Page 28

“Probably off chasing his own tail,” Gunnar grumbles.

“Come on inside. Let’s get that reindeer ready for butchering.” Helga hefts the whole reindeer over her shoulder with strength no ordinary small woman her age should be capable of.

I want to shift and cry out for her to wait. I miss her. I miss Gunnar and Lyall. I want to wrestle with them, shift and hunt with them. I want to hug my aunt, the woman who became a second mother to me after losing my own.

All four of them go into the house together. The door slams, concealing them from view, and despite my furs, a shudder runs down my spine. Before I can stop myself, I dash from the trees and approach the house from the back.

The thralls that used to be present in the gardens are not there anymore, so nobody notices my arrival.

I put my paws up on the windowsill and peer inside.

I have a view of the four of them as they gather around the table.

Helga pours homemade mead into wooden mugs, and they sit together, warmed by the fire and by the company of pack.

Gunnar barks a rare laugh, his smile softening the hard lines on his face.

Helga pats Kieran’s hand as he regales them with an exaggerated tale of their hunt.

And Wulfric… Wulfric only has eyes for his mate. I barely recognize my little brother as he smiles, his eyes aglow with tenderness.

Why? Why do they look so damn happy? Why are they carrying on as if I never existed?

Helga suddenly frowns. “Is it not strange? How different things are without Anders?”

My heart leaps. At last, they’ve mentioned me. They haven’t forgotten about me! I could weep from relief.

Wulfric’s smile falls off his face. “Aye. I know what you mean. Things are… quieter.”

Gunnar hums thoughtfully. “It’s strange. I’ve barely noticed his absence until you brought him up.”

Wulfric grimaces. “It’s for the best that he’s gone. Things are peaceful at last. I never have to worry about him challenging me or blaming me for every single little thing wrong in his life. If I could, I’d exile him again.”

“He wasn’t a great guy,” Kieran says, squeezing Wulfric’s hand. “Let’s not talk about him anymore, okay?”

“Fine by me,” Wulfric growls.

And that’s that. They move on to other things, and I’m forgotten about.

Can I even blame Wulfric for hating me so?

I brought this huge, powerful man to his knees, crippled by the cruel words I’d spewed at him.

If I’d been on that beach when the hunters came, our father would still be here.

Wulfric had collapsed, curled in on himself, like he was back on that beach. I’d done that to him, and I’d felt justified in breaking him down to nothing. Because as long as I blamed Wulfric for our father’s death, I couldn’t blame myself for not being there. It was his fault, not mine. Not mine.

A void yawns within my chest.

My pack is so much happier without me, and I can’t even fault them for it. I slide down from the window and shift back. I struggle to breathe around the ache in my throat. My eyes burn and prickle with unshed tears. I draw my knees to my chest and try to breathe, but everything hurts too damn much.

I’ve pushed away my only family, and I have no one to blame but myself.

I can never ask them for forgiveness, not after how cruel I was.

I was so focused on everything I’d lost that I ceased to care about the people in my life who were still there.

And now, I’ve lost them forever. They don’t miss me.

They don’t even care. And how can I blame them when I was nothing but cruel, self-absorbed, and bitter?

“A-Anders?” A hushed voice chokes out my name.

I lurch away from the window, horrified to be caught in such a moment of weakness. I scrub frantically at my eyes, and my breath catches as Lyall comes into focus. His mane of golden hair blows in the wind, and his eyes are wide.

“I knew it was you,” Lyall croaks, voice shaking. “Gods. Brother, what are you doing here?”

I could cry. At least someone hasn’t forgotten about me.

Before I can stop myself, I’ve wrenched my twin into a bone-breaking hug.

Despite my inner turmoil, I manage a smile.

“It’s good to see you too.” I hold him until I’m sure my tears won’t fall.

Then I pull away to cup the back of his neck.

The frayed bond between us glows with tentative hope.

Lyall grins, eyes wet, and claps me on the back. “I’ve missed you. What are you doing skulking around like a thief?” His smile wavers. He steps away from me. “You haven’t come back to cause trouble, have you?”

I shake my hand. “Not here.” Gripping his arm, I steer him from the house and into the trees. “No, just to check in on everyone. How are you?” I swing my arm around his shoulder and give him a shake.

Lyall chuckles. “I’m well. And you?”

I take a moment with my reply, parsing through my heartache to the memories of this morning with Jamie. “I found my mate.”

Lyall whips around to face me. “Truly? That’s amazing, brother! How did you meet him?”

“The moment I was exiled. He’s from the future, but he’s ulfhednar, like us.”

“What’s it like, living among humans?” Lyall asks as we walk, our feet carrying us back toward the shore where I arrived.

“It’s… not what I expected.”

Lyall elbows me. “They’re not all bad, are they?”

“Not all of them,” I admit grudgingly. “I’m a ways off from trusting them completely, but they have yet to betray me. How have things been in the village?”

We leave the village behind as Lyall catches me up on recent events. A few of the villagers got mated. Trade is prosperous. No hunters have prowled our shores. All seems well.

“Everyone seems happier without me,” I say, casting my gaze to the road.

Lyall sighs beside me. “Anders…”

“Do not lie to me. I’ve seen for myself how at ease Wulfric is.”

“It’s true, people are at ease knowing nobody will challenge our Alpha.” Lyall knocks his shoulder into mine, making me smile half-heartedly. “But if you’re truly sorry, then apologize. Prove you’ve changed. Mayhap you’ll be allowed back.”

“You think I have changed?”

Lyall grins. “You didn’t kick in the door and challenge Wulfric to a duel. So yes, I think you have. That mate of yours has been good for you, it seems.”

Could I earn my pack’s forgiveness? Hope blooms in my chest. “How?”

“I can’t tell you that. You’re smart. You can think of something.”

We arrive back at my boat. “Thank you for coming to see me,” I tell him.

“Of course. You’ll be coming back, won’t you?”

I don’t know how to answer his question. I want to return, but only when I’m sure I can right the wrongs I’ve committed against my family. “I hope so.”

Lyall pulls me into a hug. Closing my eyes tight, I bask in the warm glow of my pack.

Gods, how am I only just realizing now how much I have missed being among the pack that raised me?

I want to find a way to make things right.

I just don’t know how, and I’m scared nothing I do will ever repair the damage I’ve done.

“Safe travels, brother.” Lyall’s voice is raspy and full of emotion. “Odin guide you.”

“Farewell.” I squeeze him tight, then step out of his arms. He smiles, though his eyes are damp, and I turn away before he can see how saying goodbye has torn a hole in my heart.

Turning my back on the home I’ve lost, I look to the future.