Page 39

Anders

Waves roar and gulls cry out as I come to, lying on hard stones. Cold seawater sloshes over my boots, making me jolt up onto my elbows.

I’d recognize these shores anywhere. I’m on Ulfheim, and I’m not alone. I direct a glare at Arlo. He sighs with relief. “Perfect, you’re back to your regular snarly self.”

The rage has indeed lost its grip on me, but my berserker still lurks close to the surface, making my fangs and claws sharp.

Filling the void of my heart, however, is a bone-deep ache.

Jamie rejected me. Remembering makes me want to roar my rage and heartache to the skies, as cold and gray as steel.

“Sorry to whisk you away like that. Couldn’t have you taking bites out of the locals.”

I sit up, tugging off my boot and emptying it of water. “Why did you bring me here?”

Arlo tugs at my arm. “You haven’t got much time left. Staying among humans isn’t an option, not if we want to keep people safe and protect our secrets. Being around your pack will help. Now, come on, up-up!”

I snort. “My pack exiled me, remember?”

Arlo rolls his eyes. “I do, but regardless of how you feel, your wolf will know his pack and should settle down long enough for a decision to be made. Isn’t that how those bonds of yours work?”

I rise, stumbling. “The only decision that will be made is whether I will be put down like a dog or you will rip my wolf from me with your magic.”

I’d rather die than lose Fenrir’s great gift or live without Jamie.

Arlo grimaces as if he dislikes the idea as much as I do. “Wolves from an Alpha bloodline can’t be soothed by pack alone? It has to be a mate to tame your berserker?”

“Aye. Pack bonds can help slow the process, but the stronger the wolf, the harder he or she is to control.” And considering my bonds with my pack are in tatters, there may truly be no hope for me to recover. But if today will be the last day I have with my mind intact, then I won’t waste it.

I’ve got too much to make up for. Walking upright is difficult, the beast within yearning to prowl on all fours, but I push myself to move. I’ve got to see my brothers. There is too much I have to say to them. “Coming, witch?” I snap.

With Arlo behind me, I walk the familiar path toward the village.

Smoke rises from chimney stacks, and the wind carries the distant sounds of life as usual.

As the huts come into view, I hold up an arm.

“Wait here. They won’t take kindly to you just waltzing in. Let me announce your presence first.”

Arlo folds his arms, sparing the village a wary look. “I appreciate it.”

“Not doing it for your benefit,” I grumble, forcing myself to move faster toward the village. Gods, what if they refuse to speak to me? I’ve earned their ire, I know that without a doubt, but I want so badly for a chance to apologize.

Heart racing fast, I force my trembling legs to march toward the village.

Wolves lope through the streets, and children run and play while their parents haggle at stalls.

Wulfric’s longhouse is the easiest to spot as it is the biggest building in the village.

My knees knock together as I take one step and then another toward my family home.

Heads turn, and a lull falls over the streets until whispers fill the air around me.

Eyes narrow as the peasants glare at me.

Wolves growl. Parents tug their children close.

I want to disappear into the ground but make myself hold my head high and continue onward.

I’m only ten paces from the longhouse when the door is thrown open. As Wulfric’s eyes lock with mine, they blaze with shock and then fury.

“Wulf?” Kieran appears in the doorway, but Wulfric shoves him back.

“Stay behind me,” Wulfric snarls, voice deep and throaty.

My heart sinks, and I try to get my tongue to move, but the damn thing feels fat and heavy.

Wulfric puts one hand on his axe. “Why have you returned? How ? I banished you. You were never to come back!”

“Aye, that’s what banishment usually entails, isn’t it?” As Wulfric snarls at my sarcasm, I internally hit myself. Now is not the time to mouth off.

Footsteps come crashing toward us. “Anders!” Lyall bursts through the door, shoving past Wulfric. A smile lights up his face, but it quickly falls as Wulfric muscles past him.

“Stay away from him, Lyall,” Wulfric commands.

In the doorway behind them, Gunnar grips onto my aunt Helga’s shoulders.

The whole pack is here. This will make things simple, as I don’t have to seek them out individually, but also so much more complicated.

“What trickery have you brought upon my shores, Anders?” Wulfric asks. “Or should I just call you Loki?”

I snort. “You flatter me, but I am not here to trick you. I mean it.” My heart races until I fear it will burst from my chest. Where do I even begin?

I owe them all an apology, but none more than Wulfric.

I look my little brother in the eyes. “I was here a few days ago but kept my presence a secret.” At their startled looks, I quickly add, “I only wished to make sure all was well.”

Wulfric’s hand falls away from his axe. “You were here. Why didn’t you make yourself known then?”

Gunnar scowls. “You’ve fallen lower than we thought if you’re sneaking around like a craven, Anders.”

Lyall snaps, “Would you lot just hear him out?”

Painful memories of that day claw at me, reminding me of how alone I’d felt when I’d realized they’d forgotten all about me. “I wished to survey the village, not to fight. I thought for certain that things would have changed, and not for the better.”

“Because of me,” Kieran states, gripping onto Wulfric’s arm.

I nod. “Aye. But the village prospers more than I have ever thought possible. I deeply believed that the presence of a human would bring about our downfall, like before.”

The breath leaves me in a shudder that makes my chest rattle.

“I was wrong. So very wrong. About everything. I believed the worst about Kieran and refused to see how happy he has made you, brother. How much he has helped you heal the damage done to you by our father’s killers and by me.

I saw how happy you were, Aunt Helga, to sit down to a meal with our family without any fear of fighting.

How relaxed you were, Gunnar, and how relieved you were, Lyall, not to have to choose between me and Wulfric.

And I realized it was because I wasn’t there.

I wasn’t there to divide us, to pit brother against brother and tear open old wounds or to mock and insult you, Wulfric. ”

In my shame, I get on my knees and bow my head. “I’m so sorry. For everything. All of it. To all of you. But most of all, I’m sorry to you, Kieran, for hurting you.”

Kieran’s mouth slips open. “O-oh,” he says softly.

Swallowing hard, I add, “And I’m sorry to you, Wulfric.

” My throat tries to close as remorse thickens it, but I keep on going.

I look my brother in his wide, shining gray eyes and say, “An Alpha is more than a status symbol. More than some lofty title that gives a person unfair advantage over others. An Alpha is someone who puts the needs of others before themselves. Someone who teaches, guides, and nurtures. It’s who you are .

Who you’ve always been. And I hated you for that for so long.

Unfairly. Because even as a lad, I knew the goodness of your heart, how deserving you were of the title, and despised you for it. ”

My eyes sting, clouding over as I look my brother in the face and see him, finally see him. This strong, incredible man who had such responsibility thrust upon him so young, who led us out of the darkest time in our pack’s history and built something beautiful out of all that darkness.

“You are my brother, Wulfric.” I smile even as my voice breaks. “And I’m sorry I was never the brother you deserved. I… I know this fixes nothing between us. I don’t expect it to, nor do I deserve forgiveness. I needed you all to know how I felt. Nothing more.”

Wulfric blinks fast, eyes glistening. He breaks my stare and clears his throat, thumbing the corner of his eye. Kieran leans his chin on his shoulder and whispers something to him. Lyall’s expression is somber, and Gunnar rubs Helga’s trembling shoulders, his own head bowed.

“Get up,” Wulfric says gruffly, so sharply I jump.

I scramble to my feet. My heart cracks in my chest. I tried, I did. I meant every word. Even though I told myself not to expect their forgiveness because I didn’t deserve it, I wasn’t prepared for the pain of my pack’s rejection.

Jaw tightly clenched, Wulfric comes toward me, boots crunching over the snow. I don’t know when it started snowing. Thick clumps fall from the sky in flurries, and the bitter wind blows between us as he comes to a halt only inches from me.

I can’t read his expression or get a sense of what he’s feeling. The bond between us has been dormant for so long. So when he reaches out, I brace myself for the impact of a punch or a shove. I’d deserve it.

Wulfric grips the back of my neck, squeezing tight. His hand trembles. “I think,” he says, voice low and rough with emotion, “we’ve hurt each other enough, brother.”

The breath escapes me in a shaky gasp, and try as I might, I can’t help the tear that falls down my cheek. Brother. Brother. With a single word, I am reborn. Not Anders the exile or Anders the villain. I am Anders, brother of Wulfric.

“Now,” Gunnar says.

Now what?

Next thing I know, Lyall has thrown himself at me and enveloped me in a backbreaking hug.

Wulfric and I end up mashed together. Laughing, my aunt joins the embrace, crushing us even tighter together.

Then Gunnar’s got his big arms around as many of us as he can fit in.

Wulfric’s body shakes as he laughs, and I join in.

The bonds burst open in my chest, and I drown in tender feelings of pack , family , and love . I can feel them. All of them, for the first time in so long. Lyall’s mirth. Helga’s relief. Gunnar’s amusement. Wulfric’s cautious hope in this new beginning we’re embarking on together.

They’ve let me in, I am pack again, and I will never let them regret giving me their love and their trust.

Then Gunnar bends over, scoops up snow, and mashes it into my face. The hug dissolves into a wrestling match as I untangle myself and grab as much snow as I can hold. “Take this!” I throw the snow at Wulfric, then another clump at Lyall.

“Not the face, Anders, you ass!” Lyall exclaims, sputtering and wiping snow out of his eyes.

“Boys, that’s enough!” Helga squawks, laughing as she rubs snow out of her silver hair.

“Aww, you guys,” Kieran says, wiping his eyes. “I knew Jamie wouldn’t settle for a jerkhole like Anders without a good reason!”

The bonds in my chest burn as if I’ve been stabbed with a hot branding iron, and I grip my chest. The berserker within roars. The bonds between my brothers and me are not enough. The berserker’s fury consumes them, further severing my connection to my humanity.

“Anders, what is it?” Lyall’s voice is high and panicked as he kneels beside me, touching my back.

“My m-mate rejected me. I hadn’t had time to claim him.” Harsh pants and snarls punctuate my words until I sound more wolf than man. “No time. Lock me up. Quickly! Before I hurt anyone!”

Lyall whimpers, clutching my arm. “We’ve only just got you back! Wulfric, do something!”

“There’s nothing to be done.” Pain floods Wulfric’s voice. “He is too far gone.”

“The witch,” I snarl, clawing at the ground. “Get the witch! Left him at the western road. Hurry!”

There’s confused murmuring, but Wulfric snaps, “Do as he says! Gunnar, go!”

“Got it!” Gunnar takes off past me, and I snap at his ankles, longing to chase him and rip into his flesh.

Gods, it is happening fast.

I’m not ready.

Where is my mate?

I want to see him.

To say goodbye.

One last time…