Page 25 of The Alien Who Saved Christmas

The first neb-u-la,

The spacemen did say,

Was to certain poor astronauts,

In galaxies far ‘way.

From “The First Nebula”

A Christmas Carol for Non-Earthlings by Sadie Malone

“I don’t see why I have to engage in the actual on-the-ground rescuing.” Lord C’don muttered. “With my breeding and intelligence, it would be far better if I stayed back here, in an advisory role.”

“We’re going into the blue salt mine and saving your son .” Sadie reminded him.

“Vipri prefer the term ‘heir’ for our offspring.” Lord C’don informed her in a snotty tone. “It’s less… emotional.”

Even after they let him free of his cage, Lord C’don was difficult. His snooty attitude and constant complaints grated on her nerves. But at least he was cooperating. Kind of. He wanted off the planet, too, so he’d agreed to help them escape Corono just as soon as Sadie and Xane saved Jynn.

Emphasis on the “Sadie and Xane” part. Not him. Them . That was just not going to work.

She looked over at Xane, at a loss as to how to deal with the cowardly duckling.

He grunted, focused on the Christmas tree. It was clearly more interesting to him than Lord C’don’s meltdown. “This is your plan, wife.”

“Maybe-wife.”

Xane pretended not to hear that. “If it were up to me, the Vipri would still be in a cage. …Or buried in the desert.” He adjusted one of the food pill “gingerbread cookie” decorations a quarter-inch to the left and then leaned back to admire the aesthetic effect.

“This bush begins to make sense to me. It’s like a ranoti offering on the moon of Gardoni. ”

Sadie slanted him a sideways look. Post-second-date, almost-sex had put Xane in a super good mood. It was kind of unnerving. “Offering?”

He nodded. “You said humans place gifts under the branches, yes? Offering!”

“I mean… we exchange gifts with each other, but it’s to show affection, not be an offering. In my family, we woke up on Christmas and opened presents. Then we had a big breakfast and…”

“You said today is Christmas.” He interrupted with a sudden worried frown. “We did not put presents under the bush.”

“Holiday shopping took a backseat to getting space-napped and killing that guy in the casino.” Sadie admitted. “But, that’s okay. Escaping the hell planet will be our gift.”

“Oh, you gave me a gift this afternoon.” Xane assured her, his mouth curving at the edges. “It was much appreciated.”

Sadie sent him a repressive look, but she was struggling not to laugh. His relaxed, teasing attitude was kind of adorable.

Xane’s smile grew, seeing that he’d made her grin. “I must give you a present, now. I will deliver it to you before the end of Christmas.”

She lowered her voice. “Technically, you got me something this afternoon too, right before I got you something.”

“And I will get you something else. Because you deserve everything .”

Sadie’s insides melted like ice cream in the purple-desert sun. Once they left Corono (because they were leaving Corono, damn it) how could she say goodbye to Xane? How could she go back to her old life without him?

Why would she even want to try?

Lord C’don gave an affronted scoff, like he’d somehow been slighted. “Vipri exchange gifts on the second solstice of our sun. It would be the height of bad manners to ignore a guest on such a significant holiday. I can only assume this Christmas isn’t so important to you, as I am empty-handed.”

Sadie shook herself from her thoughts. “Christmas is a holiday for friends and family to celebrate together. You don’t even want to rescue your own son from a prison mine.”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t participate in this brutish mission. I simply said my true talents are being wasted.” He smoothed down his already-smooth yellow feathers. He swore they’d been mangled in captivity and liked to draw attention to his downy injuries. “I should really be the one in charge.”

Sadie rolled her eyes, sick of his crap. “Didn’t you say the Vipri have psychic powers?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. There are no such things as psychic powers.” Lord C’don scoffed. “We merely share a mental connection with our progeny.”

“How is that not psychic…?” She broke off. “You know what? Doesn’t matter. You can ‘mentally connect’ with Jynn. Which means you can quickly find him. Which means you have to be the one to go into the mine, so we can get him out of the mine.”

Lord C’don knew she was right, but he still pouted.

“Now, can you get the ship ready to fly before we go?” Sadie continued, moving on to the next item on her checklist. “Come on. Test out the navigation system or whatever. Make sure we’re good for takeoff.

” Everything needed to be squared away before the big prison break.

They wouldn’t have much time to figure it out afterward, with the entire planet after them.

Of course, the entire planet was already kind of after them.

Lord C’don sighed in annoyance. “I’m one of the greatest pilots in the history of my people. I know how to prep a ship, woman.”

“Great. Do it, then.” She pointed towards the panel of switches and buttons.

He trudged over to halfheartedly poke at the main console.

Xane snaked an arm out and caught her around the waist. “I find your ruthless badgering of our prisoner to be very attractive.” He murmured, tugging her body up against his. “I enjoy being married to a tyrant.”

“I am not a tyrant, and he’s not our prisoner. He agreed to be a member of our Rebel Alliance team, because we rescued him from the Lego cantina. It’s exactly like one of the Star Wars shows that didn’t suck.”

“Did I have a choice except to ally with you?” Lord C’don grumbled, checking dials on the sort-of-computer. “It was either throw my lot in with rabble or return to servitude.”

“Or we bury you in the desert.” Xane reminded him without even looking his way. He was too busy playing with Sadie’s hair.

“You can’t keep threatening to kill the duckling, big guy. We have to work together and Lord C’don is…” She hesitated. “Lord C’don, do you have-- like-- a first name?”

“Not that I’d allow you to use.”

Xane picked up a small can of paint leftover from the ornament making and absently pegged it at Lord C’don’s head.

It slammed into his skull hard enough for Sadie to wince in sympathy.

“Ow!” Lord C’don grabbed his wounded head and turned to give Xane an angry look. “That hit me!”

“Yes.” Xane agreed without a drop of remorse.

Lord C’don glowered, but he didn’t have a death wish, so he let it go.

Sadie fixed Xane with a stern sort of look.

Xane shrugged. “You might think he is on our team, but I know better. Vipri are a duplicitous breed.”

Lord C’don was outraged. “Just like a Rtaharion to besmirch his betters. It never fails! All you stupid, uncultured oafs are quick to spew outdated stereotypes.”

Sadie squinted at that bigoted way to call out bigotry. “Maybe we should all be accepting and nonjudgmental about each other’s cultures.”

“Maybe you should show me some respect, since I’m the smartest, best-looking, highest-born person here.” Lord C’don retorted. “It’s only fair that you two hooligans follow my orders. Why, I have half a mind to leave you behind when we blast off of this rock.”

“It’s Sadie’s spaceship.” Xane reminded him. “You follow her orders or you stay on this planet forever. Ask me which choice I’m hoping you make.”

“Lord C’don, are you sure you can get the ship in the air?” Sadie asked, before another argument broke out and the Vipri was turned into a feather duster.

“ Obviously , I can do it. Once Jynn is safely aboard, we’ll all fly out of here, never to return.

” Lord C’don went back to poking at the blinking controls.

“And hopefully never to see you two again, shortly thereafter. You are certainly not invited to my palatial estate. You’ll have to go to your own squalid homes, while I luxuriate in crystal blue pools. ”

Xane rolled his eyes, not concerned about the uninvitation.

Sadie didn’t want to go sightseeing on Lord C’don’s duck pond-y homeland, either. But she also didn’t particularly want to go back to Earth. Not without Xane.

He twined one of Sadie’s curls around his thumb and gave a contented sort of sigh when she leaned into his touch. “I have further considered your ideas on ‘caring’ and concluded that you made some salient points.” He announced, like it was big news.

“I had a feeling my lesson would open your mind.”

He missed her dry tone. “Although Rtaharions do not have words to express our feelings, we have a culture of protection. There is rational evidence of this. We have legions of men to guard our weak and our homes. We have family groups. Respect our elders. Mourn our losses. Clearly, that must mean we care for others.”

Sadie was a little impressed he’d put that all together. He really was trying. “I think you care for your brother.” She agreed. “And he cares for you. He gave you that medallion thing.”

Xane nodded, like he was on the verge of a real breakthrough. “I believe it was a sign of Hathgarr’s affection, not his pity. He did not want to lose me, because I am important to him.”

“So maybe Rtaharions are just as emotional as everybody else?”

“No. We’re not nearly as whiny and illogical as other species.”

So much for the breakthrough…

“We can feel caring emotions, though.” He continued, and his eyes stayed on hers. “I know this for certain, because I feel them for you.”

Her mouth curved into a smile. “I feel them for you, too.”

His chest expanded in a relieved, excited sort of breath. “Good.”

“Can you two stop fawning all over each other?” Lord C’don demanded. “It’s unseemly and distracting.”

Sadie looked up at the ceiling, refusing to give in to the urge to hit him. Repeatedly. “Are you done setting up the ship?”

“Yes, all the systems are ready for takeoff. What else would you have me do?” He made it sound like they were forcing him to work his feathered fingers to the bone.

Xane kept his attention on Sadie. “You know, we still have time to find different pilots.”

“Would you stop with that? Lord C’don needs us, and we’re going to help him.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s Christmas and on Christmas you have to be nice to all your annoying relatives. It’s tradition.”

“I’m not related to you lower organisms!” Lord C’don scoffed indignantly. He was like a little, yellow Ebenezer Scrooge.

Xane arched a brow at Sadie. “Just one new pilot?”

“No.” Sadie reached into her pocket. “Here, Lord C’don. This will open the prisoners’ chains.” Sadie tossed him the key that they’d stolen from Elf. “We’ll get the gate to the mine open. Then, you go in and free Jynn and the others. That’s it.”

“Oh, is that it? ” He snarked. “You say that like it’s not the most dangerous and important part of the plan. What will the Rtaharion be doing, while I’m risking my neck.”

“Killing every single guard with my bare hands.” Xane informed him flatly. “Would you like to trade roles?”

Lord C’don did not want to trade. Instead, he gave a mopey sort of scowl.

“You’re doing this for Jynn.” Sadie reminded him.

“Very well. I will accompany you on this brutish mission, for my heir and the future of my noble house.” He sighed in heroic self-sacrifice. “It is my nature to give.”

“We could find another pilot anywhere.” Xane assured Sadie.

“How? It’s not like the crew of the Enterprise is sending us their resumes.”

“Half the men on this planet are pilots.”

“And all of those men want to kill us.”

“ He will probably try to kill us. The Vipri are diabolical.”

“Yeah, but he’s a duckling, so I think we can take him in a fight.” Lord C’don was a douchebag, but at least he was small. And available. They didn’t have time to recruit anybody else.

Lord C’don gave a lofty sniff. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go to the galley and find some food capsules that aren’t painted red and green. If I’m going to die, at least I’ll die on a full stomach.” He went stomping out of the room, his beak in the air.

“On Earth, we eat ducks.” Sadie mused, when he was out of earshot.

Xane made a face. “I would rather starve than consume Vipri meat. It is undoubtedly tough and bitter. There are far better species to hunt, if you wish to pursue cannibalism.”

“Ducks aren’t people on Earth. They’re just birds.”

“Humans have stripped Vipri of their rights? Then why did you bother saving this one from slavery?”

“Birds aren’t slaves! They’re free. …Unless they’re in a cage.”

“How is a cage different than slavery?”

“Because they’re birds. On Earth, birds aren’t these big, thinking, talking creatures.” She paused. “I mean, I guess they sometimes are. Ostriches are big. And parrots can talk. And crows are really smart.”

Xane arched a brow. “Those are all types of enslaved ‘bird’ cultures?”

Sadie sighed. “Never mind.” Shit. She was never going to be able to enjoy chicken nuggets again.

“Perhaps Earth is not as pleasant as you remember.” Xane became fascinated with the Christmas tree, again. “Perhaps returning there wouldn’t be your best option. What if the other humans choose to eat you next? Perhaps you should consider a new plan.”

Sadie looked at his oh-so-casually averted face. “I’m considering a lot of plans.” She promised, and it was the truth. Once they were off Corono, her future started, and Xane needed to be a part of it.

Leaving him behind was impossible. The more she thought about it, the more depressing and awful it seemed.

Returning to her apartment and her job and her old life…

? It would all be so lonely, now. Everything would be lonely without Xane.

There was no way she could give him up. The big guy had won her heart, and there was no changing it.

So, she’d just have to come up with a plan to keep him.