Page 22 of The Lies Always Told (Baker Oaks #4)

TEN

MISSING HER

JUNE

Wind Up Missin’ You by Tucker Wetmore & Silence by Marshmello and Khalid

Gus

I miss her. Why do I have to miss her? I’m so fucked if I can’t get her out of my head.

It was one week, not even. Five days. It felt like both too long and not long enough, and it’s not fair.

It’s been a month, an entire month, and I still can’t stop thinking about her, even though I did this to myself.

How many times did I tell her there wasn’t a future for us?

To stay away? To guard her heart? I fucking made her promise me she wouldn’t fall in love with me, and now I’m, what?

Missing her? Craving being with her? Feeling like I lost a part of myself the day I brought her back home? After what…a week?

Something soft, but with a little bit of weight, hits my head, and when I look up, I see Abraham smiling at me from the other side of my desk .

“Alo! Are you daydreaming about Nellie again?”

“What did you just throw at me?”

He points to the ground, and when I follow his gaze, I see his wallet. His damn wallet.

“Finders keepers.”

“Like you need it. Spit it out.”

I look at him and say nothing.

“Coooooooonoooo? 1 , you’re thinking about her, aren’t you?”

“About who?” I try to play coy.

“Cállate, Augusto. ?Cómo que no sabes de quien hablo?? 2 ” I throw my hand in the air, giving him the middle finger, and he laughs, pretending to kiss the air.

“Hola soy Nellie, y tengo a Augusto Zabana aficiaó como un perro,? 3 ” he says mockingly, his arms around his shoulders, pretending to kiss someone. Fucking jackass.

“All the time,” I finally snap.

“All the time what?”

“I think about her all the damn time.” I wish it was an exaggeration, but it’s not. Everything reminds me of her. And because she likes the water, I can’t even swim or sail without thinking about her. So much for being a playboy or whatever. I want to play, alright, but I want to play with her.

“Just call her.”

“And tell her what? Oh yeah, I told you we couldn’t be anything, and now I can’t stop thinking about you, and I don’t want anyone but you?”

“Well, that’s just sad,” he replies.

“Well, that’s the truth.”

“You’re fucked.”

I nod in reply before dropping my body deeper into my chair, crossing one leg over the other and looking out the window at the St. Johns River.

Zabana Enterprises has offices in three cities.

For the most part, I work from home, but Manny has been on a roadtrip with Cara for a week now, so I’m popping into our Jacksonville office to keep things flowing.

Our business runs practically on its own.

I’m just babysitting, overseeing some of the accounts he personally handles because his clients act like spoiled little brats if we’re not at their beck and call. I could give zero fucks, but he cares.

I meant it when I told Nellie I was worried about him and how he has no life beyond work.

So when Allie dared him to take time off to drive Cara, I knew we could make it work.

We kept from him the fact that it was a three week road trip, because we knew he would say no, but he usually doesn’t back down from his promises.

After he said yes, it was checkmate. I want him to be happy and find some balance, and I think he can do that with Cara.

She’s the opposite of Manny. Where Manny is uptight and work-oriented, Cara wants to spend days outside and take it slow.

She loves her job, but it’s not her entire life.

Maybe they can both learn from each other.

“I told her nothing could happen between us, and then I had a flare up, and she freaked out. She’s just starting her new life in Baker.

She doesn’t need to have to handle medical issues on top of that.

Maybe under the right circumstances, it would be different.

” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about those words.

Right circumstances . Maybe in another timeline, in which our families weren’t almost related, or she wasn’t ready to dedicate her time to the children who need her.

Maybe in one where my body is not broken and someone else doesn’t have to carry my flaws.

“Okay then, go out and fuck someone else and move on. But this moping shit is dumb.” He gets his phone out and texts someone before getting up. I’m also out of here. This place is depressing .

“Get it out of your system before you get boring,” Abraham says.

His parents own a private security company that has been passed from generation to generation.

He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and he takes advantage of it.

He oversees the business in the United States, and by oversees , I mean he calls his assistant and makes sure he’s not needed anywhere he doesn’t want to spend at least the weekend.

It makes our friendship even stronger, since neither of us nor Jean Luis have to be at work unless we want to.

“I don’t want to fuck someone else. Remember what happened last week? I couldn’t enjoy the bar even when women kept throwing themselves at me. I was just uninterested.”

“Well, that’s a first. Listen, we don’t have time for this shit. If you’re seriously interested in her, tell her. Show up at her house or send her some flowers and chocolate or something.”

“She doesn’t want me,” I reply.

“You are so whiny.”

“Why? Because I’m telling you I want someone for once in my life, and I’m trying to respect her wishes?

That makes me a decent human, not whiny.

” I may not be honest about a lot of things with my friends, but my intentions toward others is something I can’t hide very well.

That’s why Manny holds our sensitive clients. He can butter them up. I can’t.

“Okay, okay, my bad.” He brings his hands up in defense.

“All I’m saying is, when have you ever felt this way?

Never probably. So then do something about it.

Show her you’re willing to do more than just give up.

Grovel a little. The worst that can happen is her saying no, and then, well, leave her alone.

But if you think she’s scared because of your health, show her you’ve got her.

Show her how she can take care of you next time.

Shit, at twenty-one, I would be scared too after you almost died on her.

Hell, at twenty-six, your health still scares the shit out of me. ”

“It scares me too, but I don’t have a choice.

She does. And I didn’t almost die.” The thing is, that’s a possibility any day for me, and maybe I brushed it off too quickly without truly checking in on her.

It must have been scary. I know she was terrified, her tears the following day were enough indication.

She asked questions, and I answered, but maybe I should have asked questions too.

I should have made sure she was okay, truly okay.

“In her eyes, you did. I’ll send you the therapy bill.

Look at me, acting all grown and shit.” He laughs, and I want to as well, but I can’t.

I’m too stunned about the fact it’s been a month, and other than calling her, I haven’t apologized once for the whole thing, not since the day after it happened.

“Yeah, you just want me to make up with her so you can see her friend.” I brush it off, trying to hide my realization.

“I already see her friend all I want. All she wants, too. I don’t need you for that. Adios, Gusti. Figure it out.”

Abraham leaves, closing the door behind him, and I don’t waste time. If I want to see Nellie again and explore where this thing between us can go, I need to take the first step. I need to act like the man I am…and I have the perfect idea in mind.

Me: I’m sorry.

She replies immediately.

Nellie: For what?

Me: For not telling you about my health before taking you to another country and out on the water.

I see the dots dancing as she types, but then they stop. A minute passes. Nothing. I’m going erratic here.

Nellie: It’s okay.

Me: It’s not. Let me make it up to you.

Nellie: It’s truly okay.

Me: Please.

Me: I’ll do anything.

Nellie: Are you begging, Gus?

Me: I’m not above it .

Nellie: I gotta go. Goodbye, Gus.

Me: Go with me to a gala tomorrow.

Nellie: What?

Me: Please, let me make it up to you. We’ll talk and then go to the gala. Or we can talk at the gala.

Nellie: I’m not your girlfriend or one of the models you parade around.

Me: I’m not asking you to be. Just come with me, and we can talk. I’m being auctioned as a date, and you can buy me.

Nellie: Educator money, remember?

Me: Use my card. I don’t give a fuck.

Nellie: I’m not using your money.

Me: Someone has to.

Nellie: Gus…

Me: Say yes.

Nellie: No, I’m sorry. A public event on top of that? I’m good, really. Just forget it happened.

I can’t. I wish I could. It would make it so much easier for everyone if I could, but I can’t.

She wants to just ignore it all and act like nothing happened.

The worst part is, this Nellie, the Nellie who replied just now, is not the Nellie I know.

This is the guarded Nellie who told me she wanted to go home and not give us a try even after telling me she could see herself with me.

She went from scorching hot to icy cold in no time, and she seems to have stayed there.

Fine. Maybe she needs to see it the same way I did.

I’ll give her some temptation and see if she’ll bite.

I grab my phone and text Manny to give him an update and yell at him for trying to work on the trip.

Then, I text Blair to ask her to go with me to the gala tomorrow.

Blair is the daughter of Coop’s CEO, another local finance company.

She’s continuing her daddy’s legacy while trying to gain status as America’s sweetheart.

She’s good company and who I usually bring to events.

We have never slept together, and for the most part, we have a professional relationship.

I would call her a friend, but she says she doesn’t do friendships, just business transactions.

We look like a powerhouse couple, and we both take advantage of it, so we let the rumors talk.

“Lucia!” I shout, propping my feet on top of the desk as Manny’s personal assistant shows up.

“Yes, sir?”

“Confirm my attendance at the gala tomorrow with a plus one, and stop giving information to my brother about work. Let me handle it.”

“But sir, he specifically said he didn’t want me to leave him out of it,” she says with a pen to her mouth, her eyes wide.

“I understand, but I’m telling you he needs the break, so please, just let me know. I’ll handle it.”

“Yes, sir. Anything else?”

“No, you’re good to go.” She walks back to her desk, leaving the office empty, just me and my thoughts. I hope I know what I’m doing.

1 ? shiiiit

2 ? Shut up, Augusto. How do you not know who I’m talking about?

3 ? Hi, I’m Nellie, and I have Augusto Zabana in love with me (this is a very Dominican way of saying this sentence).