Page 45 of The First Cut

“Any news on Dice?”

“Still in surgery, last I heard.”

“I hear congratulations are in order, Mr. President.” Conan reaches over to shake my free hand before addressing Lola. “Hey.”

“Hi,” she answers quietly with a wave.

Blade’s frown deepens. Sensing he wants to say something else, I turn to look at Lola before pulling the keys from my pocket and handing them to her.

“Go wait in the truck, I’ll be there in a second.”

“Okay. Bye, guys.” She waves again, looking awkward as hell before scurrying off.

“Skittish thing, ain’t she?” Inigo observes.

“Never used to be,” Blade answers before I do. “I only met her twice, but she used to have that same kind of light that Sunshine has.”

“Well, someone extinguished that for sure,” Conan states.

“She’s Driller’s old lady, so not surprising.” Blade sighs.

“Was. She’s my old lady now.”

“Huh. Interesting.” Conan smirks.

“That real, or something to draw Driller out?” Inigo folds his arms over his chest.

“Can it be both?”

“I don’t know, Hannibal. Can it? That girl looks like she’s hanging on by a thread. How did she even end up here of all places?”

“Came to warn Havoc that Driller and Khan were planning something. She didn’t know what, but wanted him to watch his back.”

“For someone that did the dirty on him, she sure took a risk coming here. Could be it was on purpose.” Blade states, coming to the same conclusion Havoc did.

“We figured that was a possibility. But if that was the plan, she fucking sucks at information gathering. She’s asked zero questions about anything or anyone and hasn’t left my room for a week, other than this morning when I took her out to see if Driller would make his move.”

He nods, not looking surprised. “She’s the weak link here. There was something about this whole fiasco of her jumping from Havoc to Driller that made me uneasy. I put it down to the club doing fuck-all to prevent it, letting Havoc swing in the wind. But perhaps there’s more.”

“Oh, there’s more, I’m sure of it. She hates Driller. She came here covered in bruises, so that’s not surprising in itself. But I’ve dealt with DV victims before, and most of them have a way about them—even the ones that never go back. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like they carry an extra weight of shame on their shoulders. And not because they stayed, but because they loved their abusers. That’s how these men get away with it for so long. The acts of violence come after they’ve made them fall so deep in love they don’t know how to get out again. The violent outbursts are usually followed by grand gestures and love bombing, leaving the victims convinced it was their fault. If they’d just listened better or tried harder…” I run my hand through my hair. “It’s bullshit, of course. They’re waiting for the man they fell in love with to come back, not realizing that man was a lie. They spend all their time trying to fix them only to end up broken themselves.”

“I’ve seen it myself a time or two.” Conan nods. “Then he’s sorry, it was an accident, and he promises it won’t happen again—it’s all bullshit straight out of a narcissist’s handbook.

“I don’t get that from Lola. There’s fear, anger, and a fuck-ton of hate, but that’s it. If she ever felt anything for him, it’s long dead because I don’t see even a hint of it. I don’t know, maybeI’m reading her wrong, But to go from Havoc to Driller and not feel….”

“Embarrassed? Ashamed?” Inigo guesses.

I nod. “Yeah. I mean Driller and Havoc are like chalk and cheese. There's no way people aren’t making her feel like she got her comeuppance, but it just doesn’t feel right.”

“You don’t think the story lines up?” Blade looks to the doorway Lola walked through.

“I think there's far more to it. I don’t know what yet, but I’ll find out.”

“What does Havoc have to say about it all?”

“Let’s just say there's no love lost there.”

“You’re going to have your work cut out for you, that’s for sure. New club, new old lady, and a shit-ton of baggage,” Blade warns me.