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“You know my brother and I never got along. I challenged his authority, frequently and aggressively. Because I was jealous, yes, but also because I blamed him. I’ve blamed him all his life.

First, because Mother died giving birth to him.

Then after Father was killed.” Anders drops his gaze to our feet, and I can almost taste his shame.

“None of it was his fault. I was cruel to him, and it wasn’t fair.

I have always known this. I never wanted to admit how wrong I was, not even to myself.

But if I had someone to push all my blame onto, then I could not blame myself. ”

“But why would you be responsible?” I ask.

Anders closes his eyes tightly. “Because I was not there to save our father. When the hunters stormed our shores, another group took our village by surprise. They bound me with silver. Carved into my flesh.”

“God. Anders, I’m so sorry.”

He just shakes his head. “What for? You weren’t responsible.”

“I know, I just… I’m sorry you went through that.”

Anders shivers and looks away out over the water.

He’s gripping the railing so hard his knuckles have whitened.

“Everything changed when Kieran Grove arrived in our time. I hated him instantly because he was a human, and they’d hurt our kind before.

But that wasn’t all. I think… I think I was jealous of what he and Wulfric had.

It wasn’t enough my brother was an Alpha, that everyone fawned over him since birth, but he’d found his fated mate. ”

“And you’d never had anyone fawn over you?”

He scoffs. “One person. A farm boy I was sweet on. The first person I’d felt any romantic feelings for.” Giving his head a shake, he says, “I’d rather not get into that. Not right now.”

I want to hear that story, but it can wait. “So, what happened with Kieran?”

Anders exhales roughly.

“Anders?”

He twists his fingers together, and when he speaks, it’s so soft I almost miss it. “You won’t be able to look at me.”

My heart races faster. I’m afraid of what he’ll tell me. It sounds bad if it’s tearing him up this much. “Tell me.” I put my hand on his shoulder.

A shaky breath escapes him as he slumps, his eyes closing like he’s the one who can’t stand to look at me.

“Kieran started making plans to change our way of life. Wanted to free our thralls. Wulfric allowed it. I thought if he would allow such a drastic change, then there was no telling what else Kieran could make him do. I was furious. Scared he’d bring ruin upon us, that I’d lose what was left of my family to humans once more.

So I—” Anders’s voice breaks, and he looks away.

“I-I had Kieran beaten to within an inch of his life.” The words leave him in a breathless whisper.

“Didn’t even have the stones to challenge him myself. ”

“Anders,” I murmur, horrified.

He flinches. “Wulfric challenged me. I lost the will to fight and surrendered. Let myself be exiled. All this time, I was so sure I was right to hate Kieran. But when I returned to the village, nothing had changed for the worse. Kieran was one of them. Wulfric was happier than I’ve ever seen him.

They were so much happier without me, and I couldn’t even fault them for it.

I divided our pack. I dishonored the memory of my parents.

What I did was unforgiveable, and now, I’ve lost them.

I pushed away everyone I’ve ever loved, and I don’t know how I can make it right. ”

The words pour out of him as tears spill from his eyes. He hunches over the railing, making himself look so much smaller than he usually is. His pain and remorse threaten to drown me. My own tears prick my eyes. I can’t stand to see him like this.

It’s true—what he did was terrible, and I don’t blame his family for being angry with him and hurt by his actions.

It’s not my place to forgive him because I’m not the wounded party here.

But as someone who wasn’t harmed by his behavior, I can look at his actions without emotion clouding my judgment.

What Anders did was wrong, but his actions didn’t happen in a vacuum. His fear of humans was born from the trauma of losing his father and being tortured by hunters. Instead of owning up to his feelings of guilt and grief, he lashed out at others.

Now, here he is, allowing himself to feel his grief and guilt while acknowledging his mistakes. More than that, deeply regretting them.

While Anders sniffs and wipes his eyes, I put my arm around his shoulders. Anders stiffens, his eyes going wide. “Aren’t you angry? How can you stand to touch me? I’m… I’m a despicable craven.”

I snort. “Puppy dog, you’d sound more convincing if your nose wasn’t blocked up.”

“Jamie.” Anders’s voice is a growl. “Quit mocking me. If you’re disgusted with me, then just let me go.”

“Okay. First of all”—I yank on his chin and make him look at me—“I am not letting you go. Not ever. I’m in this with you for life. Second of all, why would I hate you?”

He rolls his shoulders and tries to look away, but I keep a firm hold of his chin. “How can you not ?”

“Because I don’t look at you and see the same man who bullied his brother and hurt his mate. Anders, can’t you see? The man you were is not the man you are now.”

Anders’s breath hitches, and those watery green eyes fill with something that looks, and feels in our bond, a lot like hope. “You… you think so? Truly?”

I run my fingers over his jawline. “I know it. An awful, irredeemable person wouldn’t be beating themself up as much as you are over this. This is seriously eating away at you. Maybe you should just apologize to your brothers and Kieran, just so they know.”

“They won’t forgive me.”

“Maybe, maybe not. That’s not what matters. What’s important is that you make sure they know how sorry you are.”

Anders sighs softly, touching his forehead to mine. He lingers there a moment, thumb brushing over my cheekbone. “I want to do this. But not yet. I need to figure out the right things to say.”

“Okay. How about we head home? It’s freezing.”

“But the shop—”

I wave a hand. “It’s okay. It’s really slow today, so Jess can handle things. Let’s just swing by to grab Jace.”

“If you’re sure…” Anders straightens, one arm going around my shoulder.

Once we’re home, I make us both a mug of hot chocolate and take the drinks into the bedroom.

In the quiet, I can hear Jace cursing through the bedroom wall at his Nintendo Switch.

Anders lies in bed, eyes closed. I almost think he’s sleeping until he sits up, accepting his hot drink with a rumble of thanks.

Before I can walk around the other side of the bed, Anders wraps an arm around my waist and tugs.

I end up in his lap, adjusting myself into a comfortable spot against his chest so I don’t spill my drink. Settling, I rest my head against his pecs. They make perfect pillows. Anders keeps one arm around me and presses something against my stomach.

“Here.” He drops my gran’s necklace into my lap. “Thank you for entrusting it to me.”

I lift his hand to my lips and kiss his fingers. “Thank you for giving it back.”

Damn. I can’t believe he’s really here. I honestly thought I’d never see him again.

Somehow, Anders has become such an intrinsic part of my life.

But does he feel the same? It’s so hard to imagine he cares for me the way I do for him.

“Thank you for coming home.” I wince. “Sorry. I know this isn’t your home home. ”

Anders’s hand freezes where he is caressing my stomach. “And why wouldn’t I have come back to you?”

My cheeks warm. I really didn’t want to out my insecurities like this. “It just doesn’t make sense to me.” I clear my throat. “I forgot to put marshmallows in my hot chocolate.” I try to stand, but Anders yanks me back down.

“Tell me,” he commands, voice rough and low.

Oh no. Here goes… In a rush, I say, “Because everything important to you is in the past.”

Anders’s chest rises and falls on a slow exhale, like he’s trying for patience. “Have I not made it clear how important you and the lad are to me?”

“N-no. You have.” My mouth is dry. I take a sip of hot chocolate, then set the drink on the nightstand. “If… if your brothers had asked you to stay, would you have?”

Anders doesn’t answer right away. He takes a slurp of his drink, puts it down, then wraps his arms tight around me. “I am unsure.”

It’s not the ringing endorsement I wanted, but hey, I should be grateful he didn’t say yes. “Oh.”

He sighs. “Do not sound so disappointed, pet. I only meant—” He bites off his words with a frustrated growl. “I only meant that when I was exiled, I had a goal. Return home, overthrow my brother, and lead his pack. Meeting you, the one I was fated for, that was never part of my plans.”

“And what’s your plan now? Do you still want to return home, after everything?”

I feel Anders nuzzle his nose into my hair.

He breathes in deep and exhales, his breath warm against my scalp.

“I have no plan, pet. From the moment I met you, nothing has worked out the way I wanted—and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I don’t know where I fit anymore. Where it is that I can call home.

All I do know is that I want to be wherever you are, James Sullivan. ”

His words make my heart sing. “Sounds good to me.”

“Could we continue my reading lessons?” Anders asks.

I grin. “Sure. Actually, there’s a book I wanted to introduce you to. It’s a Viking romance by my favorite author.” I grab the dog-eared book from my nightstand. I’ve reread this whole series dozens of times. “It’s my go-to comfort read.”

Anders squints at the title. “Th… the Viking’s—what is that word?”

I try not to laugh at his bad pronunciation.

“It’s called The Viking’s Irish Lad. It’s the first in a gay historical romance series by L.

A. Richardson. He writes some of the best romances I’ve ever read, but his historical stuff is just amazing!

They’re so well researched, spicy, and heartwarming. ”

“What do you mean by spicy?” he asks, leaning down to give the book a sniff, like he thinks it will smell of paprika or something.

“You know. Lots of fucking.”

Anders smirks. “Oh. And you like these fucking books?”

I return his smirk with a lecherous smile. “Oh yeah. You will too. I’ll read it to you. You can tell me how accurate it is.”

Anders settles back against the pillows, and I begin to read.

I’m so familiar with the story that I know it almost word for word.

Anders listens, but sometimes he interrupts to ask about a new word that’s caught his eye.

By chapter two, the Irish lad has been captured by the sexy alphahole Viking chieftain.

Anders decides to try reading a bit. He’s slow, and he mispronounces a lot of words, but I’m amazed by what a fast learner he is, and when his face lights up when he pronounces a word right, my heart feels light and warm.

I want more days like this. Just the two of us, curled up together and enjoying a book. Anders fits so perfectly into my life despite all our differences that it’s getting impossible to imagine being without him.

I’ve liked a lot of guys before, but I never loved them.

Not like I love Anders.

“Jamie, tomorrow, do you think we could—”

It’s like a chunk of ice drops into my stomach. Tomorrow. Shit. What’s the date?

“Jamie, what is it?” Anders sounds startled when I suddenly lean over him and grab for my phone. I open my calendar app, and my worst fears are confirmed.

Tomorrow is the worst day of my life. The one I dread the most every year.

How could I forget? I’ve been so distracted that it completely slipped my mind.

Trying to fight down the urge to bolt from the bed, I curl onto my side away from him.

“Jamie? Are you well?”

I nod, trying to breathe. “Just… just tired. Keep reading. Please.”

“Very well.” Anders continues to read. He stumbles over words but keeps on going, then pauses with a frustrated sigh. “What in Tyr’s balls? Jamie, what is this word? Jamie?”

I screw my eyes shut.

How am I going to get through tomorrow without falling apart?