Page 32 of The Lavender Bride

31

I don’t like the noise of aeroplanes. The constant thrum makes me anxious. I wish Jack was with me. I’d give a lot for a hand to hold. But I’ll settle for reading the words he wrote when he couldn’t sleep last night.

There’s no one in the seat next to me. Two businessmen chat across the aisle. The stewardess in her natty blue uniform offers them coffee. I’ve already got mine. As I wait for it to cool, I take the letter from my handbag and rip the envelope open.

Dearest (because that’s how I think of you) Audrey,

You’ll never know how much I regretted not asking you on a date when I bumped into you in the commissary at Crown. Maybe we could have spared ourselves a whole load of heartache because I knew even in those few short moments outside the Chinese Theatre, you were pretty damned special. I wish I’d taken you dancing, to the movies, introduced you to my friends and my folks. In short, done it properly because that’s what you deserve.

I should have said this in the cabin but I guess there were other things on my mind. (Don’t blame me for that, I’m only human and I have longed to kiss you for months!) Audrey, I’m in love with you. If you need time to get over your marriage that’s fine, I’ll wait as long as it takes. Just know there’ll be a welcome for you when you’re ready at 310 Brockmont Drive, Glendale.

Love Jack x.

Oh, my goodness! I press my hands against my heart which is beating very erratically. He’s in love with me? I want to cry and laugh and wave the letter for everyone on the plane to see and then quickstep down the aisle.

I read the letter again, slower this time, savouring each word. My heart is glowing that much, I wonder the other passengers aren’t pointing at the great pulsing orb in my chest. The second time, I spot that at the bottom it says P.T.O .

I turn the page and there’s a list headed:

Things you don’t know about me yet

I grin. I imagine him sitting in bed writing this as last night dragged its heels towards sunrise. They’re the questions you might ask on a first or second date when you’re getting to know each other. The questions we’ve skipped past entirely in our topsy-turvy love affair.

I take a sip of coffee and start to read.

Favourite Book – To anyone else I’d say Dubliners by James Joyce but the truth is it’s The Hardy Boys Mystery of Cabin Island

Favourite Movie – Citizen Kane (a work of genius and if you don’t agree with me be prepared to argue your case)

Favourite Meal – Isterband (It’s Swedish. Pork sausages and creamed potatoes. Grandma Ingrid makes the best I’ve ever tasted)

Earliest memory – riding in the green tractor with Dad. I was four. This was the first time I was allowed to ride in one. Blew my mind!

Music (can’t get this down to only one favourite) – Blues – Howlin’ Wolf and Muddy Waters. Folk – Woody Guthrie and The Weavers. Country – Hank Williams and The Carter Family

Politics – Democrat

Biggest Fear – Ever having to get in a Liberator bomber again

Dream job – Props Master

Hobbies – listening to music, reading, playing the guitar (badly), skiing, basketball

Best way to spend a weekend – (with you? Or is it too soon to say that?) Okay, then drinking coffee, playing records, reading, up at Big Pines for the snow in the winter, on the beach in the summer

I grin at the ‘with you’ comment. I don’t think it’s too soon. Not after our night together. His way of spending a weekend sounds wonderful.

I run my finger down the list again. It’s endearing that he’s confessed the Hardy Boys is his favourite book. Mine is The Wizard of Oz and I feel just fine about admitting it now. I’ve seen Citizen Kane and it is good. It’ll be fun to debate with him what makes a truly great movie. For me, it’s got to leave you feeling happier than you were when you went into the cinema, which is why Citizen Kane will never be my favourite. His musical tastes are very different to mine. I’ve heard of Hank Williams but not the others.

Is this what the start of a relationship should feel like? The thrill of finding out where we’re alike and where we’re different? An effervescent bubble of excitement as if I’ve been drinking champagne whenever I think of him? I’ve never felt like this before. Is that a sign it is love?

I shake my head. I promised myself I wouldn’t rush in. Jack’s told me to take my time. I mustn’t let my past unhappiness propel me too quickly into being with Jack. He’s always telling me I deserve better than life has thrown at me so far. Well, what he deserves is a woman who’s free and ready to be with him. Not one who’s all tangled up in the end of her marriage.

Until then, there’s letters. As he’s just proved, you can say a lot in a letter. With over two hours to go until we land in Los Angeles, I’ve plenty of time to write a list to send back.

I rummage in my handbag for some paper and pull out the letter on Dirk Stone Talent Agency headed notepaper which had my outward flight details on it. I rip Dirk’s name and the address off, turn the paper over and start writing.

* * *

It’s after six when I pull onto Ginny’s drive. I’ve already been to Rita’s to pick up Muffin. I told her straight out that I’m leaving Rex and once she’d recovered from the shock, she knocked my socks off by saying I’m welcome to stay with her for as long as I need. Her kindness has left me feeling a little choked. I’m lucky to have such wonderful friends.

Ginny ushers Muffin and me into the sitting room. The lamps are lit, the colours are warm and welcoming. There’s a richly patterned rug on the floor and a vase of yellow and white carnations on a side table. It smells of furniture polish and citrus from the huge bowl of fruit on the coffee table.

I take a seat on the sofa and blurt out the news, my hands knotting in my lap as I go through my carefully prepared speech again. She looks absolutely blindsided for about five seconds and then says, ‘Is it because of his drinking?’

‘No,’ I say, not meeting her gaze. ‘He’s in love with someone else.’

‘Jeez, who?’

‘No one you know,’ I say quickly. ‘Someone he met on set.’

‘Is this really why you went to Canada?’ She crosses her arms on top of her bump. ‘Don’t kid me, Audrey. I saw Eyewitness . It doesn’t take much to read between the lines.’

I put my head in my hands as I blow out a long breath. ‘I promised him I wouldn’t tell.’

‘If he’s done the dirty on you with Tony Young, you’ve got every right to shout it from the rafters!’ Ginny smooths her maternity smock over her stomach.

I sigh. I know my loyalty is misplaced. ‘I don’t want to destroy Rex,’ I say quietly.

‘Then you’re a better woman than me. I’d want to scratch his eyes out.’

‘I have thought about it,’ I admit with a small smile.

‘How long have you known Rex was… you know?’

I scrub my hands over my face. She’s going to think me an absolute idiot when I confess. ‘Since before we married,’ I say slowly. Muffin comes over and sniffs my feet. Instinctively, I reach down to stroke her, needing the comfort in her soft, white fur.

‘Then why the Sam Hill did you marry him?’

I wince. Ginny knew me back then. She was always telling me to go out with a nice, normal guy, not waste my time dreaming about movie stars.

‘Because he was in trouble and I could help and that was pretty heady for a girl like me.’ I spread my hands. ‘Plus marrying him sorted out my visa worries and got me my Green Card.’ I draw breath and shrug a little hopelessly, knowing that what I say next will definitely rile her up. ‘Because my father told me not to and I had to prove him wrong.’

‘Of all of the darned stupid reasons for getting married!’ Ginny gestures in frustration. ‘You have to know with every fibre of your being that you can’t live without him. That’s what marriage takes. That’s what gets you through the rocky times, the days he’s making you flip your lid, the days you make him flip his lid.’

‘I know that now!’ My voice rises as tears clog my throat and my eyes start to prickle.

She must see that because her face softens. She nudges me with her elbow as she says, ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were unhappy?’

‘I wanted to!’ I blink to clear the tears away. ‘I hated keeping secrets from you. But how could I tell you without betraying Rex’s secret?’

Ginny’s arm comes over my shoulders and she gives me an awkward side by side hug. ‘Did no one ever tell you that it’s okay to spill the beans to your best friend? Known exception to all secrets.’

I pick up my handbag to search for a handkerchief. ‘You’re making that up.’

‘I’m not.’ She grins. ‘How else would women take care of each other? Did your mom not tell you?’

I shake my head, saddened by all the secrets Mum kept. ‘I don’t think anyone told my mum.’

Ginny squeezes my shoulder and then releases me. ‘We got to get you out of this. You need a darned good lawyer. I’ll ring Dad. He’ll know who can do it.’

‘They need to understand the immigration rules too.’

‘Shucks, I’d forgotten about that.’ Ginny scoots to the edge of the sofa. Then she stops, the expression on her face halfway between a grimace and the happiest of smiles.

‘What is it?’ I’m instantly behind her, a hand on her arm.

‘He kicked.’ She presses her hand against the side of her belly.

I smile with her, caught up in her delight. ‘That’s amazing!’ The jealousy is muted now. Leaving Rex changes everything. Now children could be in my future. Hopefully, with Jack, although (as I keep telling myself) it’s too soon to be having thoughts like that.

But because it crossed my mind, it prompts me to ask, ‘Ginny, how did you know Nate was the one?’

She’s gripping the arm of the sofa, ready to lever herself out. She lets go, blinks a couple of times and then folds her hands across her belly as she says, ‘It was easy with him from the start. I never had to try to be something for him. I guess you can say being with him was as effortless as being on my own. Not always, mind. We get tired and cranky and fall out like any other couple. But when it’s good, that’s how it feels.’

I nod slowly. Her words soothe some of the knots in my stomach. Maybe I can trust the way I feel with Jack. Right from the beginning, it felt easy, just as Ginny described.

‘Why?’ Ginny asks suddenly, her gaze fixed intently on my face. ‘Have you met someone?’

‘You can’t tell anyone but yes. Jack Sorenson.’ It’s a joy to just say his name. ‘Nate knows him. They play basketball together.’

‘Wait?’ Ginny grips my arm. ‘Is he the one you were chatting to under the tree at the wedding?’

I press my hands against my heated cheeks. ‘Yes.’

‘I saw the two of you together and you looked different. Happier than you’ve ever done with Rex, that’s for sure.’

I glance shyly at her as I add, ‘Well, Jack was at Lake Louise too and?—’

Ginny looks at me in astonishment. ‘Audrey, did you?—?’

I nod, biting my lip.

‘Start from the beginning.’ Her eyes are wide. ‘And tell me everything !’