Page 32 of The Lies Always Told (Baker Oaks #4)

FIFTEEN

TELL ME ABOUT HER

JULY

July by Noah Cyrus and Leon Bridges

Gus

“So let me get this straight. You went on this trip. You found yourself again. You told Cara how you felt after showing her how she deserves to be treated but now you won’t fight for her?

” I ask my stupid brother, because apparently, someone has to bring him to his senses.

He’s sitting in his office chair, his foot over his lap, bouncing a stress ball from the desk to his hand without a care in the world.

“I would fight for her. Hell, I would give her the world if I could, but she just spent three weeks telling me how little her ex listened to her, and I don’t want to be that same person for her,” Manny answers, throwing the stress ball up and down in his hand and looking out at the river through his office window.

“So you’re willing to lose her?”

“If you love something, set it free, right?” he asks, and it makes me wonder if I would do the same. Not that I love Nellie, but if I did, would I be willing to let her go if it’s what’s best for her? I don’t think I would. I’m a selfish motherfucker who goes after what I want.

“Enough about me. What’s going on with you?

I feel like we haven’t talked in weeks.” Well, I was coming here to tell him I’m falling in love with the love of his life’s little sister, but now what am I supposed to do?

Sorry you’re hurting, but I’m happy with Nellie?

Sorry you and Cara didn’t work out, but I’m sort of dating her sister, and I want to scream it to the world?

“Not true,” I say. Manny hates lies. He and Nellie have that in common.

He says our dad lied so much, he learned to abhor it.

On the other hand, I spent years covering up the truth about my health to protect him, and it drove a wedge between us.

Now, I try not to keep him in the dark, which is why I have to tell him about what’s been going with me.

The dizziness and weakness is not normal.

I fainted yesterday too, and Martin found me after I didn’t answer the phone.

I need to have someone in the know, at least until I gather more information and figure out if this is something to be concerned about. Manny can help, I know it.

Nellie, though? I have to keep her in the dark for longer.

It has to stay like that. It’s what’s best for everyone, for Manny and Cara and the two of us, especially if we’re trying to make this work.

I hate that I have to keep this from Nellie, but she needs control, and I can’t control anything right now.

Calling Dr. Diaz will be step one, but she will want to run tests, and I’m tired of it.

I’m tired of the poking, the probing, the medicine changes.

I’m grateful for medical advances and the opportunity to give my heart and my body what I need to survive, but sometimes, I just wish I was normal.

I just wish I could live my life without having to worry so much about what even too much salt would do to my heart.

“Speaking about weeks ago: what was going on with that girl at your house?” he asks. I thought I dodged the bullet, but I guess not.

“I thought you would let this one go,” I mention, catching the ball he bounces to me. “You didn’t ask at the vineyard, so I thought you forgot.”

“Nah, no way. You had a girl in your bed in the morning. That’s newsworthy, even a month later. Tell me about her.”

“You’re gossiping like we’re in middle school now.”

“I’m interested. It’s different. Actually, I’m invested. Tell me more.” He wiggles his eyebrows before ducking to avoid the ball I throw at his head.

“I may have to keep this one to myself for a while…but I’m seeing someone.” Just the thought of saying it was someone else repulses me. The thought of saying it was something casual does too. Ugh, my head. Small dots dance in my vision, and I close my eyes tight. Another dizzy spell.

“What was that?” Manny asks, and I open my eyes to find him looking at me, concerned.

“Are you getting sick or something?

I take a slow breath, but it doesn’t help. The dizziness swells, pressing in heavier, making the lights too damn bright. “No, I’m not. Just dizzy.”

“Call the doctor.” This is why I don’t tell him shit unless I have all the answers. He turns into Manny “the fixer” immediately, and sometimes, I just need Manny my brother.

“I’m good. It’s just today. I’ll have some electrolytes and be fine. I didn’t sleep well.”

“Long night with her?”

Yes, but I don’t tell him. My jaw flexes. “Drop it, man.”

A slow grin spreads across his face. “That bad, huh?” He picks up the ball and tosses it back to me, something we always did growing up. Our parents thought we would be good at tennis or ping pong because of it, but really, we just liked whatever would keep our hands busy and us talking .

I fire the ball at him. He barely dodges it, instead catching it. “That good,” I correct.

His laughter echoes in the office. “Oh, now I really need details.”

I rub my temple, trying to push away the lingering dizziness. “Not happening.”

“You must care about her a lot if you’ve seen her more than twice and won’t share any details.” I’m falling in love with her . She brings me to life . She’s giving me hope that I can share everything with her.

“Would you share any details about Cara with me?” I fire back.

“Do not compare whatever you have going on to my relationship with Cara.”

“Or your lack of one.”

He stops tossing the ball and proceeds to slam it on top of the desk.

“Mi decisión de decirle a Cara que la amo y ver lo que pasa no tiene nada que ver contigo. Es entre ella y yo. Si no me quieres decir que está pasando con la chica misteriosa, no pasa nada pero no me compares al amor de mi vida con tu chapeadora del mes? 1 .”

I bring my hands up in surrender. “Let’s just drop it, okay? I’m gonna head home. I’m dizzy and tired.”

He shakes his head and pinches his nose. “Sorry. Just…don’t. Let me handle Cara.”

“Let me handle my shit too. Hablamos luego? 2 , okay?”

“Okay, take care. If the dizziness continues, call the doctor.”

“Si, mamaguevo. Adios.? 3 ”

That was not what I wanted to hear, not what anybody would want to hear. Not at eighteen. Not at twenty six.

“There’s something going on with your heart,” Dr. Diaz said casually.

There’s always something going on with my heart.

I adore Dr. Diaz, and her practice is good.

I feel like her staff listen, and I feel taken cared of there, but damn it, just once, I would like to go see her and leave feeling elevated, like I was finally able to catch a break.

But no, my body has to throw another curve ball every time.

Irregular heart rhythms.

Symptomatic.

Ventricular depolarization.

Maybe genetic?

Why didn’t it come out before?

We need to run more tests.

Can you come back tomorrow?

Stay away from strenuous activities.

Take it easy.

We need to run more tests.

All words tossed around like I wasn’t in the room. Like I wasn’t sitting right there, with cables hooked to every part of me. Like I wasn’t a human with feelings sitting beside them on a familiar table.

Dr. Diaz is great, but sometimes, it feels as if she can only show her humanity once she has all the answers.

Before then, I’m just another case she needs to crack.

Still, it beats the countless other doctors who brushed my issues off.

It beats the countless other medical professionals who told me to just take an antihistamine or to watch what I was eating.

She and her team are solution-oriented, but until they find it, I don’t exist as Augusto Zabana.

I only exist as case whatever number and symptoms sit in my file.

“Where to?” Martin asks from the driver’s side. I can’t drive either, or I shouldn’t. I told Nellie we should spend some time together, so that’s where we need to go.

“Nellie’s house.”

“Yes, sir,” he replies as he heads down the highway, starting the forty-five minute drive to Nellie’s house.

“And Martin…”

“Yes, sir.”

“Not a peep to Nellie about any of this. Got it?”

He nods and drives, drives us away from here and right into the arms of the woman I’m falling for, who doesn’t deserve any of this.

1 ? My decision to tell Cara I love her and see what happens has nothing to do with you. That’s between me and her. And if you’re not willing to tell me what’s going on with you and your mysterious girl, it’s fine, but don’t compare my love life to your piece of ass of the month.

2 ? Talk later.

3 ? Yes, this translates to dick sucker, BUT in Dominican, it’s like calling your friend asshole. Goodbye.