Page 70 of The Lies Always Told (Baker Oaks #4)

Prologue

Natalie

This wedding venue is beautiful, right by the water with a mix of earthy colors in the decorations.

It reminds me of peace and good moments; both things we take for granted most of the time.

As hard as it is to sit here—with my toddler on my lap, my daughter next to me, and an empty seat by my side—I still try to be present for my friends.

My family that life gave me. An unfair life, but it still gave me them.

It also gave me him, even if it ripped him away from me too soon.

Far too soon.

The gentle breeze caresses my cheeks as soon as I think those words.

I look at the empty seat with a portrait of him smiling and one single leaf lands on my lap.

Is this you? Is this a sign? Jake put a beer on the cupholder; always a good man looking out for his best friend even after his body is not physically here.

I wish I could say it hurts less, but it doesn’t. Nothing makes it hurt less.

The music plays, signaling the ceremony is starting, and we all stand up to see Jake walking down the aisle.

He’s smiling so big and tears threaten to trickle down my face.

Looking at how happy he is reminds me how it felt to have my soul lit on fire once.

It feels like you’re walking on sunshine while there’s a brightly burning flame deep within you, waiting to burst from your body at any point.

But that doesn’t exist inside of me anymore.

The flame burned out and no match in the world will ever bring it back. There’s no fire. There’s no soul.

My heart was woven to his so deeply that every passing year, month, day, hour, minute, and second in which he’s not on this earth with me, I can hardly breathe. I’ve been barely breathing for years now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to take in a full breath again.

There are books, songs, movies, and poetry about true love.

The one love of a lifetime. On how rare it is, and that when you find it, you must hold on to it and never let it go.

Allie and Jake have that love and we’re all here to witness it.

It’s beautiful, and although I wish I could believe that will again be me one day, I can’t.

I had a love like that once. I knew so deeply in my bones he was the other half of me that, at just sixteen years old, I swore I would never see another person the same.

I would never love another person the same.

But fate would have it that when we vowed to be together until death do us part, it would be taken at face value and rip him away from me.

Away from us.

And the day that single bullet went through his heart was the day my heart started giving out, too.

Except I have to pretend to be strong for the two little girls left behind, even if I’m dying inside.

I never expected to live a life without him, yet here I am, trying and failing every day.

But I smile, just like I smile right now, holding our daughter he never got to meet.

I smile, just like I am now as our best friends finally say their ‘I dos’. He should be here to see it, too.

I wipe away a tear I can blame on the beautiful ceremony if someone asks, as opposed to the real reason I’m shedding them. Because his life got cut too short and it’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.

We live our lives creating memories. Every day in the mundane, we’re creating what might be our last—whatever is happening.

Our last cup of coffee. Our last drive down I-95.

Our last first kiss. Our last goodbye. The sad part?

We don’t know it will be the last until it is.

Until the moment is gone and all that remains are memories.

So, when the officiant tells Jake to kiss his bride, I try to commit it to memory, just like I’ve been trying to do with every single happy moment I’ve been a part of in the past two years.

Even if it’s a reminder that I’ll never be kissed like that again.

Even if I’ll never be held like that again.

Even if I’ll never be loved like that again.

I don’t want to ever forget them. Any of them.

I don’t want to forget him . Even if it kills me in the process.