Page 29 of The Lavender Bride

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Jack’s reaction makes me smile. There’s something wonderfully straightforward about him and, after tiptoeing around Rex’s moods for over a year, it’s very refreshing.

Once we’ve emptied our whisky glasses, Jack adds wood to the fire which makes it snap and crackle again. I move the oil lamp over to the coffee table. As he sits beside me, the lamp’s gentle light casts a halo of illumination between us.

There’s a long pause with only the crackle of the fire and the wind moaning down the chimney. The silence that settles between us has an easiness to it which I’ve only felt with Freddie before.

‘Okay, I understand why you married Rex,’ Jack says, breaking into my thoughts. ‘But I’d just told you how much I liked you. Did that not figure in this at all?’

‘Be fair, Jack. I’d only met you three times.’ I stare down at my gold wedding band and diamond engagement ring that have no meaning when your husband loves someone else. ‘The truth is, I was mortified that you knew about Rex. I felt like such a blinking idiot. For a long time, I didn’t want to see you. I couldn’t bear the pity, you see.’

Jack colours. It’s the first time his emotions are written on his skin. It strips him back a layer as if I’m seeing more of the man he really is.

‘That’s on me. If I’d not been as blunt.’ He looks down and winces. ‘Astrid says I came back from the war determined to speak the truth and damn the consequences. I’m sorry if that’s what I did that night.’

I could accept the apology and move on but there’s more here. I want to know this man. More than I’ve ever wanted to know anyone else.

‘What happened to make the truth so important?’

‘I lost a buddy.’ He gestures. ‘Actually, I lost dozens. That’s the trouble with bombers. If a plane goes down, the whole crew are gone. Eight young lives snuffed out in an instant.’ He grimaces and then gets up and walks to the fire. He adds another log and then turns back to me. ‘It was Syd’s death that hit me hardest. We met in training. He was from Seattle. He was a winger for his local ice hockey team and loved Glenn Miller and the Seattle Rainiers. We were deployed together. It was Syd I went to Matlock with. You remember me telling you about that?’

‘Of course.’ It’s over a year but the conversation is crystal bright in my memory.

‘In March ’44, his plane was shot down over Germany. It hit me like a truck. I couldn’t believe he’d gone. I went AWOL for two nights. I just couldn’t bear to go back to base and Syd not be there. I should have been in big trouble but my Colonel took pity on me. He knew I’d not go off the rails if there wasn’t good reason. Later, Betty, one of the WAAFs we used to meet up with, came to see me. She was as broken down as I was.’ Jack runs his hand through his hair. ‘You see, she’d been in love with Syd and I knew Syd had been in love with her. Neither of them had said anything.’ He takes a gulp of air and I can feel how close the memories are. I reach out and take his hand. He smiles at me, gratefully but a little shamefaced at showing emotion.

‘It was such a waste. They’d missed out on happiness. I hated that Syd died never knowing how she felt. I told myself I’d never make that mistake. That if I liked someone, I’d speak up.’

I nod slowly; too many people I knew lost loved ones during the war. I saw how grief burned them up, how heartbreak altered them. ‘War changes you. I saw my home city pretty much destroyed. I was eleven during the Sheffield Blitz. I still have nightmares about it. It’s one of the reasons I was so close to Freddie. He was in the shelter with us. He read The Wizard of Oz to me by torchlight the whole time.’

‘Were you scared?’ Jack puts his other hand on the top of mine.

‘Terrified. Father was an ARP warden. He was out in it. I thought I’d never see him again.’ I smile a little weakly and blink back tears. ‘I loved him, you see. Even when I was fighting with him, I always wanted him to love me back.’

Jack smiles at me sadly. Then he shifts to stare into the fire. For a moment, the flames are reflected in his glasses.

When he turns back to me, his eyes are soft. ‘As I recall, you owe me a dance.’

A flutter starts in my chest. ‘I do.’ I take his hand. ‘I’m not sure what we’re going to do for music.’

Jack’s arm comes round me, holding me as people do for the last dance of the evening.

‘I’m sure we’ll manage,’ he says. He starts to whistle ‘Moonlight Serenade’ and we gently sway, our bodies pressed together, only moving from foot to foot.

‘Syd would approve,’ he breaks off to whisper against my hair. ‘He loved Glenn Miller.’

Jack starts whistling again and I rest my head on his chest, letting the familiar tune wash over me. Finally, I’m in his arms and it feels wonderful. I think of Syd and Betty and my heart aches for them. To love like that and never know the other felt the same. To never feel the joy of holding, touching, kissing.

The wind moans down the chimney; a log cracks on the fire. Jack holds me closer; his cheek rests on my hair. I glance up at him and he smiles down at me. ‘Seeing as you’re going to divorce that low-down rat you’re married to…’

‘Don’t talk about him,’ I murmur.

He strokes a stray hair away from my forehead. ‘May I kiss you?’

I have waited so long for this. ‘Yes!’

He smiles at how eager I sound. Our eyes lock for a long moment before his lips meet mine. He’s achingly gentle. Yet it’s as if a thousand volts of electricity have gone through me. My lips open. The kiss deepens. Something inside me cracks and I’m flooded with sensation. My whole body feels alive, rooted and yet fluid, tethered to this man but dissolving into sheer pleasure.

‘Audrey?’ Jack pulls away and looks at me.

I rest my hand against his face, cradling it as Rex cradled Tony’s this morning. Finally, I’m experiencing a moment of such aching tenderness. ‘Don’t stop,’ I say.

He trails kisses up my neck. I tip my head back and gasp as the feeling goes straight to my belly. There’s a pulse of fire inside of me. He kisses me again and it sinks lower. I’ve never felt like this before. I want him. The desire is overwhelming, blurring my senses. All I know is Jack. All I ever want to know is Jack. Nothing else matters. I’m falling into him and it feels like flying. I cling to him, holding on as he takes me higher and higher.

* * *

Later, we’re in my bed and my head rests on his chest. His dark chest hair tickles my cheek but I don’t care. I’m dazed and languid. Why didn’t anyone tell me that’s what It was like? Esther could have spilled the beans. Isn’t that what older sisters are for? Now I understand why people do crazy things for love. I may never be sane again after this night with Jack.

He folds his hand around mine. ‘Why didn’t you tell me it was your first time?’

I blush, which is ridiculous after all we’ve done together. I duck my head against his chest to hide my hot cheeks. Then a horrible thought hits me. It seemed wonderful to me but perhaps I didn’t do something I should have. I lift my head to look at him. ‘Did I do something wrong?’

‘No.’ He chuckles deep in his chest. ‘You were perfect.’

‘Oh, that’s a relief. I didn’t want to…’ I trail off because I don’t have the words to talk about it. ‘It’s embarrassing to have been married over a year and never have done,’ I gesture at the bed and him in it, ‘this.’

He brushes a kiss over my hair. ‘You’ll have to make up for lost time then.’

I giggle. Those are difficult thoughts I’ll have to deal with when the morning comes and we’re forced to get out of this bed. But this unexpected and wonderful night has taught me one thing. I’m never living without this pleasure and delight again. Not for anyone and certainly not for Rex. ‘If I’d known what I was missing out on, I’d never have agreed to marry Rex.’

Jack’s arm tightens around me. ‘I’m very pleased to hear that.’ A long moment later, he adds, his breath soft against my ear, ‘The wind’s dying down.’

Now he’s pointed it out, I can hear he’s right. The restless moaning has gone, the wind has stopped buffeting the walls.

‘I wish we could stay here forever.’

‘In this bed?’ Jack chuckles softly. ‘Anya and Eric might have something to say about that.’

‘Maybe if we explain that I’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for?’

He chuckles again. It’s a delightful sound that comes from deep in his chest. ‘Then we’d better get started,’ he says.