desire thrumming through me.

I drag my blade expertly through the lace, not daring to touch an inch of her skin. The fabric flutters to the floor, leaving her in just a silver bra, her breasts spilling over the cups. I cut that off next, leaving her upper half bare.

I groan at the sight of her, slamming the blade into the desk behind her. A wild burst of desire floods her emotions as I do, and I almost fucking drop to my knees from the power of it.

Fates above, this woman was truly made for me.

I hesitate, taking my time to drink her in, studying which place I want to tease. She reaches for me, impatient, gripping the back of my neck and looking up at me with defiant, playful eyes.

“Please, Jax,” she sighs, then smiles in that slightly mad way that makes me a complete and utter fool for her.

I twist my fingers in her hair, tipping her head back so I can claim her mouth at a deeper angle. My other hand travels over her supple breasts, pinching her nipples until they’re rosy and peaked for me. She arches against me, moaning at the sting, before I drag my hand lower between her thighs.

“You want me to ruin you, butterfly?” I drag my lips from hers, cupping her heat over her shorts.

“Yes,” she begs, and goddess damn me, I want to slam into her so badly. But this has been months coming, and I’m not about to rush.

I tease my mouth over hers, just barely a brush of my lips, before I dip down and haul her over my shoulder. I smack her ass as I walk through a hidden door in the corner of my office.

“Where are you taking me?” she asks with excitement.

I grin as I step into the room, shutting the door behind us. “Haven’t you ever heard of the Nightmare’s playroom?”