Page 48 of The First Cut

“You feeling okay?”

“Yeah. Sleep helped. I don’t know why I still get so tired. I’d hoped it would ease up once I hit my second trimester.”

“Do you eat healthy?”

“Not really.”

“How about sleep? Are you getting eight hours?”

“Over a week? Sure.”

“What about exercise?”

“I’m allergic, unfortunately.”

“Odd, can’t imagine what it could be then.” He chuckles.

“Smartass,” I mutter as he leads me toward the far side of the building where the restroom is located.

Once we get there, Hannibal insists on going in first to check it out before letting me inside. By the time I’m locking the door, the only thing I’m in danger of is peeing myself. I sigh in relief as I hover above the toilet seat, thinking about how men have it so easy. I wash my hands and stick my tongue out at my tired-looking reflection.

Hannibal's hanging up his cell, waiting exactly where I left him. “That was Havoc.”

“Is Dice okay?” I might not know the man, but I don’t want anything to happen to him.

“Everything went well. He’s out of surgery and in recovery.”

“Oh, that’s good.”

“Dice aside, Havoc thinks it would be a good idea for us to stay in a motel for a few days.”

“Huh? Why? I thought you had to be there to take over as president?”

“I do, but he wants to be the one to tell them. With everything the way it is right now, he can’t leave for a few days. If the clubcan’t last a week on their own, then I’m not sure they’ve got what it takes to be a fucking club in the first place.”

“Maybe they’ll realize how bad Driller and Khan were now they are out from under their shadows. And if things do go to shit, you get to go in and save the day, which can only earn you brownie points.”

“I don’t really give a fuck about brownie points.”

“No, I don’t suppose you do. But here’s the thing. You can rule with an iron fist. You can make people bow to you and cower in fear. But if you don’t instill loyalty and trust in them, then the first sign of trouble and they’ll opt to save their own neck over yours. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have someone at my back that I trust not to stick a knife in it. Trust me when I say it’s hard when you don’t see it coming.”

“You’d make a pretty good brother yourself.”

“Pass. For the reasons I just mentioned. I don’t trust them.”

“Any of them?”

I think about Gunther and sigh. “There might be one or two I would like to think would help me if I need it. One in particular that has. I just know they wouldn’t disobey an order for me. So if Khan or Driller had ordered them to do something to me, they would without hesitation, even if that meant hurting me.”

He doesn’t say anything to that, but I can see how mad it makes him. The problem is that it’s in their creed that the club comes first. And obeying your president is right up there with things you absolutely have to do. It’s why Havoc went to prison, after all. It’s a bone of contention that I haven’t been able to move past. Knowing he chose the club so easily over me. He was never off my mind. Not since the day I met him in the school hallway, he consumed me. And yet, in the end, I was nothing more than an afterthought to Havoc.

“There have to be protections in place though—for club girls and old ladies. Especially old ladies. Havoc going to prisonmessed with your head. I get that, but Driller has always been a dick. You had to know you were taking a fucked-up situation and making it ten times worse.”

I stumble, then stand still, my hands wrapping around my stomach. He stops a few steps ahead of me when he realizes I’m not moving. He looks over at me in concern.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but the car behind me beeps, making me jump.