Page 12 of The Fight For Survival
My sleep was disturbed all night with dreams of my father. I haven't dreamed about that bastard for months now. It must have been the drama from last night that brought them on. The ridiculous amount of alcohol I consumed after Cade left probably didn't help either.
"Hey, now my ass is not ugly, fuck you very much," Damon says, generally looking offended, walking back into the bathroom with a huff.
Forcing myself out of bed, I groan at the stiffness in my muscles and nausea in my gut. I pull on a pair of jeans and a dark blue t-shirt and push my fingers through my hair, the most effortless styling ever. I slide my feet into my black biker boots and wait for Damon to finish in the bathroom.
Taking my turn to wash my face and brush my teeth, I think back to the conversation Cade and I had last night, if you can even call it that.I hated you for causing her so much hurt.That's what Mia said too, that shehatedme. Hearing both of them tell me that on the same damn night? Fuck, it hurt so much. But hearing what Mia went through because of me? Thatkillsme.
I have to close my eyes and try to shut out the image of my girl being hurt by my actions. I got a glimpse of it last night when she broke down, and I felt like ripping my own heart out and handing it to her for her to stomp on.
After Cade told me that, all I could say was, "I'msorry." I couldn't think of anything else to say. It's been five years. What the hell could I do to make it better? Nothing, there was nothing I could do.
"You're sorry? shit, that's original. At least give me a reason why you left." Cade spits, pacing around the room, clenching and unclenching his fists. The man is so different from the boy I knew. He carries himself confidently and has an air of authority that puts me on edge. I was used to being the one in control, and he was taking it away from me. I didn't like it. "Sit down, and I'll get us a drink," I order him, trying to take back some of the control. Cade storms over, sitting on the green couch, not before scoffing at me, though.
Once I had gotten two beers out of the fridge, I sat in the matching armchair facing the couch. Why green? Who in their right mind would design a living room and think, 'a green sofa and armchair would look really good against these red walls?' It's gross, but It's not my apartment. I'm overthinking to avoid talking about the elephant in the room. That elephant being me.
As I look in the bathroom mirror, taking in my tired appearance. Closing my eyes because I can't even look at myself right now, I go back to last night's memory.
"I'm sure Mia told you what happened the night I left?" Cade laughs humorlessly and nods. "Yeah, she told me you took her virginity and then abandoned her." I run my hands down my face trying to calm down, but it's hard to bring this shit up. "Are you going to let me explain? Or are you going to keep replying with snarky remarks?" I spit, losing my patience.
"What's there to explain? You left us!"
I wasn't getting anywhere with him. I could tell he was too angry. That doesn't stop me from trying, though.
"I had no other choice, Cade. I had to leave." There's a pleading in my voice. I needed him to understand that.
"If you knew you were leaving, you could have said goodbye!" I nod my head in defeat. It's true. I could have.Should have. "I was going to, I made it the crook with letters to you both, but I chickened out at the last minute." I explain to him, "I think in my head, if I had given them to you, it would have been real, saying goodbye. I wasn't ready for that."
Standing up to avoid Cade's unwavering stare, I go on. "Those letters contained secrets I didn't want to burden you with. Also, I knew if you read them, it would change how you saw me, and I wanted to hold on to the memory of you both loving me. Then I spent months debating whether or not to send them. In the end, I put them in my nightstand. They've been there ever since."
"I don't even know what to say to you, Kane. It's five fucking years too late. You need to talk to Mia. She has things to tell you, which must come from her."
He's holding something back. It might have been five years since we last saw each other, but I can still read him like an open book. "I'll talk to her before I leave, I promise," I mutter, rubbing my hands down my face. My legs feel heavy, and exhaustion has kicked in. There's a numbness that's taken over my body. It could be from traveling, but I know it's most likely the shock of tonight setting in.
Cade picks up his jacket and slips it on. I feel like so many things have been left unsaid, and a big part of me wishes he would stay a little longer. I want to tell him my story, but I'm scared.
"Can I ask you one thing before I go?" Cade queries, standing by the door. I nod my head warily. "Why did you sleep with her when you knew you were leaving?"
Okay, so that was not a question I was expecting. I know it sounds bad. I just got what I wanted and left like a douchebag, but it wasn't like that. Part of me wants to shout out that it wasn't any of his business. Rather than telling him that, I go with the simple truth. "I loved her, Cade, always have. It might have been selfish of me to do what I did, but I don't regret it for a second. And I hope she doesn't either."
Blinking into the mirror, the memory fades. Cade left after that, and I drank myself silly. I didn't even hear Damon come home.
Damon pops his head into the bathroom door. "Hey, you ready to go?"
Leaving the apartment, we walk a block to a little coffee shop offering an extensive range of breakfast items. I order a coffee and bagel while Damon orders a full breakfast of eggs, bacon, pancakes, and syrup. I couldn't stomach all that food after the night I'd had.
After I've consumed my much-needed coffee and eaten half of my dry bagel, Damon speaks.
"I wanted to stop at this place called 'chasing ink.' It's supposed to be one of Washington State's top five tattoo shops, and I need some new ink. It's been at least three months since my last tat, and I'm having withdrawals," he jokes. I've lost count of the number of tattoos Damon has. His arms have full sleeves. He has multiple tattoos covering his back and calves and one running up the side of his neck.
"Sure, whatever, man, we'll go when we've finished here if you want. I need to make a stop somewhere at some point today." He looks at me, waiting for me to elaborate. When I don't, he goes back to eating.
We had to rent a car for a couple of days because we got a plane here, which was why I agreed to go with him to the tattoo shop. I thought it was a waste of money to rent two cars so, for now, we will have to go where the other wants to go if we both need the car. That reminds me. "Hey, did you pick up the car last night?" I ask Damon as we walk back to the apartment to get said car. I saw it parked in the drive this morning and wondered how it got back to our apartment because he didn't have the keys last night.
He looks a little sheepish when he replies. "I, uh, got an uber to drop me off to pick it up this morning," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. I smirk, wondering why he looks so flustered. "You get lucky or something?" his laugh is forced. "Yeah, something like that." He responds, making me frown in his direction. Damon is never shy about flaunting his latest lay, so his cryptic response confuses me. I let it slide, though—too many things on my mind to worry about D right now.
It turns out the tattoo shop was only a ten-minute drive. I look at the shop from my car window.
It looks inviting and professional, unlike those cheap ones you see around with graffiti all over the windows. The sign' Chasing ink' stands proudly in silver above the shop.