Page 59 of Take the Blame (Seaside Mergers #3)

“Yes and no,” he said. “It’s just a coincidence that she loves the water too. If Mar could spend every day on a beach she would. Even better on a boat. Her name just happened to fit.”

“She’s been on your mind lately?”

“A lot has,” he admitted. “She’s been gone for so many years, but there’s something about ten that changes everything in your mind.

It seems more final all of a sudden. More helpless too.

I’ve never given up hope that one day she’ll just show back up like nothing happened or call my phone like she’d had my number all along.

But lately, the possibility of that has seemed farther and farther from reality, and I think it’s driving me a little insane.

Driving me to do and think things I normally wouldn’t. ”

Something heavy formed in the bottom of my stomach, and I hoped to God those things he was doing and saying were not the things he was doing and saying with me. I think I’d about die if he said this thing between us was just some fluke for him.

“You know I’m from Connecticut, right?” he asked.

I shook my head. Harp had a way of not talking about himself in the past tense.

Anything that happened before he existed within the borders of Seaside was a mystery to me.

I wanted to change that, but I never knew how to ask.

“Grew up there. Went to school there. Was probably going to live there for the rest of my life until Mar left.”

“You never wanted to leave before then?”

He shook his head. “Nope. Growing up, her and I both worked for my family’s businesses. Even when we were young. We grew up there, building things independently and together, and I think both of us were prepared to work there our entire lives. Take over when the time came. All that good stuff.”

That obviously didn’t happen.

“And Mar, she was always the smartest person in the room. I swear if you gave her a problem and a minute to figure it out she’d come back in thirty seconds with notes.

” He smiled, and I realized it was good to see him smile when talking about her.

He didn’t do it often. “She’s smarter than I’ll ever be, Boss.

But Dad wouldn’t hear anything about her being in charge.

So if it was gonna be me, I at least wanted to be good enough to hold that spot, you know? ”

“Sure, that makes sense,” I said. “So what happened?”

Tortured eyes found mine and he whispered. “I don’t know.”

What ?

“I wasn’t there. For the longest time I was in school.

I came back and forth to visit but I was mostly away.

And when I started in the company, I was still learning.

Apprenticing under mentors, traveling for workshops, that kind of stuff.

And Mar was doing what she always did, working.

When everything went down, she was preparing to head off to school.

Harvard, actually.” He shook his head, a proud brother even now.

“And I thought she was fine. She was always fine. But, by the time I got back she was already gone, and I was lost.”

Away for school? For building things? I didn’t quite understand but there were more important details I was worried about. “So what’d you do?”

“We looked for her. Mom and Dad didn’t tell me much.

But they were just as surprised as I was that she just left.

But after a few months, they started going back to their normal lives and I couldn’t understand why— how they could just act like their daughter wasn’t missing.

It seemed like nobody else cared but me. ” He sighed.

“Then I found out what happened. It turned out that someone was stealing her work. Taking credit for her creations for a long time. She tried to tell someone about it, and nobody believed her. The whole department bullied her into thinking she was at fault for trying to take credit on a superior’s projects.

And she took it all on the chin, thinking that if she just worked through it and showed them, that it would all work out.

It never worked out that way and finally she went to Dad and tried to tell him what was going on and… he didn’t take her side.”

My stomach turned. “Oh.”

He nodded. “He let them bully her. Let them use her. And when she finally had enough and came clean, he’d called her a liar… She was just a kid. Yeah she was working like an adult but she was just a fucking kid, Boss. And nobody believed her. And I guess it was too much for her.”

I gave him my hand, and he clutched it hard, anger pulsating through his strong grasp.

“I don’t know why she never told me any of this. I don’t know how I never saw it.” He shook his head. “I don’t know why she didn’t just come to me.”

“She probably looked up to you, Harp,” I said. “It’s hard to own up to failure in front of the person you admire most. Trust me. ”

“Yeah, but if she would have just come to me, I would have handled it. I would have known to handle it,” he growled.

“Harper…” I didn’t actually know what to say. I wished like heck I did, I wished so badly to be able to wipe this pain away from him, but I was just as lost as he was.

“I never realized how alone I felt after she left. And when she left, it felt like rejection to the worst degree. Like you said, it's something else when family rejects you. They know you best, you know? And if they don’t want you, who will?”

I did , though I didn’t offer that up now.

“I left Connecticut and the business altogether about six months after she left. I couldn’t stand the nonchalance of my parents, my dad especially who only seemed to care about work even though it was him choosing work over his daughter that landed us there in the first place.

I ended up somewhere by the sea, where Mar would have liked, doing art, a part of me she loved.

Fast forward through the years and I’m still naming things after her.

Still throwing up tiny beacons, hoping she’ll see them and eventually find her way back. ”

“You think she went somewhere close to the water?” I asked.

“I hope so. I’ve been betting on it. That’s why I moved here, among other places.”

“You really think she’d come back?” I asked. “After all this time?”

“I want to say yes,” he said. “I mean, that’s why I’ve been holding out hope for so long but?—”

Harper got up from his seat, walking to the edge of the lighthouse railing and leaning his elbows along the freezing cold steel. I joined him, giving him space but not much as I bumped my shoulder into his.

“But what?” I asked, sliding my hand over his.

He looked so pained as he hung his head between his shoulders. “But I must be stupid to still be waiting. I'm still in the dark about everything after all this time and it sucks to keep looking around corners hoping she'll be there when she just isn't.”

Oh, Harper . No wonder he was so sad. I don’t know what happened to trigger this in him, but I wanted to shield him from the hurt, nonetheless. Tell him to block out the regrets and should-haves and encourage him on his path the way he’d done for me time and time again.

“Do you want to know what I think?” I asked softly.

Tilting his head to the side he looked at me. Eyes traveling up and down my face before a soft, soft smile touched his lips.

“If you’re talking, then I’m always listening,” he said easily, and I warmed.

“I don't think it’s ever stupid to hope there’s a light at the end of the darkest tunnel you find yourself in. It means you’re still striving for the daylight on the other side. It means your heart hasn't given up on the things that you care about.”

“And if it hurts?” he asked, sounding terrified.

“Then it matters,” I said. “If we gave up whenever anything hurt us, we’d never get anywhere, Harper. Cause sometimes it’s the things that mean the most that have the potential to hurt us the deepest.”

“Yeah?” He blew out a breath. For a long time I didn’t think he would say anything. Then, cold hands moved to lace behind my neck, long thumbs trailing the length of my jaw as he pulled my gaze up to his. “And do you have any idea how badly you could destroy me?”

Was he saying that I meant something to him? I sure hoped so, because with each layer he peeled back of himself, it seemed to wrap another layer around my heart, and I for one knew that if he wanted to, Harper could hurt me pretty badly too.