Page 65 of The Lies Always Told (Baker Oaks #4)

“You listened, even when what I asked wasn’t what I wanted.

You kept trying to be near me, and I just…

I responded with sharp words and a cold shoulder.

I pushed you away. I hurt us.” My muffled cries hide my words when I don’t move my face from his chest. I can see it all in my head.

The way he looks at me. The way he cares for me.

His dark eyes never leaving me, no matter where we are—always finding me in the room.

“I kept you out, Nellie. Out of one part of my life there’s no controlling.

One part of my life where there will always be questions and very few answers.

I kept you out because I needed space to understand it before letting you in.

I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, let alone you.

There was nothing you could’ve done. I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry I did that, but I never stopped searching for you. ”

His rough hand caresses my back as his other hand holds my head. “I never stopped caring. I don’t want you to push me away, and yes, maybe I should’ve fought harder, but Nellie, you didn’t fight at all. I felt disposable too.”

“I hurt you. I hurt him. I hurt everyone. I hurt?—”

“None of this is your fault. Cody didn’t share everything.

His brother was unstable. None of it is true.

Don’t let your brain lie to you. You’re hurting, yes, because you have a giant heart and you care.

That’s what I love most about you. I’m sorry I hurt you.

I’m sorry I made you think I didn’t love you.

I’m so sorry, but none of this is your fault.

Please believe me.” I finally realize it.

He wants to be the savior, but he doesn’t want to be saved.

Funny, because I hate feeling like I need saving, and now, we’re here, in this conundrum. But he—wait? He loves me?

I look up at him, eyes glossy with tears, and ask the question that almost slipped my mind.

“Love? The woman you love?”

“I was really hoping you didn’t catch that.

” He brings his hand up and cups my face, taking a deep breath and settling my own.

“This is not how I wanted to tell you I love you.” He wipes away a tear falling down my face.

“I didn’t want to tell you in the middle of an argument, but I can’t omit my feelings.

What I feel for you is so concrete, so real, that there’s nothing holding it back.

It comes so naturally to me, to love you, that my brain doesn’t know I wasn’t supposed to tell you yet.

Loving you is so fundamental to my entire self, being away from you for those few days was torment.

It was ripping me to shreds from the inside out.

The day I came back for you, to talk to you, was because I felt like I was crawling out of my skin…

and then I saw you, and everything was right.

I could live an entire lifetime keeping you away from me, but it would be a life short-lived, because I realized very quickly, a life wi thout you is not a life worth living.

A life away from you is not something I can do. It’s not something I want to do.”

He kisses my forehead. I try to open my mouth to speak, but he brings a finger to my lips and whispers, “I’m not good enough for you, I know that.

I know I’m damaged goods. You deserve better.

I told myself I could let you go and let you fall in love with someone who didn’t take up so much space, who didn’t bring so much pain, but I’m going to be selfish and say that’s not going to happen.

I’m going to be selfish and keep you. I might not be the man you deserve, but damn it if I’m not going to die trying. Because you know what I realized?”

“What?”

“I realized you’re mine, and I’m yours, and nothing else matters.

I love you, Nellie. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before.

I’m so sorry I kept it from you instead of just letting you all the way in and letting you see it all—my fears and my love.

But I do, baby girl. I love you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. ”

“I thought I wasn’t enough for you. I thought you couldn’t love me. I thought I was the burden. The weird one. The one hard to love.”

He shakes his head and smiles. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” He lets the words float in the air, caressing all my doubts and easing any hesitation.

“I thought you knew, but maybe I just needed to say it, with words, once, twice, again. So, here I am, saying it. I love you. Wholeheartedly.” Every word he says leaves goosebumps in its wake, comforting me and making me feel the way I always do around him—alive.

I rise to my tiptoes and kiss his lips. It catches him by surprise, but in no time, he does the same.

He kisses me gently. He kisses me thoroughly.

His kiss is communicating with me. His kiss makes me feel loved, cherished, and wanted.

This one kiss means more to me than anything else.

His lips are full and tasty, he always tastes so good.

Salty, minty, and like him. Just perfect.

His tongue dances with me. Slowly. Possessive.

I’m his. He’s mine. The rest, we can figure out.

“None of it was your fault, but Nellie, I’m going to love you through it. I know your heart, and I know you know mine. I see you, and I know you see me, but we both need to work on listening. We both need to believe, and this is where we need to be.”

“I love you,” I whisper, a weight lifting off my chest. I love him. I love him. I love him.

“I know. I can see it. It’s good to hear it, though. And you know what? I’m going to love you so hard, there won’t ever be a doubt in your mind about where your heart belongs and to whom. Where your body belongs. Where you belong. Who you belong with.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“How are we going to face everyone? We basically lied to everyone. We’ve lied to ourselves, wave after wave of lies, to keep ourselves safe, refusing to accept help from each other.

No wonder we were drowning,” I whisper against his lips before he gives me another peck, before he kisses every tear off my cheeks.

He holds my face, and without any hesitation, he says, “You hold on to me. Let me be your anchor, my girl, and then, we face them together, one person at a time. But nothing else matters, as long as you’re by my side. Everything else, we can figure out. I promise.”

We kiss again. We kiss until my lips feel raw. We kiss until I don’t want to shed more tears, until my own love for him is pouring out of every part of me.

“Hey Gus,” I whisper against his lips.

“Yes, Trouble?” He smiles, and I can’t help but do the same.

“I love you.” He holds my gaze, his eyes darkening with intensity.

This is not only lust. This is understanding and passion.

This is friendship and patience. This is the way he holds me.

The way his lips sync with mine is something I’ve never experienced.

This is love, and suddenly, with his lips on mine and his hands roaming my body, I feel like I’m going to be okay.

I can let him help me through this. I can let him love me, if he lets me do the same.

I walk us backward, not letting go of his lips and pulling him by his shirt closer to me. I keep walking, and when I finally reach where I want to go, I pull him even closer before I take us both down into the water.

He gasps after we resurface, and I laugh. What a foreign sound to my ears.

“What the hell?” Gus asks, shaking his head and taking his shirt off, tossing it out of the pool and onto the deck.

“I wanted the water, and the water wanted me, but I also wanted you, so here we are.” I swim closer to him, sinking underwater, the place where I feel most at ease. He sinks under too, meeting me halfway and hugging my body tight. He kisses my lips before helping me and coming up for air.

“I can’t swim a lot, not right now. My heart can’t be working too hard.”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it. Come on, let’s get out.”

“No, I didn’t mean I can’t be in the water.

I just can’t go for a swim, but you know what I can do?

” he asks, lifting an eyebrow. I bite my lip knowingly, my body instantly coming to life under his gaze.

I may be in the water, but the way he looks at me burns me from the inside out.

He fits his hands under my ass and lifts me up, sitting me on the edge of the pool as he bites my nipple over the fabric of the shirt I’m wearing. His shirt.

“As much as I like to see you wearing my clothes, take it off.” I obey his command, removing the wet shirt over my head and tossing it with his. The minute the shirt is off, his mouth is on my breast again, kissing, licking, biting, and pulling.

“Fuck,” I groan, and he moans against my flesh, the most obscene, guttural, sexy, and delicious sound. I arch my back against him, pushing my breast deeper into his mouth as his hand lowers to pull my panties off.

“Lift your ass for me,” he says with a mouth full of my breast. I set my feet on the edge of the pool, lifting so he can slide my underwear off. He lets go of my nipple with a pop and brings his eyes to me. He stares at me, starting with my eyes and lowering slowly as he adjusts himself underwater.

“Fucking hell, Nellie. You’re perfect. I’m never going to be tired of this view. I’m never going to get tired of seeing you.”

“Even when I’m old and wrinkly?” I ask, trying to close my legs, but he won’t let me. His hands quickly go to my knees, pushing them open wider as he stares at my pussy.

“Especially if you’re old and wrinkly, because that means we grew old together. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would still feast on my perfect pussy. I can promise you that.”

“Your pussy, huh?”

His hands go up to my hips, as he pulls me closer to the edge.

His hands roam up my belly, touching my breasts until he holds my face.

“You are mine. All of you.” He brings his hands down to my chest. “My heart.” He continues lower until he touches the scars on my hips.

“My pain.” He continues lower, bringing his head closer to my aching core before he says, “And my pussy.”

He closes his mouth over my mound, sucking hard and making me see stars.

“All of you. I want it all.” He takes one of my feet and places it on his shoulder, giving him more access to all of me.

He licks, he kisses, he bites, he taunts.

He flattens his tongue until he’s touching dangerously close to my ass.

“And one of these days, this ass will be mine too.” I suck in a breath the moment he says that. His tongue explores everything, every place he can reach.

“Mm, I’ll never get tired of tasting you.” He goes back to licking and teasing, and I moan and writhe under his touch. It feels so good, so fucking good. I feel the warm liquid pooling behind my belly, and with one scrape of his teeth on my clit, I come undone.

“Fuck,” I groan once more, and he doesn’t relent. He keeps going, stretching my orgasm out longer. Bringing me higher. Giving me pleasure.

“Take it all, Nellie. Take all the good. Give me the pain. Let it go,” he says between my legs.

If I didn’t already know I love him, now would be the time.

Not because of the earth-shattering orgasm or the way he’s making me feel, but because he seems to know exactly what I need to hear. He seems to know exactly what I need.

I bring my hands to his face, lifting him from his favorite place, and the guy pouts. “Oh my God. Get over it. It’s just a pussy.”

“It’s my pussy, and I missed it.” I roll my eyes at him.

“You’re so crass.”

“You wanted honesty. How’s that for honesty?

” He removes his shorts and I take advantage of the moment to pull him closer to me.

I hook my legs around him and hold his face.

“You can give me yours too. Your pain. Your fears. I can hold them. They’re not too much for me.

You’re not too much for me, I promise.” He swallows hard.

“That was my biggest fear.”

“I know it now, but you’re not. You’re perfect. You were made for me.”

I caress his face, sliding my hands through his hair. “I love you. I want to love you through it too. Let me, please.”

He nods, bringing his lips to mine. I whisper against them, “Promise, Gus.”

“I promise. ”

We kiss again. This time, our kiss is both minty and tangy, salty and sweet, me and him.

Us. The best way to be. He kisses me as he slides his dick inside me, meeting every lick of my tongue on his with a thrust. They’re slow at first and then pick up tempo, just how I like it.

I pull him closer to me, as close as I can.

I thrust my tongue into his mouth, and he lets me.

Tongues rush, nails scratching and dragging into his back.

His lips kiss and bite my neck. My collarbone.

My throat. I moan, I groan, I scream. He praises, he licks, he groans.

“Come for me, Trouble,” he commands.

“Come with me, Gus,” I demand. I want him so close to me that there’s no air between us, so close, I can’t move. I can’t breathe. So close, all I feel is him. He wraps his strong arms around me as he thrusts again and again.

“I love you,” I moan as I start to ride the wave of pleasure once more.

“I love you,” he echoes, with everything he has.