Page 71 of Take the Blame (Seaside Mergers #3)

“ Yes ,” she said. “It’s my turn, Harper. I’ll take the blame this time, and you can take it out on me for as long as you need but I’m not going anywhere.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“But I will,” she said. “For you. I’ll always fight. I’ll always stay.”

I was speechless. Blinking at her as she dug her feet in and planted herself in the shit storm with me, I was realizing that I didn’t know how to do this.

How to stay and work through feelings as big as these.

I talked a big game but when it came down to it, when things were tough I did the same thing Mar did. I ran.

But Alta wasn't letting me run. Not a single step.

The feeling I left the Fernandez’s offices with was the equivalent of a dog being scolded but given dinner afterward.

I was no clearer on the issue of my family appearing and wanting to be a family again without my sister, but was unmistakably clear about one thing.

Alta Fernandez was not leaving me. Even if I tried to push her away with harsh words and accusations.

That was… weird. If someone would have told me the girl who looked at me sideways for merely existing would one day hold onto me so tightly I wouldn’t have believed them.

And ifmy hypothetical tail was tucked between my legs as I cowered away from Alta’s, the sharp voice that caught me just as I was passing through the lobby made that tail stand straight up. Alert and cagey. Ready for an attack.

“Hey!” Clay’s voice was distinctive as it barked through the air. “Yo, what the fuck, Montez? ”

Whipping around, I found myself eager for the feeling of anger that immediately washed over me. I wasn’t able to be fully angry with Alta. I was already sorry about the rude things I’d said.

But with this motherfucker, I could be as angry as I damn well pleased. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? When we’re you going to fucking tell me, huh?”

“You didn't want to know,” he scoffed, reaching me just in time for me to push him, my palms smashing into his shoulders and launching him away from me.

“Bullshit,” I said. “You know damn well this is something I’d want to know.”

His eyes screamed murder, and I think it was a great courtesy that he didn’t move against me. It must have been him showing remorse for not telling me what was going on.

All remorse fell away as he continued to bark at me like I was the one at fault here. “Alright. Fair, I’m sorry I didn't say anything, but that’s me. We’ll sort our shit out later. But why the fuck did you blow up on Fernandez like that?”

Somehow, these words made me want to fight him more than the ones previous. For some reason him even mentioning her made me want to throttle him.The first clear emotion I’d felt in hours bubbling to the surface and bringing me right into his face.

We were about the same. Same height, same build, I think I had him by a good ten pounds. And if I remember correctly, I won that fight we had as kids. I’d win another.

“That doesn't have shit to do with you, Clay,” I spat.

A hand clasped me by the shoulder and squeezed. “It sure as shit does. Especially when you’re being a dumbass.”

“Excuse me?” I blinked.

“You. Dumbass. That’s what you’re being,” he said more clearly.

I prickled. “Are you trying to piss me off? ”

“Maybe. If that’s what it’ll take to pull your head out of your ass.”

I blinked. “Do I get an explanation for these kind words?”

He rolled his eyes and glowered. “She stuck her neck out for you in there, and you’re what? Mad at her?”

“Shut the fuck up Clay.” I pushed away, trying to get away from him.

He turned me right back around. “Not a chance, Montez. You’re mad at me for not opening my mouth when I should’ve, so let me fix that. Starting now. I’m opening my mouth to tell you that you’re being an idiot—no, an asshole where Alta is concerned”

My eye twitched. So now she was Alta, huh?

“I’m sorry, I fail to realize when this became any of your fucking business,” I snapped, sending him a death glare.

“It became my business the moment my friend started acting like a dumbass who doesn’t know how to treat somebody he loves.”

Heat climbed every part of me as I became officially pissed. The situation was catching up to me in a helpless spiral, this asshole at the center of the tornado.

“You don’t know anything about us, Clay. I gave her free rein for everything else.Anything else. But not my family.” I blew up. “Shecrossed the line.”

“So what? She crossed it foryou,” he said.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“It’s literally the only thing that matters.

Your parents will handle the company.Your girlwill apparently represent your best interest during this deal since you refuse to even touch it.

Literally the only thing you have to do is pull your head far enough out your ass to see that everyone involved is here for you,” he said. “Why are you making this so hard?”

“Why do you care so much?”

He growled. “Because I’m your friend and I’m tired of watching you sabotage your life because you’re so fucking scared of actually being happy while your sister is gone.”

Time stopped. Air dissipated from my lungs and the room suddenly felt smaller. Clay’s eyes found mine, and even he seemed shocked to have said what he did.

We stared at each other for a while. A long while. I can’t tell if I still wanted to fight him or if I wanted to leave so I could curl up in a corner and sulk, but that hit went straight to the gut and I was suddenly struggling to find the wind he knocked out of me.

Clay sighed, and I resisted the urge to wince as he opened his mouth to speak again.

“Look, I know you have a lot going on. I know your plate is full, and this is all way more complicated than I’m making it out to seem.

I’m sorry for that, I don’t have answers for everything—hardly anything, really.

” He started. “But I do at least want to make one thing clear for you.”

The level of eye contact he gave me made me squirm. I wrinkled my nose and scratched at my collar to alleviate the weirdness, but my stomach curled with anticipation anyway.

“You’re important too, you know? Yes, your sister left and yes that shit sucks, but you are someone too, and you are someone without her. Someone apart from her and what happened to her,” he said.

Shifting on my feet, I looked away. “That’s not?—

“No, listen.Just because Mar was unhappy with her life, doesn’t mean that you are required to be unhappy with yours in some fucked up solidarity or something!

” he grumbled. “It’s amiable that you consider her in every decision you make, but it’s something else entirely when you use it as an excuse to consider her over yourself.

You can’t use it as an excuse to be scared forever man.

I’m not stupid, I see the way you look around family, I see the way you look around Fernandez.

Stop throwing things you clearly want away because you’re afraid of them. ”

My eyes knit together and I glared at this asshole, hard. “Why would I be afraid of that?”

He shrugged, unbothered by the animosity.

“Because you’ve lost something that you loved once, so you’re pushing at the tiniest inconveniences and hoping things will unravel so you don’t have to go through it again.

You did it before with your parents, with your friends, and now look at you with Fernandez. You’repushing.”

I pressed my lips together. I hated that he was right. And if I was pushing, she was pulling. Scraping with her fingers clenched and her nails digging.

Suddenly sobered, I looked at him. Still irritated but, once again, put into my place by another person who apparently cared about me more than I realized. “If I’m such an idiot, why are you so invested?”

He gave me a flat look. “I told you, we used to be good friends.Reallygood friends. And then you disappeared. I wanted to be there for you then but you were gone. And when I was going through my own shit with my own sister, I didn’t even have your fucking number. I don’t want that to happen again.”

My laugh was basically just a musical wince as I recalled the last twenty minutes. “I don’t think I could’ve handled Tough-Love-Clay back then. I think you would have broken me.”

He grinned. “Sorry. But you are literally the most insufferable motherfucker I’ve ever fucking cared about. You’re worse than the prick who married my sister.”

I eyed him. “This isn’t, like, when you admit you’re in love with me or something, right?”

He gave me a deadpan look. “At least somebody would be telling somebody that they love them.”

“Dude.”

“No dumbass,” he sneered. “This is the part where you promise to do better. Not for me or even Fernandez. For yourself. And your mom too, man. ”

I nodded slowly, contemplating.

“Is it weird if I hug you after I was going to kick your ass?” I asked.

Another grin spread across his face as he spread his arms out wide.

“Only if you make it weird,” he said before he wrangled me into a back slapping, shoulder shaking hug. I laughed at his silliness especially after handing me my ass emotionally not a whole minute before. But the sigh I let out was full of relief.

Clay excused himself, apparently having some mess to clean up upstairs, but not before giving me one last leveling glare. “And don’t kid yourself, Montez. I’dstillbeat the shit out of you if we fought.”

I guess we remembered it differently.