Page 17

Chapter Fourteen

Ilyana

I have a dream, and from that dream I have devised a plan. After all plans are dreams in motion.

My dream is simple: to lay my head in the lap of my best friend and have my husband laugh with us like we used to when we were young. It’s a beautiful image, isn’t it?

But there is a missing piece in that picture. And he is sitting in front of me having a burger fries and milkshake at a diner, like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

Jermaine is a handsome 6’2" man with glowing dark skin, hazel eyes, and broad shoulders. His smile is brilliant and white. His teeth clean and he smells…oh god he smells like heaven. I understand why Miranda chose him to be her husband. I also understand why I am choosing him to be mine. He doesn’t know my connection to Miranda. Not yet.

Right now he is caressing my hands talking about how lovely my eyes are. And I let him. I want to tell him of course they are lovely I am beautiful.

But I stay silent and sit, pretending to blush at his words. Letting him think that he is the one in control. Knowing that in an hour, I will have him on his back, and he will think that he did this.

Jermaine is a minor cog in the grand scheme of things. He is a tool, beautiful but a tool, nonetheless. Maybe just maybe he will see what my father and Dereck refuses to see that I am enough. More than Miranda could ever be.

“What do you think about that beautiful?” he asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

Shit, he’s been talking, but I wasn’t paying attention.

I smile, pretending to blush, I giggle lightly and murmur. “Ask me again and I will tell you.”

Bingo, he fell for it, hook, line and sinker.

Jermaine touches my face, his hazel eyes are fixed on me. “When can we do lunch again?”

I uncross my legs under the table, letting my high heel drag up his leg until the sole presses against his crotch. His posture stiffens and well other large parts of him stiffens too.

“This is our second lunch date,” I purr, my voice is sultry soft. “I think it’s time for dessert Mr. Jermaine, don’t you?”

I pluck the cherry from the top of the milkshake and push the whole thing in my mouth with a moan. His nostril flares.

“I do like dessert after a meal,” he says darkly.

I work the stem in my tongue, feeling his gaze on me. When I finally pull the stem from my mouth, it’s knotted perfectly in the center. I rest it on the table like a trophy and Jermaine’s eyes widen.

“It will be the best dessert you ever had.” I press my foot against his large erection. Hell, it would be dessert for me too. I have had sex with different men, other than Dereck none has pleased me. Maybe Jermaine will be different.

“Will it keep me coming back for more?” Jermaine teases.

I look around the diner, and I’m thankful that it’s empty. Only the old waitress and the cook are talking. I grab Jermaine’s big hand and guide his middle finger into the milkshake. I wrap my red lips around it, moaning softly as I swirl my tongue around him. When I pull back, there’s a soft teasing pop.

“For more,” I whisper, licking the underside of his finger.

“And more,” I say pulling the finger back into my mouth. Letting my tongue twist under his finger, teasing it. Leaving little doubt in his mind what I can do with more than his hand. When I release him, a thin string of saliva connects us. I wipe the side of my mouth demurely.

“And fucking more,” I add.

I pull my foot away from his erection and take a sip of my milkshake like nothing happened. But something did and more was about to.

“Well shit,” Jermaine mutters. He drags his hand down his face. “Check please.” Look at him in a hurry to leave. In a hurry to be with me. My plan is going to work. I don’t see how it can fail. Soon I will have everything I want. And we will all be a big happy family.

* * *

TAREK

“Why are you crying Pen?” I tilt her face up gently, looking at her teary gaze. Her arms are wrapped around me tightly like she was afraid to let me go.

I brush her tears away with my thumbs. Bringing them up to my lips to taste them. The two of us are standing at the edge of her driveway in the early hours of the morning. I spent all of last night and this morning making love, sleeping, eating, showering and making love again.

I never understood the difference between fucking and making love. This morning, I get it. Making love is raw, honest, and vulnerable.

Her soft sniffle pulls me away from my thoughts. “I will miss you that is all.”

I bend and press my lips against her. She tastes warm and familiar. “It’s only a week. I will be back before you know it.”

She smirks and nods. Last night, was amazing, like she was giving me her all. This morning, even though we exchanged I love you’s, something still felt off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I pull back, a small smile tugging at my lips. “I got something for you.”

Reaching into my pocket, I pull out a velvet box and carefully I open it, revealing the necklace inside. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever given before. The pendant is a shimmering, aquamarine diamond, encircled by white diamonds. The design is timeless and beautiful just like Penny.

Her breath catches and her eyes widen. “It’s stunning,” she whispers. I step closer and fasten it around her neck.

My fingers linger for a moment, brushing against her warm skin.

“Not as stunning as you,” I murmur.

She tip toes and kisses me again. “Thank you.”

With the flick of my wrist, I look at the time. 6:00 a.m.

I cup her cheeks and open my mouth against hers. Her tongue sneaks into mine and blood rushes through my body.

“If we keep this up, I will never make it to Singapore.” My forehead rest on hers one last time then I pull away.

Reluctantly I take my suitcase and throw it in the back seat of the car.

As I slide into the front seat, I lower the glass. “When I get back home, let’s talk about the next step of our relationship.”

She nods and clasps her hands in the front of her.

“Love you.”

“Love you too, be safe,” she softly says.

I grin. “Aren’t I always?” I start the engine and shout. “I left pomegranates in your fridge for you.”

A huge smile lights up her face, that’s what I wanted. I drive away, looking at her in the rear-view mirror. She is standing in the street looking at my car. She becomes smaller and smaller until I bend the corner, and she disappears.

“Siri, call Rhet Banner.” I chuckle, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel.

The phone rings and finally he answers.

“Someone better be fucking dying, because you are calling me when I’m about to eat my wife out.” Rhet says groggily.

“Rhet!” Zeeta screams out in the background, clearly scandalized.

I suppress a laugh. “I just called to say, when I get back, I am proposing to Penny. I am next on the chopping block.”

There was a long pause…. “Are you fucking dying Tarek?” Rhet asks.

“No,” I chuckle.

“Then get the hell off my phone and let me fuck my wife in peace.”

“OH MY GOD RHET STOP IT,” Zeeta shrieks.

“Don’t call back unless you are dead or dying,” Rhet grunts. Before I can answer, the line goes dead. I pull into the airport hangar. The jet waits on the tarmac, the engines are humming. A ground crew member wave towards me.

When I get back, I’m going to make sure everything is right for Penelope Holt.

* * *

PENNY

As Tarek’s car bends the corner, I head back into my home. Unlike before, evidence of Tarek is everywhere. His unopen pack of cigarettes rests on the table, his gold and emerald green tie is thrown on the chair back. I wander into the kitchen, I open my cupboard, before, it would have been empty or with some cans of tuna or canned peas. Now I have neat, clear plastic containers, each meticulously labeled. My spices aren’t in their original bottles now they are lined up in uniformed glass bottles. The olive oil stands in a clear glass dispenser. If I opened the fridge it would look like the inside of a glossy magazine spread, pristine and curated.

I glance to my left and my eyes land on his chef’s knife roll. Slowly I unroll it letting my fingers glide over the handles, tracing the sharp edges of the blades he cares for.

I sigh, he is everywhere. Every corner of this house feels like him. I can even smell his cologne in the air.

“I can’t stay here,” I whisper to no one.

My fingers press the start of the coffee machine that Tarek bought.

Lazily I slump onto the sofa, my finger trembles as I grab the phone. I dial the number that has been calling mine for the last few months.

“This is Jeremiah,” a voice answer, smooth and deep.

I exhale sharply, gripping the phone like my life depended on it. “This is Penelope Holt.”

A dark chuckle comes over the phone. “You’re calling to say find another person I gather.”

“No.” My voice is unsteady. “I am calling to say, I can be there on Wednesday. Will that be too soon?”

“Fabulous. I will have my assistant send you the contracts via email. You won’t regret working with us.” Jeremiah Douglas sounded jovial. A juxtaposition to me where my world is crashing all around me.

“Thank you. I look forward to seeing you,” I manage to say. We talk for some more minutes, I hang up.

My phone buzzes immediately.

Tarek

I miss you already. I love you.

Me

I miss you too. I love you.

My heart cracks as I delete the text. Eventually I will block his number and move on. He deserves someone better. My phone vibrates again, and this time it’s my brother.

I answer, but nothing is coming out of my mouth, just tears rolling down my face.

“Hey brat. You want to have lunch with me today?” Archer asks.

All I could muster was, “Archie.” My breath hitches as I choke.

My brother’s tone goes from goofy to serious and protective. “I am coming, Penny. Just sit tight.”

I hang up the phone and curl up on the sofa feeling like my life was ending.

It doesn’t take long for Archer to get to my house. He walks into my living room scooping me up in his arms like the big brother that he is.

“What’s wrong Wenny Penny?” he asks pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.

“I gotta go Archie. I gotta go,” I scream into his chest. Between my sobbing I tell him all the things that happen over the past month and my plans for the future. From the mean doctors’ diagnosis to Tarek’s declaration of love. I show him my necklace and I cry harder as I remember the night before.

Archer holds me tighter, his voice calm. “It’s okay, Penny. Anywhere you go, I will always be your brother.”

As always, my brother’s presence was the lifeline I cling to as my world crumbles.

* * *

TAREK

She is not answering her phone. It doesn’t even ring anymore, it just cuts off like I’m blocked. The last text I got from Pen was I miss you too and I love you. Now? Silence.

I’m worried sick. Called her a hundred times. My text goes unread. I even tried calling Rhet just to see if he’s heard from her. But no- that mother fucker is off the grid on his honeymoon. Living his perfect dream life while my life goes up in flames.

I can’t think straight. I have no focus. This meeting should never have happened. While the investors spoke, I heard nothing. All I could think about was Penny. I almost hijacked the god damn plane because I thought the pilot was flying to slow.

Where the fuck was she? Is she okay? Was she hurt?

A red stop light flashes ahead, but I don’t care. Traffic laws mean nothing to me right now. Green? Red? I’m color blind. It’s all black and white to me, when I see my girl again everything will be in color.

I drift around the corner to her street. My heart stops cold when I see two men carrying Penny’s sofa into a moving truck.

My frustration was bubbling over. I slam on my brakes skidding in the middle of the street.

I jump out of the car before it even stops moving.

“Drop that fucking sofa,” I roar, running towards them.

The movers freeze, and stares at each other. One stammers as he began to explain. I don’t care.

I pull my jacket to the side to let them see the butt of my gun. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

The sofa makes a small thud as the movers drop it. One of the men mutters, “Jesus Christ.”

“Hey, hey, easy man,” The voice comes from behind me, calm and smooth.

I turn to see her brother, Archer Holt, bounding down the stairs. He’s tall, with deeply tanned skin, sharp features and striking grey eyes. He flashes me a smile and extends his hand.

“You must be Tarek,” he says like we are about to have a friendly chat over coffee.

“I know who you are. Your face is everywhere. Where the fuck is Penny?” I ask.

Archer, strokes his chin. “Hmm I gotta hand it to the marketing team. You recognizing me on sight? That’s a win. Definitely giving them a raise.”

I clench my jaw. My patience is wearing thin. “I don’t give a fuck about your brand. Where is she?”

“Relax, let’s talk inside. Follow me.”

Archer doesn’t wait for me to answer, he turns and begins walking back up the stairs. Like he expects everyone to obey his command. If it wasn’t for Penny, I would have already been gone.

When I step inside the first piece of my heart crumbled. The house feels hollow and empty. No rugs, no painting, No Penny.

“She wouldn’t,” I mutter to myself as my throat goes dry.

“Everyone out,” Archer shouts, his voice is strong and commanding. People scuttle out of her bedroom and bathroom carrying more of her things with them.

Archer stops in the kitchen, leans on the counter, and taps a big brown box. “This is yours.”

I glance inside and I feel my heart constrict. Books, clothes, our coffee machine and my knife roll. All shoved in a box like trash.

“Where is she?” My voice is low and controlled.

“She left. New job, new start,” Archer says.

I nod feeling some relief. “Okay. What’s her new number and where is the job?”

Archer inhales. “I can’t tell you Tarek.”

I keep myself from lunging at him, I grip the edge of the kitchen. She left me, she didn’t even bother to say where or when.

“Why? What the fuck happened?” I ask.

“I can’t tell you,” Archer says.

Something inside of me snaps. “The fuck you mean you can’t tell me?”

Archer tilts his head, studying me, his expression is unreadable. “Penny doesn’t do relationships, not for long anyway. She leaves before anyone leaves her.”

“That is bullshit.” An inferno begins to rage within me. “She said she loves me, and I told her…I told her I love her back.”

Archer nods and scratches his chin. His silvery eyes meet mine. “And that’s the problem right there.”

“Me loving her? Or she loving me?” I ask.

“Both. Love has always been a loaded gun to her. Other than mom or me. Everyone she loves leaves. She doesn’t trust love, and she doesn’t trust herself with it.”

“Is there more to this?” I ask.

Archer nods and bites his bottom lip. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this…but. I don’t know, something about you makes me feel I can. She…she just found out she can’t have children.”

My legs feel weak, when I hear about her infertility, the pain that she experienced, the doctor and the things he said to her.

“She thought you’d want something that she can’t give you,” he continues. “She didn’t want to lose you, so she left first.”

A dark laugh bubbles up in me; it slips out before I could stop it. It doesn’t sound like me. It sounds like something else entirely…like a demon that has been dormant, finally waking up.

“She thought she was protecting you,” Archer adds.

“Protecting me? She didn’t give me a choice. She doesn’t believe in me. In us.” bitterness edges my voice.

What hurts is that she didn’t trust me enough to sit me down and tell me all of this. She didn’t love me enough to say something. Part of me wants to run after her. I want to scream at her and drag her back.

I turn to the opened door and I knew I would never be walking back into this home. She fucking left me. I want to pick up the box and throw it at the wall. But I keep it in. This is the first time I give a necklace to someone, and they left me willfully.

“She is scared,” he adds.

“What’s happening to the house?” I ask.

“Selling it. Listen to someone who knows her. Don’t go searching for her. Go live your life, she is not coming back.”

Archer pulls a sleek black card from his pocket. “If you have any questions, call me.”

I take the card without looking at him, the edges cutting into my hands like tiny blades. My fist trembles, not in weakness but in rage.

I want to scream that she is a coward, and I wouldn’t want a coward as a fucking wife, anyway.

I’m not going after her. I will never beg a woman to come back to me. I did that once to a woman, and she killed her fucking self before my eyes.

“That’s it?” I ask, hoping for some more explanation.

Archer places his hand on his hips. “Yup that’s it.”

I grab the box from the counter and storm out. I feel like burning her whole fucking house down!

This is what I get for loving someone. It’s like I am fucking cursed. Every time I decide that I love someone, they run or they fucking die. This is why I stopped caring, why I don’t do fucking relationships, because all I end up with is a broken heart. Luckily for me, Penny just ripped out whatever heart I had left. The weight in my chest presses harder, suffocating me. I drop the box letting its contents topple down the stairs.

I refuse to look back. Not at Archer, not at the house filled with memories. Why look back at someone who doesn’t want me. Penny was gone and with her the last piece of me that believed in love. The last piece of me that believed I could be anything but broken. My world feels stormy, darker. But maybe that’s how it’s meant to be.