Page 10 of The First Cut

“Maybe I’ll get another taste of his dick before he leaves.”

I don’t say anything, I walk woodenly over to the nearest chair and sit down. I stare down at the table and blink fast, willing away the tears that threaten to fall. I won’t fall apart here. I won’t.

Instead, I pull my book from my bag and pretend to read, shutting out everyone around me. I get so lost in my twisted thoughts that I don’t even notice anything’s changed—until people start moving toward the middle of the room.

Frowning, I look up—and gasp.

Havoc

He walks in, flanked by a few unfamiliar brothers. He looks good—really good—and so different from the boy I fell in love with. He’s bulked up a lot and has a bunch of tattoos that he didn’t have before. There’s a hardness to him, too. A cold in his eyes as he looks around the room.

His gaze moving right past me like I’m invisible.

It’s that indifference that would’ve brought me to my knees if I was standing. Sucking in a lungful of air, my eyes land on the woman beside him.

I thought I knew what pain was. Hell, I’d consider myself an expert by now. But seeing Havoc look at her the way he used to look at me kills something inside me.

I watch, detached, as they move to the bar, Havoc’s focus on the tiny woman next to him. She says something that makes his eyes flash in wonder, and then his mouth is on hers, his hand wrapped in her hair.

It feels like he’s punched a hole in my chest and ripped out my still-beating heart. I can’t get enough air into my lungs. Black spots dance in front of my eyes as the room starts to spin. Andyet, I still can’t look away from the carnage even when Khan walks up to them.

A whimper slips out along with a single defiant tear as I watch Havoc lean down and kiss the tip of her nose.

I freeze when Havoc looks over, his eyes locking with mine for a moment before he turns back to Khan, like I never meant anything to him.

I push to my feet, ready to bolt, when I realize Havoc and Khan are arguing. I freeze, holding my breath, fighting the urge to escape, when I hear Havoc’s words, each one like a knife to the heart. The room goes quiet as everyone watches them. It’s clear there’s no love lost between them anymore. A lot can change in five years. I know that better than anyone.

“You really want to play it this way, Khan? 'Cause I’m not exactly feeling the respect afforded to me as president of the mother chapter,” Havoc growls.

“Women’s issues don’t touch us. You know that.”

I grit my teeth at Khan’s words. They’ll act as a spark to set Havoc off. And I know I’m right when he starts throwing words aimed to wound. But the target isn’t Khan. It’s me.

No surprise there.

“Women’s issues? That’s what you’re calling it? You want me to send my old lady over to spend time with the whore who swapped me out for my brother while I was serving his sentence?”

Acid burns up the back of my throat, and it’s only by the grace of God that I don’t throw up all over the place. I feel everyone turning to stare at me, but I can’t look away from the scene playing out.

“Hey, watch your fucking mouth!” Driller snaps.

I was so focused on Havoc that I forgot all about Driller. I quickly look away and down at the scratched table in front of me. If Driller catches me watching his brother, he’ll make me pay forit. His defense of me now is all an act. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with how the favored brother is treating one of Driller’s toys.

“Just speaking the truth, brother. You don’t like it? That’s not my fucking problem.”

One of the other bikers wraps his arm around the woman’s shoulders. “Come on, Tinkerbell. Let’s play pool.”

Driller snorts. “You sharing now?”

Before Havoc can say anything, the woman speaks up. “I was a virgin until Havoc. He was the first man I slept with, and he’ll be the last. I get, with who your old lady is, it might be hard for you to understand. But don’t put me in the same category.”

I want to scream that I was a virgin, too—but it didn’t matter in the end. I never mattered to this club.

I close my eyes when Driller hisses, “Shut your––”

His words get cut off, but I keep my eyes shut and picture myself far away from here, lying in a field of wildflowers swaying in the wind. No club. No bikers. No hands pawing at me. The world fades around me as I retreat into my mind—one of the only places I still feel safe.

It’s Havoc’s voice that breaks through my weak defenses, dragging me back just in time to see Driller getting to his feet and rubbing his throat.