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Chapter Twenty-Four

Dereck

S he fucked me over. Even in death Ilyana gave me her last middle finger. I paced the library of my ancestral home watching her lawyer pack his briefcase in haste. He just finished reading her will. She could have taken all my money, all my stocks. Instead, she went for the two things that could break me. My son. And my woman.

The will is simple, cruel and fucking airtight.

If I have any contact with Miranda or my son at any point in the next 10 years, Tarek will be placed in the custody of Ilyana’s great aunt. She will have full guardianship of him. Additionally, if I have any contact with Miranda at any time in the next 20 years, Tarek will lose his trust she set up for him to receive at age 30. The money will instead be equally divided between, Henry and Carson. What the fuck!

I had millions but Ilyana had billions. If I so much as touch Miranda, Tarek will lose everything that was rightfully his.

I had my lawyers there for the reading of the will and they were frantically taking notes and whispering to each other. Trying to find a solution. But I know my wife, she was shrewd, manipulative and vindictive. This was a masterclass in revenge. The will is ironclad.

I walk to the window looking out at the back garden. My fists are clenched as I allow my rage to flow through me.

Ilyana’s death is a bittersweet experience. Piece of me feel like mourning her death, but then in moments like this I am happy she is gone.

I am happy I sent Tarek to Henry Banners house. He didn’t need to be here for this.

“What can I do?” I ask out loud staring out into the garden.

Someone cleared their throat. “Um, sir, we can review the will and look for loopholes.”

Loopholes? There were no loopholes. For another 20 years, I will be living in the shadows because of her rage. I wouldn’t be able to talk or hold my son. If I do, my second son will lose everything. Tarek deserves the world for the pain his mother placed on him.

“We are done here. Leave,” I dismiss the lawyers with a wave of my hand.

As the room emptied, I made a silent vow. For the next twenty years, I would wait patiently, biding my time. Because no matter how much Ilyana wanted to destroy me, she couldn’t take away my will. When the time comes, I will be ready, in the meantime the shadows and I will remain friends.

* * *

TAREK–9 months

“I think the weirdest thing, is where a girl is giving you head, and her eyes are bright and open.” Jasper flicks his nose. “Like, why do they do that?”

Cole chuckles. “I pass my palm over their face and tell them close their eyes.”

“Like a dead body with its eyes open?” Dax asks as he sips his drink.

“Weird little throat demons. That’s what they look like.” Jasper chuckles.

Cole replies, “Not all demons have horns. Now they wear tapes, with inflated breasts and bbl’s.”

I lean back into the velvet seat, watching one of my veteran performers do a burlesque.

“What’s your problem?” Cole shoves my shoulder lightly.

What was my problem? Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that my pregnant fiancée left me. Because I forgot to throw away some stupid chains.

Yeah, I am that asshole. The careless one. The fucking idiot who lost his family to a damn accessory.

“He and Penny are done,” Jasper whispers, gossiping like an old lady at church.

“For real?” Cole’s eyebrows shoot up. “How long?”

“About two weeks. So, it’s fresh,” Jasper whispers again like they are discussing a scandalous affair and not my actual life imploding.

Before Cole can say something, I stand. “I will see you guys next week.”

“Aww, come on. I was just about to give you great advice,” Cole replies.

“Fuck you and your advice,” I don’t bother to wait to hear what he is about to say.

I speedwalk my way out of Nowhere. I feel like I am suffocating. I don’t want to be around anyone. Normally after a breakup I will be fine. In fact, by now I would have someone on my lap begging to be my next girl.

This time it’s different. This time I want to make it right. But I don’t know how? For the past few weeks, I have been sending food to Archers’ home. That’s where she currently is. Anything that she wants, any craving she may still be having. Archer tells me and I am there.

I haven’t built up the courage to ask to see her. She said that I wasn’t the kind of man she wanted to love. That shit hurt but I heard her. I wasn’t it for her. That shit pisses me off more than anything else because she was made for me.

I refuse to have my children live in separate homes. But that’s something I would have to live with for now. It’s a constant war in my head. One side is screaming for me to go after her and bring her back where she belongs. The other side is saying don’t do this. She said she doesn’t love you. She doesn’t think you’re enough for her or my children. I want to scream I am enough and drag her out of her brother’s home. I am worried sick. Is she okay? Is she in pain? What does she need?

It doesn’t take me long to get home. I should be drunk and drugged up, instead I’m walking into my house sober and with a broken heart.

“I was now about to call you. Archer told me about Penny. Want to go have a drink with me.” My father greets me at the door. Archer has accepted my father’s presence so easily, a small part of me feels jealous.

I step past him without answering, my patience is wearing thin.

I walk into the main living room, tossing my jacket over this chair.

“Why are you here?” I ask.

My father sighs and sinks into the single chair opposite me. “To tell you I’m sorry.”

His words make me pause; I glance at him. “Sorry?”

“I should have been a better father.” His voice cracks and that sound pushes me to the edge.

“You mean the way you were to Archer? Always around?” I reply.

He nods, his face full of regret. “You will never understand the decision I made, because you are not aware of the choices I had.”

I let out a low bitter laugh. “You must be fucked in the head to think I care now.”

My father chuckles. “And you think you’re not fucked in the head?”

I stop and look back. “No, I am, and it’s because I am just like you.”

He nods slowly as he digests my words. “It’s like I am cursed.”

“How so?”

“I had to say goodbye to the woman I wanted to spend a lifetime with,” my father whispered.

My rage begins to simmer. “You selfish fuck. What about the woman that killed herself for you?”

He drops his head and lowers his voice. “She didn’t kill herself for me. You will never understand?”

“Understand? What was there to understand? I had a mentally ill mom starving for love and a negligent father.” When I say it out loud, it feels like the pain I buried is clawing its way out.

My father springs to his feet. “You think your mother was a great woman. Do you know how many times I caught her with a pillow hanging over your fucking face?”

I can feel my rage bubbling as my father continues to speak.

“She hated you, Tarek,” he cries. “The day I heard that gunshot I prayed it was her and not you.”

“Yet you left me to take care of a son that didn’t know you fucking existed. WHILE I DID?” I roar my body vibrates with rage.

“I existed! Me! But you ran after a family to be their constant shadow.” I ball my hand in a fist. “While knowing your wife wanted your son dead.”

“Son.” My father bows his head and looks at his palm.

I let out a hollow laugh.

“You think I didn’t see the pillow casting a shadow over my head. Or the subtle shift of her love to hate that reflected in her eyes.” I feel like my insides are falling apart.

My father opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “I was just a child—a kid trying to manipulate her moods in order to survive. All the while I am praying for your protection, where were you?”

“Son….”

“While I was fucking screaming for your protection, you gave it to another fucking son.”

My insides tremble. “I was yours and for years you treated me like an afterthought. Like I was your other woman’s son. I will tell you one thing; I will never be that kind of father to my children.

The room becomes silent then my father’s shoulders slump. “There is so much you will never understand,” he says softly.

“Tell me then?”

“Your mother… she took it all away. She violated me. Even after her death…I couldn’t escape her.” My father’s hands tremble his voice cracking with emotions.

“Honestly, I don’t fucking care.”

“I should have done things differently, but I love you, Tarek.” My father pulls me by the neck and presses his forehead against mine. His hold feels desperate, like an apology he can’t say. But it’s not enough.

I shove him away, my voice is flat and cold. “You caused me to live with my trauma, don’t think you can come here to heal it. It’s too late for that shit.”

My father looks defeated, staring at his opened palm. “I sacrificed so much trying to save what I wanted. You. Miranda. Archer.”

“But what you wanted, became the sacrifice.”

“Son.”

I turn to leave the living room. Over my shoulder, I shout, “Please see yourself out.”

Walking up to my room, I acknowledged that because of the sins of my father, I’m broken in my head, heart and soul.

* * *

PENNY

Pain radiates under my stomach and lower back. My body feels like it’s about to rip open. Stupid Braxton Hicks has me switching from one side of the bed to another, trying to find relief. Carrying one baby would have been hard, but two? I feel like my stomach has stretched to capacity. I wish I had someone to rub my back for me, or my feet. Tarek would normally do that for me, but now he is not here.

When I needed him most. Why couldn’t I be enough for him? Why didn’t anyone want to stay with me? A soft knock interrupts my thoughts. I lift my head. Archer is there, standing in the doorway.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

I roll up off my side and tap the bed.

He crosses the room and settles on the bed, his weight sinking us deeper in it.

Another stab of pain hits, I hold the side of my stomach wincing.

“Should we go to the hospital?”

“God no it’s Braxton Hicks. What up?” my hands make a slow circular motion on my stomach.

“I was checking on you and my nieces or nephews.”

I bow my head. “We are good.”

“Are you?” he asked.

I fold my lips and move my head from side to side. “No.”

Archer pulls me in his arms and rocks me like he used to when I was a kid. “I will kill him.”

I wipe my face into his sweater and shake my head. “You can’t he is your brother.”

We both chuckle at that statement.

“What a world I live in. My brother is in love with my sister.” Archer kisses the top of my head.

“In some states that is considered acceptable.,” I pull away and bend my head. “Do you ever feel like I’m not your sister?”

“Do you ever feel like I am not your brother?” Archer countered.

I shake my head. “Never.”

“The moment dad brought you home with your bright pink Hannah Montana lunch box, you were my sister.”

I laughed. “I loved that lunch box so much.”

“Do you think mom considers me a daughter?” I ask softly.

“I think you should ask mom that question,” Archer replies.

“For once, Archer, you are absolutely correct.” Miranda Holt’s voice makes both of our heads turn to the door.

“That’s my cue to leave.” Archer kisses my head once more, jumps off the bed and stops by the door.

“Mother,” Archers says jokingly.

“Son?” Her eyebrows raise, and just like that Archer is gone.

“I need to learn the power of that eyebrow for these two children. Dear God,” I groan.

My mother is instantly at my side. “Are you in labor? Lie back let me examine you.”

I push her hands away. “I am fine.”

She sits and takes my puffy hands into hers. “Look at me, Penelope Holt.”

I drag my eyes up to hers, and a tear rolls down my face.

She wipes it away “The moment your father told me about you. I was mad and I told him we weren’t keeping you.”

My head drops but she gently lifts my chin. “But when I saw you, my spirit said that’s my daughter.”

“I feel like I’ve constantly had to prove I’m worthy of being your daughter.”

My mother chuckles. “And I’ve always felt like I’ve had to prove to you that I’m worthy of being your mom. You Penelope Holt are my child. No one else’s.”

“Really?”

“I will give up my life for you to live a great one,” she said so easily.

My bottom lip trembles. “I am so angry at Dad, at Tarek.”

Pulling me into her arms my mother rubs my back. “You didn’t even cry at your dad’s funeral. You aren’t angry my darling, you’re grieving over a love that your parents never gave you.”

Her words broke me, and I collapse crying into her chest. “Why did they find it so hard to love me?”

That question hurt so much.

“Because they themselves never understood what love is. You are carrying so much pain baby,” my mother whispers near my ear.

“I don’t know what it’s like to live without it, Ma,” I reply.

Silence stretches between us.

“Tarek,” I couldn’t get the rest of the words out.

“I don’t need to know what happened,” she says. “But as much as it hurts me to admit it, I think he loves you.”

I pull back, look at her confused.

“What? Every day, he drops food, money, drinks and he stares at the door, hoping to get a glimpse of you.”

My heart does a little leap, but my thoughts pull me back down. “Suppose he leaves me like dad did us.”

“Penny baby,”

“No, Ma. Dad taught me that love is temporary. I learned that if my father can leave me so can any man who said he loves me. So, I lived with that in mind, then Tarek comes and for two seconds I start to believe that my theory was wrong, until he proved me right.”

My mom cups my cheek. “Stop picking at your emotional wounds and forgive your father. Let him go and know that you have the ability to choose a good man for you and your babies.”

My breath hitches, and I press my hand against her hand holding my cheek. “He is a good man, and I miss him so darn much.”

“I should call him,” I whisper. “I love you too, Mom.”

“I love you to baby.”

A stroke of pain flies up my spine, I wince.

I stand slowly, with a hand behind my back. I waddle to the closet, pull down my trench coat and slip it on.

“Um, Penny, it’s 11:35 p.m. Where are you going?” My mom asks.

“Tarek’s home. You’re driving.” I grab my handbag. I stop and hold on to the threshold, and I bend pressing my palm against the door frame as pain ricochets down my spine, spreading into my back and legs.

“Penelope Holt! Let me examine you right now,” my mother shouts.

“No, we have to make it to Tarek’s home,” I cry waddling down the hallway and then the stairs. Behind me, I can hear the chorus of voices, Archer, Roxy, mom all fussing trying to stop me. But I have one goal and it’s not negotiable. I make it to the kitchen, snatch a pomegranate from the counter and shove it into my coat pocket. Priorities.

Moments later, I’m sliding into the front seat of my mom’s G wagon. For the next 35 minutes, she scolds me about the pain, about ignoring common sense, about going to Tarek’s instead of the hospital.

She doesn’t understand, and I don’t have the strength to explain. All I know my body is not ready yet, but when it is, Tarek has to be there.

The car curves up Tarek’s driveway and rolls to a stop. I move to get out wincing as I shift my weight.

“This is absolutely ridiculous Pen,” My mother cries as she frantically runs around the car.

I hold her hand and with her assistance I fixed my coat. My brain groans as I see Tarek’s stairs. Has he always had this many stairs? I grip one of the stone lions at the base of the stairs. A bolt shoots up my spine.

“Fuck,” I whisper gritting my teeth.

We start to climb. By the halfway mark, I’m crying. Maybe this was a stupid idea. But there’s no turning back now. A few more steps. Then we’re there. I raise my hand to knock, when the door swings open.

“Miranda?” A velvety voice cuts through the air tinged with disbelief.

“Oh my god Dereck, call Tarek, because this stubborn girl may be in labor,” My mom screams out.

Dereck spins around and runs inside screaming for Tarek.

* * *

TAREK

I should have stayed at Nowhere and had some more drinks. My mind is running rampant with the thoughts of Penny and my children. Suppose she gets married to someone else? Or they call another fucking man daddy? I didn't start out wanting kids. But now that they’re real, now that she’s real, I want it all. I want to be a father and a husband.

But she doesn’t want me.

“Fuck what she wants. She is sleeping in my bed tonight. We will figure out the rest in the morning.” I throw the sheet off and I slide out of the bed.

“TAREK!” Someone is shouting. I bolt from room, sprinting down the hallway. My father is at the top of the stairs

I wasn’t in the mood to continue this?—

“Penny is in the foyer,” he says breathless. “And I think she may be in labor?”

I don’t remember pushing pass my father. I only remember catching Penelope just as she collapsed in my arms.

She reaches into her pocket and holds out a pomegranate.

“Smash this open for me.” she gasps

Confused, I take the fruit from her hand. “Why do you have a pomegranate? Shouldn’t we take you to the hospital?”

“Yes,” Miranda and my father say in unison.

“Forget them and smash that fruit.”

I crouch, smashing the pomegranate against the marble floor. Its red juice runs down my hand.

Penny plucks some seeds and lifts it to her mouth. “Persephone knew that if she ate these seeds, she would be bound to Hades forever.” Penny eats some seeds. “I am your Persephone, Tarek Fairisles, and I wanna stay with you forever.”

Fuck me, why was that hot? She grips my arm and cries out in pain.

“I am sorry. I know that you are the kind of man I want to love.”

“Penny, honey, you’re in labor, let—” My heart is pounding.

“Love frightens me,” she sobs, “It makes me vulnerable, and weak.”

I kiss her lips softly. “I am sorry too. You’re not vulnerable or weak. You’re the strongest woman I know. I won’t leave you or our kids Penny. You own every part of me.”

“I know that now. Shit.” She bites her lips and bends her head.

My father and Miranda stand frozen nearby.

“Baby. Let’s get you to the hospital,” I plead.

“I shouldn’t have said what I about your mother. I just wanted a reason to leave. I, shit I was wrong,” tears leak out of the corner of her eyes.

“It’s okay, baby. I was wrong to say what I said about your father,” I soothe her.

“I thought you already moved on,” Penny cries.

“I was waiting for you. Giving you space. I was literally about to drive to your house and drag you home to our bed,” I reply.

“Home?” she whimpers.

“Our home. If you don’t like it, I will buy a new one.” I kiss her forehead inhaling the scent of cocoa butter and vanilla.

“I like it…Oh God.” She closes her eyes in pain.

“I love you with my very being, Penny.”

Her face scrunches as she cries harder. “I love you to Tarek.”

“Penelope. We have to go, right now!” Miranda screams.

“Tarek, I don’t want our children to be born like me. My parents weren’t married,” Penelope screams.

“We can get married after.” I signal Miranda to get the door, as I guide Penny to it.

She stops cold. “We have to find a priest.”

Without a word, I lift her in my arms, and I begin to walk her down my stairs.

“I can be ordained in an hour or maybe less. The internet is a great place.” My father shouts.

Miranda opens the door, and I place Penny inside the car.

“Do it, Dad. Miranda, call St. Mary’s hospital. Asks for Doctor Emma.”

Miranda nods already dialing

“Are you coming with me?” Penny cries as I shut the door.

I close the door and rush to the driver’s side. “Of course Treasure. Miranda back seat. I will drive.”

I have never been this fucking scared. Every groan, every wince tears through me. The drive is hell, traffic is everywhere. I cut through lanes like a madman, white knuckled and praying.

“Got it,” my father shouts.

I glance up in the rearview mirror, locking eyes with Penny. “You ready?”

She nods. “Ready.”

“Do you Tarek Damien Fairisles take Penelope -” He pauses as Miranda whispers Penny’s name. “Take Penelope Ariel Holt to be your lawfully wedded wife.”

I hold her gaze. “I do.”

“Do you Penelope Ariel Holt take Tarek Damien Fairisles to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

She squeezes her eyes, holding her belly. “I do.”

“Well by the power vested in me by the state of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

Miranda and my dad clap in excitement.

I just got married in a G-wagon with my very pregnant wife about to give birth.

I drift into the hospital’s driveway. Thankfully they were waiting for us. Everything becomes a blur: voices shouting, medical terms flying, dilated, push, breathe. My wife is in full labor, the problem was we were too late for an epidural. One doctor speaks too harshly to her. I lose it and kick him out.

Thankfully Miranda had some friends in the hospital and at 3:42 a.m., my wife and I had the privilege of welcoming Grayson and Heath Fairisles into this world. No one prepares you for the feeling your heart gets when your children enter this world. I want to grab my family up and protect them from everything. My sons. My beautiful wife gave me two dark-haired perfect boys.

I bend and kiss her on the lips. “You did great, Ma.”

Penny nods, her body still trembling from shock. “Are they okay?”

“They are doing great.” My father and Miranda are keeping steady watch as the nurse cleans them up.

“I love you Persephone,” I tease.

She gives me a small sleepy smirk “I love you to Hades.”

In that moment, I think of my mom. I remember her calling me Hades as a kid. I sit, wishing that she could have been here to see her grand kids, to share in this. Maybe in a different time, in a different world she could’ve been the mother I needed.

The cries from my sons brings me back to the present, she may not have been a great mom, but I intend to be a great father and husband.