Page 30 of The Golden Boy’s Guide to Bipolar

Days pass, maybe weeks, no idea how many. Couldn’t care less. The days are all the same, and not in the safe, predictable

way they were before. There are no seven o’clock calls from Jamal and no Sunday cooking with Yami. Instead, it’s lunch with

Bianca, glares from Nick, and a cold shoulder from Jamal. As soon as I finish my chores and eat, I go straight to bed every

day.

Surprisingly enough, Abuela hasn’t made me get out of bed all weekend, but nothing wakes me up faster on a Sunday morning

than hearing my own name. Especially if it sounds like I’m not supposed to be listening. My abuela is talking on the phone, and it doesn’t take long for me to

figure out it’s my mom she’s talking to.

“He’s had enough space, what Cesar needs right now is his mother.... I know, mija... I know.... He thinks you don’t

want to see him. How do you think he feels when you—” My mom must have cut her off at that, because Abuela never finishes

the thought. She’s quiet for a bit before going on. “Yes, I know.... Okay, I’ll put him on.”

Then she’s walking to my door, and I have to pretend I didn’t just hear all that.

“Cesar, phone’s for you.” Abuela comes in and opens the curtains to “wake me up.”

I shut my eyes and roll over. “Tell them I’m sleeping,” I say, pretending I have no idea who might possibly be on the other

side of the phone.

“It’s your mami, mijo.”

“Tell her I’m sleeping,” I repeat myself, more firmly this time. I pull the blanket over my head.

The blanket gets yanked off, then a sharp pain in my ear pulls a yelp out of my mouth.

“Ay!” I shout, but she drags me out of bed by my ear.

“The phone is for you,” she says again, and takes my hand, placing the phone in my palm. She crosses her arms and watches

me intently.

I put the phone to my ear but don’t say anything.

“Cesar?” Mami says, but I still don’t answer. Abuela can make me hold the phone, but she can’t make me talk to my mom. “Are

you ready to come home?”

I look at my grandma like she’s a lifeline. “Do I have to go back?” I ask quietly, not bothering to cover the phone speaker

with my hand. I don’t realize I’d rather stay with my grandma until I’m offered the option to go back. Going back means facing

my mom... facing my sister... .

It’s easier if I don’t have to look Yami in the eye after what I did. She was right about me not having the right to wear

my jaguar necklace. There’s a reason I took it off.

Abuela frowns at me.

“I thought you hated all the chores I make you do,” she says teasingly.

I thought I did too. But I guess it was nice to feel useful. To have some kind of sameness to my days, even when everything

else has gone to shit.

Abuela’s frown disappears when I don’t answer, and she gives me a sad-ish smile. “As much as I love having you here, mijo,

your mami needs you home.”

She needs me?

What utter bullshit.

“Mijo?” Mami says through the phone.

“What?” I say, not bothering to hide my irritation.

“It’s time to come home, Cesar.”

“What, so I’m not in trouble anymore?” I ask.

“Oh, you’re in trouble. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you around.”

“Then why did you send me away in the first place?” I snap.

She’s quiet for a while, and when she speaks, her voice comes out as barely a whisper. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

I don’t say shit back because what the hell am I supposed to say to that ?

“I thought you could use someone who you could relate to—”

“—but you hate Abuela,” I interrupt. Abuela’s face twists for a split second before she clenches her jaw and wipes away any

emotion from her expression. I immediately feel bad for saying it since I’m mad at my mom, not her.

“I don’t hate your abuela,” Mami says calmly.

“You called her crazy,” I shoot back. “Is that what you think of me?”

“All right, that’s enough.” Abuela takes the phone back before I get a proper answer and puts it to her own ear.

“I know, mija.... Okay... I’ll drop him off in an hour.”

I can’t help but notice there were no “I love you”s exchanged.

We spend the car ride home in silence. I feel like if I say anything I’ll break. I know Abuela isn’t abandoning me like Mami

basically did. I know legally she can’t keep me if my mom wants me home. Still, it feels like a betrayal somehow.

When we pull up to the curb outside my house, I don’t reach for the handle, and neither does Abuela.

“You know you can always call me if you need anything, right?” she says. There’s no pity in her tone, either. Just a mutual

understanding. “I know kids these days prefer texting, but I’m not so tech savvy, so I dug up my old email in case you’d rather

do that. Here.” She hands me a piece of paper with her email on it.

Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m turned around, pulling my grandma into a tight hug. “Thank you,” I say.

“Do you want me to walk in with you?” she asks.

“No,” I lie. I don’t want to go inside alone, but I also don’t want to prolong this any longer than it needs to be. “I’ll

go. I... um... thank you, Abuela,” I say, and she kisses my cheek before I get out of the car and make my way to the

front door.

I hesitate before knocking. I look back, and Abuela hasn’t driven off yet. She motions for me to knock on the door, so I finally

do.

It opens almost immediately.

My mom stands there with my phone in one hand. She doesn’t hesitate before moving for a hug, but I sidestep her, grabbing my phone and slipping into the house before she has a chance to touch me.

I walk straight past the kitchen, where Yami is making dinner. Has she kept up with my Sunday dinner resolution this whole

time? She pointedly keeps from turning around to see me walk by. For a split second, I almost want to apologize to her before

I remember this is exactly what I wanted. What I need.

“Cesar, let’s talk,” Mami says, but I just keep walking.

“I’m tired,” I say as I try to pass her to get to the hallway.

She reaches for my arm, but I don’t give her the chance to grab it.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I whirl around before she makes contact, and she pulls her hand away.

“Don’t yell at her,” Yami says firmly, but she doesn’t raise her voice. She comes over to Mami like she’s guarding her from

me.

“What, so she can basically kick me out, but I can’t yell? Mind your fucking business, Yami.”

“I’m sorry, mijo, I just wanted to—” Mami starts, but I don’t let her finish.

“I don’t care!” I burst out. “And you don’t either, so I don’t know why you’re still pretending. Just fucking leave me alone!”

“He doesn’t mean that,” Yami says as she touches Mami’s arm. I can’t help but laugh.

“Why are you even here, Yami?” She knew I was getting sent away and she didn’t want to see me before I left. So why is she

getting involved in my shit with Mami?

She looks like she might cry any second, so I just turn around and go straight to my room. Surprisingly enough, they both

let me leave.

My bed calls to me, and I answer it, flopping down face-first. I lie limp like that for who knows how long before I even think to check my phone.

It’s not like I was expecting any missed texts from Yami, or even Jamal, but it still stings when I turn my phone back on

to barely any notifications. The only people who thought to text me were Hunter (who doesn’t know how horrible a person I

am) and Bianca (who’s just as bad as me).

I lie there, staring at the ceiling, trying to will myself to respond to one of them, but I can’t move. When my mom comes

knocking on my door saying dinner’s ready, I can’t make myself get up. I want to yell at her to leave me alone, but instead

I just mumble out that I’m not hungry.

When yelling does happen later that night, it’s somehow not me doing it. Shouts between Yami and my mom echo from the living

room. I can’t exactly make out what they’re saying, but I somehow just know they’re arguing about me.

Curious, I quietly open my door and creep into the hallway, listening without making myself known.

“This will be good for you too! Why can’t you see that?” Mami’s voice.

“That’s such bullshit—” Yami says.

“Language!”

“—you never make me do anything because it’s good for me , and we both know it!”

“But going back to Rover will be good for you!” Shit. She wants Yami to follow me to Rover?

“ Why the hell would I want to go back to Rover? I hated it there! Not that you care.”

“Not everything is about you, Yamilet! Think of your brother, what if he—”

“No! No, no, no. You don’t get to pull the Cesar card on me. I’ve done nothing but think of him first for my entire life.

I’m done! I’m done putting everyone before myself! So what if I want to pay my own way and stay at Slayton? I like it there! I’m not going back just to babysit Cesar! And he sure as hell doesn’t want me there either, trust me. He hates me!”

Yami sounds like she’s crying, and a lump forms in my own throat at the sound of her words. She thinks I hate her? I guess

I have given her every reason to believe that....

“I’m sorry, but you’re going back to Rover whether you like it or not. We can’t risk—”

That’s when I make myself known. I can’t take this anymore.

“No, she’s not,” I say coldly, knowing I’m about to make Yami hate me even more than she already does, but it’s for her own

good. “If I have to go to school with Yami, I’m dropping out. You can’t force us to go to school together.”

My mom and Yami both stare at me with quivering lips. I know Yami’s thinking I hate her, and probably wondering why or what

happened when all she’s ever done is love and support me. But that’s exactly why I need to keep her from coming back to Rover.

I can’t have her making any more sacrifices for me. She needs to live her own life.