Page 103 of The Business of Love Box Set 1: Books 1 - 4

HAILEY

I t started raining three minutes after I left the apartment building. Big, fat, cold drops fell from the sky and splattered on the hoods and windshields of cars parked along the side street I wandered down to get away from the thick throngs of pedestrians.

I missed the sidewalks in Nashville. They weren’t nearly as crowded or covered in chewed-up and spat-out gum. I missed my usual coffee shops and my sister and Azira.

I missed my comfort zone.

My shoulder clipped that of a tall businessman in a head to toe black suit. I glanced over my shoulder and caught myself as I stumbled. “Sorry.”

My apology was weak and timid and he stuck up his nose at me and kept walking, never breaking from his conversation on his cell phone.

“Don’t let me slow you down,” I muttered as I massaged my aching shoulder.

It didn’t hurt nearly as much as my heart did.

My aimless wandering of the streets around Jackson’s apartment led me down a narrow lane with less foot traffic and old-school lamp posts.

The evening was dull and gray and the lamps cast a warm ambient light on the concrete.

I walked past coffee shops, hair salons, convenience stores, a pet-grooming business, and a rundown old ice-cream parlor that didn’t look like it was getting much business.

If it hadn’t been so cold and damp out, I might have ducked in and thrown them five dollars for a milkshake or something.

But it was cold.

I kept walking. I must have been going for over twenty minutes before I realized the pace of my steps wasn’t doing anything to clear my head. I needed someone to talk to.

So I called my sister.

Hannah answered on the third ring. She had a chipper tone and I remembered it was Monday evening.

She would have plans to sit down with a glass of wine and watch her favorite reality dating show.

When I was her roommate, I’d sit and watch it with her.

We used to love doing that. I especially liked it after a long day at work.

It was the perfect way to unwind and clear my mind.

Plus, those shows always made me feel like I had my shit together even though I knew I did not.

“Hey, sis,” Hannah chimed. “You called just in time. I was about to hop in the shower. What’s up?”

“Hey,” I said, trying to warm up my voice so she wouldn’t hear that something was wrong.

My sister had an uncanny knack for knowing when something was wrong.

I supposed most sisters did. The good ones anyway.

But I would swear up and down and left and right that my sister was a bloodhound on the hunt when she sniffed out that something wasn’t right.

It was time to put those skills to the test. “I missed you and was thinking about you today. I was thinking about how weird it was that I’m not there to cuddle up on the couch and watch your shitty shows with you. ”

Hannah laughed on the other end. “Oh please. You’re secretly glad you don’t have to endure two hours of petty TV drama.”

“No. For once, I would actually give an arm and a leg to be there with you.”

“You’re just saying that because you feel bad for bailing on me and moving to New York. Don’t worry, little sister. I can take care of myself. I’m not—” Hannah broke off. “Hang on. What on earth would make you want to watch garbage TV with me?”

Shit. I’d overplayed my hand.

So much for keeping my emotions in check and getting off the call in time so as not to disrupt the evening my sister was clearly looking forward to with great anticipation.

“Nothing,” I said. “I just had a rough day at work.”

“Wasn’t it your first shift?”

“Yeah.”

“Did something happen? You don’t like your coworkers?”

“No, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. We can talk about it later. You go have your shower and enjoy your evening.”

“Where are you right now?” Hannah asked. I detected notes of suspicion in her tone. She was catching on and putting two and two together. She could probably hear the background noise of traffic or music playing on patios I passed by. Maybe she could even hear the rain.

“I’m out for a walk.”

“And where’s Jackson?”

“Back at the apartment.”

Hannah made one of her tell-tale, “I’m onto something” sounds in the back of her throat. It was one part groan and one part conspiratorial grunt. “Why do I have a feeling your bad day has more to do with Jackson than it does your new job?”

There it was.

Mic drop.

She’d riddled me out in less than two minutes.

I sighed into the line and took a left turn. I crossed the street on a jam-packed sidewalk and hopped up onto the curb on the far side. A few more shoulders bumped against mine and I moved to the inside of the sidewalk to avoid the spray of water spitting off the tires of passing cars.

“You might be right,” I said. “But I don’t want to cut into your evening. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“Nonsense. My shower can wait until after the episode. Start talking. I’m going to pour some wine.”

It was easy for me to picture Hannah in my mind’s eye padding from her bathroom to her kitchen, where she’d pull a half-empty bottle of white wine from the fridge door and pour herself a glass that was too full to be considered classy.

I listened for the sound of the fridge cracking open and heard it right when I thought I might.

It was followed by the gurgle of wine being poured.

“I’m waiting, Hailey,” my sister sang into the line.

Where did I start? “Jackson and I almost hooked up again,” I said.

“When?”

“About half an hour ago.”

“What? Damn, girl, you’re getting busy with that boy. Wait. Hang on. What do you mean almost hooked up? Why’d you stop?”

“I panicked,” I admitted. “We were kissing and, you know, doing other stuff, and for a moment, it all felt so real and so right, and then it slammed into me that it probably meant something completely different to me than it did to him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” I said, picking my words carefully, “it hurt me the last time we had sex and he was so easily able to hop on a plane the next morning and forget it ever happened. And this time would have been no different. I’m not his type, Hannah.

You know the kind of girls he likes. Girls who look like Kim and you. ”

“Hailey. You stop that right now. You’re beautiful. And you’re dead wrong if you think Jackson doesn’t think so too.”

Jackson thought I was beautiful in the best friend sort of way. The platonic sort of way. The “she’s a natural beauty but not a bombshell” kind of way.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “The point is Jackson wants something different from this than I can give. I can’t have casual sex with my best friend and deny that my feelings are getting involved.

I want more or I want nothing at all. And I’m not going to ask him to be all in.

He can’t. He’s juggling his business and he’s still having too much fun fucking strangers and living the single life. We made a mistake when we hooked up.”

Hannah sighed. “Or you both acted on impulses you’ve had for a long time but neither of you are capable of looking the other in the eye and saying what you really feel.”

“I know what I feel. Regret.”

“Drama queen. You guys have been best friends forever. Whatever this is, I’m sure you can work it out.”

“Not this time.” I meant it. This felt different. “It’s too complicated. Not to mention embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing? Why?”

“I feel like an idiot, Hannah. I followed him to New York because—I don’t know—because I thought maybe there was something there between us that he’d want to pursue.

But he doesn’t want to pursue anything. He wants easy, no strings attached sex.

And there’s nothing wrong with him wanting that but I can’t give it to him. The cost is too high.”

Hannah didn’t say anything for what felt like a long time. I began taking only left turns to make my way back to the apartment and to Jackson, who was doing who knows what back there while he waited for me.

He’s probably trying to make sense of your special brand of crazy .

“So what do you want, Hailey?”

There it was. The big question. If I couldn’t be with Jackson, which I knew would ruin our friendship, what did I want instead?

“I want to come home,” I said.

“You just got there! Are you sure you want to throw in the towel so quickly? What about your job? They’re not going to just want to transfer you back in a matter of a week.”

“I’ll get a new one. It doesn’t matter. I can figure it out.”

“Since when have you ever said your job didn’t matter?”

“Since I made an ass of myself and followed Jackson to a new city on a stupid whim that maybe things would be different!” I barked into the phone. As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt bad. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t lash out at you. This isn’t your fault.”

“It’s okay. I get it. If you think coming home is best, then come home.

But Hailey. Running away won’t fix things.

Putting distance between yourself and Jackson isn’t going to make him come running after you.

If that’s what you’re hoping will happen, then you’d best prepare yourself for disappointment. ”

My bottom lip trembled and I willed myself to stay in control and not let my emotions take over. “He won’t follow me. New York is his dream. It’s where he’s supposed to be.”

“I know. I just wanted to make sure you did, too. I’ll see you in a couple days?”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Yeah. You will.”

I was soaking wet from the rain when I got back to Jackson’s apartment. None of the lights were on, and now that full night had settled upon the city, the place was thick with darkness save for the glow of the TV and the light above the stove on the other side of the place.

“Jack?”

I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. Jackson sat up from where he’d been sprawled across the sofa.

I moved deeper into the apartment and flicked on the living-room lights. Jackson grimaced and shielded his eyes, so I turned the dimmer down to a dull glow so as not to blind him. He rubbed at his eyes as I took a seat across from him and leaned forward to rest my elbows on my knees.

“Where did you go?” Jackson asked.

“Around.”

“Did it help?”

No. “Yes,” I said. “I’m sorry I ran out on you.

But I needed to be alone. Things were moving too fast and I didn’t realize that I needed to slow down.

Jackson, I don’t think we should do this anymore.

It’s a bad idea. We work as best friends.

Not best friends who also sleep together.

You’re too important to me to jeopardize what we have.

I think it would be best if we go back to how things used to be. ”

Jackson nodded his agreement. “Okay. I can do that. We’ll keep it hands-off.” He sat back on the sofa and showed me his hands like a prisoner just proven innocent. “You’re too important for me to risk losing, too. I mean it, Hails. I never meant to put you in a bad spot.”

“I know that.”

“So we’re good?” The hope in his voice hurt my heart.

I licked my lips. “I’m going to move home, Jack. I’ll book my flight tomorrow.”

“Home?”

“Nashville.”

He stared at me and I stared back, and my heart broke for the second time that night.