Page 27 of The Alien Who Saved Christmas

I’m dreaming of a black hole Christmas,

In the depths of outer space.

Where the starlight twinkles and space-time wrinkles,

Let’s disappear without a trace.

From “I’m Dreaming of a Black Hole Christmas”

A Christmas Carol for Non-Earthlings by Sadie Malone

A guard crashed through the window of the tower, his arms helplessly pin-wheeling in the air, and Sadie understood why football coaches told players not to have sex before the big game.

Sexual frustration was an amazing motivator.

Xane was ripping through the guards like a weed-whacker in a garden. It was almost unfair. Even outnumbered and outgunned, no one was able to slow him down. For a guy who liked gratmyrr ranching, he was one hell of a brawler.

Sadie didn’t like standing by while Xane headed off alone.

They were a team! But part of being a team was knowing their individual strengths, and fighting wasn’t her individual strength.

At least she didn’t think it was. She’d never tried it before.

Still, it seemed likely that she’d just get in his way.

Xane was wiping out guards at a rate she could never hope to match. He was well ahead of his four-minute schedule, and pretty much everyone was already dead. She could tell, because the gates to the blue salt mines began to creak open.

Lord C’don dashed forward, ready to save his son. She was a little shocked that the duckling was finally doing his part. She’d told Xane he would, but secretly she hadn’t been positive he had the balls to follow through. But he ran into the mine, Elf’s key clutched in his feathered hand.

Then it was Sadie’s turn.

Finally!

She headed towards the guard tower, fully trusting that Xane had the situation under control.

Metal steps led to the small room on top.

She jogged up them, eager to get to Xane.

Bursting into the room, she looked around the decimated space.

A lot of dead aliens and broken furniture and one annoyed-looking husband.

Sadie smiled, and bounded over to kiss him. “You okay, sweetie?”

He grunted, looking irritated. “I am fine.”

“You sure? You seem even more grouchy than usual.”

“ That one got blood all over my only shoes.” He pointed to a puddle of ooze that must have once been a man, an accusatory frown on his face. “Now, they’re stained.”

“Oh.” Sadie totally got it. She missed her favorite boots back on Earth. They were black and expensive and her landlord was probably going to sell them at an eviction sale. “Don’t worry. We’ll get you another pair, just as soon as we escape this dump. Are there shoe stores in space?”

“Of course.” He guided her over to the control panel. “This is the microphone.” He clicked some switches. “Wait until this flashes on.” He tapped another button. “That will indicate Lord C’don has disabled the master locking mechanism and freed the prisoners.”

“How do you know so much about all these dials?”

“They are labeled.”

“Oh. Right.” Sadie swallowed down her nerves. “What do you think I should say to inspire the miners to convince them to run…?”

The light flashed on.

Shit.

Sadie instinctively jabbed the microphone button and started winging it. “Um… This is Sadie Malone, speaking. …Hi?”

Xane was fiddling with some monitor. “You commit so many crimes, wife. I’d think you’d be better at it, by now.”

Sadie flicked him off, still ad-libbing. “Uh… My very grouchy husband and I have come to set you free, because slavery is wrong. Obviously. And we are very much opposed to it. And also, we’re rescuing Jynn. Jynn, your dad has been super-worried about you.”

“Lord C’don has already found his precious heir.” Xane tapped the monitor, which seemed to be showing the interior of the mine.

Sadie covered the weird-looking microphone with one hand and looked his way. Oh my gosh! Already? They really do have a psychic connection.”

“And no common sense. They appear to be bickering, while guards chase them.”

“They’re probably just overcome with emotion at being reunited.”

“They’re about to die.”

“You’re always so pessimistic.”

“It’s only pessimism if you consider their demise a bad thing.” He shrugged. “I remain ambivalent.”

“Of course it’s bad!” She frowned. “Can’t they fly out of there or something? They’re ducks.”

“Vipri’s wings are vestigial.”

“What?”

“They cannot fly.” He looked thoughtful. “Perhaps that’s why they are often pilots.”

“Oh, for God’s sake.” Sadie turned back to the microphone.

“Lord C’don move . Get your ass in gear, or none of us are getting off this rock.

That goes for the rest of you, too. If you want to escape, now is the moment.

You can see by your manacles or whatever, we’ve disabled the locks.

” She paused. “I hope you can see that.” She wasn’t sure how the security system worked exactly.

“But anyhow, we have disabled the locks, and you guys outnumber the guards. So… you’re free. Kind of.”

Xane arched a brow, looking amused.

She ignored his silent laughter, trying to channel her inner Disney tour guide. “If you all could make your way to the nearest exit, that would be amazing. No need for pushing and shoving. Orderly lines should be fine. Thank you. Um… Goodbye.”

“And?”Xane prompted.

“Oh! I forgot.” She leaned closer to the microphone. “And I’m a woman.” She looked over at Xane. “How was that?”

“Inspiring.” Xane decided and seized hold of her arm. “Let’s get out of here before the massacre begins.”

“You really think the speech was okay?” She hurried along behind him. “Maybe I should have tossed in some quotes about how today is our Independence Day.”

Xane half-carried her down the stairs, taking them three at a time. “As usual, I have no idea what that means.”

“Independence Day? It’s a movie and also my fourth favorite holiday. Oh wow! And it falls on the Fourth of July.”

“I have no idea what that means, either.”

The mining yard was already teeming with aliens who were desperate to escape captivity.

No one was moving in orderly lines. They poured through the cave’s entrance, fighting with guards and with each other.

Chaos filled Sadie’s senses. Loud screams and constant movement and the smell of something burning.

Vice-Corporal Siganthum-Rycen Lonel Lonel’s men were trying to stop the mass-escape, but it was like trying to contain the rising tide with a bucket. The prisoners saw a chance for freedom, and they weren’t stopping. Sadie wished them all well.

She also wished they’d stay away from her, because some of them looked positively manic. What if she and Xane got caught in the crossfire of the miners and guards?

“Stay close to me.” Xane ordered, as if she had a choice. He was still gripping her arm. “We’re going to the fence, across the sand, and back to the ship. That is all we’re doing.”

“What about Lord C’don?”

“He can catch up. …Or not. There are other pilots we can kidnap, if he falls. I have told you this.”

“Lord C’don is on our team. We can’t just… Ow! ” An eight-foot-tall squirrel creature knocked into Sadie’s side, causing her to stumble sideways.

Xane grabbed her up before she hit the ground. He held her tight for a beat. “Stay close.” He repeated and kissed her forehead. Then he casually deposited her behind his much larger form and attacked the squirrel. He literally picked the guy up and threw him.

The squirrel went careening into another group of fleeing prisoners, and that started another altercation. The new guys didn’t seem to know whether they should blame Xane or the squirrel for the violence, so they fought them both.

One of them was dumb enough to swing at Xane. Xane ripped off his arm. Not completely unexpected, but ick. Meanwhile, an aqua-skinned man somehow liquefied, trying to drown the squirrel with his body parts.

Sadie blinked in astonishment. This was seriously the weirdest Christmas ever.

Before she could ask Xane if there were mermen in space, something yellow flashed in the corner of her eye. Her face spun around, and she spotted a duckling getting swatted past like a tennis ball.

“Lord C’don!” She raced for their pilot, wanting to save him before he got turned into feathered goo.

“Fuck!” Xane forgot about fighting whoever it was he was fighting and chased after her. “Sadie, no!”

“We’ve got to help him.” She yelled over her shoulder.

One of the octopus guards had Lord C’don pinned to the ground, now. He was trying to slap handcuffs on the poor duckling, but they didn’t fit over his wings. He was squawking and flailing, while another Vipri ran for his life. Obviously, he could only be Jynn.

“Help me save your dad!” Sadie called, thinking he would stop his frantic escape.

Nope.

Instead, he kept right on running. Sadie instinctively turned her head to follow his path, as he sprinted past her. What the heck? Maybe he didn’t hear her?

Whatever Jynn intended to do, he didn’t get far. He ran right into Xane. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Xane snapped, seizing him by the scruff of the neck.

“Do you know who I am?” Jynn demanded in an entitled, whiny voice. “I’m not supposed to be here! I’m heir to a lorddom!”

Xane ignored him.

He struggled to get free, but it was useless. Xane was a Rottweiler in a field of Pomeranians. He moved forward, dragging Jynn along with him, and smart people got out of his way.

“Are you listening to me?” Jynn complained.

No, he absolutely wasn’t.

“Sadie, what part of ‘stay close’ is confusing to you?” He bellowed, like Jynn wasn’t dangling from his fist. Xane clearly blamed her for the whole mess. It was so unfair.

Sadie rose above his grousing. She’d reached Lord C’don, and he needed all her focus. “Hey!” She shouted at the octopus guard who was holding him down. “Leave my pilot alone!” She gave the alien a shove, trying to get him off the Vipri.

“Help, woman!” Lord C’don wailed. “Helllllllppppp!”