Page 27 of The Golden Boy’s Guide to Bipolar

break up with Jamal and cut him out of my life, I would have laughed in their face.

After everything, I don’t think anyone will love me like that again, and I don’t want them to. If Abuela’s like me, maybe that’s where she’s coming from, too.

The next morning, I finally get to go back to Rover, which I’m thrilled about since it means I don’t have to spend the entire

day doing chores anymore. Abuela drives Moni to her school first, then drops me off.

It’d be nice if Moni also went here so we could at least hang out at school and I could have a single person to call a friend,

but no. She goes to Baseline, which is closer to Abuela’s house. Besides, it’s probably best I don’t get too attached to Moni

anyway. It’s not like her dad disowned her like mine did, so she’ll probably leave Abuela’s eventually, and then I most likely

won’t see her again for who knows how many more years.

Once Abuela drops me off, I walk straight to the bathroom on the far end of campus where they have PE. It’s best Jamal or

Nick and them don’t see me. Nick and his friends would probably beat the shit out of me on sight. They already hated me before,

but now that I hooked up with Bianca right after she and Nick broke up? Yeah, I’m not looking forward to running into any

of those guys.

I stay in the bathroom until the bell rings and I finally have to go to class.

AP Astronomy first.

It’s a far-ass walk, but I don’t care. What are they gonna do if I’m late, give me detention? And if they do, what then? I’m already staying with my grandma and doing every chore under the sun to keep her happy. It’s not like I can get into more trouble than I’m already in.

So I take my time and walk into class a few minutes late.

And lo and behold, who else is also taking AP Astronomy? Jamal. Of course he is.

It’s not like I can be surprised. We were in almost all the same classes sophomore year when we went here together before.

He looks at me right when I walk in, and his eyes widen. Probably because he’s putting together that I must have gotten kicked

out of Slayton. He’s probably happy about it too. Not because I’m here with him, but because I deserve every bad thing that

happens to me.

“Ahem.” The teacher, Mrs. Velez, reminds me I’m just standing there staring at Jamal in front of the entire class. If this

was Slayton, I’d be getting chastised for being late, but this teacher just smiles and motions for me to join her at the front

of the class. “Everyone, we have a new student today. Well, a returning one. Do you want to introduce yourself for anyone

who doesn’t know you?” she asks.

“I’m Cesar,” I say, pronouncing it the Spanish way instead of like Caesar salad, which was how I used to pronounce it at Slayton.

I make sure to smile and look as friendly as possible.

“Do you want to tell us a little bit about yourself?” Mrs. Velez asks.

“Not really,” I admit. What am I supposed to say? Hey, people I haven’t seen in two years, I’m back because I got expelled

since I went out drinking and hooked up with the girl who outed my sister, which my therapist thinks is because I’m having

a bipolar manic episode!

Yeah, not doing that.

“All right then, why don’t you have a seat over there?” She gestures to the single empty seat in the class, which—surprise,

surprise—is right next to Jamal.

I put on a fake smile and walk over.

“Hey,” Jamal says softly—without the “you,” I can’t help but notice. He’s still looking at me like I have a second head. I

can’t tell if it’s because he hates me or because he’s worried. Either way, I look away as I take my seat, and I see from

the corner of my eye that he does too.

The rest of class is monumentally awkward, and so is the entire day since I have like four classes with the dude.

I’m about to head to the abandoned PE bathroom for lunch when someone covers my eyes with their hands before I can leave the

building. On instinct, I’m about to turn around swinging until I hear the voice behind me.

“Guess who?”

“Bianca?” I ask, and she lets go of my eyes and moves to stand next to me. She has two friends with her. Yami’s old friend

group.

“Stefani, Chachi, you remember Cesar, right?”

“Hey, Cesar. Been a minute!” Chachi says, and Stefani just smiles and waves.

Just then, Nick and his friends walk by, and I immediately tense up. Bianca notices them and takes my now nervously sweaty

hand in hers.

“Well, he’s my boyfriend now!” she says, loud enough for Nick to hear. I can’t tell if she actually thinks we’re dating or

if she’s just saying it to piss off Nick. Either way, she basically just sealed my fate.

They all make eye contact as they approach.

I’m ready to get jumped, but that’s when I notice Nick is limping slightly, and he’s got a boot on his foot.

But he’s not the only one with unconventional footwear.

I’m pretty sure Avery didn’t have an ankle bracelet on at the party.

Whatever happened after they left that night must have been bad news.

Well, for them. It’s great for me, considering Nick can’t chase me with a fucked-up foot and his favorite minion won’t be getting in any fights while on probation.

Nick just glares at me while they all walk past. I’m sure he’s fantasizing about the revenge he’ll surely get once he’s healed,

but it looks like I’m safe for now. It isn’t until they’re out of earshot that I turn back to Bianca for clarification.

My first instinct is to let go of her hand and tell her what happened at the party was a mistake and that we’re definitely

not together, but when I really think about it, this is kind of perfect.

“Boyfriend?” I ask, in case she’s being serious.

Bianca glances over at Nick down the hall, then her voice is a little quieter. “Sorry, I just wanted Nick to—”

“I don’t mind,” I say automatically. She raises an eyebrow, and Chachi and Stefani give each other a look like my awkward

comment is some kind of Hallmark movie gesture. “I mean, I can be your boyfriend, if you want.”

Bianca smiles, but I can’t tell if she thinks I’m being cute or if she’s trying not to laugh at me. “Are you asking me out?”

“It makes sense, right?” I say without thinking twice. Me and Bianca would be a mutually beneficial relationship. She gets

to make Nick jealous, and I get to piss off everyone I care about enough that they’ll never fuck with me again.

Bianca chews on her lip, looking at me like I’m a walking pros and cons list. Eventually she says, “Yeah, actually, it does make a lot of sense.” She smiles.

“Aw, how cute!” Stefani says, and Bianca takes my hand and pulls me toward the cafeteria.

In an unexpected twist, Bianca might just be the answer to all my prayers. This way, when I finally get the balls to leave

this hell of a life, no one will feel guilty about it. Plus, I can be straight now, so I won’t even go to hell after I die.

It’s the perfect plan.

The next week or so goes by pretty much the same. Nick and them leave me alone. I try to like Bianca. And Jamal and I silently

tolerate each other in class.

At least, until he comes up to me after school one day. It’s raining pretty hard, and I’m soaked, waiting for my grandma to

show up, when I hear him from behind me.

“Question,” Jamal says tentatively. Suddenly the rain stops, and a shadow comes over me. Of course he has a fucking umbrella.

I turn around to see him standing straight, like usual, holding the umbrella over me instead of himself, even though we can

both fit. He’s wearing his we-need-to-talk face.

“Yeah?” I say on reflex. For half a second, it almost feels like nothing’s changed. Like he’s about to ask me what I think

aliens look like or what kind of creature I’d like to be reincarnated as.

“Why are you here?” If anyone else asked me that, I’d probably take it wrong, but Jamal looks more concerned than anything.

He knows better than anyone how bad things were for me here before.

“Don’t worry about it,” I mumble, looking away. I know it comes off cold, but I mean exactly what I say. If he’s still worrying about me, this is never gonna work.

He sighs and steps closer, speaking quietly so no one besides me can hear him over the rain. “Look, Cesar, I get it. You don’t

want to be with me anymore. Fine. But you don’t have to be a dick about it. It’s not like we weren’t friends, too. Just...

talk to me?”

I turn my head to look at him. He’s soaking too now, and I can’t help but read into this metaphor. He’s always holding out

his umbrella for me and letting himself get soaked. If I wasn’t here, his nice clothes and shoes he loves so much would be

dry. If I wasn’t here, he’d be much better off in general.

“I can’t,” I say, shaking my head hopelessly. “I can’t .”

“Why not?” he asks. “What changed?”

And just then, Abuela’s car pulls up to the curb, and I step out from under the safety of Jamal’s umbrella without pretending

to have an answer.

As we’re driving away, I look back at Jamal out the window, and I know that face too. I know exactly what he would say if

I hadn’t walked away. What he always fucking says, no matter how much I continue to hurt him.

He’d say he understands.

But it’d be a lie.