Page 22

Chapter Nineteen

Ilyana

I t’s my birthday today. The house is silent–so silent I can almost hear the absence of life within the walls. Not even the faint sound of a maid’s footsteps breaks the stillness. Of late my son has been sleeping with his father in the pool house.

As I grow older, I can’t help but look back at my life. It’s an endless reel of hurt, pain and nothingness. I am 29 years old, and I have nothing to show for it. No accomplishments, no accolades, no close friendships. Nothing.

Except my son. He has been my only companion over these years. As time passes, I find myself dreaming of a world where he doesn’t exist. A world where I never met Dereck. I never fall in love with him. Instead, I chose a different path. I go to school and become a mythologist. I would travel the world and collect the stories of writers of old. I would teach at universities and my students would love my class.

There would be tons of photographs, curating moments of places and people I would have spent time with. In my dream world my husband and my son don’t exist, but my joy and freedom do. And yet here I am trapped here in this world with them. I dream of escape, of running, of never looking back.

But it’s my son’s eyes that tether me here. He searches for me, even when I’m mean, when my depression has swallowed me whole. His eyes find me searching for a love that I struggle to give.

It’s my birthday today and I have no one to share it with. No one I love is willing to love me back. Living in this void for 29 years makes you want to give up.

A person would say you have an unhealthy obsession with love. I would tell them I know. Because I know that part of me is worth loving. Even though my mother didn’t think so, nor my father, nor my husband.

But Miranda believed in me, when we were friends, she would tell me that I was enough. It’s a pity she alone ever felt like that.

This birthday will be different. I will make it memorable. I’ll show my son that he is enough, that he is loved by me and by his father. I can’t rewrite the past, but I can still try to shape a better future. For him. For me. For us.

* * *

PENNY

“Archie, she freaked out. I mean I wanted a family for so long.” God, it’s cold. The crisp air tells me that fall is approaching.

Archer stops in his tracks on the stairs of the Glasshouse. “Why do you say that?”

With my handbag on my wrist, I stare at him puzzled. He looks crossed, annoyed even. “Say what? Continue walking.” I push him forward; he moves.

“That you want a family. We are your family. Mom, Roxy, me and now apparently Tarek.” The glass doors open, and I send a wave to the staff at the podium. Upon seeing us Janaka, instantly is at our side.

“Don’t be insulted. You know what I mean,” I reply.

Archer stops in the middle of the Glasshouse and turns to me. “No, Pen, I don’t.”

“I just…” God I hate when he does this. That thing where he is my big brother, and he wants me to explain.

“You just never viewed me and mom as family?” he comments.

I swallow. “No. It’s not that its just?—”

“You are my little sister, and I am and will always be your big brother and that’s all that matters,” Archer pulls me in for a hug not caring that people are watching at us.

“Okay.” My eyes instantly begin to leak and wipe them away. “Damn preggie hormones,”

“I still can’t believe you are about to be a mom. Our kids are going to rule Lakeshore,” Archer comments.

“Here we are.” Janaka slides a door open and as expected my mother was already seated with her back to the door.

“It’s about time,” My mom stands and kisses Archer first. Then she pulls me into a tight a hug and kisses me on my cheek.

I walk around the round table and sit perpendicularly to mom and place my bag on the chair beside me.

“How is Roxy doing? Archer, I can’t believe I am about to be a grandmother,” My mom says as she sits and sips her tea.

For some reason when she says grandmother, it feels like she is going to be a grandmother for only Archer’s children. That hurts.

“She is fine, the cravings are crazy.” Archer pulls out his chair and sit. “Last night she was standing in the kitchen eating Peanut butter and strawberries. And she wants sushi,”

My mom turns to him. “No sushi. Tell her once my grandchild comes, we will get her a sushi boat.”

“Will I get a sushi boat too?” I know I am petty for asking, but I don’t care.

My mom fixes her magenta blouse and fidget in the chair. “If that’s what you would like we can get it for you too.”

She turns back to Archer. “When I was having you, all I wanted to eat was ice.”

Archer brows crinkle. “Why are you doing that, Mom?”

My mother blinks. “Doing what?”

“Acting like Penny’s children are not your grandchildren,” Archer asks.

I watch as her hands clench around the napkin on the table.

“Because to her they are not.” I can hear the pain in my voice.

My mother’s eyes widen. “What rubbish. Of course they are. You will never understand.”

“What is there to understand? Penny is your daughter.” Archer replies as he points to me.

I should have stayed home. “Well, you know technically,”

“Don’t mess with me right now sis. Whatever you two have going on it needs to stop right now,” Archer points his finger down on the linen tablecloth.

I begin to rise. “This is not the time or place for any of this. I should see myself out.”

My mother shakes her head. “No, it’s just…”

Her silence hurts even more. “It’s just I am not your daughter? Yeah, Mom, I know.”

“Both of you need to stop being so dramatic. I will explain one day.” She picks up her glass and sips her water.

God this hurts to be reminded that I don’t belong to anyone.

I can hear talking at the door. “Look, we will talk about this later.”

I can feel water gathering in my eyes. I am so tired of not being wanted, not being loved without a string. I feel the need to leave.

The door opens and everything changes.

* * *

TAREK

“Enjoy your dinner,” I shake the hands of a newly engaged couple that used the Glasshouse as stage for a proposal. The proposal instantly makes me think about Penny and making an honest woman out of her.

Janaka already updated me that Penny and her family are in the private suite. The suite is usually reserved for important meetings but Archer asked to use it for his dinner with his sponsor tonight.

I wonder if Penny’s mom is aware that I own the restaurant. I can still see the pain that was registered in her face when I told her my name. I caused pain to a woman I never even met, that’s a new low for me.

My phone vibrates. Pulling it out, I see it’s the group chat.

Cole

So, are we calling Chris Hanson, or no?

Jasper

Yes. Just for the fun of it.

Me

No. Archer is here with Penny and their mom.

Jasper

But imagine Chris Hanson bending the corner instead of his sponsor.

Rhet

I really want to know who let him into the Quarter Masters.

Jasper

It will be fucking epic.

Me

You’re an ass J. Are you thinking about joining Banner?

Rhet

I hope hot oil burns your ass today.

Dax

Now, now Rhet, don’t let Zeeta hear you talking to Tarek like that.

Rhet

Fuck you Dax

Dax

You always had a thing for blondes.

Cole

I have no idea who Jacobs is though.

Dax

I don’t have the time to look into it. Maybe it’s a maiden name idk?

Then it hits me.

Me: I gtg. Later.

I know who got Archer into the Quarter Masters.

“Tarek,” a strong voice makes me turn around.

“Father,” I see him moving toward me. I am confident that I will age gracefully. At 50 plus my father looks better than most men his age. Standing at 6’5 my father’s stride is filled with power. As is the norm, women look as he passes. Even more now that his whole head has turned white, with a faded cut and a diamond earring in his ear.

It doesn’t help that his eyes are as silver as mine, or his beard is thick and white. Against his tan suit my dad looks like a regular heartbreaker.

He smiles and winks as he stroll past a table and every woman at it giggled.

“Old man,” I call him that just to provoke him.

“You love to think of me as old right.” He pulls me in and as expected he smells of expensive cologne and money.

“I have some questions for you,” I say as I pull away.

My father rubs his hands together. “I know you do son. I will explain everything after. Join me.”

It’s like he comes into a room and instantly begins to rule it.

“This is not your restaurant. Follow me.” I step in front of him as he raises his hand in surrender.

I don’t know why he sponsored Archer, but I suspect there is more to this that meets the eyes.

As we reach the door, I hold the handle, and I can hear voices raised.

My father tugs my shoulder and for the first time I realize he is nervous. “How do I look?”

I pull back. “Like you own shit.” I shake my head and lean into the door pushing it open.

Archer smiles, and the conversation stops, instantly Archer steps forward and shake my father’s hand.

“Mr. Jacobs it’s a pleasure. Please allow me to introduce you to my mother Mrs. Miranda Holt,”

My father’s eyes never once met Archer’s. From the moment we stepped inside, they have been locked onto Penny’s mom.

Penny’s mom stands and fixes her clothes and turns around with a full smile and it drops.

“Mom, this is my sponsor Mr. Dereck Jacobs.” Archer still oblivious to what’s going on squeezing his mom’s shoulders.

“Miranda,” my father whispers. I’ve never heard desperation in his voice, never heard him whisper like that…until now. I see Penny’s eyes and I realize that she is about to cry. Not caring about anyone else I move past Archer, she drops her head and wipe her eyes.

“Hey. What’s going on?” I ask.

“I just want to leave,” she whimpers.

“Dereck Jacobs. You are still lying to get your way?” Miranda says.

My father stretches his hand out to her. “Sticks let me explain.”

Miranda begins to pick her bag up. “Don’t call me Sticks. Does he know?”

My father drops his arms in defeat. “No. Miranda, please.”

“You abandoned me,” she yells, “And now you want my son?”

A staff member passes and thankfully closes the door behind my dad.

“I never abandoned you,” my father cries.

“Yes, you did. You can’t have him. Do you hear me Dereck? You can’t.” Miranda hiccups as she wipes her tears.

“He is my fucking son of course I can!” my father shouts, and the whole room becomes silent.

Archer steps back in shock. “What did you say?”

My mind is spinning, Archer is my father’s son…that means he is my brother… that means Penny.

I look down at Penny and she shakes her head and holds my hand.

“So, my new brother is fucking my sister, and my sponsor fucked my mom. This is wild.” Archer rubs his forehead.

“Watch your mouth young man,” my father sneers at Archer.

Miranda turns to her son and grips his arm. “Archer let’s leave so I can explain.”

Archer pulls away. “You said my father was dead. But he is standing in front of me?”

“You said I was dead?” I can hear the pain in my father’s voice.

“You were dead to me. Archer please.”

Archer moves his fury to my dad. “You… how long did you know?”

My father swallows. “I have been at your side since birth. I saw you at every milestone.”

I feel a twinge of jealousy, while I only ever had my father in fleeting moments, it feels like he was always there for Archer.

Miranda sniffles and holds her head.

“I can’t do this right now. Tarek, take care of my sister.” Archer snatches his car keys from the table and leaves.

Miranda grabs Archer’s hand and tries to stop him. “Please, baby.”

“In time, Mom. Just not today.” Archer lifts her hand off of his arm.

He moves in front of my father. “All these years.”

“I loved you,” my dad says. I can’t remember the last time Dereck Fairisles said I love you to me.

“Who is Jacobs?” Archer asks.

“It’s my mother’s maiden name. I didn’t figure it out till some moments ago,” I reply, holding Penny close.

Archer nods, he moves around my father and leave.

Miranda looks at her son leaving, then back at my father. She picks up her bag and tries to leave but my father pulls her to him and whispers something in her ear.

She pulls back in disgust and slaps my father across his face. He drops her hand allowing her to escape.

He rubs his face and stares at Penny’s mother as she walks away.

I clear my throat, drawing my father’s attention from Miranda to Penny and me. His gaze softens but there is no mistaking the regret in his eyes. In a flash it’s gone replaced by a practiced smile.

“I deserve that.” He touches his cheek “Hello, my name is Dereck Fairisles, and you are the woman carrying my grandchildren.”

Penny gives a side smile. “It’s nice to meet you sir. I am Penelope.”

Her voice sounds so fragile and defeated.

“I never got to see Jermaine’s daughter. You’re absolutely beautiful.” My father exhales, his fingers drifting to the spot where Miranda had slapped him, rubbing it absently.

“We have to talk dad. Let me get Penny home.”

Penny fixes the bag on her wrist. “Stay with your dad. I can get home.”

I ignore her and gently take the bag off her hand.

My father smirks. “Take care of your woman. Call me when you are ready.”

With Penny’s hand in mine, I carry her through the restaurant. Joshua sees me headed to the door. That means the car would be in front of the stairs in some seconds.

The glass doors slide open as I can see the lights of my car coming forth.

Walking down the stairs with a silent Penny at my side, the car stops in front of us.

In some minutes I have Penny strapped in, and I drop myself in the driver’s seat.

Silence engulfs the car as I drive along the Lakeshore highway. I am not going to Penny’s home. She is coming to mine. She just looks through the window, somber, her hands clutched together.

“Whether you are my stepsister or distant cousin from my grandfathers’ side,” I pull to the side of the road and reach across the seat, pulling her face close to mine.

“Tarek.” Penny tries to pull away, but my fingers tighten on her chin.

“No, don’t do that. I don’t care what kind of relations they say we have, you are and will always be mine.”

Penny’s lips tremble as a tear runs down the side of her face. She is watching me with a pained expression.

I bring my lips closer to hers. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, who?” I ask. I can feel blood pumping through my veins.

“T-Tarek.” She sniffles.

I press my lips onto hers, giving her all the love that I have to give in that one kiss.

* * *

PENNY

This man…this man is showing me what love is. He has welcomed me into his heart, and I allow myself to rest there, even if only for a little while.

Tarek keeps new pj’s and underwear for me at his place. On the left side of his walk-in closet, there’s a set of clothes in my size. He gave up space in his closet.

As he walks in with two cups of tea, he sets mine on the table beside me. I’m still curled up in his chair tucked away in the corner of his bedroom suite. Tarek’s house is an old castle, and his room feels like one. Stone walls steeped in history, a huge contrast by the sleekness of his modern deco and his tech gadgets. A massive bed anchors the space beneath vaulted ceilings. It’s impressive, just like the owner.

Tarek settles in the chair opposite mine, in his grey sweat pants hanging low and bare chest he looks delectable.

It’s best I explain it all before it becomes too complicated as time passes by.

“My father’s name is Jermaine Holt. My real mother’s name is Molly Sanders.” I haven’t said my parents name out loud for years. It feels strange.

“Molly didn’t want me or like me. I held her back.” I fold my legs in the chair trying to get comfortable.

“When my dad left, he met this lady with a son, and he created a whole new family,” I can remember mom crying the day she found out.

Tarek sips his tea, his eyes are trained on me.

“Even though my mom didn’t want me. Her man did. When he tried to touch me. I told mom, and she said it was my fault. She called my dad, but he never responded.”

Tarek nose flared and his neck bobbed.

“So, one day, my mom took me to this pretty house.” I chuckle to myself. “I can still remember the way the vines climbed the side of the wall with white flowers.”

“How did your dad react?”

“Ha, he tried to pay my mom off. Neither of them wanted me. Then the door opened.” I wipe my eyes as a tear leaked out.

“The door opened, and Miranda Holt put an end to everything. She took me in, and she never looked back at my mom.”

“What happened to your mom?”

I look down at the dark liquid in the cup and I thought of my birth mother. “She died in a car accident. Her boyfriend was driving, he lived.”

“I’m sorry,” Tarek replies.

“I’m not.” I whisper. I didn’t tell him how mean she was or how I would bathe early in the morning to avoid her then boyfriend. She never protected me, she never showed me any concern, she never loved me.

“It’s just… I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. My dad didn’t want me, and with my mom, Miranda, I don’t know, I never felt like I was truly hers.” It was the first time I allowed those words to spill out of me and it hurts.

“You didn’t belong to them.” Tarek pauses. “But you are completely mine.”

I bend my head and smile feeling a twinge of happiness that I belong somewhere with someone.

“So, you are not my cousin or sister wife or whatever,” Tarek says.

I sip on the tea and chortle “I am not your wife at all.”

“I intend to rectify that,”

My skips a beat. Does he want to make me his wife?

I need to change the conversation quickly. The black mother-of-pearl cabinet stands out in the room.

“Um I always loved that cabinet. Every time I come here, I look at it.”

Tarek looks to the side and says, “It was my mothers. It holds jewelry, nothing more. Are you feeling better now? Do you like your clothes?”

I can’t help but smile. “Yes, these pjs are so comfortable.”

“Good. How are our babies?”

Our babies? I have to get accustomed to that term. Dropping my guard I reply, “They are fine.”

“Let me make you dinner.” Tarek gets up.

I follow him, placing the tea down on the table.

“Well, when I think about it. Your grandmother did teach me to cook,” Tarek says.

“I wish I knew her. But I can cook. Lead me to the kitchen and I will fix us a meal.”

Tarek watches me march by him.

“Fine, you can cook tonight.”