Page 9 of The Alien Who Saved Christmas

Jingle moons, Jingle moons,

Jingle all night long.

Jingle moons, Jingle moons,

That’s kind of this whole song.

Hey!

From “Jingle Moons”

A Christmas Carol for Non-Earthlings by Sadie Malone

Being the only girl in town meant that every night was Ladies Night on Corono.

Sadie had no problem keeping all the bar-patrons’ eyes centered on her, especially when she was standing on a stage.

Without a karaoke machine, her musical choices were limited, of course.

She’d never been great at memorizing lyrics.

But Christmas music played on a loop at the diner.

There were some earworm-y songs she couldn’t forget, even if she tried.

Sadie took a deep breath and began humming the unmistakable beginning of All I Want For Christmas Is You . “You guys can clap along.” She told her fascinated audience. “I mean, those of you with hands, anyway. Or tentacles would be fine, I guess. Just stay on the beat.”

A few of the aliens began tentatively following her rhythm.

“There we go! Awesome!”

Xane was transfixed. His vivid eyes seemed to glow as he watched Sadie move around stage. She grinned at him, pleased with how well the plan was working.

His big head tilted to one side, a not entirely happy look on his face.

No surprise. Xane was never real happy.

He seemed particularly not happy, as his gaze traced from her to the spellbound men and then back again, though.

Maybe he wasn’t a fan of Mariah Carey. Sadie had always been more of a classic punk girl, herself.

Xane was supposed to be looking for the duckling, though, not judging her performance. He’d have to deal.

She gave him an exasperated “get moving” look, as she began belting out the lyrics.

The aliens couldn’t possibly have known what the song meant, but they didn’t seem to care.

Sadie didn’t have the world’s greatest voice, but no one seemed to mind that, either.

People were already coming in from the back-of-house area, just to watch her perform.

None of them noticed when Xane reluctantly slipped from the main room to explore the hidden parts of the bar.

And considering his very noticeable size and horns, that spoke well of her ability to entertain a crowd.

Within two verses, Sadie had the aliens singing along with the chorus.

The song wasn’t long enough to be a great distraction, so she just added random words for a few minutes.

It wasn’t like the actual lyrics made so much sense.

Sadie began to enjoy herself, as she performed. She’d been too quick to declare Christmas as ruined. There was still a lot of fun and holiday spirit to be found.

Xane still wasn’t back, so she launched into a quick rendition of Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.

That was another song that played six bajillion times every December, and she remembered at least half the words.

Besides, she felt like her monstrous audience would like the holiday-themed violence.

She was wrong.

The aliens loved it!

They were out of their seats, hollering their approval. Sadie forgot she was just stalling for time and got into her set, shimmying around on stage. Holiday standards really were universal. She should write the aliens some holiday music of their own. There was clearly a market for it.

By then, Xane was back. Sadie pointed at him, belting out the refrain over the crowd’s cheers.

Her very own Snow Miser didn’t seem to be filled with the holiday spirit from her caroling success. Xane looked more dour than ever, in fact. “Enough.” He said firmly, stomping towards her.

“Hang on! Let me just round it out with some Silent Night. ”

“With you, a silent night is impossible.” Xane lifted her right off the stage. The other aliens shouted their displeasure, and he flashed them all a feral glare. “Do any of you wish to challenge me for her?”

That shut them up.

Satisfied, Xane slung Sadie over his shoulder, like she weighed way less than she actually weighed, and headed for the door.

She suddenly found herself looking at his naked back.

The man was still bare-chested. It was probably really hard to find shirts with four armholes.

Or maybe he just liked to show off all his muscles. Who could blame him?

Sadie tried to squiggle free of his implacable grip. “Put me down. You shouldn’t be exerting yourself. You’ll collapse again.”

He muttered out some alien curses and kept walking.

“You’re just being stubborn.” She accused. “And you’re making a scene. Why are you always making scenes?”

“You just put on a concert.” One of his gigantic arms gripped the back of her knees, holding her still. “Was that not a scene?”

“Yeah, but it was a really well-received and intentional scene. And we could’ve ended it with a less aggressive finale.”

“You were about to start a riot.”

“Everything was going great and then you…”

Xane stopped walking.

Sadie craned her neck and saw a cyclops blocking their path. He was the one who’d bought the duckling earlier, so he must own the place.

“Another song.” He demanded stonily. The man wasn’t as big as Xane, but he was big enough to be a problem. “Something erotic, this time.”

Sadie tried to communicate with the creep, which wasn’t easy while dangling upside down. “Erotic? First off: Ew. Secondly, there aren’t a lot of sultry Christmas carols. Well, maybe Santa Baby , but it’s so clichéd.”

“Move.” Xane told the cyclops. It wasn’t so much an order as a warning.

The man disregarded it. “You’re nothing but a slave. I saw you bought by that Lythion prick today. What did you do? Escape?” He snorted. “I’ll turn you in and keep the woman as my reward.”

Xane’s head tilted to one side. That was always a bad sign.

“Xane isn’t a slave. I let him go. All the slaves should be let go, because buying people is gross and wrong.”

Xane disregarded Sadie’s emancipation lecture, his attention on the cyclops. “Do you wish to challenge me for her?”

“Damn right I do.”

Uh-oh.

“No challenging!” Sadie yelped. What if Xane lost? He wasn’t well, no matter how much he wanted to pretend otherwise. In a fight, he’d be hurt, and she couldn’t stand that idea. Plus, then she’d be stuck with a cyclops boyfriend. “Hang on, let’s just take a second here and be reasonable.”

Xane set her on the floor, his eyes on the other man. “Outside.” He told the guy, and it didn’t sound very reasonable. It sounded like someone was about to die.

“Wait!” Sadie held up her palms. “Let’s talk about this.”

Cyclops-man didn’t want to talk. He wanted to seize. His hand lashed out, trying to snatch her by the sleeve and drag her closer to him.

Sadie didn’t even get a chance to evade his clumsy grab.

Xane was already there, preventing contact. He shoved the cyclops backward hard enough to break bones. The guy hit the wall, with a wince of pain and a furious growl.

Xane stepped in front of Sadie and leveled one of his twenty fingers at the man’s reddened face. “No one touches her.”

Oooohhhh… Sadie’s girl-parts gave a happy little twist, liking his protectiveness. That wasn’t fair to Xane, though. No lusting after the hot alien until he was feeling better. Until then, she needed to defend him from all the mean people.

“Let’s be sensible here.” She tried edging around Xane’s colossal form.

He shifted, keeping her behind him. His furious eyes stayed on the cyclops.

Sadie blew out a breath and kept up her meditation. “The way you explained it, women choose in this society. Right, Xane?”

“Yes, but there are few laws here on…”

She didn’t let him finish. “Well, great then! Problem solved. I choose you.”

Xane’s head whipped around to gape at her.

She turned to the cyclops, just in case he wasn’t following the discussion. “I choose him.” She reiterated and pointed at Xane. “No offence. I’m sure you’re great. But…”

“You can’t choose a Rtaharion!” The cyclops bellowed, pushing away from the wall.

“Of course I can.” Sadie scoffed, like she knew what the hell she was talking about. “I am a very rare and important woman. I can choose whoever I want.” (Probably.)

“It’s a blasphemy! Females never choose Rtaharions.”

She made a face. “Well, I mean some women must have or there wouldn’t be any Rtaharions.”

“Only desperate women. Otherwise, they use reproductive technology to breed, like most other species. No actual female goes near them. You’ll never have another respectable mate again, if you go with him.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

The cyclops was really pissed about her blasé attitude. He glowered over at Xane, as if he expected him to back him up. “Tell her.”

Xane didn’t respond. He seemed dazed, again. Clearly, the drugs were still affecting him. She’d known he wasn’t well.

Sadie frowned up at him, concerned by his stillness. “Xane?” She snapped her fingers in front of his face to bring him around.

He blinked.

Good, he was alive.

“Who do you really belong to, female?” The cyclops demanded, still ranting about nonsense. “One of the Lythions?”

“She belongs to me.” Xane’s attention stayed riveted on Sadie. “This is what you’ve chosen, yes?”

He seemed really intense, all of a sudden. And much less weak than before, like Rtaharion-adrenaline had been pumped into his system. She hesitated, sensing some kind of extraterrestrial trap. The entire bar was silent and watching her.

“Yes or no, Sadie-Mal-Own.” Xane’s turquoise eyes glowed hot. “Do you choose me?”

“Yes?” The word came out like a guess.

Xane nodded, as if that settled the matter. His jaw firmed, and he looked back to the cyclops with a whole lot of alien smugness. “She’s mine.”

“This will never stand! You can’t…”

“The woman is now a Rtaharion’s mate.” Xane interrupted. “Are you sure you wish to continue with this challenge?”

The cyclops didn’t seem so sure, all of a sudden.

Neither was Sadie. “Mate?” She repeated skeptically.

Xane ignored her, entirely focused on the other man’s capitulation. “I’m taking my woman. Stand aside.” It was an order, backed up with muscle and death.

Cyclops-guy stood aside.

Grabbing Sadie up again, Xane tossed her back over his shoulder. She squeaked in surprise, as he stalked right out the weird door and into the hot air of the desert.

Sadie hung onto any piece of him she could grab, as she bounced along. “Okay, wait… What did I just agree to?”

“You agreed to accept me as a husband, until you choose another male.”

“Husband?” Sadie gave an incredulous sputter. “What the hell? I don’t remember agreeing to that!”

“And yet it happened.”

“No, it did not!”

“The entire bar heard your assent.”

“You mean the part where I said I ‘chose you’ married us?” The man was out of his mind. No way was any of this legal. “That’s a pretty broad interpretation of my ‘yes.’”

“It’s done. Accept it and move forward.” Xane headed around the side of the building. “Right now, we must focus on retrieving your Vipri.”

Sadie’s head was spinning, and not just because blood was rushing to it. “Retrieving him from where?”

“The alleyway. I knocked him unconscious and dumped him out a window.”

“You beat up a duckling?!”

“You can thank me later, wife.”