Page 39 of The Business of Love Box Set 1: Books 1 - 4

VANESSA

I gripped the edge of the porcelain throne as another wave of nausea hit me. I groaned, the sound echoing in the bowl, and then seconds later, my mouth flooded with saliva, and I rose up on my knees to hurl the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

There was a soft knock on the door, followed by my mother’s soft voice. “Sweetheart? Maybe you should consider calling in sick to the station tonight. This has been a really rough day.”

I took deep breaths and closed my eyes. “No. I’m all right. I want to go.”

The station was a good distraction from everything else going on in my life right then. There had been some curveballs thrown my way that I didn’t expect that suddenly made my high-school reunion months ago seem like such a minor, petty thing.

For starters, I was no longer obsessed with my weight. Which was curious, seeing as how I’d gained almost twenty pounds in the last six months.

But that was okay. It was healthy weight.

Baby weight.

There was a little life growing in my belly.

I’d become consumed with nutrition and learning how to feed my body and the baby properly.

I still indulged every now and then in a donut or two and some Mountain Dew, but I considered my lifestyle to be much more balanced now.

It was easier to make smart choices for my body now that it wasn’t only about me.

The baby in my tummy couldn’t make choices yet.

I had to make those choices for him or her.

And I wanted them to be the kind of choices that would give my little bean a head start in life. And that started with proper nutrition.

I pushed myself to my feet. My belly bumped the edge of the counter when I bent over and splashed cold water on my face. I swished mouthwash and drank some cold water before coming out of the bathroom.

My mother was waiting for me in the hallway.

So was Bear. The dog had become my shadow since I moved in with my folks two months ago.

Being alone in my little apartment hadn’t been good for my mental health.

I’d drawn inward. I’d stopped engaging with friends and family.

I was falling into a rut. I missed Rhys but I didn’t dare reach out to him. What would I say?

Hey. Long time no talk. How are you? Good? That’s good. Hey, guess what? I’m pregnant. With your baby.

Yeah. No. That wouldn’t have gone so well.

Mom and Dad saved me from myself. Chris came into town on my moving weekend and helped load all my belongings into a moving truck.

We unloaded at the house and I moved into my old bedroom, which my mother had finally agreed to repaint.

We took down all the childhood things of mine and put them in boxes in the attic. Then I made the space mine again.

It was tiny, yes, but it was mine, and I wasn’t alone here. I had the support I needed.

I was still terrified. I was terrified all the time.

Bear nudged my knee with his wet nose and I responded by scratching him behind the ears. “Hey, buddy. Sorry. I’m not ignoring you.”

My mother sighed and reached out to run her fingers through my hair. “My hair got thick like this when I was pregnant with you and your brother, too.”

She said a lot of stuff like that to me lately. She talked about how clear my complexion was. How round my belly was getting. How good I looked pregnant. It was strange to feel pretty for once and I never expected it to come with pregnancy.

Mom said it was because it forced me to finally see something else when I looked in the mirror. Something more than just the things I didn’t like.

She wasn’t wrong.

When I looked in the mirror, I saw strength. I saw life. I saw the true magic that was motherhood. It was only when I looked deep into my eyes that I saw the scared little girl I’d been just six months ago.

No wonder things between Rhys and I had ended so badly. I wasn’t even close to being ready to being with a man like him. And I probably never would be. But I’d learned a lot from those weeks with him and he’d given me something truly special.

A child.

Mom said I owed Rhys the truth for that. I still wasn’t so sure. He had a lot on his plate. Work. Business. The death of his father. His mother’s health issues. All of it. I didn’t want to add another burden to his already heavy load.

“Do you think you’re going to be able to eat any supper?” my mother asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“Yes, I’ll try.”

We went downstairs together. Dad and Nannie were already sitting at the table.

There was a casserole dish piled high with baked veggies in the middle of the table, along with a bowl of mashed potatoes and a cutting board of thinly sliced slow-roasted beef.

It smelled glorious and I helped myself to an ice water before joining my family for dinner.

Nannie passed me the potatoes. “Eat up. You’re eating for two now.”

Even though she was no longer commenting on my weight specifically, I found her incessant commentary about what I was putting in my mouth exhausting. I took a helping of potatoes and she encouraged me to eat more.

“Come on, Vanny. Go ahead. You need all the nutrients you can get from every little thing. Especially when you’re still so sick every day. You’re losing a lot of—”

“Nannie.” My voice was sharp. “I’m capable of feeding myself. I don’t need you telling me what I should and shouldn’t eat anymore. Okay?”

My parents exchanged a look while Nannie prickled. “I’m just trying to help.”

“I know you are. But your version of helping always makes me feel bad about myself.”

“Whatever do you mean?” she asked innocently.

I cut into my meat and took a bite. It practically melted on my tongue.

Food had never tasted as good to me as it did when I was pregnant.

I chewed, savored, and swallowed. “Ever since I can remember, you’ve gotten your kicks poking fun at me and my size.

And I finally have the nerve to tell you I don’t appreciate it.

It’s mean and it’s hurtful and I would prefer if from now on, you no longer say anything about my weight or what I’m putting in my mouth. ”

My mother sipped her wine. Dad chewed his carrots.

Nannie looked at her lap. “I’m sorry, Vanessa.”

I blinked in surprise. Was that a genuine apology? It sure looked and sounded legit. But then again, Nannie had always been an impressive actress.

She sighed. “I know I’ve been hard on you. I think I was projecting. You and I have more in common than you might think. When I was your age, I was built the same way.”

“Like a linebacker?” I asked, one eyebrow arched accusingly. She’d said that to me dozens of times over.

She licked her lips. “I just wasn’t one of the dainty girls that men tended to prefer. I had a hard time. And, well, your grandfather strayed when I packed on some extra pounds.”

My mom put her cutlery down. “Daddy cheated on you?”

Nannie didn’t make eye contact with anyone.

“It was a very shameful thing. A lot of my neighbors and friends knew before I did. I was so humiliated. And I know it was because he wasn’t attracted to me anymore.

Because I’d let myself go. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life, Vanessa.

I wanted to spare you that. I thought I was protecting you in my own way.

I thought the pain of my words couldn’t possibly compare to the pain a man could cause you. ”

I chewed the inside of my cheek. “Well, you weren’t wrong about that, Nannie. Men are assholes.”

“Hey,” Dad chimed in from his end of the table. “Not all of us.”

“No, not all of you.” I dabbed my lips with my napkin.

“But some of you. Nannie, I’m sorry that happened to you.

You didn’t deserve that. And I’m sorry it’s caused you such pain still.

But I can take care of myself. Okay? And it’s not on you to toughen me up just in case something like that happens. ”

“I understand.”

I reached across the table and took her hand. Wrinkles and liver spots aside, she and I had similar hands. Thin fingers. Thicker knuckles. Wide nail beds.

“There’s one more thing you should know,” Nannie said.

“Oh?”

“I’m the one who sent the Mountain Dew and the donuts to the station.”

“What?”

Nannie nodded. “Yes, it was me. I knew you loved them. And I knew you punished yourself whenever you were with me. I was trying to… ugh. I don’t know what I was trying to do. Can you forgive me?”

I studied the lines of Nannie’s face, the wrinkles and the dimples and the whites of her eyes. “On one condition.” The words coming out of my own mouth reminded me of the time Rhys had said them to me.

“Anything,” Nannie whispered.

I got up out of my chair and went to the kitchen cupboard.

I pulled it open and fetched a box of my mother’s favorite treats, little chocolate cakes with white icing in the middle.

They were individually packaged delicious little morsels of chocolatey goodness, and they were most definitely not good for you.

I put one down in front of Nannie.

“Eat this with me.”

Nannie stared at the cake and then looked up at me as I unwrapped mine. I waited for her to do the same. She did.

Then I held mine out as if it were a wine glass and I was making a toast. “Here’s to clean slates and more kindness to our bodies.”

Nannie smiled. She tapped her cake against mine.

And then, together, we took a bite.

Nannie licked chocolate from the corners of her mouth. “Holy hell, that’s good.”