Page 23

Chapter Twenty

Ilyana

“I want a divorce,” Dereck says sliding a leather folder across the table toward me. His voice is so calm, too calm. My stomach turns as I stare at the folder. He wants to leave me…again. Like clockwork, every six month we end up here. I guess it’s that time of the year. I set the folder to the side, gently trying not to show my trembling hands.

I was thankful Tarek wasn’t here to witness this disaster. He was having breakfast with Miranda’s mom in the kitchen.

“On my birthday? Why?” I ask as I butter my toast. Being thankful that my hands are not shaking, because every organ inside of me is.

Dereck casually slices into his ham. “We have both been unfaithful. We are both miserable and I think it’s time.”

His casual tone stabs deeper than any insult. I press the knife against the butter harder than necessary. Then I set it down and wipe my fingers on the napkins. “You think it’s time. What about what I think? I guess it doesn’t matter.”

Dereck doesn’t even look up. “Opinions rendered are null and void at this point.”

“It’s my birthday, Dereck,” I cried.

“Yes, and I am giving you the gift of freedom. Sign the papers,” he counters.

I grip the napkin on my lap. “You never gave us a chance, Dereck. Is it so hard to love me? Haven’t I given you everything you desire?”

Dereck’s knife and fork clatters on his plate as he drops it, “Ilyana stop with the drama and sign.”

“Drama.” I scoff. “After everything I did for you and your family.”

“After everything you did?” His laugh is dark and bitter. “You mean the lies? The manipulation?”

“I gave you blood and tears Dereck,” I shout.

“You gave me deceit and betrayal!” His face reddens as he glares at me. “Do you think that I have forgotten? It’s a guilt I’ll carry for the rest of my life.”

Tears spill down my cheeks despite my best efforts. My voice cracks as I plead. “I was young and stupid.”

“But smart enough to drug me,” he interrupts. His voice is heavy with venom. “Smart enough to make me feel like I was making love to Miranda when it was you.”

The weight of his words crashes down on me, making it hard for me to breathe. “Dereck, please.”

He doesn’t understand the guilt I carry because I was a stupid neglected teenage girl who wanted love.

“Please?” His laugh is cold. “You threatened me with rape charges, Ily. You forced my hand. Do you think I wanted to marry you? I let Miranda think I was marrying you for power…when it was just you and your deceit.” He rises slowly, dropping his napkin to the table.

“Years have passed. I am still here begging for forgiveness. I just want to be enough for you.” I move around the table and stand in front of him. I tip toe and kiss him. His lips were like stone beneath mine. No warmth, no response.

Dereck pushes me a way slowly. “I will never forgive you, Ilyana.”

“How can I attain your forgiveness Dereck? I am so sorry. Tell me what to do and I will do it,” I press my hand down to the table for support.

With disgust he looks down at me. “I don’t care. Sign the papers, kill yourself, either way I don’t care. Just get the hell out of my life.”

* * *

TAREK–4 months.

I’m a mess. I thought that I was ready to be a dad, but I feel like time is passing and I am not ready. I’ve read more dad books than needed. Between “ We’re pregnant! The first time Dad Pregnancy Handbook , The Expectant Father , and What To Expect When You’re Expecting . My side table is towering with books about fatherhood. Penny, however, is handling this like a champ. Morning sickness? None. In fact she is glowing. She doesn’t look as stressed out as I am. I am stressed because I want to get fatherhood right. Or at least better than my dad did. That is why I have my four best friends around a table at the Glasshouse. I closed my business down to get this special tasting done.

Janaka pushes out a silver tray with cloche covered plates. Placing each one in front of my friends. I take a seat and sigh. Cole rubs his hands together in excitement.

“Let’s go. What do we have under here, a new quail dish? Beef tarte?” Jasper is literally salivating over the cloche.

“Lift your cloche,” I state, starting to make notes on my phone.

Cole scratches his head. “Okay, what is this?”

“It’s a velvety butternut squash puree with a hint of nutmeg. Enjoy.” Pressing my elbows onto the table I watch them all consume the puree.

Cole clears his throat. “So, this is very earthy. There is no salt whatsoever.”

“Fuck salt, he didn’t season shit. Tarek, are you okay, man?” Jasper says as he continues eating the puree.

Dax moves his spoon back and forth in the bowl. “It’s smooth.”

Rhet looks at me, and instantly he smiles. “I like it.”

As the cloche was removed, another was placed in front of them.

With the cover lifted, Cole looks at the bowl of creamy arborio rice cooked with finely chopped spinach and grated Parmigiano Reggiano.

“This is very…um.” Cole moves his spoon into the creamy arborio rice.

“Very demure,” Jasper says as he flicks his hand downward.

We all look at him. Rhet frowns. “What the fuck is very demure ?”

Jasper sighs like he is tired of us. “It’s on that popular app. Why do I even try with you guys?”

Cole shrugs. “It’s palatable but… it’s demure.”

Jasper looks at Cole, and they both start laughing.

“Dax?”

“I will reserve my statement till the end of this tasting,” Dax says as Janaka takes the plates away.

I nod in agreement. “Finally, a luxe pear and lavender compote. It’s stewed pears with lavender essence blended into a smooth puree. Enjoy.”

“T, you are aware that I have all my teeth, right?” Jasper says as he tastes the puree.

“I like this more than the others. I will eat this with toast or out of a jar,” Cole says.

Dax chuckles and says, “He has us eating fucking lux baby food.”

In horror, Cole drops the spoon back into the bowl, and a splatter of pear lands on his white shirt.

“Fuck.” Quickly, he dips his napkin into Jasper’s glass of water and cleans his shirt.

Jasper shrugs and licks the spoon. “This is actually delicious.”

Rhet nods at the bowl. “With all this red dye 40 shit and mulch in food, I will buy crates of this for my kids.”

“Buy?” I shake my head. “No, this is not for sale this is for my kids. I don’t want the garbage on the shelves in my kid’s stomach.”

“Why the fuck did you let us taste it then?” Dax asks.

“Because he is a fucking nut case that’s why?” Cole chimes in.

“I want a case of each and whatever you are making for your demon spawns,” Rhet add.

I don’t bother to say no or argue. “Fine, for my nieces, I will make you a crate.”

Cole shakes his head. “What the fuck is happening to us?”

His voice sounds filled with terror.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“We went from stripper loving, orgy attending, alcohol loving drunks….to dads. Talking about baby food. What’s next, diapers and shit?”

Rhet slaps the table. “Speaking of diapers, don’t buy the red box ones. Get the brand “Cheekies diaper. They are the best.”

I chuckle knowing damn well that Rhet is doing this to irritate Cole. “Yeah, thanks for that. I will tell Penny.”

Cole leans back in his chair and chuckles. “Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for you both.”

“But?” Dax pushes his glasses up and waits.

Cole exhales, rubbing his jaw. “But I don’t like change. I will have to accept it. But I am not a fan.”

The table gets quiet, and we all stare at Cole.

“Why the fuck are you guys looking at me like that?” Cole asks.

Dax starts, “Aww, Cole we will still be your lil friends.”

I holler laughing at Dax.

Rhet joins in. “We will still hold your hand when you get kicked out of clubs.”

Jasper rubs his shoulder. “I will still be at your side stuffing bills down strippers’ underwear.”

Cole folds his arms. “I can’t stand you dumb fucks.”

I reach across the table and tap it. “It’s okay. We will still be your best friends.”

“Forever and ever,” Rhet chimes in.

“And ever and ever and—” Dax is cut off.

“I can’t stand you guys. T, tell me there is real food in the back. Let’s play some poker.”

I signal Janaka to bring in the food. Dax takes the cards out his pocket and begins to deal. “So, how is this brother and father thing going?”

Obliviously I told them what happened, but I didn’t give them Penny’s story that stays between us.

“They are good, I guess. Archer was here yesterday with Roxy. Dad is Dad.” I comment.

“What’s bothering you?” Dax asks.

What was bothering me? Should I say, I feel like Penny is still not giving all of herself to me, and I am trying to be patient.

“Fatherhood is freaking me out. I just want to be…perfect.”

Rhet laughs out loud. “You’re not. Three months Gia rolled out of the bed and fell to the floor. I wasn’t looking. I had a mini heart attack.”

Jasper grins. “Does Zee know?”

Rhet nods. “Yeah. I called her. But my point is you’re going to make mistakes. But as long as you fix them, learn and apologize you will be fine.”

“The fuck, now Rhet is a daddy guru?” Cole grunts.

“Call me Jo Frost,” Rhet comments.

“Who?” we all ask.

Shame makes Rhet’s cheek red. “Super-nanny? No one knows her…. where is the fucking food?”

We all chuckle as we begin to play cards and enjoy the night.

* * *

PENNY

I am living a dream, and I never want to wake up. Tarek is taking care of me like no one else could.

Last month, I wanted Korean chicken from a chef I saw on tv. Tarek flew him in and had him make it fresh for me in our kitchen.

I love gummies, but Tarek is afraid of the dyes. So, he made gummies using real fruit that he had picked and dried.

Everything for my comfort is at my fingertips. I am trying not to sneeze or cough or moan. Because Tarek will appear in two seconds asking what’s wrong? Somedays I’m so tired I don’t want to go to the doctor.

He created a doctor’s office in the west wing of his house; the doctor now comes here. I told him walking is great for me. He bought me a little driving cart so I can drive from the bedroom to the next room. I have given up trying to fight him or our relationship. It’s just since I came back, he hasn’t said, “I love you,” as yet and that worries me.

Pregnancy has been a dream for me thus far. My belly is now starting to show. I decided that I don’t want to know my children’s gender till birth. Tarek agreed with me.

I hope I have a boy and a girl or two girls. I am so excited to bring them into this world. One thing no one tells you is how horny you become while pregnant. Every woman talks about the strange food cravings. No one talks about your dick cravings. My sex drive is on an all-time high. It’s hard to focus around Tarek because all I want to do is jump his bones.

Just thinking about it is making my insides throb.

“Pen?” Tarek knocks as he enters the bedroom.

I don’t know why he knocks when he enters a room that we are both sharing.

“Hi.” I give him a shy wave.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I need your dick inside of me,” I state.

Tarek chuckles and says, “What about the baby?”

“What about the baby mother who needs some relief?” I add.

“Aww. We can’t have you feeling miserable. Show me where you need relief, baby.”

I grabbed his hand into my pjs and showed him exactly where I needed attention.