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Chapter Fifteen

Ilyana

I love Valentine’s Day. No one ever cared for me on V-day. Sure I get jewelry and flowers, but no effort was ever made. Tonight is different.

There are polyester rose petals scattered on the linoleum floor of the cheap motel. A plastic flickering candle, grocery store flowers and a red heart-shaped balloon. Jermaine remembered that today was one of my favorite days. And for once I feel seen.

Months ago, I had a plan to make a big family with my best friend and my husband. I thought he was the missing piece.

But plans changed. Miranda doesn’t deserve Jermaine. He says she works long hours, and his son is with the sitter. I draw a heart over his heart. With me he will never feel neglected. You see, I understand. I even understand why he had another child with another woman. Jermaine is trapped being suffocated by her unreasonable demands. He said Miranda raved at him and he mentioned that she wants a divorce.

A divorce will be great because I will have Dereck and Jermaine for myself.

She will never understand how her neglect has hurt him. Miranda’s eyes are always trained forward to the future. It’s never in the present. But my eyes are. My feelings have grown for Jermaine. He is a selfish lover, but I can teach him. He cares for me, I know he loves me. Maybe it’s time I tell him.

“She doesn’t understand,” Jermaine says. I wasn’t paying attention. I am sure he was moaning over Miranda, but all that is going to come to an end because he has me now.

I press my naked body unto his chest, “I have something to tell you?”

“What’s that princess?” he asks.

I love that he calls me princess. You only give sweet names like that to people you love.

Covering his heart with my hand I lean down to kiss him, when I reopen my eyes, I say it. “I love you Jermaine.”

His face falls, and his body tenses below mine, like I did something wrong. I become nervous because maybe he thinks I am lying.

“I do love you,” I say my voice trembles. “I can’t leave Dereck because of money reasons. But you can leave Miranda, and we can ? —”

Jermaine wraps a hand around my wrists and slowly rolls out of bed. He grabs his boxers and yanks them on, then he begins to pace.

“How do you know my wife’s name? I never told you, her name?” His voice is hard.

I roll up to a sitting position, kneeling in the middle of the bed. It’s time that I told him the truth. “She was my childhood friend.” I laugh because that’s not true. “Actually, she is my sister, my dad fucked the housekeeper.”

Jermaine’s face twists in horror. He grabs his pants, hurriedly he puts them on.

“Where are you going?” I ask. I lick my lips in panic.

He ignores me. Jermaine takes his shoes from in front of the door and sits on the bed with his back to me. I crawl to him and wrap my arms around his neck.

“Don’t be afraid,” I whisper in his ear. “We can tell her together that you love me and ? —”

“I don’t love you Ilyana.” His voice is cold…Final.

I remove my arms slowly from around his neck, and shake my head.

“No, you call me princess. You got me Valentine’s Day stuff. You love me.” I sit back on my heel.

Jermaine sighs and bows his head. “This was all a mistake. You are a mistake. This should have never happened.”

His words stabs me, he called me a mistake. Pain radiates in my body and my hand trembles.

“No. No. You love me, Jermaine. You don’t mean that.” I look at the red heart-shaped balloon, bouncing on the ac.

Jermaine pushes off the bed and shouts, “No, Ily, I love fucking you, but I don’t love you.” He drags his hand down his face and breathes. “I love my wife. I am sorry.”

Something cracks inside of me. Not loud, not dramatic, just broken.

He sits back on the bed and begins to put on his socks. He loves to fuck me and nothing more. He loves his wife. His wife? He doesn’t love his wife. He betrayed my best friend, that is not love. I love my friend. I love Miranda, he doesn’t know what love is. Love is running through my veins. My world tilts, the room feels like it’s spinning. My eyes land on the silver nail file on the bedside table. My fingers curl around it and tightens. He doesn’t love his wife. But I love Miranda. I can prove my love to her. Maybe she will love me again, if I show her that I can remove anything that hurts her.

Something wet is on my face, seeping into the corners of my eyes. There is no sound, just a motion clean and purposeful. I hear a scream, but it’s just proof of my love. The nail file plunges into warmth again and again, my hands are steady as I prove my devotion. Jermaine doesn’t understand love, but Miranda will. I will take away anyone who causes her pain. The only pain she will know is from me because I am her sister, because I love her, and she deserves better than him.

* * *

TAREK

“Swallow it or it’s going in your fucking eye,” My back stiffens, as I stroke my cock.

The red head on her knees, just realized she bit off more that she can chew. Her make up is smeared. Her tape-ins hang off the ends of her hair.

“Tarek, I?—”

“It’s too late.” My cum shoots out onto her face and lands on her false eyelashes and her puffy lips. I stumble backward; my breathing is erratic.

With her eyes closed, she reaches her hands out searching for something. I turn away, grab a towel and toss at her before stuffing myself back into my pants.

Dropping myself on the chair, I reach for the table side, flip open my silver case and a pop a BX3 in my mouth. From my pocket I pull out my Treasure London cigarette box. It doesn’t take long for me to light it up and inhale. I think this is my second or third pack for the day. If I continue at this rate, I might be on the ads on tv with a pipe in my throat.

It’s been a fucking year and some months, I haven’t seen or heard from Penny. She just vanished. For a moment, I nearly went after her, but then I stopped. Why chase someone who doesn’t want to be found. It’s not like I miss her terribly, I just fuck only redheads, or thick women. If I squint hard enough when I fuck them I might see a glimpse of her. If you have locs in your hair, you definitely will be on the list of women I would most likely fuck.

I don’t miss her, I crave her presence. Now I hang out with her brother in hopes of her calling or listening for any tidbits about her wellbeing. The first six months I waited and waited. Hoping that she would come back, and we would work it out. But no, to make it worse, Archer says that she is currently dating again. Dating? I want to snap someone’s neck. Six months and she is dating.

Penelope Holt moved on and its time I did the same. She left an empty crater in my chest when she ripped my heart out. Now my nights are filled with food, alcohol, sex and an occasional drug.

The plump woman presses on the bed as she stands up.

“Is this the end of us?” she asks.

I blow smoke into her face. “There is no us.”

Her jaw drops. “Tarek you have fucked me on more than five different occasions.”

“All in doggy, never missionary.” I stretch my legs out. “Now what does that tell you?”

Confused she stands. “It tells me that you love doggy.”

I burst out laughing. “My dear you are a place holder, for someone I’m hoping will return. I imagine her while I fuck you.”

Somewhere along the line, I honestly stopped giving a fuck.

She pouts. “You have a silver tongue, and a rotting heart.”

I chuckle rubbing my thumb on my bottom lip. The smoke makes my eye water a little. “I don’t have a heart, Bella.”

In frustration she drags her dress over her body and zips it up to the side. “Do I get the famous necklace.”

“No, I stop giving them out over a year and some months ago.”

The woman’s jaw dropped, and she begins to talk. Thankfully, her voice is muted as the BX3 kicks in.

I watch the woman dance in the curls of my smoke. She is soft and elegant, dancing on the tip of my cigarette. She’s swirly, she looks like…Penny.

The woman’s annoying voice penetrates my drug induced trance. I blink, losing the image of the dancer on the amber of my cigarette.

“Sorry, Melanie?—”

“It’s Melody!”

I shrug. “I’m not your father. Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not. Please leave.”

Melo-le—whatever her name is grabs her bag and leaves the room.

I am not always like this. It’s just some days, are worse than others. Penny must have felt that she failed me. But I failed her, I should have been there when she went to the doctor. I would have dragged him across the desk for hurting her. That time is gone, but like Pastor Joseph, Doctor Samson’s life is pending.

My phone vibrates on the side table and Archer’s name appears.

I smile and I answer, “Roxy has decided that she wants to become a member of Nowhere and leave your tanned ass.”

If you want to get under Archer Holt’s skin all you have to do is tease him about his wife to be.

“I will excuse you because my sister took your dick and never returned it. Anyway, about tomorrow night?”

See when I get under his skin, he gets me back and gets under mine.

“I’ll be there at the ball, those ceremonies are just a bunch of old men clawing for power” I comment. My arms begin to feel limp. Shit, the BX3 is taking effect. I gotta wrap it up.

Archer sniggers. “Bring a date with you. Try someone that doesn’t look like my sister.”

“Go to Hell.” that’s all I can muster. Fucking drugs really does dull your senses.

“Come with me,” Archer counters. “I will see you tomorrow. Try to look your best.”

“The fuck. I always do. Get off my phone,” I hang up before he could respond and the phone melts away before my eyes.

* * *

PENNY

“Mom is stuck in Thailand. She wouldn’t make it back in time. I need you to do a small stage appearance,” Archer’s voice booms into my ear as I run around the Queen’s Park Savannah. It’s a lush park with beautiful flowering trees. It’s my first lap, my goal is to run a lap and a half.

Trinidad has been my home for a year and some months. It’s been an adjustment, but island life is worth it. Did I lose weight? No, the food here is amazing. But my skin has never looked better, even my hair has grown longer. I haven’t set foot in Lakeshore in ages.

My brother is the new governor, and he wants me to be there for his inauguration. It will help with his image.

“You and Roxy are doing great. You don’t need me,” I add, running past the coconut vendor.

“We are doing great, but I need someone with me other than my pregnant fiancé,” Archer says.

My eye twitches at the word pregnant. I have given up on the hope of having a family of my own.

“When my nephew comes, I will spoil your kid rotten,”

“Penny please. I wouldn’t have won without the support of women. They believed in me. I need to show them they matter, just like the women in my family do,” Archer begs.

I want to ask him if Tarek will be there but that will only open a can of worms. Through Roxy I heard that Tarek and Archer hang out regularly at the Glasshouse. I stop on the pavement, shuffling to the cemented bench to sit.

My brother doesn’t ask for much, and if I could, I would give him everything that I have. He has so much love for me, even the first time I met him. He was nothing but loving.

“Can you send me your governor jet?” I ask.

“No, that’s taxpayers’ money. But I will pay for your first-class ticket, and you will have an escort to and from the airport.” I can hear the hope in his voice.

“In and out, Archer. I want to be out in two days max.”

“I will have your ticket booked for tomorrow morning, and you can leave the next day if you like?”

“I like. Plus, I have to check in on the Asylum,” I reply.

There is a pause. “Are you going to bring Levi?”

Levi was my… what do I even call Levi? I guess my friend with benefits.

I sigh. “Levi went too Charleswood to see his client Eryx somebody. I can call him, and he can be my date.”

“Great! See you tomorrow. Love you sis.”

“Love you too, bro,” I hang up and continue my run. After this I will get me a curried chicken and rice for dinner.

I slow down, thinking of the possibility of seeing Tarek again. I haven’t seen him in over a year. God I miss him. Knowing Tarek, I don’t think he will want to see me. Maybe by now he will have a new girl on his arm. Some super model or heiress that is normally his style.

I have two minds about Tarek. I want to see him and explain why I left, the other side of me just wants to go the event and dip out.

The latter will be the least problematic. I just need to make one more lap and I will head home and pack.

* * *

PENNY

I didn’t realize how much I missed Lakeshore since I came back. I sent a text to Zeeta asking if she would like to have breakfast together tomorrow. Of course, she said yes. Zeeta is aware of Tarek and my situation. But I didn’t want to burden her with my problems. Especially since she is a wife and a mommy now. I refuse to make my best friend’s life miserable. She will never understand my perspective and that’s fine with me.

It doesn’t take me long to get to Lakeshore Grand Hotel. I know I could have stayed with my brother and Roxy or at my mom’s house. But I like my privacy. Ever thoughtful Archer, with Roxy’s help sent me three dresses for tonight. I chose the gold one. The moment I lifted the matching cape, I knew Roxy had picked this.

Before I could examine the dress more, the phone rings and I answer.

“Hello.”

“Well hello beautiful. I saw your text message,” Levi’s deep voice seeps into the phone.

I chuckle. “Are you available? I know its last minute.”

“I am always available for you Penny,” Levi replies.

“I can meet you there and we can walk in together. Is that okay?” I play with the edge of the cape.

“No prob. See you there,” Levi states as he hangs up the phone.

I should begin to get ready. I know when Archer sees me, he will be shocked that I dyed my signature red locks black. I think I am in a different phase in my life. One of healing and self-discovery.

Maybe Tarek will be shocked too. Blinking I clear my thoughts.

“Stop it, Penny,” I say out loud to myself sitting on the edge of the bed. Ever since my feet touched Lakeshore, it’s like my brain can only focus on Tarek.

But maybe if I see him, I should look my best. The first I am going to do is hit the shower and then head downtown to get my make up done. I am not doing all this for Tarek, I am doing it for my brother. The media will be at this event and I have to look my best. It’s not for Tarek, it’s just for my peace of mind.

* * *