Page 36 of The Lavender Bride

35

Well, here’s a turn up! Audrey Trent has divorced Rex. I’ve put the word out to Rex’s people to find out what happened but they’re completely schtum. All I know is that Audrey got a quicky divorce in Reno and returned to LA this week as a single woman.

LOUELLA PARSONS, LOS ANGELES EXAMINER , 4 JUNE 1953

As the train passes through the outer reaches of Los Angeles, I’m alight with excitement and anxiety. I put a hand on my stomach to calm the flutter of nerves. It’s three weeks since I saw Jack. He came to Reno and we had four wonderful days together at the ranch I was staying at just outside the city. It was the highlight of my time in Nevada which otherwise was simply spent waiting for the required six-week residency period to expire, at the end of which I could get a divorce. I’d saved quite a bit while I was with Rex and that paid for the ranch. As other women gossiped and flirted with the cowboys, I kept myself to myself, hoping not to be recognised as Rex’s erstwhile wife.

It’s two days since I left Reno’s courthouse and kissed one of its enormous white pillars in gratitude for my divorce. Tradition has it that you then throw your wedding ring in the Truckee River but, as I left mine in Canada, I skipped that part and rushed straight back to the ranch to finish packing.

Jack has promised to meet my train. I rest my hand on my travelling case which sits on the sofa next to me. I’m in one of the parlour cars, sitting in a comfy sofa facing into the carriage, able to watch the spectacular views of the Pacific coast through the huge windows that curve up to the roof. By my feet is Muffin who, after entertaining the other passengers in the early part of the journey, is finally asleep.

In my travelling case is a bundle of letters from Jack, all of which are precious, but also a letter I never expected to receive which is like gold to me. It arrived with a letter from Esther, who I wrote to as soon as I arrived at the ranch to tell her I’d left Rex. When the letter arrived, I noticed it was thicker than usual. I thought she’d perhaps sent a photograph of David and Ruth to cheer me up but when I opened the envelope, her letter was wrapped around another one. It said simply Audrey in Mum’s handwriting.

I flip open the case and take it out. I know it almost by heart but it that doesn’t change the impact it has every time I read it.

Hello love,

I’m ashamed of myself that this is the first letter I’ve written you in all the time you’ve been away. I’m sorry. I’ve let you down. From what Esther tells me, you maybe needed a word from your old mum now and then. I should have done that. I shouldn’t have let your father stop me.

Esther tells me you’ve left your movie star because he wasn’t kind to you. I’m that sorry you had to go through it, love. I want you to know I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself if he wasn’t treating you right. That’s brave. You’ve always been brave. Braver than me, anyhow.

I hope this new chap is good to you. You deserve it; you always have. I should’ve told you that a bit more too.

I wish I’d been as brave as you. There were times when I thought of taking you and Esther and walking out. I never found the courage to do it though. Too worried about what other folk would think.

Your father is busy raising money for a new church organ and that takes him out and about a great deal, which I’m not complaining about. We rub along all right these days. But he doesn’t need to know everything that goes on in this house. Esther says she’ll send my letters with hers to save on the postage. I hope you’ll forgive me, love, and write back but I’ll try to understand if there’s been too much water under the bridge.

All my love,

Mum x

I sobbed like a baby when it came. I cried because I missed her and for all of the times when I’d needed a hug or a kind word and couldn’t have it. I cried for the years when she was lost to me and my heart ached for her. I cried because she still loves me and because unbelievably, she was proud of me even though I’d done the unthinkable and left my husband.

There’s a lump in my throat as I read it again. I wrote back immediately and told her that of course I forgive her and that I was absolutely thrilled to get her letter. I gave her Rita’s address as I’ll be living there for the foreseeable future.

I turn to the window and crane my neck to try to see the tower of Central Station. I slip on my jacket. Straighten my hat. Apply a fresh coat of lipstick. Muffin wakes up, stretches and yawns. ‘Not long now,’ I tell her as I clip her lead on.

I’m standing by the door as we pull up to the platform with my cases by my feet. I scan the waiting people looking for Jack’s face. What if he can’t make it and he couldn’t let me know? Or worse, if he’s changed his mind?

I try to remember his steady smile, the warmth in his beautiful eyes. The way he says my name as if he’s waited a lifetime for me.

He’ll be here. You can trust him , I tell myself. There’s still an unpleasant swirl of anxiety in my stomach, though.

The moment the train stops, I’ve got the door open. I climb down onto the platform and Muffin jumps down behind me. I summon a porter and hand over my two large cases but keep hold of my travelling case. As I walk down the platform, I’m frantically scanning the crowds looking for Jack. Where is he? Did he get the day wrong? Or forgot? Now I know him better, I’ve discovered he gets very engrossed in whatever he’s doing and can easily forget the time.

Tears tingle behind my eyes. I’ve been really looking forward to this. I’ve imagined our meeting multiple times. What he’ll say. What I’ll say. His arms going round me. That first kiss.

Disappointment sours my stomach. Do I wait? Or do I get a taxi to Rita’s? But what if he’s only caught in traffic and is on his way?

The attendant takes my ticket and we’re out into the lobby with a wooden vaulted roof and tiled floor. There are people everywhere: dashing to catch trains, sat waiting, reading the paper or chatting.

We approach the square central desk. There are running feet behind me. Muffin pulls on her lead and barks, the kind of bark when she’s pleased to see someone. I stop, just as a hand falls on my shoulder.

‘Audrey! I went to the wrong platform.’

I drink him in. He’s tousled and untidy as usual. His glasses are smudged and his hair’s a mess but his grey eyes smile at me as if I’m the most precious thing in the world.

‘I thought you weren’t coming,’ I blurt out.

‘Never.’ His arms come round me and he pulls me towards him. ‘God, am I pleased to see you!’

The kiss is everything I dreamed of and more. His lips are gentle but questioning and the answer is there. Yes, I’ve missed you too. Yes, I want you too.

He lets me go but his hands remain on my waist. ‘I’ve got something to ask you,’ he says. His grey eyes are studying my face, checking for my reaction.

Is he going to propose? A white beacon of hope lights in my heart but I quell it ruthlessly. The ink is barely dry on my divorce. It’s far too soon to be thinking of marriage. I’m determined not to rush into things. I’ll wait until Ginny’s words are true and every fibre in my being knows I cannot live without this man.

‘Something I should have asked in the commissary at Crown.’

‘Okay, I’m listening.’ I raise my hand to check my hat, which has slipped slightly during the kiss. I push the kirby grip in more firmly.

‘Audrey Wade, and I can’t tell you how pleased I am that that’s your name again,’ Jack grins, ‘would you like to go dancing on Saturday night?’

My grin answers his. ‘Too right I would.’

He drops a quick kiss on my lips. ‘What about the following Saturday?’

‘Yes, then too.’

Kiss, deeper this time.

‘And the one after that?’

‘Definitely.’

Kiss, long and languid and turning my belly to fire.

A throat is cleared behind us. We hastily take a step apart. Heat rushes to my cheeks. If Father could see me snogging in a public place, he’d be appalled. That thought doesn’t sting like it used to. Mum still loves me and is proud of me and that’s enough.

‘Let me take those,’ Jack says to the porter. He swings my cases from the trolley and slips something into the man’s hands. The porter tips his cap to him.

‘My car’s just outside.’

I think back to the girl I was when I arrived in Central Station three years ago with a head full of dreams. Hiding my insecurities behind a new wardrobe and a determination to make a life for myself. If I’d known then I’d marry a movie star, I’d have been on cloud nine. I wish I could warn her to take care, to not trust people unless they definitely deserve it and that movie stars are human beings with faults and failings just like everyone else.

I’m not that girl any more. I’ve grown up. Yet as I follow Jack, a picture forms in my mind. I see us in a few years’ time, returning home from vacation. Jack carrying the luggage. Me holding a curly-haired little girl by the hand and pushing a pram with a bouncing baby boy in it with Muffin trotting along behind.

That’s what I want. A life built together. And, if we’re lucky and the stars align, a family too.

There’s no harm in dreaming about that. Because as Jack said, dreams can have power. Mine brought me across the Atlantic and eventually landed me here, with Jack. And there is nowhere I want to be more than that.