Page 16 of The Lies Always Told (Baker Oaks #4)

SEVEN

BARELY brEATHING

Gus

Nothing can come out of this. Nothing can happen after tomorrow. She’s a family friend. She lives in a different town. She just finished college. She’s starting a new job, a new life. She’s beautiful. She’s passionate. She’s kind. She’s funny. She’s smart.

Fuck, Gus. Fuck. I drag my hands over my face and cross my leg over my lap as I watch Nellie sound asleep on the bed below deck.

We spent the night in the boat, talking, kissing, and having sex.

She’s insatiable, and I’m happy to oblige.

I can’t seem to shake it, either. I need to keep myself in check, because after tomorrow, she’ll go back to her life, and I’ll go back to mine.

I doubt I’ll be able to do that unscathed, considering how she’s been living inside my thoughts for a month.

Now that I’ve had her in my arms, in my bed, now that I know what she tastes like, I don’t know if I’ll be able to forget her.

I have to. I have too much shit going on.

She likes fun and honesty, and I can be both of those things, but not for long periods of time.

Not without my body breaking in front of her and dragging her into more problems. Another reason why I don’t date.

I’m not about to give my shitty heart to someone and then expect them to handle it with the care it needs while putting a strain on theirs.

The waves cradle the sailboat, moving it front and back. Nellie is fast asleep, her dark hair a contrast against the white linen covering the bed, her lips slightly parted as she dreams. Or I hope she does. Someone as smart as she is should have dreams that reach the sky and beyond.

I get up and walk to the bed, sitting beside her and whispering, “Hey, sleepy head.”

“Go away,” she mumbles, moving side to side and pulling the blanket on top of her.

“I want to show you something.” I hold her hand and trace small circles on her wrist over a faint scar. Maybe in another life, I could ask her about it.

“Is it even morning yet? Why are you up so early? Did you even go to sleep?”

I chuckle at the questions she’s firing off, but I don’t answer any of them. “Come on, I made coffee.”

“Iced?”

“Yes, come on.” I watched her drink iced coffee these past two days as if they were water.

She mentioned something about enjoying the taste of Café SantoDomingo, which makes me happy, considering I grew up on it my whole life.

Nothing compares to the aroma and the bitter aftertaste.

It’s not too overpowering, but it definitely tastes like coffee, not like a watered down version.

No flavors, no sweeteners, just good coffee.

I hand her the glass, as she’s trying not to fall back on her face in exhaustion, but after a singular sip, her eyes snap to mine, and she smiles.

“Perfect,” she whispers.

“Come on, let me show you something.” I give her my hand, wrapping her in a blanket and guiding her out of the cabin onto the deck. She gaps at the sight.

“Gus…where are we?”

“Mar adentro”

“Translation, please.”

“Out in the ocean. I wanted to show you the sunrise, and it’s not the same when you’re surrounded by the chaos of the pier. Out here, it’s just us, the water, the sky, and the sun.” I nod forward, and she follows my gaze.

“This is…this is breathtaking.” She sits right where she stands, taking it all in.

The cloudless sky changes from dark blue, almost black with purple hues, to a lighter blue with shades of orange and yellow.

I tilt her head to the right so she can see where the sun is coming up.

“ Breathtaking ,” she whispers, taking a sip of her coffee and taking it all in.

The waves crash against the vessel, but it’s not too choppy, just enough to create a melody. The waves, the boat, and us. “Inspiring. Wow,” Nellie says again. The water starts lightening too, with every ray of sun giving it more life, making it feel more serene than eerie.

“What does it inspire you to do?” I ask, sitting behind her, my legs wrapping around her, pulling her flush against my chest.

“I don’t know…to breathe? To live? Cara’s always talking about how spending time outside helps her feel more alive, but I usually only feel like that in the water.

This? This is something everyone should experience once in their lifetime.

Thank you…” She trails off, and I nod as I lie my head on hers.

“Is this why your hands are rough? Because you sail?”

I nod. “Sailing and rock climbing. I love them both for different reasons, but my hands don’t necessarily agree.” We sit, watching, sharing the silence worth more than a thousand words, and let the sun rise until it’s high above our heads .

“What inspires you, Gus?” she asks when I least expect it.

How do I tell her nothing and everything? How do I tell her I live inspired by everything around me and by absolutely nothing at the same time?

“It’s hard to find inspiration sometimes. If I overthink it, I won’t find any at all, so for the most part, I usually try to find something to look up to in the right here and right now.”

She tilts her head back, resting it on my chest and sliding down my body before she closes her eyes.

I kiss her forehead, which makes her smile.

She opens her eyes again, looking into mine but reaching directly into my soul.

She can see right through me, and in this moment, I know.

In this moment, I know I may not be able to move on from these past few days.

“What inspires you right now, then? Don’t bullshit me, Gus. Be honest.” I know she values honesty, and fuck, so do I, but vulnerability is a tougher one to breach. If we only have this time, these days, then maybe I can give her that.

“You.”

She turns around, climbing my body and straddling me. She sits right on my lap and holds my face in her hands. “You can’t say things like that and expect me to not think about you after tomorrow.”

She looks at me with an intensity I can only compare to lust, because if I think beyond it, I could call it yearning, wanting, needing , and we can’t have that.

She can’t have that. I have so much going on, so much that will always haunt me.

A load that is just mine, one nobody else deserves to carry.

My health is complicated, and she doesn’t deserve the burden. Nobody does.

“You can’t think about me after tomorrow, but…I’m just being honest.”

“Maybe sugarcoat it for me next time and tell me it’s the sky or something.” She tries to laugh it off, tries to cover the pain with humor, but her eyes tell me another story. As if she can tell, she lowers her gaze .

“You want me to lie, Nellie?” I bring my hand to her chin, lifting her face up to look at me again. Come on, Nellie . Don’t leave me . What a fucking hypocrite I am, but damn it, maybe I need to be a selfish asshole for once and go for what I want.

She sighs. “I want you to be easy with my heart. If all you can give me is today, I want it fully, but I don’t want to hurt past tomorrow. So please, just be easy on me, okay?”

“I can do that.”

“Promise?” she asks, caressing my cheek and smiling sadly at me.

“Promise.” Leave it up to me to find comfort and connection in the one girl I shouldn’t.

Leave it up to me to be so close to saying “fuck it all”, to see what else could happen beyond tomorrow.

I don’t have time to ponder it anymore, because Nellie pops up from my lap and turns to look at the water.

“The water is calling me. Wanna swim?” Nellie asks.

“I didn’t really come prepared to swim. I have swim trunks and towels, but I don’t have anything for you. I was only planning on staying half a day, if that.”

She looks at the water, and I can see it calling for her just like she said. I can see it in her face how she’s dying to jump and let it consume her. She walks closer to the rail and then turns around, smiling and motioning me to her with her fingers.

Her smile is wicked. Her eyes are inviting, and whatever she’s thinking, I know I will agree with.

“You know…there’s nobody else here, so I don’t think there’s a problem if we just jump in…naked.”

Fuck. “Nellie…” She steps out of the oversized tee I let her borrow last night and stands in front of me in her underwear. “You are so much trouble.”

“What’s trouble if I’m by myself? Or you can join, and then we can both get in trouble together.

” She moves her hands behind her back, and in a split second, her bra is on the deck, her beautiful breasts on display.

I’m dumbfounded by the whole thing, frozen in place.

What did she call it? I’m awestruck by this woman.

There’s nobody out here, so I’m not worried about her being seen, and neither is she, clearly, but damn.

What a move. She pulls her underwear down, and with a quick jump, she gets into the water.

“Nellie!” I shout, rushing to the edge as she disappears.

I hold the rail and look over at the same time she pops her head out and laughs loudly.

Her laugh is vibrant and pure, reaching every bit of my nerve endings and sparking a fire in my soul.

Just one laugh, and I feel more alive than I’ve felt in a long time.

“Nellie, come back up.”

“Why?! The water is perfect. It’s early enough that we can swim for a while and still be back in time to explore more like you said you wanted. Come on, Gus. Come swim.”

“It would be irresponsible of me.”

“What would? Jumping in the water with me? Why? Because I’m naked? News flash, my guy—you’ve seen me naked.”

I shake my head and snicker. “Both of us in the water without clothes. What if something happens?”