Page 23 of The Lavender Bride

22

On the first Saturday in September, I wake up in the very comfortable guest room at Ginny’s parents’. For a second, I’m disoriented and then I remember. Ginny and Nate are getting married today and I’m her matron of honour.

Rex didn’t come to the rehearsal dinner last night. He claimed he was too tired to drive to Pasadena after he finished at the studio. I doubt that but have learned to choose my battles.

There was an apology accompanied by a dozen pink roses after the plate-throwing incident. I accepted both even though resentment had seethed in my stomach. I briefly considered leaving but doing that after only five months would be an admission marrying Rex was a colossal mistake. I’m too proud for that.

The parties continue but the music has not been as loud since I checked into the Beverly Wilshire one Saturday night and charged it to Rex’s account. There was an almighty row after that but I held my ground and told him I’d spend every Saturday at the hotel unless he toned down his parties.

We’ve established a fragile kind of truce since then. We live almost entirely separate lives apart from the occasions like this one when, for appearances’ sake, we have to be together.

I go down to breakfast in my housecoat. Ginny is already there, fresh faced and beaming. She’s excited to be embarking on the glorious adventure of marriage with Nate. They’ve bought a gorgeous little house in Glendale. It’s white painted with a veranda and a neat little garden. When she showed me the three bedrooms, she said, ‘We’re planning on having two children and I’m hoping for a girl and a boy.’ It felt like a knife in my gut. She’s so lucky to have a future she can map out like that.

After breakfast, our hair is coiffured, our headdresses added and our faces made up. Ginny’s nieces, who are eight and six, are flower girls and look absolutely adorable in their dresses which are cream with a lilac bow.

I dash back to my room to carefully put on my dress, which is floor-length, lilac silk with a sweetheart neckline and cap sleeves. When I return, Ginny scans me up and down and says, ‘I half expected it not to fit as I thought you’d be pregnant by now.’

My face flushes as red as if I’d been scalded. ‘We’re trying,’ I mumble as I take her gown from the hanger. I hate lying to her. My fingers are clumsy as I fasten the row of tiny, fabric-covered buttons but at least it gives me time for my face to return to its usual colour.

The ceremony is at noon and Rex has solemnly promised he’ll be at the church by quarter to at the latest. He knows how important this is to me. I rarely ask him for anything but today, I need him to turn up and play the part of the doting husband.

All Saints Church in Pasadena looks like it’s been transported from the Cotswolds, although the palm trees surrounding it definitely don’t belong in rural England.

A wedding car drops me, the flower girls and Ginny’s mum. I play pat-a-cake with the girls while we wait and adjust their circlets of flowers when they go askew. Ginny and her dad arrive as the bells in the tower begin to strike for the hour.

‘Don’t rush,’ she says as I straighten her train. ‘It’s the bride’s prerogative to be late.’

I twitch her veil into place and then give her a very careful hug. ‘You look beautiful.’ My throat clogs as I add, ‘Nate’s a very lucky man.’

They both are. They’re in love and they’re getting married and although I’m proud and delighted to stand by her side, it brings back all of the things I have given up by marrying Rex.

The opening chords of Mendelssohn’s bridal march surge out of the church door. This is my cue. I pull my shoulders back, fold my hands around my bouquet and remember to glide. The congregation stands. I scan the heads for Rex, who is always easy to spot because he’s so tall, but I don’t see him. I keep my smile pinned in place as tension locks my jaw. I rang him this morning to remind him. So where is he?

Then my gaze snags on a pair of shoulders I do know. Jack turns his head as I reach him. I see the shock written there. I have to hope my face doesn’t look the same because pretty much the entire church is watching me.

My ears feel like they’re burning as I reach the front and take my place before the wide steps. Nate gives me a hasty thumbs up and I shoot a quick grin back at him. Does he know Jack? I’m sure Ginny doesn’t, so what’s the connection? And where is my errant husband?

There’s a collective ‘ahh’ from the congregation as the flower girls scatter rose petals along the aisle. Everyone cranes their head to get the first look at Ginny but she’s instructed me to keep my eyes on Nate. She wants me to report how he reacts.

He looks dazed and then a proud grin spreads across his face. It’s adorable to see. Will anyone ever look at me with that amount of love? The thought makes my eyes turn to Jack, who’s looking at me, not Ginny. He smiles and flutters go off in my belly.

At that exact moment, the church door is thrown open and Rex stands there. Oh, no! My throat closes with anger and frustration. Is he really going to ruin Ginny’s entrance? Is this going to be another occasion when he makes everything all about him?

Heads turn and a whisper starts at the rear of the church and moves forward, as neighbour nudges neighbour and says, ‘Oh my, is that Rex Trent?’ until every head is staring in Rex’s direction and not looking at Ginny at all. My face is bright red with embarrassment. What must people think?

An usher directs Rex to a pew at the back. Rex gestures along the aisle as if to say, I want to be up there but the usher stands firm. Grudgingly, Rex takes a seat on the back row just as Ginny reaches the steps.

I bow my head as the vicar starts the address. I look meek and devout as you’d expect of a minister’s daughter but inside, I’m plotting what I’m going to say to my husband when the ceremony’s finished.

* * *

As Rex emerges from the church, I grab him by the elbow and tow him around the side of the building.

‘You were late,’ I hiss. ‘This is the only thing I’ve asked you to do in months and you couldn’t even turn up on time.’

‘Five minutes.’ He shrugs. ‘So what?’

His nonchalance does nothing for my temper. ‘You arrived after Ginny.’ I shake my bouquet of lilac and white roses at him. ‘It’s her moment and you spoiled it.’

‘For two seconds.’ He brushes his hair back with his hand as if he hasn’t a care in the world. ‘That uppity usher wouldn’t even let me down the aisle.’

‘He was doing his job,’ I say in exasperation. Then anger makes me bold and I take a step closer to him and sniff his breath. There’s already the sour smell of alcohol. ‘Have you been drinking already? For heaven’s sake, is it too much to hope you’ll be sober until the reception starts?’

Rex’s eyes narrow as the muscles in his neck tense. His head juts as he looks down on me. This is the moment when I normally apologise but I’m too incensed today. He’s not going to intimidate me. ‘Stop nagging. It’s supposed to be a celebration.’

‘Of Ginny and Nate’s love,’ I snap, before turning on my heel with a swish of my long skirt. ‘So try not to end up so sauced, you can’t stand up.’

* * *

The reception is at The Athenaeum on the California Institute of Technology campus. It’s a beautiful cream building in the Spanish style. Ginny’s father is one of the trustees and the staff at The Athenaeum have done everything possible to make her day perfect.

After more photographs on the lawns and beneath the beautiful arched colonnade, there’s a short break before the wedding breakfast. I take a glass of champagne from one of the waiters and head towards a large tree. It’s hot in the sun and encased in yards of silk and tulle, I’m a little overheated. I lost track of Rex some time ago. I suspect he’s found the bar and is not moving.

I lean against the trunk and blow out a breath. From behind my shoulder, Jack says, ‘Can anyone hide here or is it just for the matron of honour?’

I turn and smile at him. His hair is slicked back and he looks very dapper indeed in a grey, pinstripe suit with a navy tie. There’s a single white rose in his buttonhole. ‘What are you doing here?’ I ask.

‘You ask me that a lot.’ He grins. ‘Anyone would think you weren’t pleased to see me.’

‘Oh, I’m pleased.’ My goodness, I’d forgotten how easy it is to talk to him and how light it makes me feel. ‘But surprised. How do you know Nate?’

‘I play pick-up basketball with him on a Monday night in Glendale.’ He mimes dribbling the ball. ‘He’s the best player we’ve got.’

I remember Ginny mentioning Nate’s basketball games and that he wouldn’t miss them even for her.

‘Small world,’ I murmur. ‘Ginny’s my best friend. We used to work together.’

‘You look beautiful, by the way,’ Jack says with a gentle smile. ‘In case no one has told you that.’

Heat rushes up my cheeks because his words say so much about my marriage. The days of Rex taking an interest in my clothes are long gone.

‘Thank you.’ I touch the white and lilac roses in my hair. ‘Though personally, I think the headdress is perhaps a bit much!’

He grins. ‘Maybe for a weekday.’

I meet his gaze and those grey eyes draw me inexorably in. The moment holds as everything else fades away. There’s only Jack and me looking at each other. His eyes darken and I feel the pull deep in my belly.

I blink and look away. I can’t do this. Not until I know if the redhaired woman (or any other woman for that matter) is part of his life.

‘Are you here on your own?’ I try to make the words sound casual but it’s obvious from the wry twist of his mouth that I’ve not fooled him.

‘I came with the guys from basketball but, if you mean did I bring a date, then no.’ He rests his hand on the trunk and then slides a glance sideways. ‘I’ve still got a crush on a girl I bumped into outside the Chinese Theatre.’

‘Oh!’ My hand flies to my mouth. He feels it too! I’m not imagining this bond between us that only seems to strengthen each time we meet. But what can I say? I’m married. I should tell Jack to forget me but thinking of him is what gets me through the bad days with Rex. Some days, I still sleep with his handkerchief on my pillow.

‘I think if you asked her,’ I say slowly, ‘she’d say she likes you too.’

Jack’s face lights up. He takes my hand and my mouth goes dry as that zing runs up my arm and straight to my heart.

Then a gong sounds and a voice shouts, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, please take your places for the wedding breakfast.’

Jack leans in and whispers, ‘Will you dance with me later?’

I can’t think of anything better! To be held in his arms, even if it’s only for a single dance.

‘Yes.’

* * *

After the speeches have been made and the cake cut, I go upstairs with Ginny to help her change into her going-away outfit. As soon as the door is shut behind us, Ginny turns to me and says, ‘What’s going on with Rex? He barely spoke to you during the meal and he’s sure been knocking back the liquor.’

‘I’m so sorry.’ I’m mortified that on her wedding day, she’s worrying about my husband. I bite my lip and then decide partial honesty is the only option. ‘Rex drinks too much. I didn’t know until after we were married. He gets sauced every weekend but he knocks it back on weekdays too.’

Ginny grips my arm. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

I shrug a little helplessly. ‘Because it’s the wife’s job to smooth it all over and carry on.’

I didn’t know when the wedding ring was slipped onto my finger that it bound me to silence about all of my husband’s flaws. As husband and wife, there’s a dividing line between you and the rest of the world. On the outside of that dividing line, I pretend everything between us is perfect. That’s what’s expected of me. In a good, solid marriage, I imagine there’s space inside that line to discuss problems and work them out. Rex and I don’t have that. We’re two separate people locked together in lonely matrimony.

She must hear the catch in my voice as she dips her head to look at my face. ‘Is he a mean drunk? Because if he is then, honey, you don’t have to stay with him.’

I look at the ceiling as tears threaten. ‘Only once,’ I say, my hand covering the scar on the back of my hand. ‘But he apologised and it’s not happened since.’

‘And I thought you had the perfect life,’ Ginny says ruefully and then shakes her head. ‘I feel bad about all the times I was jealous of you living in your beautiful house with your movie-star husband.’

I have a ridiculous urge to laugh that anyone, especially Ginny, would be jealous of me. I want to tell her I’m jealous of her adoring husband and her pretty house. I don’t though because that would lead to questions I can’t answer without betraying the enormous lie at the centre of my marriage.

I’ve just finished unbuttoning Ginny’s dress when there’s a knock on the door. Nate’s voice says, ‘Audrey, can you come down? There’s a situation at the bar. We need you to talk to Rex.’

I blow out a long breath. Now what? ‘I’m so sorry,’ I tell Ginny.

‘Go,’ she says as she steps out of her wedding dress. ‘I can manage.’

I run downstairs with Nate beside me. ‘The bartender refused to serve Rex. Told him he’d had enough. Rex got antsy with him.’

‘All right,’ I say at the bottom of the stairs. ‘Go back to your guests, I’ll handle this.’

‘On your own?’ Nate looks appalled. ‘I don’t think?—’

I don’t want Nate’s memories of this day to be hauling my drunken husband out of the bar. He’s a good man. He deserves better than that.

‘It’ll be fine,’ I say reassuringly. ‘I know what to do.’

I hold my dress up and run down the stairs before he’s got chance to argue. The room is decorated in the art deco style with elegant square lights and lots of mirrors. My husband is leaning heavily on the bar’s marble top. There are half a dozen other men in there, all in shirtsleeves now. One of them is Jack.

My heart sinks. I can handle Rex’s selfishness and unkindness when it happens behind closed doors but I don’t want other people to witness it. Especially not Jack.

Rex is slumped forwards and hasn’t noticed me yet. I take a deep breath and head over to Jack.

‘Can you get everyone out of here?’ I fumble for a reason that’s more persuasive than me being horribly embarrassed. ‘I… I have to make sure it doesn’t end up in tomorrow’s newspaper.’

‘I know these guys. They wouldn’t do that.’ But Jack turns to them and says, ‘Let’s give the lady some space.’

I square my shoulders as I approach Rex. His face is pallid and sweaty, his eyes bloodshot. ‘I think it’s time you went home,’ I say to him.

He pushes himself upright and points unsteadily at the barman. ‘This guy won’t serve me.’

‘Because you’ve had enough, Rex.’ I put my hand on his arm but he shakes me off. ‘You need to go home.’

Rex wobbles as he turns to me. ‘You’re my wife. You’re supposed to be on my side.’

‘Don’t take it out on Audrey,’ Jack says. ‘She’s only telling you what’s obvious to everyone.’

I glance at Jack. His arms are crossed, his gaze is intent on Rex’s face. I didn’t want him to witness this but I can’t deny the reassurance of him standing beside me.

‘Butt out, Sorenson!’ Rex juts his head forward. ‘This is nothing to do with you.’

‘It is when you’re disrespecting Audrey.’ Jack takes a step towards Rex. ‘It’s time you went home to sober up.’

‘You can’t tell me what to do,’ Rex yells in Jack’s face. ‘You’re a nobody and I’m a fucking movie star.’

I want to drop through the floor. How dare he speak to Jack like that?

‘Please—’ I say, putting my hand on Rex’s arm. He shakes me off and as I stagger backwards, I catch my heel in the hem of my long skirt. I’m falling when strong hands catch me.

As he pulls me upright, my body presses against Jack’s. Every nerve ending is suddenly on fire. Oh, my!

‘Steady,’ Jack whispers in my ear. His breath against my skin makes my stomach flutter.

‘Get your hands off her!’ Rex grabs my arm and yanks me away. ‘People might see!’

He lets go before I’ve got my balance and I totter until my back smashes into the marble counter of the bar. I gasp. Pain flowers, running out from the place of impact. My headdress tumbles to the floor.

‘How dare you treat her like that?’ Jack steps up to Rex. ‘You clumsy oaf. Can’t you see you’ve hurt her?’

Panic floods through me. This is heading in only one direction. I’ve got to stop it. I straighten but stop, wincing at the pain in my back.

Suddenly, it’s too late to intervene. I watch in horror as Rex swings for Jack’s head but Jack steps nimbly out of the way. Rex comes at him again, trampling on my headdress and landing a punch on Jack’s shoulder. Jack socks him in the stomach and Rex lurches backwards. The contact seems to only enrage him further.

‘You fucking bozo. I’ll have you fired for this,’ Rex yells as he staggers towards Jack, fists flailing. Jack lands an uppercut on Rex’s jaw. Rex looks inordinately surprised as his head jerks backwards. Then he slowly slides down the bar until he’s slumped on the floor, one foot resting on my broken headdress.

Rex points a shaking finger at Jack. ‘Fired.’ As his hand drops, his eyes flicker shut.

‘I’m sorry, Audrey.’ Jack flexes his hand as he turns to me. ‘You should never have had to witness that.’

‘No, I’m the one who should apologise,’ I say. ‘You shouldn’t have been dragged into this.’

The barman startles me by saying, ‘I’ll call a taxi.’

As he leaves, Rex starts gently snoring. I bite back the urge to laugh. ‘No permanent damage done then.’

Jack’s staring at me with an intensity that worries me. ‘Is he like this at home?’

I shake my head as my hand once again covers the scar on the back of my hand. Jack spots the movement. He gently removes my hand and looks at the scar. ‘He did this to you?’

I run my hand over my face. ‘He didn’t mean to. He threw a plate at the wall. It shattered and this hit me.’

‘That asshole!’ Jack turns away from me, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. ‘I wish I’d hit him harder now.’

* * *

With the help of the barman, we get Rex to where the cab waits. Once he’s in it, Jack catches my arm. ‘Why do you stay with him?’

‘Because I made my bed, I suppose.’ I gesture hopelessly. ‘And I worry what will happen to my Green Card if I leave.’

‘There’s got to be another way,’ Jack says urgently. ‘Even the INS wouldn’t expect you to stay with him.’

I’m too wrung out to have this argument now. The ache in my back is making me feel a little dizzy. I’m exhausted. Today has shown me exactly how little Rex cares about me but I need time to work out what that means.

I kiss Jack gently on the cheek. ‘Goodnight.’ Then I climb into the backseat of the taxi. As it pulls away, I turn to look back. Jack stands, his white shirt bright in the floodlights, with his hand raised in farewell. He stood up for me today. No one has ever done that.

I wave until the taxi takes a bend and Jack is lost from sight.