Page 18 of The Lavender Bride
17
The enormous gates open and I put the car into gear and head up the drive at far greater speed than last time I visited. The tyres screech as I come to a halt. I run up the wide steps and rap on the front door.
I’m anxious about Rex but I’m still angry at him and Dirk. I smooth out my blue shirtwaister and tug my yellow cardigan into alignment. Whatever is going on, I’ll face it looking my best.
‘Good afternoon, miss,’ Trudie says after opening the door. ‘They’re in the sitting room.’ She crosses the hall, taps on the closed double doors and then opens them. ‘Miss Wade is here. I’ll bring some more refreshments.’
‘Audrey.’ Rex leaps up from the sofa as I enter. He looks terrible; his skin is pallid, his eyes bloodshot and there are purple shadows beneath them. ‘Thank you for coming.’
‘What’s going on?’ Seeing him, my anger fades. I move towards him, arms outstretched, wanting to comfort him. ‘Dirk wouldn’t tell me on the telephone.’
‘Because phones have ears, kid.’ Dirk doesn’t look much better. Deep lines score his forehead, his moustache droops, his chin is unshaven. Neither of them look like they’ve slept.
‘I’m sorry about last night,’ Rex says as he gestures for me to sit beside him on the cream sofa. The room smells of cigarette smoke mixed with the scent of the pink roses in a vase on a side table. In front of the sofa stands a circular coffee table and twin black upholstered armchairs, one holding Dirk. ‘I know I let you down,’ Rex says as I take a seat next to him. ‘But I ran into some trouble and I didn’t want to lead it to your door.’
My mind is racing. Now I’ve seen the two of them, it’s clear whatever is going on is very bad indeed. Scenarios run through my head, each worse than the one before. Subpoena, blacklist, fired by Crown. Or has someone done the same as me and worked out Rex’s secret?
Trudie arrives with pots of coffee and tea. ‘I’ll pour,’ I say to her. Anything to hasten the moment when it’s just the three of us and Rex can talk freely.
‘I’m sorry to drag you out on a Saturday,’ Dirk says. ‘I wouldn’t have done it if we didn’t need you.’
‘You still haven’t told me what’s happened.’ My voice rises as my gaze darts between them.
‘Rex’s career is hanging by a thread.’ Dirk leans forward, his arms resting on his knees, his hands clasped. ‘But with your help, I can save him.’
I stare at my boss. My anger at Rex has dissipated but I trusted Dirk and he’s let me down. Maybe it’s time to make him realise I’m not a little girl who can be spun any old story. If they want my help then they’ve got to treat me like a grown-up.
My chin comes up as I say, ‘Is this about Rex being homosexual?’
They gasp and there is a fleeting moment of satisfaction that I’ve shocked them.
‘How did you know?’ Rex asks at the time Dirk says, ‘Who told you?’
‘No one told me.’ Although Jack as good as did, I’m not going to mention his name. ‘I worked it out.’ Now I’ve got their attention, I’m going to make them wait. With only a slight tremor in my hands, I pour them both coffee, adding cream to Rex’s as he likes it and leaving Dirk’s black. ‘I had a friend who was like Rex back in England. Once I started looking, it was pretty obvious.’
Rex’s eyes widen so far, I see the white surrounding his irises. ‘Obvious?’ His voice is high-pitched. ‘How? I’ve been so careful.’
There’s a flicker of remorse for scaring him. ‘Only because I know you,’ I say, handing his coffee cup to him. ‘We’ve been dating for over a month and you’ve never once tried to kiss me. You light up when you talk about Tony.’ Rex’s gaze darts nervously to Dirk’s face and that prompts me to ask the next question, ‘He’s the one you want to be with, isn’t he?’
‘Yes,’ Rex blurts the word out. ‘But I’ll give him up. I’ll do whatever it takes if you’ll?—’
‘We’re jumping ahead of ourselves,’ Dirk interrupts. ‘Out of interest, kid, how long have you known?’
‘Only since last night. You two created a very convincing smokescreen with all those stories of Rex dating the latest starlets. It took me a while to work out why the reality didn’t feel like I thought it would.’ I fold my arms and look Rex in the eye. ‘But last night, I was angry you stood me up and I had time to do a lot of thinking.’
‘Well, that told you.’ Dirk barks out a laugh. ‘Don’t stand the lady up, Rex, or she’ll work out the secret you’ve been hiding.’
‘You must hate me.’ Rex drops his head in his hands. ‘I’m sorry I can’t be the man you deserve, Audrey. I?—’
He’s apologising? To me? Freddie threw blame and insults like poisoned darts. Yet Rex, who I’ve only known a couple of months, cares enough to tell me he’s sorry.
I swallow hard over the ache in my throat. I have to make him realise I’m only angry he didn’t tell me. I failed Freddie because I didn’t understand. I won’t make the same mistake again.
‘No.’ I shuffle along the sofa until I’m sitting next to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder. ‘I’ve read the Kinsey Report . I know it’s not a choice.’
He looks up, his eyes wide with surprise. ‘You really believe that?’
I’m surprised that he’s surprised. How much prejudice must he have faced if a bit of sympathy makes him look astounded?
‘I do. It’s part of who you are. Like having brown eyes and being six foot four.’
I hear the echo of Freddie’s words and it makes my heart ache for both of them. What a terrible thing it must be to hide your true self from the world.
‘Thank you, Audrey,’ he says softly. ‘I never thought you’d be so understanding.’
That brings my chin up. ‘You didn’t give me the chance.’ I spear them both with a long look. ‘You should have told me. Both of you. I don’t like being lied to.’
‘It was too much of a risk, kid. How did we know you wouldn’t sell the story to Eyewitness ?’
‘Because I’ve worked for you for the past nine months,’ I say as indignation flares in my belly. ‘You trust me with clients’ secrets all the time.’
Dirk reaches in his pocket for his cigarette case. ‘Not ones as big as this, kid.’ Then his gaze switches to Rex. ‘Why don’t you tell her what happened last night?’
I pour myself a cup of tea and as I add a spoonful of sugar, I hear Mum’s voice say, ‘Sweet tea. Best remedy for shock.’ I should have been drinking it last night, rather than that that too-sweet punch.
‘I finished early at the studio last night.’ Rex turns to me and then hesitates as if weighing the words that come next. ‘I picked Tony up and we went down to Will Rogers Beach in Santa Monica. People like us hang out there. I planned to stay for an hour or so, drop Tony off and then come to your exhibition.’
So he did intend to come but only after seeing the man he loves. How often has that been the case? There’s no wonder I’ve been confused about our relationship. Not only could Rex never love me as I wanted him to; he clearly cares deeply about someone else.
‘When we left, we were followed. A car was on my tail and I couldn’t shake him off. I didn’t know if it was the cops or a journalist but I couldn’t let them follow me back to Tony’s or to meet you at the Biltmore. I didn’t know what to do. If they followed me home, then they’d know for certain who I was. We drove around town for hours until I finally lost them. We came home and I rang Dirk.’
There are so many emotions warring inside of me that I feel a little sick. I put my teacup down and take a deep, steadying breath. What surfaces from the maelstrom is anger that he’s been put in this position. I grasp that as a drowning woman would cling to a lifebelt. Anger I can deal with. All of those other emotions are too hard to feel.
‘Then what happened?’
Rex stands and paces to the window. ‘I was waiting for the knock on the door from the cops. It didn’t come but Roy Johnson from Eyewitness called Dirk at nine this morning. He says they’ve got photos of me and Tony at the beach and they’re going to print them in next week’s issue.’ Rex sits down heavily in one of the black chairs and drops his head into his hands. ‘I’ll lose everything!’
I don’t doubt Eyewitness will publish. It’s written by a group of poisonous, bitter individuals who failed to make it in the movie business and want nothing more than to bring down those who have. They’ve broken plenty of scandals already. Rex would be the biggest scalp they’ve taken.
Would Crown stand by him? I doubt it. From what I’ve heard, Harry King expects total loyalty to the studio but instantly drops stars if they’re embroiled in a scandal.
What will I do if it comes out? Louella Parsons and her ilk will have a field day. I’d be painted across town as the clueless floozy who didn’t know her man was a queer. No one will go out with me after that. I’ll be a laughing stock.
And once the news hits the British papers, Father will believe he was right to warn me about Rex. There’ll be another letter, this time asking why I’m still spending time with degenerates and why didn’t I learn my lesson with Freddie.
My chin comes up. Father can eat his poisonous words. Rex needs me. I’m not going to let him down as I let Freddie down. This time, I’ll be loyal, whatever it costs.
‘To be honest, kid, we’re in a tight spot.’ Dirk stubs his cigarette out in his saucer. ‘I might be able to persuade Eyewitness to drop the story in exchange for one that I’ve been keeping in my back pocket that’s just as hot.’
‘Only if there’s no other way!’ Rex says sharply. ‘You promised we’d speak to Audrey first.’
My gaze darts between them. Rex bites his lip. He looks even more worried than he did when I arrived. If this scheme of Dirk’s will save his career, why is Rex reluctant?
‘And we will.’ Dirk’s tone is reassuring. ‘Which brings me to the other part of the plan. We need to get it in the public’s minds that Rex is straight. If we do that, even if we can’t get Eyewitness to pull the story, the public will be convinced they’re printing lies. The best way to do that is for Rex to get married.’
Now it’s my turn to gasp. I press my hand against the sudden tightness in my chest. To me? Is that why they needed me here?
‘I know it’s a lot to ask,’ Rex says quickly, taking my hand and holding it gently between his. ‘You deserve far more than I can ever give you. It’d be marriage in name only but I promise I’d take care of you.’ He stares at me and there’s pleading in the dark depths of his eyes. ‘You’ll be saving me and I won’t forget that.’
I blink, trying to put it all together but my head is spinning. I take a sip of tea in the hope it’ll steady me. They’re seriously suggesting that Rex and I get married even though he’ll never love me? That we can never be as man and wife should be to each other?
It’s dizzying. But Rex is in trouble and I do not want to let him down. But first, there’s a question I need to ask. ‘Why me?’
‘Because you’re already dating Rex and you’ve had some press. It’ll look like a whirlwind romance and the public will love that. The secretary who marries a movie star. The public go crazy for that kind of thing.’
I stare at him wide-eyed as my stomach forms an uncomfortable knot. ‘Just how long have you been planning this?’
Dirk shrugs. ‘You know me, kid. Always one step ahead.’ Then he leans towards me and a blast of peppermint hits me as he says, ‘You’re not thinking about what’s in this for you. We can get the INS off your back. As soon as you’re married, you’ll get a Green Card.’
I shake my head because I can’t risk trusting the swell of relief that brings with it if he’s not 100 per cent sure. ‘It can’t be that easy.’
‘We’ll send Rex’s lawyer with you to the meeting.’ Dirk tilts his head and smiles at me. ‘Think about it. They’re not going to send the fiancée of one of Hollywood’s hottest stars back to England. You’ll be a shoo-in.’
I slump back against the sofa cushions. My visa worries would go away. The INS wouldn’t ask questions about Freddie and I wouldn’t be branded a subversive just for knowing him. I’d be able to stay in America forever. Father would hate that.
That makes me sit up straight again. Father told me to give up Rex. If I don’t agree to the arrangement they’ve proposed then I’ll never see Rex again. His career will be ruined and goodness knows what would happen to mine. Would Dirk keep me on? Somehow, I doubt it. I’m not useful to him any more and know too much; I’ll likely be out on my ear and back to typing boring letters about insurance.
When I could be living in this house with this man. All right, it wouldn’t be love but we like each other. Are friendship and respect solid enough foundation for marriage? Esther always told me that marriage wasn’t like in the movies; that it’s about kindness and building a life together. Could I have that with Rex?
‘What you’re proposing is a lavender marriage,’ it’s a term Ginny explained to me when I first started working for Dirk, ‘which will clean up Rex’s image and get me a Green Card?’
‘Spot on, kid.’
But there’s another factor to consider. One neither of them have mentioned.
‘What about Tony?’ I say, folding my arms. ‘Have you talked to him about what you’re planning? Because if he goes to the papers, it all goes to pot.’
Dirk’s lips tighten. ‘Don’t worry about Tony. We’ll take care of him.’
‘And if you’ll do it,’ Rex leans forward, his hands pressed together as if he’s pleading with me, ‘I promise I’ll give up Tony. And there won’t be anyone else. I’ll be true to you. As true as I would be if this marriage was for real.’
I look away from the intensity of Rex’s gaze. I hadn’t really considered that but of course that’s important. If we’re going to maintain a facade of married life, there can’t be anyone else. And that applies to me too.
Jack pops into my mind. Jack grinning at me, Jack listening intently, Jack making me laugh. Then his face as he said, ‘Oh, Audrey!’ last night. I stare at the rug and shake my head. There can never be anything between Jack and me now. I’m too proud to bear his pity.
Dirk and Rex are both staring at me. There’s open curiosity in Dirk’s eyes as if he’s trying to work out why I haven’t said yes yet. I rub my hands over my face and then square my shoulders.
‘I need time to think about it,’ I say.
‘How long?’ Dirk says. ‘Because if I don’t get back to Roy Johnson by tomorrow night, he’s going to press on Monday morning.’
I glance at my watch. It’s nearly half past four. ‘Can you give me twenty-four hours?’
‘Yes, of course.’ Rex jumps in before Dirk can respond. ‘And remember what I said about taking care of you. You’d never have to worry about money. You’d have the best of everything: clothes, jewellery, cosmetics. We’d eat out all the time and go to parties. I’d buy you a new car as you couldn’t keep driving round in that old jalopy.’
‘Hey!’ I say. ‘I worked hard to buy that car.’
They both laugh. Rex’s is deep and rich. Would he laugh like that if we were married? Would we spend evenings together listening to the radio and laughing? Or sneaking into the cinema to watch a movie together?
I stand and Rex ushers me towards the door. ‘Ring me tomorrow,’ he says. ‘I’m the one you’ll be marrying. I should hear it first.’
I smile at that. It’s the first time it’s felt like something more than a business proposition. ‘I will.’
‘I’m sorry if all of this has been a shock for you,’ Rex says softly to me as he opens the door. ‘You’re right; I should have told you. It was no way to treat a friend. I promise if you say yes, there’ll be no more secrets.’
My heart warms as he says ‘friend’. He’s treating me as if he values our friendship. Not like Freddie, who didn’t want me once he’d got Michael.
‘Cheerio, Rex,’ I say as I step out into the enormous hall.
Trudie materialises from nowhere to let me out of the front door. As I walk down the steps, I fold my arms around my middle.
I feel hollowed out by the past twenty-four hours. The dreams and fancies which have been my companions for so long have gone. I feel cold and lonely without them. But Rex is offering friendship, a home, security.
It’s the life I dreamed of but with one enormous omission. He’ll never love me. Can I ever accept that?